by C. J. Thomas
I laughed as I watched her leave. I wasn’t ready to roll out of bed quite yet, but after a minute I tossed the covers, knowing that staying in bed would do me more harm than good.
Alex’s guest bedroom was becoming my home away from home. With how broken I’d felt last night, I was thrilled that Nash was away. It made it easier for me to come back to Alex’s without having to hide behind my swollen eyes just to make an appearance in front of her boy-toy.
My feet hit the floor and I padded to the nearest wall covered in framed pictures, my hands tucked firmly under my armpits.
When we got in last night, Alex asked if I wanted to talk about what happened, and when I said I didn’t, she just turned on the water and filled the tub. That was why she was the best. I soaked in that thing for a good couple of hours, refilling it with hot water every 20 minutes, collecting my thoughts and scrubbing off all that made me feel dirty and used.
A photo caught my attention and I reached up and pulled the frame from the wall, needing a closer look.
It was filled with members of Alex’s family, everyone smiling against the bright blue back drop. The trees were neon green and full of life. They were happily enjoying catching up, laughing, sharing stories at what appeared to be a family reunion. Her entire family seemed to be there. Everyone minus her parents.
I frowned.
Alex was so strong, a true inspiration, for having gone through what she did with the death of her parents. I couldn’t imagine it was easy for her to visit extended relatives knowing that it was her parents who she really wanted to visit with again.
I hung the photo back on the wall and continued perusing more family photos. She was really making herself at home here, and I liked her confidence in settling into Nash’s place, adding little mementos of her own. It meant she believed in their relationship and saw a future, one she wasn’t going to leave. Even I couldn’t have predicted them lasting as long as they already had, but I was happy for her, for them.
That was what made Alex such a relatable friend. We were both without parents. And though mine weren’t technically dead, they might as well have been to me. All I had was Alex, and I counted on her to help me work through my problems, just as she would me.
A shiver worked its way up my spine and I hugged myself, feeling slightly better about what transpired last night. There was a chip on my shoulder and that could only mean one thing; I was starting to feel like my glorious self.
I moved down the wall one small, slow step at a time.
The longer I stared into the many faces of her extended family, the same people who shared her DNA, I wondered what it would be like if I still had a relationship with my parents. Would they even care who I was? What I was doing? How I was spending my time? Probably not. Besides, I knew that I would never be able to forgive them for what they did—or in my case, didn’t do.
Pushing these thoughts out of my head, I slipped on a pair of grey sweats and found Alex in the kitchen pouring two cups of coffee.
“I haven’t been shopping since Nash left.” She turned to hand me a full mug. “But I thought maybe we could grab breakfast at that new joint up the block?”
My lips pursed near the rim as I blew the steam off the top. “I’d rather not.”
“Sure. Okay.” She turned to the sink and mixed some cream into her cup.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t hungry, I just wasn’t ready to face the world yet.
“Maybe after this caffeine gets in my blood I’ll change my mind.” Both my hands cupped the hot mug as I took a sip. “Thanks again for last night.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Alex tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s what I’m here for.” She stared into her mug, unable to look me in the eye.
“It wasn’t as bad as it looked,” I whispered.
I knew I shouldn’t be, but I was embarrassed for breaking down piece by piece last night once Alex rescued me. As tears streamed down my cheeks, my best friend had looked on with worry, and rightfully so. But it wasn’t what it seemed. Kelly didn’t mean to hurt me. He didn’t know. It was me who was fucked up. This was my fault. Not his.
“Do you want to talk about?” Alex’s voice was soft and non-threatening.
“Not really.” I pushed my tailbone off the edge of the stool I was resting on and walked to the living room couch.
Alex followed me and took the corner opposite me. We drank in silence for a long time but I knew better than to think that her mind wasn’t on anything but me.
“I’ve never seen you like that.” Alex’s pained gaze peered over the rim of her mug.
“I know.” I cast my eyes into the black abyss of my coffee.
“If someone hurt you,” she paused, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe she was even thinking it, “I want to know about it.”
I brought my feet up and hugged my knees to my chest. I thought whether or not I was ready to have this conversation. Because once I started it, I knew there was no turning back. Finally, I said in a dull voice, “Someone did hurt me.”
“Shit, Kendra.” Alex’s lips parted and she looked at me like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Was it a date? Never mind. Don’t answer that. I know it was a date. I knew I shouldn’t have let you do this for me. This was a bad idea.”
“It wasn’t a date,” I said, hoping to calm her down.
Alex snapped her head away and shoved a hand through her long, beautiful hair.
My chest expanded and I held my breath for a couple seconds before letting it out. “I was raped.” I sighed.
“Fuck.” She straightened her arm and settled her hand on my knee. “I should have taken you to the hospital, not here.”
“It didn’t happen last night.” My eyes were round as I looked at her. I knew I was the cause of the dark circles under her eyes.
“Oh, my God, Kendra. You don’t have to be doing this.”
