by Jude Ouvrard
NOT AFRAID TO LOVE YOU
By
Jude Ouvrard
Ink Series– Spin Off #1
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, businesses, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, or person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Any trademarks mentioned herein are not authorized by the trademark owners and do not in any way mean the work is sponsored by or associated with the trademark owners. Any trademarks used are specifically in a descriptive capacity.
No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form (electronic or print) without permission from the author. Please do not participate in piracy or violating the author’s rights.
Editor: Lisa Matthew
Cover Design: Kari March Design
Copyright © 2016 Jude Ouvrard
I’m not afraid to love you
- Jeff Buckley
PROLOGUE
Where it begins
I don’t think I can be any more excited. Dave is taking me to see my family over the weekend. It has been five weeks since I last saw them. For the past few days, I’ve had dreams all relating to visiting them. We’re going to have a good time. I know it. My sister and I are going shopping and my brother is cooking ribs for everyone. I can’t wait.
Dave booked us a flight for tonight. My clothes and toiletries are packed and ready to go. My suitcase is waiting by the door and so are my heels. This is going to be so much fun. My heart is fluttering just at the thought of seeing them. To please Dave, I decide to wear my red skirt that he loves so much, paired with my black see-through blouse. He’s going to love it.
We’re leaving after dinner, so I best get that done. He’s been working from home today and didn’t really eat much of his lunch so he must be starving.
In the kitchen, while I’m preparing a green garden salad and grilled chicken, Dave shows up and asks for a glass of wine.
“Of course,” I say getting him a glass of his favorite red. Some guys like football or hockey, Dave likes wine. A lot.
“Here, baby.” I hand him his glass and right away, he smells its perfume before taking a sip. While he tastes it, his eyes close and I can see how much he loves it. He always purchases very expensive bottles and drinks them with passion until the last drop. No wine goes to waste in this house—ever.
Setting his glass on the counter, he wraps his arms around me and I like it. I love the feeling of him near me, holding me against him. He always seems to do it in a dominant kind of way.
“Why are you dressed so sexy today, Lilly-Rose?” He pauses, his nose on my neck taking in my perfume—breathing me in. “Are you planning on seeing someone else tonight?”
“Absolutely not, I wanted to please you and be sexy for you. You know me better than that.”
I can’t believe he thinks I’m wearing his favorite clothes for someone else. It doesn’t make sense.
“I’m not sure I do. You’ll have to change before we leave. Nobody else gets to see your curves like I do. You’re mine, Lilly-Rose. I won’t allow anyone else to see what I get to touch when we’re in bed.”
I nod. “Okay, I will. Maybe I should change now,” I say nervously.
He presses against me, letting me feel his erection. My heart’s beating so fast. I don’t know what’s happening. I clearly turn him on but at the same time, he acts as if I’ve done something wrong.
With one quick movement, he turns me around tearing apart my blouse and pulling it away from my body. He holds his hand high above me holding the torn piece of cloth and then lets the blouse fall on the kitchen counter leaving me in my bra and skirt. My legs are shaking and I can’t even tell if I’m breathing or not. I try pulling away but I hit the glass of wine with my elbow and it shatters on the floor. I freeze knowing this situation just got worse.
“I’m sorry, Dave.” I choke. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m on the floor, in the middle of the wine and broken pieces of glass. I have no idea what just happened. There’s a burning sensation in my legs but my face is where it hurts the most. Too scared to look up, he must have hit me. I can taste the blood in my mouth. It hurts but it’s nothing compared to how I feel in my heart or in my mind. With that hit, he took away my pride, love and faith. Where do I go from here? My sobs keep getting louder and faster.
“Clean this up and call your family, we’re not going anywhere. You’re too inconsiderate.” His words resonate in my mind. He had never planned to go at all, had he?
I have to get up—the pieces of glass are cutting into my skin and I have to clean the kitchen.
What am I going to do about him now?
I eventually get up with blood dripping down my legs.
“Oh my god.” I cry. Should I go to the hospital? No, I can’t. They’ll ask questions that I don’t want to answer. This whole situation is so humiliating. Dave hit me. He fucking hit me.
After making sure the kitchen is back in mint condition, I lock myself in the bathroom. My bottom lip is cut and swollen. The side of my face is deep red and it looks swollen too. This is terrible.
With my tweezers, I start removing every piece of glass on the back of my thighs and calves. The pain is excruciating and I have to stop a couple of times because I can’t see through my tears.
Tonight, I feel like I lost half of myself. What changed in Dave? Is this what love is? I can’t answer my own questions because right now, I can’t feel anything. My thoughts are all over the place. I figure taking a bath might help. With my trembling fingers, I get the water running and remove what I have left of my clothes.
“Lilly-Rose, unlock the door,” he orders and my whole body tenses. I’m too scared.
“Please,” his voice is softer now and, I wonder if he regrets what he did.
I unlock the door but only open it two inches wide.
“What do you want, Dave?”
