Chapter & Hearse

  “Hello, Tricia. Happy birthday.” He handed her the card.

  “Thank you, Bob.”

  Angelica bristled. “Hello, Bob. What brings you here?”

  “Tricia’s birthday, of course. You did tell me you’d planned on surprising her today.”

  “Did I? Why did you pay attention to that and nothing else I’ve said for the past month or so?”

  “I had a lot on my mind,” he admitted.

  “How about your other body parts?” Angelica asked coldly.

  Bob’s cheeks flushed a dark red. Mr. Everett and Grace looked nearly as embarrassed.

  Bob cleared his throat. “I know I’ve abused your trust, Angelica. I’ll do anything I can to regain it.”

  Angelica looked away. “How’s that vase coming, Ginny?” she called.

  “Angelica, please don’t treat me with such indifference,” Bob pleaded.

  “Oh, you mean I shouldn’t emulate your behavior of the last two months? Remind me why.”

  Bob lowered his voice. “Angelica, you know how much you mean to me.”

  “Oh? And what did Darcy mean to you?”

  Bob glowered. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  “That’s not what Darcy told Captain Baker.”

  “You’d believe her over me?” Bob asked, sounding hurt.

  “Let me think about it for all of two seconds.” She looked at the ceiling and nodded her head twice. “Yes!”

  Bob chewed at his bottom lip, looking uncomfortable. Much as she didn’t like him, Tricia actually felt a little sorry for him. Okay, on a scale of one to ten, she gave him a one point five worth of pity. Then she recalled he’d saved her life two days before and upped it to two.

  The little bell over the door captured their attention as the floral deliveryman once again entered, this time carrying a long white box with a royal blue ribbon. Again he handed the box to Tricia and offered her the clipboard.

  “Goodness, another one?”

  He nodded, she signed, and off he went again.

  Everyone leaned in to watch as Tricia opened the box. She pulled back the tissue, and inside was—no surprise!—six more magnificent calla lilies. She opened the small white envelope and read the card. “Thank you for welcoming me to your village and your country. Happy birthday. Antonio Barbero, Nigela Racita Associates.”

  “Didn’t you just meet that guy?” Angelica asked.

  “Yes. Ginny must’ve told him it was my birthday today. We were going to have dinner Monday night, but—oh, well, it’s a long story. I’m more interested in hearing what else Bob has to say about Darcy.”

  “What about her?” he asked warily.

  “I’m assuming Darcy was an old flame. How did you two get reacquainted?” Tricia asked.

  “At a meeting of Chamber of Commerce presidents. It was held in Nashua back in February. Darcy was the hostess at the restaurant. We had a few drinks after the meeting, and I . . . kind of drove her home.”

  “How does one kind of drive someone home?” Angelica asked pointedly.

  “And then what happened?” Tricia asked.

  “We had a few more drinks and talked and . . . then I woke up in her bed the next morning,” Bob admitted sheepishly.

  “Fancy that,” Angelica said.

  “I was so hungover, I don’t even know if we . . . you know.”

  “Had sex?” Angelica supplied.

  Bob wouldn’t look her in the eye.

  “How did Darcy come to work for Angelica?” Tricia asked.

  “I must have told her Booked for Lunch was looking for a waitress.”

  “Did you tell her about us at the same time?” Angelica asked.

  “I . . . don’t know.”

  “Surely there were plenty of waitressing jobs in Nashua at the time,” Grace suggested.

  “Darcy told me she had another job working evenings,” Tricia said, “but she needed the money. To pay off gambling debts, perhaps?”

  Bob shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Did she hit you up for money?” Angelica asked.

  Bob squirmed. “Not exactly—at least not at first. She said she was more interested in reestablishing a relationship. I told her I wasn’t interested. I told her that you and I were a couple, but she hounded me anyway.”

  “And, of course, you succumbed to her charms; after all, you’re just a weak man,” Angelica said with scorn.

  “I did not sleep with that woman!” Bob declared.

