by Jude Ouvrard
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Love can give you everything you need. I’m a hundred percent sure. I know him and he’s a good guy. Whatever it is from your past that’s holding you back from being with him, you have to let it go. I know it makes me a hypocrite but just do it. Just let the shit from your past go and jump right in with him. He’ll take care of you, Lilly. I promise you.”
“Why don’t you do the same thing? You give a great speech but why don’t you listen to it?”
“I can’t forget about my past because unlike you, it wasn’t shitty. I was the happiest motherfucker in the world. You on the other hand, mentioned it was shitty. You’ve had the worst, now bring on the good.”
I’m unable to contain my emotion. Trying to remove the tears away from my eyes, I dry them with the back of my hand.
“I’m sorry.” He says before wrapping his tattooed arms around my shoulders. What kind of first impression is that? I come here to get a tattoo but instead, he’s giving me a life lesson and I’m in his arms weeping.
“You’ll be alright, girl.” I believe him.
“What have you done to her now, K?” I heard the other guy talking, Levi, I think. “Are you okay?”
“I am. Sorry.” Pulling from Kyle, I shy away and rub my eyes until the tears are gone. “Kyle just told me exactly what I needed to hear.”
“Nah, he’s just trying to get into your pants.”
Kyle smacks his shoulder with his fist. “Shut up, Levi. What is she going to think about me now?” He turns to look at me. “Ignore him, I’m not like that. He’s a married man and he thinks he knows everything.” He rolls his eyes and gives me a huge grin. “Just go with your heart. Now, about that tattoo? Are you ready?”
Am I? Hell yes. This is supposed to be a new beginning, right? I’m moving my head away from Dave and my heart closer to Lennox. I shiver just at the thought. Getting a tattoo and coming to the realization that maybe I can move forward sends a thrill through me, which is barely containable.
“I’m more than ready for this.”
“Now, we’re talking. You said this isn’t your first, right?” I nod. “So you know the feeling and all.” I nod again. “Perfect, I hope you’ll handle it well because this is a delicate spot.”
“Well, that’s very encouraging, K.” Val says.
Chuckling. “I’ve had greater pain than this. I can handle it.” I wish I hadn’t said that. Regretting my words, I try to pretend like it isn’t a big deal.
“Follow me, Lilly, I’ll show you the designs. Feel free to tell me if you like them or not. It’s okay if you hate them. We’ll work together until you’re happy.”
Anxious, I follow him and sit on the chair next to his. “This is exciting.” The excitement of doing something for yourself that will be permanently on your body—a very small version of body modification. It brings another rush of adrenaline, except this time it’s more powerful. The tattoo is bigger and a lot more meaningful. A little part of me wishes Lennox was here so he could tell me he likes it.
While I’m sitting here looking at the designs, my mind is wondering what Lennox’s tattoos look like. I only saw a very small part of one. I know he has more and my curiosity is beginning to get the better of me.
“So, what do you think?”
I jump back to reality and take a quick look at what he’s showing me. The first one is too girly for me. The second one is pretty much what I had in mind and the third one, is fine. I go back to the second one.
“This one, the second. I really like it.” I take it in my hands and look closely. “It’s kind of what Val said but you’ve added your own style. It’s perfect.”
“Is there something you want to add or remove?”
I shake my head, refusing to change anything. “No, it’s exactly what I want.”
“Well, that was easy. No headache for today. I’m safe. Hallelujah!”
The whole shop starts to laugh. He’s a funny guy.
“Now is the time to bear your skin to me.” I give him a look. “I’m kidding. Just take your top off. We’re all the same, I won’t even look, I promise.” Who is this guy? “I’m kidding again. I’ll stop before Lennox arrests me. I guess you can keep your top on.” He rolls his eyes. “You just need to lie down here and I’ll pull it up.”
“Is it supposed to make me comfortable? I’m a very prude person.”
He starts laughing. “I didn’t take you for a prude. I’m sorry.”
I lie down on his tattooing table while he gets his stuff ready. He fills the small containers of ink, and Vaseline. He begins adjusting his machine but his phone ringing distracts him.
“Sorry, I’ll take this one.”
“Sure.”
“Hello.” I don’t listen to his conversation. Instead, I turn my head around and watch Val. She’s young and has tattoos that almost cover her arm fully. I wonder what pushed her or inspired her to get so much ink. I would never get that many tattoos. She wears them perfectly though. There’s something sexy about her.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m about to start a tattoo now, I have to get going.” He hangs up and places his phone on the desk. “Okay, now, I’m ready.”
Trying to be comfortable, I let him put the stencil on my skin. It’s cold and I can’t stop shivering.
“I’ll add more detail directly onto your skin. It might tickle.”
The feeling of a marker on my skin does tickle but not enough for me to giggle. After a minute, I find it relaxing more than anything, and I’m curious to see what he’s adding. I thought the tattoo was great to start with.
“Okay, can you stand up and take a look in the mirror?”
“Sure.” I get up from the chair and walk to the full-length mirror. Turning around, I see a massive amount of drawing. It’s bigger than what I wanted but it’s gorgeous. I love everything about it. It’s as if he read my mind.