“I want to take a look at you. I think you may need ice.” Dave pushes the door open and I step to the side. I’m naked and unprotected. Avoiding his eyes, tears are still blurring my vision. I can’t see clearly.
“Put this on your face, Lilly-Rose. It’s only ice. It will keep it from swelling.” With his finger, he touches my lip but I flinch and step back.
Without saying or doing more, he puts the ice on the small counter and leaves the bathroom. Locking the door as soon as he’s out, I take the ice and bring it with me to the tub. While I try to relax, I hold it against my cheek. What should I do now? I keep asking myself. I never thought I would find myself in a situation like this. This is a nightmare.
After spending the night alone in our room, the uncertainty of what today will bring, makes me anxious. Leaving my comfortable bed sheets, I feel my legs hurting from all the cuts and my stiff muscles. I cover myself with my warm robe and find my way down the stairs to the kitchen. Dave is standing right at the entrance of the kitchen and something tells me he is sorry.
“Come here,” his voice is almost a whisper. Walking toward him, I keep a safe distance. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did. You didn’t deserve it.”
“You’re right, I didn’t,” anger echoes in my voice. “Look at my face. I’m hurting, Dave and not just here but here too.” I point to my heart.
“I love you, Lilly-Rose. Please forgive me. I don’t know what got into me.” Walking toward me, his arms are taking me against him. I’m tense and afraid.
“Don’t ever hit me again.”
“I won�
�t. I promise. You’re the love of my life.”
I believe him. He has always been truthful to me so there is no reason for me not to trust him.
CHAPTER ONE
Where it ends
I hate the heat.
Dave loves it, of course. He’s sitting inside, at his desk working with the air conditioning on while I’m outside, right under the sun, painting our stupid fence. I have all summer to do it but he forced me to do it today. Probably because he knows I hate the heat. Anything to piss me off, really.
Paint is covering my arms and nails and sweat is rolling down my face and back. There’s only one thing I want to do—cry.
I hate my life.
I don’t know what I’m still doing here. I’m 25 years old and I have nothing ahead of me. Everything just keeps getting worse. It has been over a year since I last saw my brother or sister. Last Christmas, I had to stay home because I didn’t want to explain the black eye or the bruises covering my cheek. How can I be this stupid? How did I even get in a situation like this? My biggest problem is I’m scared to leave.
I keep painting the fence wishing it were Dave’s tailored suits or his Italian imported shoes. That would feel so good. I smile at the thought.
“Lilly-Rose, why is your ring on the table? Isn’t it supposed to be on your finger?”
Shit.
“It should but I didn’t want to cover it with paint.” I say hoping he’ll be gentle and agree that it’s a smart move.
That ring, he offered it to me on our first anniversary together. A promise ring.
“I told you not to remove it, ever. Put it back on and be wise enough not to put paint on it. It shouldn’t be too hard.” He walks over to me and hands me my ring. I put it back on my finger with disdain.
“Do you think you can do that?” I nod, avoiding his eyes.
“I’m going out for a business lunch. I’ll be back later. “
Right, that probably means he is going to fuck his assistant or someone else. I’m the one in charge of the laundry. The lipstick marks on his shirt aren’t mine and I am always finding business cards of women he has never mentioned, inside his suit pockets. They are all women that work for him or in a building close by.
I’m not stupid.
Well, yes, I am. I’m still here, aren’t I?
When I see it’s almost 4pm, I quickly get back inside the house to shower and have dinner ready. I must serve dinner at 6pm on the dot every day. No excuse or I pay the price.
Once inside the shower, I can see the bruises he left on me last night. They don’t hurt that much but they’re big and deep blue. My shoulders are stiff but the heat from the shower is helping. As usual, I’m crying even though I know I shouldn’t. After all, if this is happening to me, it’s because I’m still here.
It’s my sister’s birthday in a couple of days, she’ll turn twenty-one and I promised her I would throw her a party. That was two years ago before I met Dave.
Our first eight months together were perfect. We lived in Spokane with my family until he had to move to Seattle for business. I quit my job, sold my house and left everything I had worked so hard for because I loved him so much. Dave pampered me with flowers, jewelry, chic restaurants and nice dresses. He gave me the life I always wished for. My hair was styled and cut every month and my nails filed and painted. At 23, I was living the dream.
When he asked me to move to Seattle, the idea of being far from my family didn’t sit well with me but he promised we would visit as often as we could. We only went back twice. It’s killing me. I miss them. Abbey is about to turn twenty-one. I’m her big sister and I should be there for whenever she needs me. My whole life is like a void, a blur. I’m nothing more than a punching bag.
Every time he looks at me, I block every single emotion. I don’t want to feel anymore. Every time I do, I’m hurt. I don’t love him anymore and I’m scared he’s going to kill me.
One day, he might.
Getting out of the shower, I’m still crying and I can hear my phone ringing. I run to it because if it’s him and I miss it, I’ll have to answer to his questions and it never ends well.
Never.
“Hello.” I hope my voice sounds normal, I answered before seeing who the caller is.
“Hey, Lilly, how are you doing?”
