by Joyce Meyer
It’s a music and Love Revolution.
Steven Curtis Chapman, a songwriter and worship leader and a man who inspires with every breath he takes and leads with humility and grace, once put things into great perspective for me. He may have sold millions of albums and been on the receiving end of countless award-show handshakes, but ask him what he’s most proud of or humbled by and he’ll tell you it’s this—the way his family have given themselves over to adopting children in need of a home. “It’s the clearest sign that God is at work in my life,” he says.
When we look out beyond ourselves, when our love for others pushes us beyond the comfortable, when we place our treasure in rebuilding lives, it is then that we find ourselves living among the clearest signs that God is at work in our lives.
So this is one revolution that will not be televised. If we get it right, it won’t need to be; the evidence of love in action will be blazed all over our lives, transforming our neighborhoods and breathing hope into the atmosphere.
It’s as simple as that.
CHAPTER
8
Love Is Inclusive, Not Exclusive
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa
Jamie walked into the church on the corner of Spruce Avenue and Twenty-third Street in Harbor, Illinois. She was desperate for help. She had seen the church building for a long time and watched the people file in and out two or three times a week. Jamie had often sat in the coffee shop across the street from the church, drinking a latte, wondering how she would be accepted if she ever got up the nerve to go to one of the church services.
Jamie had been to Sunday school a few times as a child when she attended with a neighbor, but she certainly knew very little about the proper protocol of church attendance. She wasn’t sure she would fit in or be accepted, so she just drank her coffee and watched. She tried to see if the church people looked any happier when they came out than they did when they went in, but they all left so quickly she couldn’t really see clearly. Occasionally, someone from the church service came to the coffee shop after church. A few of them sat alone and, honestly, they looked as lonely as she felt. Some came with other people and they laughed and seemed happy, which gave her hope that she might one day have enough courage to go to a service.
Jamie grew up in a home where she received very little affection. Both of her parents were alcoholics and although they did not overtly abuse her, they did great damage to her self-image by being quick to criticize and find fault with her. They often compared her to her brother, who seemed to be smarter and more talented than she was in every way. She always felt unloved, ugly, and stupid, and as though she had no value at all.
By the time she was thirteen, Jamie had fallen in with the wrong crowd and was drinking and taking drugs. Her emotional pain was so deep that she numbed it with substance abuse. She also developed an eating disorder called bulimia. She ate normal amounts of food, binged occasionally, but always forced herself to vomit after eating so she would not get fat.
She had never forgotten the day of her twelfth birthday when her mother looked at her with disgust and said, “I didn’t have time to bake you a birthday cake, but you don’t need it anyway. You’re already fat enough!” She had never thought she was fat until that day, but every day since, she looked at herself in the mirror and saw a girl who looked about thirty pounds heavier than she actually was. Her image of herself was distorted through the mean and unloving things her mother repeatedly said to her.
Jamie’s grades in school were not very good and she did not feel she was “college material,” so when she graduated from high school she got a job stocking shelves and bagging groceries at a local grocery store. She would never make enough money to move away from home on her own, but she was able to buy her clothes, her booze, and a few drugs when she wanted to really zone out. Most of the rest of the time, she avoided being at home by sitting at the coffee shop or walking around the neighborhood and wondering what all the other families who lived there were like. She didn’t have any real friends—at least not people she trusted or felt she could count on. The people in her life were takers, not givers, and she was afraid of most of them.
One day she finally felt brave enough to go inside the church while the other people were crowding in. She merged into the crowd, partly hoping she wouldn’t be noticed, but partly desperate for someone to welcome her and say, “We are so glad you’re here today.” She did notice people staring at her and some of them were even whispering, but nobody seemed friendly. Jamie dressed a bit wild for most people’s taste and her hair was about three different colors. It was basically black, with red and blonde streaks. She wore baggy jeans and a baggy shirt. She didn’t do it for comfort; she was trying to hide what she thought was her overweight body. She had on flip-flops, which, of course, nobody wore to church—at least not to that church!
Jamie sat in the last row and basically didn’t understand anything that was going on. People kept standing up and reading things out of a book that was neatly placed in a rack on the back of the pew in front of them; then they sat down again. There was some singing, organ playing, and praying, and a collection plate was passed around and some people put money into it. A man who looked rather unhappy and a bit angry delivered a twenty-minute sermon, which she really didn’t understand. She thought he was the pastor, but couldn’t be sure. Finally, the service seemed to be coming to an end because they all stood up again and sang one more song.
She thought perhaps someone would say something to her on the way out. Surely, somebody would say something! The pastor stood by the door shaking hands with people as they filed out of the church and when Jamie reached him he didn’t smile or even make eye contact with her. She could tell he was simply doing his duty and couldn’t wait for it to be over.