“I know it’s larger than life but once I saw the original design on you I felt like something was missing. If you hate it, I’ll keep the original drawing.
I shake my head, refusing to change anything and I place my hand on his arm. “No, it’s perfect. You really are great. Lennox was right.”
Kyle has added more birds, tiny flowers at the base and rays of lights at the top where the birds are smaller. It’s lovely and I’m very excited about it.
My side is on fire, I’m sitting at a table filled with people I don’t really know. To say that I’m shy is an understatement. Levi, Kyle and Val insisted that I stay with them and their friends for dinner. Since I had no other place to be, I accepted Val’s invitation and we talked more, she’s a sweetheart and makes me laugh.
Levi is married to Nix. Bekka is engaged to Tyler. Tyler is also, Nix, Bekka and Val’s boss. He’s the owner of The Black Shakers Club and that doesn’t sit well with me. I have nothing against him, just a very bad memory of that club. Kyle is sitting next to me and a girl named Tiff. They aren’t a couple but I can see that she cares about him. The look she gave me when I arrived with Kyle. It said everything I had to know. I understand that I am on her territory but I have no feelings for him whatsoever. Only for Lennox and I really miss him right now.
They are all entertaining and share a very tight bond. It’s an honor to be sitting here even if I feel like I don’t exactly fit in.
“I hope you’re hungry, Lills, because Nix and Levi are amazing cooks.” He says with his mouth full of bread
I smile. “Do you guys do this often?”
“We do.” Bekka says pointing at her baby bump. “It might change in a couple of weeks so we’re enjoying these moments now.”
“A baby won’t change anything, it’ll only bring more joy.” At first with Dave, when everything seemed better than a dream, I thought about having a baby with him but after seeing his other side, there was just no way I would subject a child to that too.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell her.” Tyler sighs. “See, Bekka, we’ll
be just fine. No need to be nervous.”
I chuckle. They are lovely together. While he is confident, she is nervous and scared. They complete each other like Lennox and I.
This one-day trip is changing so many things for me. I have a much clearer idea of what I want and I think I’m going to give Lennox and I a chance. We can do this and if we can’t, we’ll remain friends like before, right?
Levi hands me my plate. It smells delicious. Slowly, my appetite is coming back. It smells like Teriyaki sauce with rice and beef. I can’t wait to taste it.
Someone is at the door and I wonder who it can be. Can they fit more people around this table? How many more people can this group include? Kyle nudges me in the ribs, right on my tattoo.
“Ow! Kyle, seriously. Don’t you remember where you tattooed me only a few hours ago?” Complaining like a big baby when it doesn’t even hurt that much.
He grimaced at the pain. “I’m sorry… but look who’s here?” I haven’t quite registered what he has said to me but he nods in the direction of someone behind me so I turn around and he takes my breath away.
He found me.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Unexpected evening
“Oh my God, Lennox, what are you doing here?” I jump out of my seat and put my arms around him. “I’m so happy to see you.”
“I’m so happy to see you, too.”
Kyle joins us, holding us both in a tight hug. I start laughing at Kyle trying to ruin our moment and notice how Lennox is pulling me closer to him. Marking his territory, maybe?
“Seriously, Kyle, are you going to keep interrupting my moment with my girl?” I like the playful tone of his voice. God, I’ve missed his voice, his cologne, HIM. Less than a day away from him, and I’ve missed all those things. It must be a sign that I’m ready to be with Lennox on a serious level.
“I spent the day with her, so I figure we’re intimate now.” Both of them start laughing.
Feeling Lennox jump, I look up to meet his eyes. “Are you the one grabbing my ass now, sweetheart, or should I wrestle my way out of Kyle’s flirty hands?”
Everyone around the table starts laughing, Lennox kisses my forehead and Kyle eventually lets go of us.
“Long time no see, Mr. Love.” My attention switches from Lennox to Tyler. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
Levi and Nix keep serving dinner to the rest of the people around the table.
Kyle approaches Lennox again and he looks serious.
“Did they ever find the guy that opened fire on you and your partner?”
Am I missing something here?
“No, we have no trace. Probably hiding or left the country. They aren’t giving us details on the case anymore.”
“I hope they find the asshole.” The room goes quiet and Lennox’s arms tighten around my waist.
“I hope so too.” I can sense his body trembling against mine.
“Hi, Levi.”
“Hey, man. Good to see you again.” Levi and Lennox shake hands.
“This is Miles, Val’s boyfriend. Nix, my wife and Bekka, Tyler’s fiancée.”
“Nice meeting you all. I’m sorry, I should know better than to show up unannounced, especially at dinner time.” He steps away from me and already I hate the feeling it leaves. “Call me when you’re done and I’ll pick you up.” He speaks the words softly, but of course, Kyle interrupts this moment too.
“What are you talking about? You’re eating here too. Sit down. Take my seat.”
“Are you sure? I really don’t want to…”
Kyle chortles. “Shut up, man. Just sit down.”
The girls giggle while all the men look at each other’. I am definitely missing something here and I hope that eventually he will tell me exactly what it is.