I sipped my coffee, knowing that this would be how she’d react. Alex didn’t know. I hadn’t told her about my rape. Hell, I hadn’t thought about what had happened to me for a very long time. “It happened to me when I was just a teenager. I don’t like to talk about it.”
Alex let out a sigh, falling back into the couch.
I couldn’t look at her, but I felt her staring. The way Kelly touched me set off a trigger. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. This was all my fault. When I should have been sleeping off the hotness of last night, I was here telling my friend that I had a secret I hadn’t shared with her yet.
“Kendra?”
I lifted my gaze.
“Will you tell me? I’d like to help.”
My heart pounded against my ribs. I felt helpless and afraid. There were no words to describe the shame I still dealt with for what happened to me. And I hated that Kelly was the one who’d dug up those feelings. He was the last person who it should have been, and just when we were getting our relationship started. It couldn’t have come at a worse time.
“Kendra,” Alex said again. “Will you?”
My cell dinged with a message.
We exchanged looks and she must have known that I was going to avoid having to relive that dark, dark day. I set my mug down on the coffee table and ran to the other room, knowing that she knew I was purposely avoiding having to discuss the secrets of my past. By the time I came back, Alex was still waiting for an answer.
“It was the Madam,” I said. “She needs to see me.”
20
Kendra
Jerome had his eye on me the moment I stepped onto the floor.
He looked like he could use some cheering up so I bounced my hips, twirling my tiny purse through the air as I approached. “Why so sad?”
He licked his lips without responding.
“Madam working you too hard?” I stepped up to him and he only stared. “Talk to me, big boy.” I reached behind him and slapped his hard butt.
He caught my arm, closing his fingers tight enough to
pinch my flesh in his nails, and he led me inside the office with brute bodyguard force. Pushing me over the edge of the couch, his strong hand began spanking me.
“What the fuck?!” I swatted his hand away but he kept spanking me. “Jerome!” I cried as the stinging pain rippled down my legs.
Only when the Madam stepped out did he stop. Jerome pulled me to my feet and stepped back.
“Thank you, Jerome.” Madam leaned against the doorframe with folded arms. “I’ll take it from here.”
I smoothed the wrinkles out of my dress and fixed my hair. “What got into him?”
“Kendra, doll.” Madam looked me in the eye. “You’ve been a bad girl.”
My brows furrowed. “So that’s how you punish me?” I glanced over my shoulder to find Jerome smirking.
“No, honey.” Madam smiled. “That’s how Jerome punishes you.”
“And what did I do, exactly?”
“Come into my office.” She waved me inside. “Take a seat, and I’ll tell you.”
I followed the Madam into her office and fell into the empty chair.
“Kendra, baby.”
“Yes?” My eyes were wide as I looked around, feeling like I was receiving a lecture from the high school principal.
“How was your date with Kelly?”
I let out a shaky breath, afraid to learn what may have already gotten back to her. “It was fun.” I bit my bottom lip and nodded.
“And he took you back to his hotel suite?”
My brows pinched. “How do you even know this?”
She looked to the side and laughed. Then she turned her attention back to me. “Did you sleep with him?”
I cast my gaze to my swinging foot. “And if I did?”
“See there.” Madam angled her head. “Your lip is the reason why Jerome had to punish you.” She pushed off the desk and stepped behind me. When her hands came down on my shoulders, I cringed. “Let me remind you, you’re arm candy. That’s it, unless I say otherwise.” Her fingers worked to soften my deep tissue.
“Did Kelly say something?”
“Is there something that he should have come to me with?”
I shook my head.
“Don’t be naïve, sweetheart.” She bent down and placed her mouth close to my ear. “All news travels back to the Madam eventually.”
My breath caught in my throat and I hated not knowing for sure what she knew about me, my past, and what happened last night. I was certain Kelly would tell her that I bounced, but maybe he hadn’t. And if he hadn’t, I wondered why.
Madam lifted her head and stepped around to her desk. “The reason I called you here is because you have a new assignment.”
I bit my lip, wondering what kind of package she wanted me to deliver this time. I watched as she opened a side drawer to pull out a date card. My eyes closed as I let out a sigh of relief. She handed it over and a part of me expected it to be another night with Kelly. “Am I allowed to sleep with this one?” I asked.
She pointed at me. “You don’t learn, do you?”
My shoulders shrugged as I opened it up. I wouldn’t have given her lip if I didn’t expect to see Kelly Black’s name written on the inside. Except where his name should have been, Timothy Parker’s was there in bold letters instead.
“I’ll have your wardrobe delivered this afternoon with any important details of what to expect.”
I stared at Timothy’s name, unable to look Madam in the eye. There was so much that I needed to resolve with Kelly I could hardly imagine entertaining anybody else until he understood why I’d left last night.
“Is everything okay?” Madam asked.
My tongue circled my lips as I hung my head, nodding. But everything wasn’t okay. I knew I shouldn’t have let my heart get attached, but Kelly brought a strange familiarity to my life that made me feel whole. It was dark. I know. But it was the truth.
