Futility washed over robert. He had failed. At everything. beginning with that first night here. Aurelia had almost been poisoned at her sister's coming-out party, and he had never thought to connect the two events. Without his presence, she never would have been in danger on Carnival night because Chris would never have seen her disguise. And she certainly would never have been alone in the arena this morning without his urging.
He should have known. should have known he was in over his head when she had surprised him in drew's tent, when she found out he was keeping something from her, when she had run away from him in the city. His father had been right. robert had no business acting as royal spy. He had allowed his heart to make the decisions and let his feelings for Aurelia impair his judgment. He needed to apologize.
As if in answer to his thoughts, uncle Henry intercepted him. The older man's fingers closed around robert's upper left arm with surprising strength and led him across the courtyard, then around the outside of the west wing, where a vast lawn stretched out in terraces. gray rectangular ponds ran through the center into the distance, and sculpted bushes lined the waterway. even the plants in this place were manipulated by others.
uncle Henry led his nephew past the main gardens into a walled alcove tucked between the back of the west wing and the older section of the palace. A small fountain trickled in a corner, and young trees and bushes lined the outskirts, their shades of green broken now and again by yellow flower buds. robert sat down on the smooth stone ring surrounding the fountain and waited for his uncle's fury. but the man whose son had died just stood staring at the foliage as a breeze prickled the thin grasses and shuddery leaves. memories hounded the quiet, memories of Chris: building towers of scrap wood in the carpentry shed, molding palaces of sand along the river's edge, making fun of fencing instructors in the practice yard.
uncle Henry finally spoke, resignation lining his face. "your father is a brave man." robert started to stand, but his uncle waved him down. "He asked me to come with him when he left. I should have agreed, but I was too taken up with position and stability. It is ironic, I suppose, that his son has returned to show me the flimsiness of that stability."
robert found his voice. "I am so sorry, uncle Henry. I know nothing can atone for what I've done."
"I allowed you to take on the case. If there is guilt to be had, I must swallow as much as you." Henry looked down at him. "I cannot have you at the funeral, lad. still, I do not blame you." A shaky hand rested on robert's shoulder. For a moment the older man's eyes shone down too brightly. "you take after your father."
The words flowed like water into robert's mind, cleansing the blood and the darkness. Not that the pain would ever go away. Or the loss.
uncle Henry turned away, his shoulders more curved and his back more bent than they had been that morning. but there was strength in that body, in that mind. strength beyond the physical.
"you could come with me now," robert burst out. "I'm sure my father would welcome you."
The gray head shook. "I've served this ruler most of my life." There was a pause. "And I intend to live to serve a better one."
Henry? Aurelia slowed in her mad search of the palace grounds. robert's uncle sat slouched on a low stoop, sunlight shining on his head as he stared blindly across the practice-yard sand. Her first reaction was to change direction, to allow space for his grief. An attempt to comfort him with her presence would do little but remind him of why his son had died. she turned to go . . .
Then stopped, remembering Chris's barren bedroom. How much did Henry know about what had happened today? perhaps her father had told his adviser the truth. Henry had known about the assassination plot. He had known about edward's desire to marry her. she suspected he knew melony's true parentage as well. but she should speak to him, make certain he knew his son was not the sole culprit.
slowly, she made her way to the older man's shoulder, allowing her feet to shuffle a bit on the marble path so as not to startle him. "Chris did it for melony," she said, a sharp pain shooting through her chest as she spoke the names. "He was not in control of the plot. she was."
The older man waved a hand to quiet her. "I know," he said, then lapsed into silence.
she stood for a minute, uncertain what else to say to offer comfort; but as the seconds ticked by, her thoughts returned to her search for robert. she had found Horizon in the stables and the filled saddlebags in the stall corner but had had no success tracking down the stallion's owner. she must find him, could not allow him to drift out of her life. "Have . . . have you seen your nephew?" she asked softly, not wanting to injure Henry further but desperate enough to risk it.
A furrow creased his forehead as he looked at her. For a moment she thought he might burst out in anger as her sister had done. but his words, when they came, were resigned, not angry. "robert was in the walled garden behind the east wing when I saw him last."
Her pulse quickened. she had not expected a real answer. "Thank you," she breathed, and turned to follow his directions.