Lennox is holding on to my knee and I can feel the tension through his strong grip, I turn my gaze to his, and my eyes are telling him I have so many unanswered questions that he needs to answer. Who opened fire at him? Did they shoot him? What happened that night and what’s the connection with all these people in this room?
“I’m sorry, I think I have to step outside with my girl first. There’s some things I have to tell her.”
“Sure, go. You know where to find us.” Nix smiles.
He is holding my hand in a strong grip now and pulling me outside. My questions feel like they are burning my tongue. Once we step outside, I don’t have a second to breathe as his lips crash on mine. He is kissing me with intense urgency, need and passion. I try to pull away, only because I don’t want to forget everything I want to ask. He lets me and we’re barely an inch apart, both of us breathing hard.
“I thought I knew you, Lennox Love, but clearly, I don’t. I think you have some explaining to do. Were you hurt and if so how bad?”
“I have two gunshot wounds.” I wait for more details. “One on my shoulder and the other one on my side but neither of them caused any major or lasting damage. I’m fully recovered now.”
“What’s your connection with Kyle? How did you meet him?”
“I was on call one night and I was sent to a scene where a woman had been accidently shot. After a night of running after the suspect, we found him and he didn’t hesitate to try to kill us. I’m alive, I’ve got scars but that’s all.”
“I could lose you one day.”
“It’s a risk, unfortunately.” He closes his eyes letting the words sink in. “Anyway, that’s how I met Kyle. We spent a lot of time together afterwards. He came to visit me at the hospital, a few times. I never understood why. We failed him that night by losing the suspect but somehow, he was thankful that we had risked our lives to catch him. He lost a lot that night and he was a mess but I did my best to help him. I’m not even sure his friends sitting at the table know the full details of that night. He never really talks about it.”
“That’s terrible.” I suddenly remember what he said earlier today about his past. He didn’t have it easy—his past is probably tormenting him.
“I think we should get back inside.” He gives me a few small pecks on the lips. “I’m sorry I came here to find you. I just had to.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’re here.”
More than glad, actually, I’m relieved. There’s nothing I wanted more than having him here with me. There was that unsafe feeling around me all day and it’s gone now because he’s here.
Everyone's heading to the Black Shakers Club. I get the feeling Lilly doesn’t want to go. She keeps sending me mixed signals. When the girls mentioned going dancing, she seemed excited until she found out where they were going.
On our way to the club, we drop her rental car back at the dealer. Now sitting in my car, she's looking out the window. I think she wants to tell me something but doesn’t know how to.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong? If you don't want to hang out with them, it's fine. I don't want you to feel obligated.”
"I went to that club with Dave and it didn't end well. It's just memories now but I can't shake it off."
"What happened?"
"I was having fun, dancing and enjoying myself for, what must have been, only a few minutes and of course, he didn't approve. I thought he was going to kill me that night. He strangled me until I passed out."
"If I ever see that guy..." I want to kill him slowly. Make him suffer for all the pain she lived through.
"Don't let him get to you. That would be exactly what he wanted and he would love it too much."
Of course, she has a point. He can't have that. I know better than hurting him, I'm smarter than that. Taking her from him is already hurting him beyond anything physical I wish I could do to him.
"You're with me now. We're going to have fun tonight and don't you worry about after, it's not going to change. I'm not like him."
"I know you're not. You're the total opposite. You've been so good to me, Lennox. There's something I want to say to you."
I'm not
sure I like the sound of that. I slow down and park the car on the side of the road so I can focus on her and what she is about to say.
"What is it that you want to tell me, sweetheart?" I can't believe how calm my voice is. Inside it feels like a tsunami of fear, hope and anxiety. It has to be something good, something that will make us stronger, I hope. Lilly’s reaction when she saw me earlier was like winning the lottery. The emotion in her eyes and the excitement of seeing me, that has to mean something, right?
“I came here to get away from you. You already know that. While I didn’t plan to see you before tomorrow, I’m glad you’re here. Kyle is like my golden star right now. He talked to me and made things much clearer for me. I also came here to get a tattoo but I never expected to meet someone like Kyle and everyone else. I’ll be leaving Seattle with a whole other sentiment. I’m no longer bittersweet. Dave lives here but he doesn’t own all of my memories from Seattle anymore.”
It’s not exactly what I’ve hoped for but it’s a beginning.
“Look at me, Lennox.” I’ve been staring at my steering wheel, not certain of what to think. I’m still hopeful that someday she’ll want me as much as I want her. “Lennox, please.” Our eyes meet and I see tears in her eyes. “I also realized that I’m ready to share my life with you. I want us to be together, if you still want me.”
Nervous, I laugh out loud. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want you, Lilly.”
She barely gives me enough time to fully understand what she just said before her lips are pushing on mine asking for permission. I hold her face secure in my hands and answer to her kiss. She’s the love of my life and I know that and nothing will ever change it.
“Whatever Kyle told you, I think I owe him.”
“I would have come to the same conclusion, trust me.” She gives me another kiss before placing her arms around me. “There’s something I want to ask.”
“Anything, sweetheart.”