by Ruby Dixon
I squeeze in next to Josie, only to see Bek arrive at the campfire, a scowl on his face as he glares down at me. I become acutely aware that I’m wearing Ereven’s cloak and have been laughing with him all afternoon. That I picked him first for my team. That Bek’s probably been watching the whole time.
My tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth. He really wants a confrontation here? Now? When everyone’s having such a good day?
Ereven jogs over to my side and presses a kiss to my temple. “Sit here and watch me play? I shall win the next point just for you.”
I bite my lip, closing my eyes so I won’t have to see Bek’s scowl when Ereven strokes my cheek with his knuckles. I hate that Bek’s here to pollute that tender caress. Then again, Ereven wouldn’t have done it if Bek wasn’t being such a turd. I feel all turned around. “Good luck,” I tell Ereven.
He heads back out to the field, and then calls out, “Bek! Join us! We need your expertise, my friend!”
I remain still, waiting to see if Bek’s going to stand here and glare at me for the rest of the afternoon, or if he’s going to join the others. After a long, tense moment, he stalks away, heading toward the field.
I exhale in relief.
“At some point, you’re going to have to talk it out with him,” Josie whispers.
“I know. Just…not right now.”
* * *
The sa-khui continue to play bastardized soccer until the twin suns go down and the weather gets chilly. A few people bring out torches, unwilling for the fun to end, but it’s getting cold and we’re all tired and wind-chapped after spending the afternoon outside. I yawn and lean against Josie, huddled near the fire as she tells us one horrible Christmas story after another. Apparently she had a terrible childhood and likes to regale us with tales of how awful it was.
I’m drifting off when strong arms lift me up and carry me. I blink awake to see Ereven’s handsome face near mine. He tucks my body against his chest. “You’re tired. Let me put you to sleep.”
“I can walk,” I protest.
“I know you can. But I like to carry you,” he tells me.
Oh. Bek must be around, because he’s flirting with me. I settle back into his arms and press my cheek to his chest. He’s warm, skin flushed with sweat from a hard day of playing soccer, but I don’t mind it. I like his scent. Actually, I like him. And I feel guilty about that for some reason. Like because Bek won’t leave me alone, I’m not free to enjoy another man’s flirting…even if it’s fake flirting and means nothing.
I…kind of wish it wasn’t fake, though. That he really was interested in me. Why, oh why hadn’t I noticed Ereven instead of falling for Bek’s bravado?
He takes me into Megan’s cave and gently lies me atop my bedroll. Instead of leaving, though, he sits next to me and pulls me against him. He’s holding me. I haven’t realized until now just how starved for affection I’ve been ever since we’ve landed. Bek never touched me outside of the furs, and I wonder if he even likes humans, or if he just likes ‘owning’ one. But Ereven’s hand strokes my arm, and his other hugs me against him, and I feel…loved. Tears burn in my eyes, and I want to thank him for this small gesture.
“May I ask a question?” he says after a long moment. His fingers trace patterns on my lower arm.
I nod.
“Were you in love with Bek? At any point?”
The man does not pull his punches. Whew. I consider my answer for a moment. Will he think me awful if I admit that I never did? Or will he understand? I hope he does. “Imagine that you wake up from sleep to find that you’ve somehow landed on another planet. There’s no more home. There’s no safety. You’re weak here, and completely dependent on others to help you out. You don’t know how the aliens are going to react to a bunch of humans showing up. You’re afraid to make a wrong move. There are a few people that are lucky and resonate. They immediately find a life mate, and those people are safe. But not everyone resonates. Not everyone is safe. And imagine that you can’t take care of yourself. You can’t hunt. You can’t make leather. You can’t cook. You just have to hope that the tribe will like you enough to keep you.” I close my eyes, remembering those early days of terror, of gnawing uncertainty. “Then imagine one of the hunters decides that he likes you. That he wants to be your mate. He doesn’t seem bad. What would you do?”
“Mmm.” His response is a low rumble against my cheek. “You chose safety and security. But our people would never harm you. You must know this.”
