Love and Leftovers

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Love and Leftovers Page 16

by Sarah Tregay


  gets wet in the rain

  and decides to bend.”

  Danny just looks at me

  like I don’t make any sense

  and wonders out loud

  if “maybe this is stuff for your notebook?”

  Notes from My Heart

  I take my notebook

  from my bag.

  Smooth my fingers

  over pages,

  as if the bubbles

  made by long-ago tears

  were messages

  written in Braille.

  I start to read

  what I had written,

  but stop

  midsentence

  when the

  doorbell

  rings.

  What Emily Said

  Linus has his backpack on,

  like he hasn’t been home

  since before we got off the bus.

  “I talked to Emily,

  and she admitted

  that she isn’t ready

  for a relationship.”

  He takes a deep breath.

  “And she’d rather

  we be friends like before,

  except she’d like to

  keep her babysitting job.”

  I can’t wait another second.

  I grab his backpack straps.

  Pull him to me.

  Kiss his mouth.

  Kiss away any doubt.

  My Dad Comes Home

  I stop kissing Linus

  and try to regain my balance,

  my composure.

  Dad puts down his briefcase,

  takes off his coat.

  Linus ignores him,

  looks in my eyes,

  and asks me

  if I’d be his girlfriend,

  again.

  “Yes,” I say.

  “Exclusively.”

  (Just in time

  for Valentine’s Day.)

  Dad thinks we should celebrate

  so he treats us to pizza

  at Flying Pie on State Street,

  where they play eighties rock

  and pinball

  instead of watching the Wildcats

  play football.

  And I like it better.

  Even though Linus and Daddy

  both beat me at pinball.

  On the Way Home from Pizza

  Dad turns down Linus’s street

  and parks the Mustang in the Thomases’ driveway—

  his not-so-subtle way of saying I have homework to do.

  I flop the front seat forward and wiggle out.

  Linus unfolds his long legs and stands up beside me.

  He takes my hand, leans down, and kisses my cheek.

  “See you at the bus stop.”

  My heart love-dubs in my chest,

  not wanting to say good night.

  So I shut the car door,

  hold up one finger in a promise

  that I’ll be back in a minute.

  Or five.

  Linus’s hand still in mine,

  we walk to his door,

  where no one has bothered to turn on a light.

  My heart love-dubs in my chest.

  I think I say, “Kiss me.”

  But Linus

  may have

  read my mind.

  Kissing My Boyfriend

  feels like riding

  a Tilt-A-Whirl.

  When I open my eyes,

  it takes me a minute

  to regain my balance.

  “Linus . . .”

  I take a deep breath

  and say out loud

  exactly what my heart

  wants my lips to say:

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” he says.

  Snuggled in Bed

  Long after

  Dad’s heart-to-heart

  about the importance

  of school attendance,

  I open

  my precious

  blue spiral notebook

  to what

  I thought

  was a blank page

  only to find it

  written on!

  Dear Marcie

  Some things are inexcusable.

  And I just did one of those things.

  I read your notebook.

  Go ahead and hate me.

  But I had to do it.

  You were the first girl I ever loved

  and I had to know where I went wrong.

  Yes, I dumped you because you cheated on me.

  But after reading your diary,

  I realize that I had misunderstood.

  I thought you had sex with him.

  And that hurt. A lot.

  And, I know you thought I was gay

  because I never touched your breasts.

  Believe me, I wanted to.

  But part of me wasn’t ready to take your clothes off

  because I’ve seen Maxim, Playboy, and Hustler

  (that’s what happens when you have older brothers)

  and I know that shit ain’t real.

  I didn’t want

  my smart, talented, adorable, emotional girlfriend

  to turn into a three-dimensional magazine centerfold

  when I peeled off her T-shirt.

  I know you’re laughing.

  But I swear that’s what happened to Roland

  and Bug’s mom.

  They were best friends until they started

  sleeping together

  instead of talking to each other.

  And I swore I’d never let that happen to me.

  I guess that’s what I wanted to tell you.

  And if, someday, you get over hating me for reading this

  and want to be friends again

  I’d really like that.

  Love, Linus

  I Jump Out of Bed and Call Linus

  “You wrote me a poem!” “Not a very good one.”

  He laughs.

  “It’s sweet.” “It’s embarrassing.”

  “But now I know for

  sure.” “For sure what?”

  “That I’m dating the

  sweetest guy on earth.” “Dorkiest, maybe.”

  “Linus!” I complain. In the background,

  Roland agrees.

  There’s a dull thud,

  like someone got hit.

  When I’m sure Linus

  is back, I say,

  “I didn’t know you thought

  I had sex with J.D.” “I didn’t know what to think.”

  “I guess I didn’t tell you

  that I didn’t sleep with him.” “I think you did,

  I just couldn’t hear you.”

  “We weren’t exactly

  talking.” “Next time, I promise

  to tell you stuff on the bus.

  So the whole city’ll know.”

  “Or in the cafeteria—” “Gotta make sure

  the whole school can hear.”

  “Or in the auditorium—” “Into the mike.

  Loud and clear,

  in case they missed it.”

  “Or maybe I’ll just

  write you a poem—

  a totally embarrassing

  mushy one.” “And I’ll write you a

  love song—

  a sticky sweet one

  about kissing you.”

  “I’d like that.” “Me too.”

  On the Last Page of My Notebook

  As my mixed-up,

  gay-dad-crazy-mom world

  returns to its previously scheduled orbit

  and the tropical storm that was my life

  dwindles to scattered showers,

  I close my eyes

  and listen to my heartbeat.

  Love dub | love dub

  It sounds like a two-tone metronome,

  sending me a message in Morse code.

  Love dub | love dub

  I get it now.

&nbs
p; My heart says it’s in love.

  But it didn’t feel like

  that jolt before falling asleep

  or like springtime on the moon.

  It felt like my heart

  had something to say,

  and all I had to do

  was listen.

  Acknowledgments

  I’d like to thank my agent, Danielle Chiotti, for believing in my manuscript; my editor, Sarah Shumway, for making it shine; and Laurel Symonds, Kathryn Hinds, and Maggie Herold for polishing it. My gratitude goes out to my crit group at The Cabin, who read the first draft; to Athena Birckbichler, who worked behind the scenes; and to Laura Gray, who reassures me that I’m only as old as I act. Thanks to Sonya Sones for the inspiration and to the Violent Femmes and Son of Dork for the tunes. Many thanks to my parents for their support and encouragement, to my family for the camp and my New Hampshire roots, and to Jason for everything else.

  About the Author

  Sarah Tregay is a graphic designer. When she isn’t jotting down poems at stoplights, Sarah can be found hanging out with her “little sister” from Big Brothers Big Sisters. She lives in Eagle, Idaho, with her husband, two Boston terriers, and an Appaloosa named Mr. Pots. You can find her online at www.sarahtregay.com.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

  Credits

  Jacket photo © 2012 by Allegra Villella

  Copyright

  Love and Leftovers

  Copyright © 2012 by Sarah Tregay

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Tregay, Sarah.

  Love and leftovers : a novel in verse / by Sarah Tregay. — 1st ed.

  p. cm.

  Summary: When her father starts dating a man, fifteen-year-old Marcie’s depressed mother takes her to New Hampshire but just as Marcie starts falling for a great guy her father brings her back to Idaho, where all of her relationships have become strained.

  ISBN 978-0-06-202358-2 (trade bdg.)

  EPub Edition © NOVEMBER 2011 ISBN: 9780062099358

  [1. Novels in verse. 2. Interpersonal relations—Fiction. 3. Family problems—Fiction. 4. Moving, Household—Fiction. 5. Bisexuality—Fiction. 6. New Hampshire—Fiction. 7. Idaho—Fiction.] I. Title.

  PZ7.5.T74Love

  [Fic]—dc23

  20122011019367

  CIP

  AC

  12 13 14 15 16 LP/RRDH 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  First Edition

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

  25 Ryde Road (P.O. Box 321)

  Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia

  www.harpercollins.com.au/ebooks

  Canada

  HarperCollins Canada

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  http://www.harpercollins.ca

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  HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited

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  http://www.harpercollins.co.nz

  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

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  London, W6 8JB, UK

  http://www.harpercollins.co.uk

  United States

  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

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  http://www.harpercollins.com

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Part One - DURHAM, NEW HAMPSHIRE

  My Family’s Summerhouse

  The Breakup

  Long Shot

  An Explanation

  Lonely

  Since the Breakup

  Saturday at the Laundromat

  Every Time Dad Calls and Mom Answers

  I Want to Ask Dad Questions Too

  The First Day of School

  The Second Day of School

  Talk about Accents

  The Teachers Hate

  “Martha Iris?”

  I Know I Shouldn’t Put People in Boxes

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 1:

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 2:

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 3:

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 4:

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 5:

  Things I Left Behind in Boise, Poem 6:

  When My Mother Takes an Ambien

  The Worst Thing I Have Ever Done

  The Best Thing Linus Ever Did

  Driver’s License Daydreams

  The Boat

  I Don’t Like Lobster Anyway

  Dominoes

  Half-and-Half

  Oyster River High School

  The Leftover Lovers YouTube Performance #1

  I Know I Like Him

  A Feeling Like Falling

  If Only We Could Be Together

  America Runs on Dunkin’

  Give Me a Break, Sam

  Talking to Linus Is Depressing

  BFF

  HOME Is a Four-Letter Word

  September 14–11:45 P.M.

  Speaking of Good-Looking Guys

  Thank God for Football

  I Don’t Have a Dress to Wear

  The Perfect Dress

  J.D. Picks Me Up

  Homecoming at OR

  October 5–11:54 P.M.

  I Close Mom’s Computer

  Middle-of-the-Night Daydreams

  Dinner

  When I Was Little

  When Dad Calls and I Answer

  “You Cut Your Hair?”

  Hairapy

  Until

  Family Hairstory

  My Relatives Are Like Grapes on a Vine

  Money

  The Conversation

  October 11–11:30 P.M.

  Student Housing

  A Bath at Last

  I’ll Be Brief

  Closing Camp

  Bedtime

  The Leftover Lovers YouTube Performance #2

  What I Want to Do

  A Package from Katie

  October 27–12:02 A.M.

  No One to Clink Glasses With

  Katie Rants on the Phone

  Regret

  Frat Boys

  Clothes

  I Love Pizza

  Motherly Advice for the Teenage Soul

  Treats

  Insight

  My Birthday

  Birthday Presents

  At 3:20 That Afternoon Everyone Remembers

  More Birthday Presents

  Three Gifts Are in Blue-and-White Priority Mail Boxes

  After Greta and Arthur Kiss Me Good Night

  My Wish

  After the Guests Have Gone

  Kissing J.D.

  Tomorrow, Tomorrow

  I Inherited It

  Would He Tell Me?

  Procrastination

  Maybe

  The End

  I Told My Mother

  Now

  The Next Best Thing to a Security Blanket

  Morning

  Peeking from Behind My Locker Door

  I Take the Cup of Coffee

  My Sweaters Arrive Parcel Post

  I Open the Envelope Dad Sent

  I Crumple It Up

  Back to the Boxes

  I Explain
<
br />   Lambasted

  Katie, You Don’t Understand

  It Was Dumb. I Know.

  What Best Friends Are For

  Trapped

  Home from School (Almost)

  Change Is Good

  I Try Making Friends

  A Silent Thank-you Note

  November 18–11:33 P.M.

  Questions

  Chasing Boys

  Answering Machine Message from Linus

  Baking Pies for Thanksgiving

  Thanksgiving at Aunt Greta’s

  Like Clockwork

  Blue Cafeteria Trays

  How I Learned that the Cutest Jock at OR Had a Crush

  S’mores

  I Don’t Know Who Started It

  Writer’s Block

  J.D. and I

  News to Me

  In the Aftermath of Operation Girlfriend Defreak

  3.1 Miles of Conversation

  Megan

  Telling Truths

  Nickname

  Opportunity Knocks

  Overactive Imagination

  Kissing as a Recreational Sport

  Answering Machine Message from Dad

  Because I Love Her

  Memory

  Illness

  At the Bagel Shop

  At the Laundromat

  Change of Season

  Friends with Benefits

  Thank God

  My Mother Is Wrong

  Overheard

  J.D. Knows to Avoid the Potholes

  “Hi, Daddy!”

  My Father Wraps Me in His Long Arms

  Dad Doesn’t Lecture Me

  Back at Our Apartment

  Funny

  In the Aftermath of Operation Sedate My Mother

  Protesting

  Escort

  How I Got to the Bottom of Things

  Realization

  December 22–8:32 P.M.

 

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