As she walked down the steps, she realized that a woman appeared to be waiting for her at the bottom of the steps. She grew a little excited thinking someone had noticed her after all. The woman had noticed her all right, but she noticed everything she thought was wrong about the way Jamie looked, so she said, “My name is Margaret Brown. What is your name?” Jamie responded with her name and Margaret went on to say, “You are always welcome here, but I thought I would help you by letting you know that we dress up when we come to church here at Holiness Tabernacle. No jeans, no flip-flops, and you might want to consider a hairstyle that draws less attention. You know, sweetie, that Jesus teaches us to be humble and not draw attention to ourselves.” She smirked at Jamie and repeated, “You are welcome anytime.”
Jamie couldn’t go to the coffee shop that day; she had to go somewhere and be alone to cry. She felt that now God had rejected her, too, and she spent the remainder of the day contemplating suicide. She was at the bottom of the pit and felt she had no reason at all to live.
These names have been fictionalized. But the world is filled with Jamies and Holiness Tabernacles and religious women like Mrs. Brown. It is filled with Christians who file in and out of churches each week. Many of them dread going and can’t wait until the service is over. They are critical, judgmental, and very exclusive!
God Loves Everybody the Same
Jesus probably wasn’t at Holiness Tabernacle the day Jamie went because He would not have felt comfortable there either. But had He been there, He would have been watching for the Jamies who might come that day. He would have either taken a seat beside her or walked her closer to the front to sit with Him, and He would have asked if she was a visitor. When He discovered she was a first-time visitor, He would have offered to explain anything she didn’t understand. He would have smiled at her every time she looked at Him and, knowing Him, He would have complimented her on her unique hairstyle because He happens to like variety! He would have even invited her across the street to have coffee with the group He usually went with and by the time Jamie left she would have been looking forward to returning the next week. But of course Jesus wasn’t there that day becaus
e none of the people acted as He would act. Nobody represented Him properly; and nobody was imitating God.
No Respecter of Persons
The Bible says in several places that God is not a respecter of persons (see Acts 10:34, Rom. 2:11, Eph. 6:9). In other words, He does not treat some people better than others because of the way they dress, their levels of income, the positions they hold, or who they know. He not only treats everyone the same, it seems He goes out of His way to treat those who are hurting especially well. God gave Moses many instructions to deliver to the Israelites concerning how to treat the strangers in their midst and His primary directive was always basically, “Make them feel comfortable and at ease and be friendly with them. Do not oppress them in any way” (see Exod. 22:21, Exod. 23:9, Lev. 19:33). The Apostle Peter said this:
Practice hospitality to one another (those of the household of faith) [Be hospitable, be a lover of strangers, with brotherly affection for the unknown guests, the foreigners, the poor, and all others who come your way who are of Christ’s body]. And [in each instance] do it ungrudgingly (cordially and graciously, without complaining but as representing Him).
1 Peter 4:9
Before you rush past this part take an inventory of how friendly you are with people you don’t know and especially those who are entirely different from you. Some people are just naturally friendly and outgoing in temperament, but those of us who didn’t seem to get the “friendly gene” need to just make a decision to do it because the Bible says to do it.
The apostle James admonished the church not to pay special attention to people who wore splendid clothes to the synagogue or to give them preferable seats when they came in. He said that if people acted in these ways and wanted special treatment, they were discriminating and they had wrong motives. He said that we were not even to attempt to practice the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ together with snobbery (see James 2:1–4). In other words we are to treat all people as being worthy of respect.
Jesus put an end to distinction between people and said that we are all one in Him (see Gal. 3:28). We simply need to see valuable people, not black, red, or white people, not the labels in their clothes, hairstyles, the cars they drive, their professions or titles—just people for whom Jesus died.
A Lesson from the Coffee Shop
I believe we all need to consider our circles of inclusion and make them broader. We need to make them wide enough to include all kinds of people. I was recently with Paul Scanlon, a pastor in Birmingham, England, and we were having coffee in a coffee shop with several people. I remember looking at the hairstyle of the girl who was waiting on us and, to be honest, it was the absolutely strangest thing I had ever seen. Her head was shaved except for what is called a Mohawk going down the middle, and it was black, blue, red, and white. She also had her nose, her tongue, her lip, and several places on her ears pierced. I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable because she was not anything like I am. We were so different that I couldn’t even think of anything to say that she might relate to. I just wanted to order my coffee and try not to stare.
Paul, on the other hand, started a conversation with her and the first thing he said was, “I like your hair. How do you get it to stand up like that?” He continued the discussion with her and the air that had felt tight suddenly relaxed. Soon we were all at ease and I could feel that we were all starting to join in their conversation and include her in our circle. I learned a huge lesson that day—that I am not as “modern” as I might like to think I am. I still have some stinking religious thinking that needs to be dealt with and I need to get to a new level of making all people, including those who are a bit different, feel comfortable and included.