The tension washes away and I start sobbing. “I’m okay. I swear I am.”
“Lilly, what’s wrong? You really don’t seem okay. I’m coming to see you.”
NO! She can’t come here. Dave doesn’t like having visitors. His trust issues had him fire three gardeners and two maids. “Y…You can’t. This place isn’t sane enough.” What did I just say?
“Is he? Oh my god, Lilly. You have to come home.”
While I want to control my sobs, they get worse.
“I know but I’m scared, Abbey. What if he catches me?”
“How long has he been like this with you?” She’s crying too. “You’ve been gone for so long. Grab your clothes now.” She almost screams on the phone. “Listen to me, Lilly, you grab whatever you want to bring home and take a cab to the airport, okay or the bus station. I don’t care but you get out of there now. I’m calling Matthew.”
“Abbey, he’ll be home soon. It doesn’t give me enough time.”
“Lilly, take your wallet and leave the fucking house. Do you hear me?”
Crying louder, I finally hang up on her and run to my room. I grab my travelling bag from the wardrobe, fill it with my clothes and jewelry. My passport and ID’s are all in the drawer of my nightstand. I run in every direction filling my bag with everything I want to bring with me. Once I’m done, I go outside and start walking until I find a spot where I can hide. From there, I call a cab and throw the phone in the garbage.
Oh, no, I can’t leave Sugar behind. He never liked my dog. I have to go back. Leaving her at home will be the death of her and I can’t have it. I run back to the house with my luggage. Reaching the door and getting back inside, I call her, “Sugar, come here, baby girl. Come here.”
I find her small carrier bag and place her inside. Running again, the cab must be at the address I gave earlier. Out of breath and tired, I see the taxi and scream.
“Wait. Wait. I’m here.” The driver gets out and helps me put my luggage in the trunk. All my life is in there. It isn’t much but it’s all I have, sadly.
Sitting on the back seat of the cab, fear is continuing to build inside me. What have I done? Sugar is on my knees, which is slightly comforting but tears continue to roll down my cheeks and I can’t catch my breath. Dave is going to go crazy when he doesn’t see me at home. We stop at a red light and I spot our car, I mean, Dave’s car on the other side of the street. Immediately, my heart is pounding in my chest. In less than five minutes, he’ll know that I’m gone. He’ll try to find me.
“Do you know how I can get to Spokane without leaving any trace? No plane or bus?”
“You would need to find someone who’s willing to drive you.”
“I don’t know anyone around here.” I sigh, frustrated. “It’s fine. Thank you.”
Seattle and Spokane aren’t too far apart but I still have to think fast or he will find me. I can’t let that happen.
“I don’t know what or who you are running away from but if I was you, I would get all the money I can get from my bank account and just leave this city.”
Right. There is barely fifty dollars in my wallet.
“Can we make a stop at the bank, please?”
My bank account would make any woman jealous. Thanks to Dave. I never understood why he kept adding more money to the account when I barely used any of it. He’ll hate me even more for this but I need money to travel, to eat—to survive.
Thankfully, the bank is empty and I don’t need to wait in line. I go to the first window I see.
“Hi Ma’am.”
“Hi, how can I help you today?”
I try my best to smile without over smiling because I have to lie.
“My car broke down, totally unfixable but my good old cousin offered to sell me his, so I need to make a withdrawal, please.”
“Don’t let it ruin your day,” she smiles and wrinkles appear around her eyes.
“Not counting on it.”
“How much would you like to withdraw?”
“Twenty thousand. It’s a very good car. A Volvo.”
She nods but I can see a look of surprise in her face.
“Volvo’s are good cars. My husband had one for fifteen years. Do you have your card and pieces of ID?”
“Of course.” I place everything she asks for on the counter and I wait while she checks it all. My hands are clammy and I know I’m running out of time. Small talk, I should try to do that.
“Do you know, by chance, how I could get to Seattle? I didn’t have time to get a plane or bus ticket. The car, my cousin—that‘s where he is, where it is—the car I mean,” my nerves are beginning to show, I need to get out of here fast.
“Well, I don’t know about a plane ticket but you can get a last minute bus ticket, I’m pretty certain of that. I’ll have to ask my manager to sign for the withdrawal. Hold on just a minute.”
I’ve been waiting for ten minutes, Sugar is getting impatient and so am I. Dave must be home by now and he’s going to start looking for me any minute. The woman returns with an envelope.
“I’m sorry for the delay. I had to get the money from the vault. We don’t have that amount here.”
“I understand.”
I sign the papers while she counts the money one last time.
“You’re all set.”
“Thank you. Have a nice day.” I place the money in my handbag carefully before leaving with Sugar and my suitcase. The taxi driver is gone. Looking around the streets for another taxi, I have no idea what to do or where to go. I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well.
The bus station is my last option. Dave will most likely go to the airport first and by the time he gets to the bus station, I will be on the road. At last, a cab stops before me. The driver opens the trunk and helps me with my suitcase while I sit in the back with Sugar.