“And Kendra, darling?”
I lifted my head and locked eyes with Madam.
“This one I want you to fuck.”
21
Kelly
I licked the pad of my finger and turned the page.
When I should have been preparing for my meeting with Mario, I had my mind on Kendra. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of her. She had me second-guessing everything I did. And that was why I was back to the non-disclosure I asked her to sign. Was that the reason she left?
No matter how many times I considered it, I wouldn’t change things. I needed it done. Needed the protection put in place. There was no negotiating this one. If she wanted to leave, then that was her choice. Besides, there were plenty of women in this city I could seduce—just none could come close to comparing to Kendra.
The door opened and Emmanuel burst into my office, breathing heavily.
I lifted my eyes off the paper I was studying and glanced up at him from beneath my brow. “Did we have a meeting I missed?”
He wiped his mouth, pacing around my office, rubbing his arms.
I stood, hiding my hands deep in my pockets, glaring at him. “What can I do for you?”
He stopped and turned. “Madam didn’t tell you?”
I shook my head, noticing that his pupils were tiny pin pricks. “Tell me what?”
“You were supposed to deliver the payment she promised.”
My brow furrowed. “I’m sorry. I’m not aware of any payment.”
He stepped forward, locking his eyes intently on mine. “So it’s not here?”
“I think you were mistaken,” I said as I heard Giselle get back from a late lunch.
“Fuck!” He bit his knuckles as he cursed.
I’d never seen him like this and it had me on edge. With the way he was acting, his behavior was completely unpredictable. Emmanuel was irrational as he paced nervously back and forth. Pellets of sweat formed on his brow and, by the looks of it, I would guess that he hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in days.
“She said it would be here,” he growled.
“Well. It’s not.”
“Why would she lie to me?” I watched as he slammed his fist down on my desk.
“I think it’s time for you to leave,” I said, stepping around my desk, ready to muscle him out the door.
“Fuck you!” He stepped away from me. “I’m not leaving until I get the money.”
Giselle ran into my office just as I was about to manhandle Emmanuel. “Kelly!”
I turned to find Giselle holding up a briefcase. My face twisted, wondering how she got that and what it was doing in my office.
“Madam dropped it off earlier,” she said.
Emmanuel tried to side-step around me, but I blocked him with a sharp elbow to the gut. The only thing that made any kind of sense was that the Madam did this on purpose. I’d seen her play these kinds of games before, just never on me.
But I wasn’t stupid. I knew what her angle was. It was her way of pressuring me to do what she wanted—agree to represent Blake Stone.
I took the briefcase from Giselle, needing to feel the weight myself. There was no doubt it had the money inside. Just as Emmanuel said. “Get some rest. Clean yourself up.”
He reached for the briefcase and I pulled it back.
“Maybe even get yourself laid.”
“I don’t need the Madam’s girls,” he sneered.
There was more going on than I cared to know. “Take care of yourself,” I said, finally releasing the briefcase over to him. “Don’t do something you might later regret.”
He looked at me and smirked.
“And, Emmanuel,” I said as he was on his way out, “don’t ever barge in like that ever again. If you need representation, you’re free to call or schedule an appointment.”
He hurried out the door, leaving me giving Giselle a questioning look.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.” She averted her gaze. “I thought the Madam would have given you a heads up.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, excusing Giselle t
o her desk.
With everything happening around me, and somehow it all being connected to the Madam, I knew that I needed to step away and find reason behind the madness. Because if I didn’t correct course soon, this shit would explode and maybe take me with it.
“I’m working the rest of the day from home,” I said, passing Giselle on my way out. “Hit me on my cell if you need me.”
I leaped down the stairs and hurried to my car parked out back. There was only one person who could help me sort through this mess I’d found myself somehow entangled in.
Once settled in behind the wheel, I turned the key and revved the engine.
I knew she’d be happy to see me. It had been a very long time since our last visit. We had a lot of catching up to do. And maybe I’d even bring flowers.
22
Kelly
The grass crinkled beneath my feet as I approached.
My legs were heavy and I could barely pick my feet up off the ground to take the next step. My shoulders pulled low as my pulse raced. The emotions that pounded through my heart contradicted themselves. I was filled with regret and unconditional love—the same emotions I felt the first time I laid eyes on her—and that was all on top of a heavy sadness I was sure I’d never be able to overcome.
I peeled my heel, that felt more like a brick, off the ground and stomped it down, one step closer to her.
The beat of my own heart thrashed between my ears. I was lightheaded and dizzy. I hated myself for deciding to stay away. She deserved better. A selfish decision I’d made long ago in an attempt to heal my own wounds. I’d promised her the world and, in the end, I tried to forget about her because it was easier that way.
But here I was …
My hands tightened their grip on the stems of the flowers I held. They began to shake the closer I got to her headstone. When I glanced down at the fresh, colorful bouquet I had brought for her, I smiled.