  “Haven’t we heard that before? And just what did you do instead of sleeping with her?” Angelica wanted to know.

  “I kept a low profile,” Bob explained. “She was forty-one and she wanted to get married to somebody—anybody! When I made it clear I wasn’t interested in her, she set her sights on Jim Roth.”

  “Jake said she knew Jim after taking smoke breaks at the same time he did,” Tricia said.

  “She started showing up at his Gamblers Anonymous meetings, too,” Bob said. “That was after she saw his house and his business. She figured he was a successful businessman.”

  “And when she found out the truth?” Tricia asked.

  “Let’s just say she didn’t take the news well. She was angry with me for rebuffing her advances, and she was angry with Jim when she found out he was seeing someone else.”

  “But Jim broke up with Frannie,” Grace said.

  “Yes, but he wouldn’t leave his mother,” Bob explained. “Darcy was furious—and for some reason, she blamed me! When she saw the two of us together at History Repeats Itself, she decided to get rid of both of us—just out of spite.”

  “There’s something I don’t understand,” Tricia said, changing the subject. “When Russ and I got to your house the night you said someone tried to break in, you said you were pretty sure it was a man. Why didn’t you level with us that it was Darcy?”

  “And admit I was afraid of a woman? Get real, Tricia.”

  “You could have saved yourself—and the Sheriff’s Department—a lot of trouble.”

  “Don’t lecture me,” Bob snapped.

  “Don’t you speak to my sister like that,” Angelica admonished. “Especially on her birthday!”

  Bob hung his head. “I’m sorry, Tricia.”

  “I don’t know if I ever can forgive you, Bob,” Angelica said. “You know how I feel about cheaters. I’ve been married to four of them.”

  “I’m sorry, Angelica. I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Bob said, embarrassed.

  “I’ve heard that four times too many,” Angelica said and sniffed loudly.

  Bob eyed Tricia and the others. “Angelica, don’t you think we should be discussing this in private?”

  Angelica crossed her arms over her chest. “Why? Do you have anything else to hide?”

  Tricia wished she could just fade into the woodwork, glad it was Bob and not she who was pinned by Angelica’s baleful stare. Still, why did they have to have this conversation in Haven’t Got a Clue? The saving grace was that the store hadn’t yet opened for the day.

  Tricia took a step back and signaled to Mr. Everett and Grace. “We’ll just leave you two alone—”

  “You’ll do nothing of the kind,” Angelica said, turning her laserlike glare on Tricia. Angelica meant business. She turned back to Bob. “You’re going to have to work very hard to get back into my good graces.”

  “Anything you want, Cupcake.”

  “Cupcake?” Tricia repeated.

  Angelica swung her angry gaze back to Tricia. Oops! Apparently there were some things that transcended even Angelica’s birthday goodwill.

  Ginny returned with two clear glass vases filled with water. “Would you like me to arrange the flowers?” she asked Tricia.

  “That would be lovely. Thank you, Ginny.”

  Before Ginny could get started, the florist’s deliveryman was back again, with yet another long white box. The ribbon on this one was pale yellow. He handed it to Tricia.

  “Not another one?”

  “Apparentl
y you’re very popular, ma’am.”

  Once again, Tricia slid the ribbon from the box and opened it. Inside were another dozen perfect calla lilies.

  “Who are they from?” Angelica asked.

  Tricia read the card. “Sorry we couldn’t be there on your special day. Love, Mother and Daddy.” Oh, well, at least they’d made an effort.

  “Goodness, I’m going to have to go home and rustle up another couple of vases,” Angelica said, but before she could do so, the door opened again, and Russ stepped inside, his camera dangling around his neck.

  “Happy birthday, Tricia!”

  “Hello, Russ,” Tricia said, unable to muster any enthusiasm.

  “I saw the florist’s truck and—” He frowned at the sight of the four florist’s boxes on the coffee station’s counter. “Oh. Gee . . . I guess my gift wasn’t as original as I thought.”