“I know this now,” I tell him. “I did not know it when we first arrived. It felt…safer to be with someone, even if I didn’t resonate.” Now, I’m relieved beyond belief that I didn’t resonate to Bek. Not every resonance ends up being a happy one, and I can’t imagine living the rest of my life under his thumb. “Do you think less of me?”
“For doing what you felt you must to survive? Of course not.” His hand glides up my arm, and then he caresses my cheek. “You were frightened. You did what you felt you had to. How can I judge?”
I open my eyes and gaze up at him. I’m surprised at how close our faces are. This close, I can see his dusky blue skin gleaming with sweat, the dip in the center of his full lower lip, his high cheekbones, the way his sweaty hair sticks to his brows, even where his horns meet his skin. He’s really beautiful, and I’ve never thought this about one of the sa-khui before. It startles me.
Ereven gazes down at me. He brushes his fingers under my chin, and then nuzzles his nose against mine. “Sleep well, Claire.”
Then he releases me and gets up, padding silently out of Megan’s cave. I’m left in my blankets, no longer sleepy. And I wish that he’d kissed me. Those moments together felt like something real. Something special between us.
And Bek? Bek was nowhere to be seen.
But isn’t this relationship supposed to be fake?
5
GEORGIE
I stay at Nora’s side as she labors, offering solidarity and support while Dagesh holds her hand and strokes her hair. He’s pretty calm for a dad-to-be. It’s probably a good thing since Nora’s a blubbering mess every time she has a contraction. She keeps crying about how much she loves her mate, and how she doesn’t want to let him down, and on and on until even Maylak rolls her eyes with amusement. Poor Nora. She’ll probably regret all the babbling in the morning if she remembers it. Even though she’s in pain from labor, I’m still incredibly jealous of her because my kiddo is still kicking my girl parts, which means my baby hasn’t turned. Which means my baby isn’t going to show up anytime soon.
It sucks.
It’s late at night when Nora finally gives birth - a tiny, squalling girl with blue skin and a shock of white-blonde hair. Two minutes later? Her twin emerges, equally blonde and equally pissed. Calm Dagesh takes one look at the fact that he now has twins and has to leave the cave to get some air. Even Maylak’s a bit surprised.
Nora’s not, though. She takes the first born baby in her arms, holds it to her breast and gives us an ultra-contented look. “I thought there was a lot of kicking going on,” she murmurs.
“Twins is incredible,” I tell her. Now I’m doubly jealous. Her babies are tiny but beautiful. I hold one as the other feeds. “Do you have two names picked out?”
“I can’t Brangelina our names,” she complains. “They’re awful together. No-Da? Dag-no? Gesh-ra?”
I wince at the latter one. Dagesh’s name doesn’t have the ‘g’ sound the English language does. It’s more swallowed and guttural…and probably impossible to make a good pairing with. “You don’t have to do a name mash-up,” I tell her. “It’s just a thing some of us were doing.”
She bites her lip and gazes down at the baby at her breast. “I do have a couple of names picked out, but you’re probably going to laugh.”
“I won’t.” I’m too awestruck by the tiny newborn in my arms. My heart squeezes with envy. I wish she was mine. Two girls - Vektal will be so happy for the tribe. For so long, there has been nothin
g but males born to them, and I know he worried when Harlow had a boy.
“Anna,” she says, startling me out of my reverie. “Anna and Elsa. Like from the movie Frozen.”
A giggle escapes me. “It’s perfect.”
“It is, isn’t it?” she muses as she strokes the white-blonde hair of the baby at her breast.
* * *
I stay with Nora for another hour or two, making sure she’s comfortable as she feeds the twins. Dagesh recovers from his masculine panic-attack and takes one tiny twin from my arms, staring down at her in wonder. This time, he’s the one constantly babbling to his mate that he loves her, and Nora beams, tired and sweaty but so happy.
Did I mention I was jealous?
I leave when the healer, Maylak, leaves. We walk out together, and the main cavern is silent other than the drip of water and the distant rumble of someone’s snores. “They are a good, healthy size,” the healer tells me. “For all that they are small. The kits will have no trouble accepting a khui.”
I nod, thinking. The sa-khui traditionally wait four days before giving a baby one of the khui symbionts. One of the massive sa-kohtsk beasts has to be hunted in order to get a khui for the new child, and the hunts are dangerous things. If someone else has a baby in the next few days, so much the better. I automatically touch my stomach, but when the baby kicks me in the nether-regions again, I inwardly sigh. Still hasn’t moved. “Maybe Stacy or Ariana will have their kits in the next day or two and we can have several done at once.” I look at the healer thoughtfully. “Can you induce? Coax the body into giving birth?”
She shakes her head. “I can only coax the khui to do something it wants to do. It will not wish to have a kit earlier than anticipated. And because the kit has no khui, I cannot influence it at all.”
Well, it was worth a shot. I yawn, and she echoes it. “All right. See you in the morning.” We separate and I waddle over to the cave I share with Vektal. Our tiny fire is banked, and he’s sleeping on top of the furs, clearly waiting for me to come home.
I’m a little hungry and thirsty, but sleep calls to me more than anything. I crawl into bed with my mate and curl my body against his.
Vektal wakes up and pulls the furs over me, even as I snuggle down against him. “The kit?” he murmurs, pressing a sleepy kiss to my brow. “Is it born?”
“Two kits,” I tell him. “Both girls.”
“That is very good news,” he tells me and caresses my cheek. “Will you have ours soon, my mate?”
“I wish. He still hasn’t turned.” I want to say more, but I’m too tired, and I’m asleep before I realize it.
* * *
When I wake up late the next morning, my mate is gone, and my back aches from sleeping wrong. Food has been set out for me on one of the small bone plates I like, and my water skin is freshly filled. He’s a good man to take care of me.
My furs are also full of plants. Intisar leaves. The weird hraku that has the tasty, candy-like seeds. Three-leaf plants, which are good for tea. Herbs of all kinds. Branches from the eyelash-like pink trees. All kinds of plants.
These people really don’t grasp the mistletoe concept. I laugh as I push the blankets off my legs and it rains more plants down. The entire cave is covered. Vektal must have been up early to do this much work, and I’m glad he picked useful plants, because it looks like he denuded an entire field, and the ice planet isn’t exactly abundant in greenery.
It’s so sweet. He’s showing me how much he loves me.
It almost makes up for the horrible moment when I realize I’ve wet the bed. I stare down at my soaked leggings in awkward horror. In the next moment, a sharp pain ripples through my abdomen, and the breath hisses out of me.
I wanted my baby to come. My wish has been granted.
I hadn’t thought it’d hurt this much, though. A groan escapes me, and I try to roll out of bed to change my leggings. The contractions are coming fast and hard, and I’m not even to my knees before another one rips through me. Jesus. Wasn’t labor supposed to be slow? There was barely any time between that first contraction and the next one. I whimper my way to my feet, strip off my leggings, and then another contraction rips through me.
Fuck the leggings. I grab a fur and wrap it around my body, then stumble out of my cave. “Maylak? Maylak!”
Today of all days, the main cavern is quiet. Josie’s sitting by one of the communal fire pits, sewing something. Everyone else is gone, though I hear shouts of laughter coming from the mouth of the cave. Outside, then, probably playing more soccer. As I stagger forward, I hold onto the wall for support. I take maybe three steps before another pain rockets through me, and I double over.
“Georgie?” I hear Josie put down her sewing and she scrambles to my side. “You okay, girl? You’re not looking like your normal cheery self--”
“Baby,” I tell her between clenched teeth.
“I’ll get the healer,” she cries out and rushes away.
Thank goodness. I lean against the cave wall, trying to catch my breath before the next contraction rips through me. By the time Josie returns with Maylak, I’ve had two more contractions, and each one sucked more than the last. I huff and puff like I’ve seen in the movies when people give birth, but all it does is make me feel out of breath.