Perhaps to the girl in the coffee shop, I was the one who was unusual and different. Why do we always set ourselves as the standard for what is acceptable and assume that anyone who is different must have a problem? What is the right hairstyle, or clothing style? One day I started thinking about what Moses must have looked like when he returned from Mount Sinai, where he spent forty days and nights receiving The Ten Commandments from God. I bet his hair was messed up; his beard seriously needed to be trimmed; and his robe and sandals were a bit dirty.
I know that John the Baptist was a bit strange. He lived in the desert alone and wore animal skins and ate honey and locusts. When he did come out, he yelled loudly, “Repent you sinners, for the Kingdom of God is at hand!”
The Bible teaches that we should be careful how we treat strangers because we might be entertaining angels without knowing it (see Heb. 13:2). It says we should be kind, cordial, friendly, and gracious to them and share the comforts of our homes. Most people in society today don’t even speak to strangers, let alone be friendly.
I know, I know; you are probably saying, “Joyce, we live in a different world today! You never know who you are talking to!” I realize you must use wisdom, but don’t let fear make you unfriendly and cold. Surely you can look for the new person at church, work, school, or in the neighborhood and say hello!
Surely you can talk to the elderly woman sitting in the doctor’s office while you wait to be called for your appointment. She seems so lonely; why not give her ten minutes of your undivided attention and just let her tell you all about herself. You’ll probably never see her again, but she will remember you. Oh, and by the way, God will appreciate what you did for her. Yes, it was a little thing, but you included her!
Following this chapter you will read a guest chapter from Paul Scanlon, who tells the story of his experience trying to take his church from being a dead, religious one to a church experiencing revival and filled with love. His story can teach us a lot and provoke us to ask ourselves some hard-to-answer questions. If true revival came to your church, would you really be excited or would you leave because many of the people would be like Jamie was or much worse? They might come from the shelters and not smell good, or they could reek of alcohol or other unpleasant things. The hurting people in the world don’t always make the best presentation or smell nice. Sometimes they do, but not always and we must stop judging by the cover and be willing to read the book. Be willing to look beyond how people appear and find out what they are all about.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Going out of your comfort zone to make someone else feel comfortable is one way to show the love of God to people. Many Christians love praying for revival; they even cry as they pray about all the “lost souls in the world” but to be honest, some of those same people would leave if a revival actually came to their church because it would mess with their normal lifestyle and they wouldn’t like it.
Going out of your comfort zone to make someone else feel comfortable is one way to show the love of God to people.
I recently preached in a church where all the wheelchair patients from local nursing homes sit along the front of the church. Being the speaker, I was put in the front row, but the wheelchairs were lined up in front of the front row. The man who sat directly in front of me smelled really bad, and I have a really weak stomach when it comes to bad smells. (When our children were small, I got Dave to change the smelly diapers anytime he was home.)
Sitting there, I recognized God’s sense of humor; He had me right where He wanted me…. I was getting ready to get up and preach a message to the church about love and inclusion! I had to do a lot of praying while I was waiting to speak, and I must have looked very spiritual because I kept my nose up in the air as much as possible, so it probably seemed as if I was looking up to heaven. I knew God had arranged for me to sit there and that in fact I needed to be there. It was very good for me to experience having to do what I was getting ready to tell others to be willing to do. We don’t always have to be comfortable everywhere we go! That man probably had nobody to bathe him regularly and couldn’t do anything about the way he smelled. By the way, that might be a good ministry for somebody who is looking for one. Go to a local nursing home and volunteer to help keep the patients clean!
Jamie Tries
Again
As we close this chapter, let me finish sharing Jamie’s story with you. After her sad experience with church, she vowed never to do that again (go to church, that is). She went to work on Monday, obviously depressed, when one of her co-workers noticed and asked her what was wrong. Jamie normally kept everything to herself, but she was so hurt she started to cry. Her co-worker, Samantha, asked the manager if they could take their break early and she took Jamie to the employee lounge to try to help her feel better. After Jamie poured out her heart to Samantha, even telling her about her awful experience at trying church, Samantha invited her to come to her house for dinner so they could continue talking. That evening proved to be life changing for Jamie.
Samantha was a real Christian—I mean the kind who really cares and wants to help. She began to meet with Jamie twice a week and started not only caring for her, but gradually teaching her about Jesus and how much He loved her. After about three months, Samantha asked Jamie if she would try church one more time and attend with her that Sunday. Jamie was not very excited, but felt she owed it to Samantha after all the time she spent with her.
Jamie’s visit to Resurrection Church was quite different from her experience at the previous church. She was greeted warmly and given special seating close to the front because she was a guest. Everything about the service seemed to be just for her. She understood it all because it related to real life. The songs they sang had meaning and each one made her feel better. She was invited for coffee after the service this time and ended up meeting several people who eventually became her closest friends. In this church, there were lots of people of all ages and cultures. Some wore suits and ties, while others wore jeans and T-shirts. Everybody was free to be themselves.