  “Thank you for thinking of me, Russ,” Tricia said coolly. No way was he getting a hug and a kiss for remembering her birthday—not after the way he’d been acting of late.

  The door rattled, and it was the deliveryman with still another long white florist’s box. “Please sign here,” he said and handed Tricia his clipboard for a fifth time.

  “Aren’t you getting writer’s cramp by now?” Angelica asked. “I didn’t sign my name that much at some of my book events.”

  Tricia ignored her sarcasm. This time the ribbon was mauve, which went perfectly with her sweater set. She opened the box and found another six magnificent calla lilies.

  “And this time they’re from—?” Ginny prompted eagerly, while trying to force one more lily into the first vase.

  Tricia read the card. “Happy birthday. Grant.”

  “Baker!” Russ cried, clearly annoyed.

  Tricia wasted less than two seconds of her day to glare at him before she removed one of the lovely flowers from the box. How had Captain Baker known calla lilies were her favorite, let alone her birth date? Tricia glanced at Angelica, who seemed to find the tin ceiling of infinite interest.

  The door opened again—the deliveryman, back for a sixth time.

  “No more,” Tricia cried.

  “’Fraid so,” the man said and laughed, once again proffering the pen and invoice for Tricia to sign. The ribbon was deep purple. Tricia tugged it from the box and opened it. Six more calla lilies. She read the card. “Happy birthday. Love, Ginny and Mr. E.” Tricia turned to her employees. “Oh, thank you so much. You two are the greatest.” She leapt forward to capture them both in a hug.

  “About time that guy brought our flowers in,” Ginny said, just a little exasperated.

  Russ looked hurt. “I gave you the same gift, but I didn’t get a hug.”

  Tricia looked down her nose at him. “I said ‘thank you.’ ”

  The door opened once more. The deliveryman. Again. With yet a seventh box of flowers. This time the ribbon was scarlet. He offered Tricia the pen and clipboard one more time, and Tricia signed.

  “Why didn’t you just deliver them all at once?” Ginny asked.

  The man smiled and winked. “Don’t you think it was more fun this way?”

  “I do,” Tricia said and accepted the latest box. “Is this the last one?”

  “I sure hope so,” Angelica said. “This place is beginning to look like a funeral parlor.”

  “I’m afraid so,” the deliveryman confirmed. “I think your friends and family have wiped out the entire East Coast’s stock of lilies.”

  Tricia accepted the box and set it on the counter. “Let me give you something for your trouble,” she said, and headed for the cash register.

  The deliveryman backed toward the door and tipped his cap. “It’s not necessary, ma’am. Hope your day is happy!”

  “Thank you.”

  Tricia heard the door close, but she was too absorbed in removing the satin ribbon from the box. Again, she pulled back the tissue and again found a dozen perfect calla lilies.

  “Ahhh,” Ginny cooed.

  Tricia read the card, which wasn’t signed. Don’t forget what my last note said. Tricia frowned. For a moment, the message didn’t register. And then she reached up to finger the chain around her neck, and thought about the calla lily locket Christopher had sent, and the note that went with it: To remind you of the one you love the most. She frowned. Why would he send flowers from Miss Marple?

  “Who’s it from?” Angelica asked.

  “I’m not sure,” Tricia lied.

  Grace appeared with a tray filled with Haven’t Got a Clue cardboard coffee cups, passing them to those assembled. “It’s time for a birthday toast,” she said.

  “It would be better with champagne,” Russ commented, but accepted a cup anyway. He raised his cup and was about to speak when Angelica silenced him with one of her icy glares. Russ lowered his cup.

  Angelica raised hers. “To my dear sister, Tricia. Many happy returns of the day!”

  “Hear, hear!” the others cried in agreement, and raised their cups, too. Miss Marple rubbed against Tricia’s ankles.

  For the first time in a long, long time, Tricia felt truly loved—and it felt pretty darned good.