A palm clasped her hand, holding her in check. "I had not meant to raise hopes, your Highness," he said. "I saw my nephew there in the early afternoon. It has been several hours."
Her lips murmured that she understood, but her feet moved on at a hurried pace, gathering speed as she swept around the back of the palace. The gardens; she had looked there, but only on the main lawn, not in the walled alcove. she told herself not to expect him there. Not to hope.
The sun hit the horizon, light shimmering orange upon the leaves as she stepped into the garden. Her eyes found robert. He was there. On the stone ring beside the fountain, one foot propped in front of him, shoulders curved, head facing away toward the tangled hedges. He did not see her.
How long had he been sitting there like this? going over the events of the morning. drowning in the horrors of this day.
Nerves roiled within her stomach. Could she tell him what she must--in the right way? In a way that would ease the pain? Not erase it. No words, no actions, could eliminate the truth of that mangled body crumpled in the soil, the hatred brimming from her sister's face, the empty husk of her father's weakness. And no words could bring back Chris.
"It isn't your fault." she let her voice ring in the stillness.
robert lifted his head without turning to face her. "I killed my own cousin."
"I know," she said, her gaze falling to his wounded shoulder. "I'm sorry."
still, he did not turn around. perhaps he was angry with her for not standing up to her father. she remembered her alarm at robert's dismissal. but at the time it was only one more nightmarish event in a morning of revelations. she had been reeling from the discovery of her sister's malice and her father's deceit. And she had failed to speak up on robert's behalf.
"my father wasn't strong enough to make the right decision," she tried to explain. "I should have known he wouldn't be, but I didn't."
"He was right," robert said.
"No, he wasn't." she could not allow him to believe that.
"He was right about me placing you in danger. This morning I thought I understood everything: the plan, the plot, my feelings for you . . . " robert trailed off. "Then when I saw you fall on the racecourse and I thought you were dead . . . " There was a long pause. "I don't ever want to feel that way again, Aurelia."
Her heart thundered, and she took a step closer.
still he did not turn. "And now you've been exiled." robert lifted a hand through his dark hair. "I put your life at risk for nothing."
she stared at him, confused. Why would he feel guilt for her exile? but that was robert, trying to shoulder responsibility for a task neither her father nor his had dared take on. "No," she replied. "I chose to leave." she struggled to put her revelation into words. "my father wants me to marry edward of Anthone, and that is an exile I cannot accept. I'm done living my life in the confines of others' dreams, done waiting to live my own. I am going on an expedition of Tyralt." she stepped closer.
robert lowered his hand, dropping it to the stone surface. His back rose and fell. "What about your father?"
"my father is not brave enough to stop me. He is terrified of scandal." bitterness slipped out with her words. "No doubt he'll announce that I've relinquished my right to the throne and name melony in my place, but he will also provide me with the supplies and an armed escort for my expedition because he won't want me to tell the populace what really happened today. I am going to travel every inch of the kingdom if I wish. No one will dictate where I go or whom I see." determination sprouted in Aurelia's chest. "Let melony use her powers of persuasion to avoid marrying edward. I will meet the people of this kingdom, my kingdom, whether or not I wear a crown."
"A leader is not decided by a crown," robert said, "but by the people who believe in and follow that leader."
she had no response for that. Her mind was already racing ahead to what she needed to say next. Her hands clenched with the fear of laying bare her heart.
"you're leaving in the morning?" he asked in a hollow voice.
"yes . . . but I have a problem." she was now quite close to robert, so close she could hear his unsteady breathing. Fear of rejection flared in her chest. perhaps he would prefer a life on the frontier, without politics and her royal shadow. But that night on the bridge, her heart argued, he said he wanted to see the corners of the world. she pushed aside the fear and leaped. "I need an expedition guide."
The terror of silence met her statement.
but now she had begun, she must finish. "A guide I can trust." Her words came out slow and deliberate. "someone who knows the land and does not mind traveling and meeting new people."
He inhaled sharply.
"you," she said, "are the only person I can trust."
He turned now and faced her, his blue eyes wide with the possibility she presented. That gaze. There was power in that gaze, something that drew her in and held her. but it was not constricting. It did not push down on her from above. It simply was. And her heart told her it was a good place to be.
"Aurelia." His voice wavered.
"please, robert," she whispered. "I need you at my side." she stretched out a hand and ran it along the edge of his face. There were traces of tearstains there and hurt and anger, but they were all old, covered now by a different emotion. "Will you guide my expedition?"
Fingertips brushed like feathers across her cheek, and a thread wound up within her at his touch. "I would be honored," he said.
Epilogue
HORIZON DID NOT seem TO CARE FOR THE CHAOS IN the courtyard prior to departure. He snorted and stamped his hooves, powdered dust billowing up in a fresh wave.
Aurelia felt the dust enter her lungs. she coughed and pulled away from robert's side. "Can't you convince him to stop?" she said, struggling to see her expedition guide through the brown fog.
"He would relax if everyone else would," robert argued.
Half a dozen guards milled behind them, clapping friends on the back and shouting good-byes. Family members bearing last-minute keepsakes rushed up to the guards. Horses shuffled, sensing the excitement in the air. servants swarmed out of the palace, shuttling bundles to wagons and mounts, and men shouted from the tops of the wagons that they had no more room; but the bundles kept coming, and the men kept rearranging and piling on things.
"This is ridiculous," robert complained. "each person should bring enough for him or herself, and that's it. We can restock later if necessary. The rest of the kingdom is not entirely uncivilized."
drew chuckled. "Lad, you'd best get used to it. A royal expedition is twenty percent loading and unloading."
robert groaned. "Not if I have anything to say about it." He handed the horseman Horizon's reins and swung down to the ground.
"Hey!" drew protested. "Where are you going? you're not leaving me with this dust maker."
"I'm doing what needs to be done to stop Horizon from making dust." robert marched off toward the wagons.
drew arched an eyebrow at Aurelia. "do you think he'll return to us in one piece?"
"Not if the kitchen maids get hold of him." she laughed and patted bianca, then looked up to see drew disappear in another brown cloud.
"I wish you were coming the entire journey with us," she said.
"Ha! I'm starting to wonder if I'll even make it to the next town. don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow morning and find I've lit out."
"No," she protested. "you promised to stay with us at least a week."
"I am not spending a week watching over this horse."
Aurelia drew close and snatched the stallion's reins from the horseman. "I don't know why not. you're traveling to the edge of the kingdom in hopes of seeing more like him."
"And you're not?"
"I intend to see people as well as horses."
He snorted. "Waste of time."
she craned her neck to look for robert. He stood on top of a heaping wagon and gestured with dramatic hand movements. Whatever he had said thus far, the frantic movement of servants and supplies had ceased.
"drew," she said, returning her attention to the man at her side. "your name wouldn't be short for Andrew, would it?"
He flinched. "Now how did you find that out?"
"I heard an interesting story the other day that reminded me of you."
"About a great horseman, was it?"
"No, the storyteller implied that when you see a person with extraordinary height, that person is from the Outer realms. Is it true? Are you from the Outer realms?"
drew winked. "Well, now, your Highness, if you want to know about the Outer realms, maybe you should make that your next expedition."
"What are you saying, Fielding?" robert stood at Aurelia's feet. "don't start her on another trip. We haven't gotten this one going yet." A hand stretched up. "my reins, your Highness."
she glared at him.
"Aurelia," he corrected.
"giving up so soon?" she said, handing over the reins. "I thought you were going to get us under way."
"I am," he replied. "We're leaving."
Her head whipped around. The servants stood in two neat rows beside the doorway. The six guards had mounted all six horses and faced ahead. both supply wagons sat secured with drivers holding the reins. And up in the balcony, her father, her stepmother, and her sister waited to pose for the moment of departure. ready.
"underrated him again," drew muttered.
Aurelia turned back to robert. "What are we waiting for, then?"
He touched the tip of his fingers to his forehead and motioned toward her. "Why, for you to give the command, my lady." she took a breath and announced in a strong, powerful voice, "move out."
boots dug in. Calls sounded. Horses swung into action. Wagon wheels squealed as they lurched into rotation, and good-byes and good wishes poured from windows and doorways. reins and bridles and saddles jangled with movement as bianca fell into step beside Horizon.
Aurelia swept her head around, taking in one last view of the palace. Then she focused on the landscape beyond the arch of the palace gate. she urged her horse into the lead and felt the chain around her ankle break free.
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