Maylak moves to my side and her warm, strong hands support me as I sag against her. “Let us go back to your bed,” she soothes. “You should relax.”
“Water broke while I was sleeping,” I tell her.
“Josie can get furs from my cave,” she says, voice motherly and calm. Hard to believe that we’re about the same age. She’s so wise and serene and me? I’m a mess right about now. I let her lead me in to my cave, and Josie runs back a few minutes later with an armful of blankets and Claire in tow. They switch out my blankets and Maylak helps me settle back down, just as another cramp shoots through my belly.
“This kit will be coming fast, it seems,” Maylak’s low murmur is as soothing as running water. She helps me take off my tunic and then her hand goes to my belly.
“I’ll go see where Vektal’s at.” Josie blurts the words and then immediately scrambles back out of the cave. Claire remains, hugging her sides and trying to stay out of the way.
It’s real quiet for a minute, the only sound that of my harsh breathing. I glance over at the healer, expecting to see more of her serene expression. Her hand is still on my stomach, but she’s frowning. “What is it?” My voice cracks on the words. “What’s wrong?”
Before she even says it, I know. “The kit is turned the wrong way,” Maylak says, her hands on my stomach as she presses, feeling around. I bite off a cry as another contraction starts. Dear lord, it feels like my insides are trying to stage a walk-out.
She’s right, though. The baby hasn’t switched positions and has been feet down for days now. I don’t know a lot about birth, but I know that’s the wrong way for things to proceed. “What do we do? Can you tell it to turn around?”
Her eyes widen, and I realize the healer’s on the verge of panicking, too. “I cannot communicate with the kit,” she whispers. “It has no khui.”
Oh shit. Oh shit. I’m going to give birth to a motherfucking breech baby and no one can help me? Panic sets in, and I start to hyperventilate.
Vektal storms in a moment later, eyes wild. Josie trots in behind him, and our small cave immediately feels cramped.
I grip Maylak’s hand to silence her and force a bright smile to my face. “Hey, baby,” I say to Vektal. “Were you nearby?”
“I was playing fuhtbawl with the others.” He drops next to our bed. “The kit comes?”
“Yup,” I manage to grit my teeth through the next rippling contraction, and only groan a little. Vektal’s eyes widen and my mate looks more than a little freaked out.
He rubs a hand over his jaw and then rakes it through his hair. “What can I do, my mate? How can I help?”
“I would love it if you could actually leave for a bit, baby.” I reach
out and pat his hand. “I don’t want you to see this.”
“What? Why?” If I’d reached out and slapped him across the face, I don’t think my mate could have looked any more shocked. Even Maylak looks surprised.
“Because this is going to go on for a while, and I’m going to get real cranky. And I don’t want to call you bad things and yell at you. And…it’s a human tradition to just have women with them.”
His brows draw together. “But Dagesh—“
“So Nora’s not as traditional as me,” I snap. “So what. It doesn’t change that I don’t want you here.” Another contraction rips through me, and I clutch my belly, crying out.
Vektal looks panicked. He shoots a glance to the healer, then back at me, clearly torn.
I’m not going to change my mind, though. If this is going to go bad - and all signs point to yes - I don’t want him to see this. None of this. Not until we’re out the other side, for better or for worse. And seeing him freak out? It’s just going to make me freak out more.
“You wish me to…leave?” There’s hurt in his strong voice.
“I do.” And when he continues to glare at me stubbornly, I lash out at him with words I don’t mean. “I wish I’d never come here. I wish none of this had ever happened. Ever!”
He stares at me for a long moment. Then he leans in, presses a kiss to my forehead, and storms out of our cave. I inwardly wince, because I know I’ve hurt him. But I’m sparing him, I tell myself. Because right now? This baby is ass-backwards and I don’t know how we’re going to fix that.
We could both die. I don’t want him to see that. I don’t want him to view any of that. If it means I have to say a few ugly words to him, then I will.