  ANGELICA’S RECIPES

  HACIENDA (SOFT) TACOS

  3 cups coarsely chopped or shredded (pulled)

  poached chicken

  1 onion, chopped

  1/2 green pepper, chopped

  1 1/2 teaspoons salt

  1/8 teaspoon pepper

  1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons chili powder (according to taste)

  1 (8-ounce) can tomato sauce

  1/2 cup water

  12 corn (or flour) 8- or 9-inch tortillas

  1 tomato, chopped

  3/4 cup grated or shredded Cheddar cheese

  1 cup lettuce cut into strips

  Your favorite bottled salsa

  In large skillet, mix together chicken, onion, green pepper, salt, pepper, chili powder, tomato sauce, and water. Cook covered over low heat for about 15 minutes, then uncovered for 5 to 10 minutes, until excess liquid is gone. Oven heat the tortillas and fill lower 3/4 with chicken mixture, and the remainder with the tomatoes, cheese, and lettuce. Top with a spoonful of the salsa.

  Makes 12 tacos/6 servings.

  COCONUT CAKE

  3 cups sifted cake flour (sift before measuring)

  2 teaspoons baking powder

  1/4 teaspoon salt

  1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room

  temperature

  1 pound powdered sugar

  4 egg yolks, well beaten

  1 cup milk

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  1 cup shredded coconut

  4 egg whites, well beaten

  Measure the sifted cake flour into a bowl. Add baking powder and salt. Sift these ingredients at least 2 times. In a mixing bowl, cream butter and gradually add sugar. Continue creaming until light and fluffy. Add the beaten egg yolks and beat well. Add flour mixture alternately with the milk, beating well after each addition. Stir in vanilla and coconut. Gently fold in egg whites. Bake in three greased 8-inch round pans at 350° for about 30 minutes, or until a wooden toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

  Makes three 8-inch layers.

  COCONUT ICING

  1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room

  temperature

  2 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar

  1/3 cup coconut milk, at room temperature*

  1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

  1/8 teaspoon salt

  1 1/2 cups sweetened flaked coconut

  *You can substitute regular milk for the coconut milk, then substitute coconut extract for vanilla extract.

  Using an electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until smooth. Add sugar, coconut milk, vanilla, and salt. Beat on medium-low speed until blended, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Increase speed to medium-high, and beat until light and fluffy.

  Frost the cake. Gently press coconut onto the sides of the cake, and sprinkle the top with cocon
ut, too.

  Serves 6-8.

  BLUEBERRY MUFFINS

  1 egg

  1/2 cup milk

  1/4 cup unsalted butter, melted

  1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

  1/2 cup sugar

  2 teaspoons baking powder

  1/4 teaspoon salt

  1 cup fresh blueberries or well-drained frozen blue-

  berries (thawed)

  Heat oven to 400º. Grease the bottoms of 12 medium muffin cups or line them with paper baking cups. Beat egg; stir in milk and melted butter. Mix in remaining ingredients just until flour is dampened. Batter should be lumpy.

  Fill muffin cups 2/3 full. Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Immediately remove from pan.

  Makes 12 muffins.

  CINNAMON COFFEE CAKE

  1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

  3/4 cup sugar

  2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

  1/4 teaspoon salt

  1/4 cup unsalted butter

  1/4 cup milk

  1 egg

  Heat oven to 375º. Grease 9x1½-inch round layer pan or 8x8x2-inch square pan. Blend all ingredients except topping. Beat vigorously for 30 seconds. Spread batter in pan. Sprinkle topping over batter. Bake 25 to 30 minutes, or until wooden toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve warm.

  TOPPING:

  1/3 cup brown sugar (firmly packed)

  1/4 cup all-purpose flour

  1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

  3 tablespoons firm unsalted butter

  Mix all ingredients until they resemble coarse crumbs.

  VARIATIONS:

  Add 1/2 cup chopped walnuts and/or 1/2 cup raisins to cake batter.

  9 servings.

  MRS. ROTH’S LEMON BARS

  1 cup flour

  1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened