Three years of silence.
She considered the number warily, not sure she wanted to invite Sienna back into her life. They had shared some tough times together, but Blue had learned early that she couldn’t save people from themselves. Too many foster care placements and group homes had taught her that painful lesson.
On the other hand, if she didn’t call, it would play on her mind. Screw it. Might as well get it over and done with. It wasn’t as though Sienna was going to ruin her day, after all. Eddie had already taken care of that.
She dialed quickly, listening to the phone ring at the other end, one arm braced across her belly as she tried to anticipate what Sienna might want.
Money was at the top of the list, followed by a place to stay. Or maybe there was something else going on, trouble with the police or —
“Hello?” Sienna’s voice came down the line, familiar even after three years.
“Sienna, it’s Blue. I got your message.”
“Oh, Blue. I’m so glad you returned my call. I wasn’t sure you would,” Sienna said, her high, slightly childish voice heavy with an underlying sadness that made Blue frown.
“Is something wrong?”
“I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Alice died on Sunday. I wasn’t sure if someone else had contacted you, but I thought I’d double check just in case, since the funeral is this Thursday up in Albury.”
Blue closed her eyes for a long beat. Alice was a foster mother who had opened her home and her heart to hundreds of kids during her lifetime. When Blue was nearly eighteen she had spent six months living with Alice, Blue’s last stop in the system before she’d gained the legal right to look after herself.
“Thanks for letting me know, Sienna. I appreciate it.”
“Alice was one of the good ones. I figured you’d want to know.”
“Are you going? To the funeral, I mean?” Blue asked.
“Yeah, I figure I owe it to her,” Sienna said. “How are you, anyway?”
“I’m good. Same as always, really,” Blue said. Her throat was tight with suppressed emotion. “Listen, Sienna, I need to go. But I’ll see you up in Albury. Do you have any idea where the funeral is?”
“I’ve got the details somewhere. How about I call back when I find them?” Sienna offered.
“That’d be great, thanks. I’ll see you on Thursday.”
Blue ended the call and tucked her phone into her pocket. Her eyes burned with the need to cry. Sienna was right — Alice had been one of the good ones, one of the few shining lights in the dark years after Blue’s parents had died. Alice had taken all the shit Blue had thrown at her and offered patience, kindness, and absolution in return. It wasn’t until Blue had been out on her own, able to see the wood for the trees, that she’d appreciated the true value of her foster mother’s simple honesty and decency. At the time, she’d seen Alice as yet one more person who didn’t understand or care. One more person who couldn’t replace her parents or give Blue what she needed.
Alice must have been only fifty-four or -five when she died. What a shitty deal for a woman who had given so much to the world. But since when had life been fair? Blue sniffed, then blinked away the moisture pooling in her eyes. She had a client due in fifteen minutes. She needed to set up. She couldn’t afford to lose it, even if the urge to cry was almost overwhelming.
Sniffing again, she went inside. Her footsteps slowed when she passed the foot of the staircase, and she stopped and glanced up the stairwell toward Eddie and Rafel’s office.
If they hadn’t slept together, she could climb these stairs right now and tell Eddie her bad news and know, absolutely, that he would have her back. He would open his arms for her, and hold her while she let her sadness leak out. He’d remind her that there was good in the world as well as sorrow, laughter as well as tears. He’d be her friend. Her rock.
But she couldn’t go to Eddie today. She certainly couldn’t seek comfort in his arms. She’d destroyed any chance of that happening when she’d crossed the line with him.
For the first time in a long time, she felt the ache of true loneliness. She’d isolated herself by sleeping with Eddie, cut off her main source of connection and comfort in the world. Right now, right this second, with the weight of Alice’s death bearing down on her and the echo of Eddie’s angry words still echoing in her head, she couldn’t imagine how that would change.
She turned away from the stairs. She needed to set up her gear, and while she was at it, she needed to psych herself up to spend the next five hours tattooing ink into a stranger’s skin.
Then and only then could she go home and fall apart.
Chapter Seventeen
“Don’t worry, I’ll apologize to Steffi,” Eddie said the moment Raf entered the office.
He’d been sitting staring at the wall for ten minutes while Raf settled things downstairs, stewing over what had happened, and the only solid conclusion he’d come to so far was that he’d acted like a dick.
He’d been in a foul mood all day, thanks to the evening from hell, a truly spectacular hangover and the fact that Blue had been late to work this morning. Visions of her oversleeping in Thompson’s bed had driven him quietly insane for all of the twenty-five minutes she was tardy, a feeling that was only slightly ameliorated by the news that she was late because she’d been at a doctor’s appointment. When Steffi had reported a stuff up with the afternoon’s schedule, he’d been primed to explode, and he had. Big time.
Raf didn’t say anything as he walked across to his desk and dropped into his seat. They stared at each other in silence for a long moment. Eddie was the first to look away.
“I know. I fucked up,” he said heavily.
“I can think of better ways to have handled the situation,” Raf said mildly.
“Is she… Is Blue all right?” He kept seeing her flinch away from his words, over and over.
God, he was such an asshole.
“She’s with a client. I assume she’s okay.”
Eddie rubbed his gritty eyes. Man, he was tired.
“I’ll talk to her after work. Apologize,” he said, even though it made his gut churn.
“I need to say something,” Raf said suddenly. “And you might not want to hear it.”
Eddie dropped his head back against his chair. “Trust me, this day can hardly suck harder.”
“I was thinking about Lena last night. About how it was toward the end.” Raf paused, and Eddie turned his head so he could see his twin’s face. “Sometimes, you think that just because you feel something so strongly, that’s the only way it can be. And sometimes it is, like with Maggie. And sometimes it isn’t. I think you need to consider that maybe Blue doesn’t feel the same way that you do.”
Eddie smiled, even though it was the last thing he felt like doing. “Don’t worry, I’m already there.”
Blue had told him she wasn’t interested in more, then she’d gone out with Reid last night. Messages didn’t get much louder or clearer than that.
“Did you get there before or after screaming at Blue in the staff room?” Raf asked.
It was a fair question.
“That was pure jealousy,” Eddie admitted. With a side order of hurt thrown in. He wasn’t proud of it, but at least he could own it. He’d been acting like a bratty kid from the second he laid eyes on Reid Thompson.
“You going to be okay?” Raf asked.
Eddie considered the backs of his hands, sorting through his thoughts and feelings.
“I’ll live,” he said eventually. “It’s not the way I want things to be, but there’s not much I can do about it, right?”
And if he kept pushing — or screaming at Blue because he was wild with jealousy — he was going to lose her altogether, and that wasn’t a prospect he was prepared to face.
He pushed himself to his feet. “I’m going to go find Steffi. Sorry for being such an asshat at the moment.”
“You had months of me being an asshat after Lena left.
Fair’s fair,” Raf said.
Eddie mustered a smile from somewhere before going straight down to reception. Steffi was dealing with a customer when he entered, making a booking for an appointment, while Hans was sorting the body jewelry in one of the display counters. They both glanced at him surreptitiously, clearly worried he was going to blow up again. He lurked self-consciously, feeling like the world’s biggest jerk until the customer had exited, then he caught Steffi’s eye.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“You don’t need to apologize,” Steffi said quickly. “You were right, I should have been more on top of things since we knew there was a problem with the system doubling up appointments sometimes.”
“Humor me,” Eddie said.
“Okay.”
He led her back to the scene of the crime — the staff room — and turned to face her.
“I was out of line,” he said baldly. “I was in a shitty mood, and I took it out on you. It won’t happen again.”
Steffi blinked, then her shoulders sagged with relief. “Okay. Um, thanks. I appreciate you taking the time to talk it out. And being so honest.”
“Why don’t you take Monday off and have a long weekend?” Eddie said. “On us.”
“Seriously?” A smile tugged at her lips.
“Seriously. You’re a valuable part of the team and I don’t want you thinking that we don’t know that.”
Steffi lowered her head for a second, blinking rapidly, and Eddie realized she was on the verge of crying. Bloody hell. He really was an asshole.
“Come here,” he said, opening his arms. Steffi walked into them and he patted her on the back. “Next time I even look at you funny, you tear me a new one, okay?”
“Okay.”Steffi sniffed as she stepped away from him. “Thanks for the holiday.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
Steffi gave him a small smile before heading back out to reception. Eddie sighed, grateful Blue would be with her client until after five or six. He needed more time to get his thoughts together before he attempted to fix things with her. Needed to find some way to put the white-hot jealousy he felt to one aside — along with his desire — so they could get on with the business of being friends.
He had a client of his own due in half an hour, so he spent the next fifteen minutes setting up before going to grab a coffee and greeting his client. They talked styles and ideas for fifteen minutes, then Eddie did a couple of sketches before hitting jackpot.
Four hours later, he wiped the last of the excess ink from his client’s skin and studied the intricately detailed tiger lily decorating her lower back. The color was good, and he’d managed to create some convincing dimension with the shading.
He worded his client up on the care and feeding of her new tattoo, then escorted her back to reception. Blue was there, seeing off her own client, and his gut got tight at the mere sight of her. He wasn’t even close to being ready to have the conversation he needed to have with her, but he knew he couldn’t let it go any longer.
She finished seeing her client off, then walked past him without saying a word, her back very straight.
He contemplated the toes of his boots for a long beat, absorbing her anger, conscious he’d earned it, then he headed for the rear of the premises. He was just steps away from the staff room when Blue emerged, her over her shoulder, car keys in hand.
“You’re going,” he said.
“Yep.”
“Can we talk first?”
“Not right now.” She didn’t look at him as she brushed past.
“Blue —” He reached out to catch her elbow, but she jerked it out of his grasp.
“Not tonight, okay?” She shot him a look, and there was something behind her eyes, some emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Then she was walking toward the rear exit, her stride long and determined.
Eddie told himself to go after her, but he was still trying to work out what it was that he’d seen in the depths of her eyes. Something dark and sad.
Had he put that sadness here? Was that on him?
“Hey, have you seen Blue?” It was Hans, one of the cordless phones from the front desk in hand. “That chick who called for her before is on the line again. She said she’s got important information for Blue.”
“She just left. Take a message and text it to her.”
“Damn.” Hans hit a button on the phone and lifted it to his ear. “I’m really sorry, but you just missed her. Can I get a message to her?”
Eddie frowned as Hans’ expression became serious and focussed. “Hang on a minute, I’ll just grab a pen so I can make sure I’ve got this all right.”
Curiosity piqued, Eddie followed as Hans ducked into the staff room and grabbed one of the handful of pens scattered on the coffee table.
“Okay, go ahead.” Hans jotted something down on the back of his hand, then read it back. “Alice Wilton, White Groves Funeral Home, Albury, this Thursday at three. Is that it?”
Eddie tensed, then leaned forward to read what Hans had written on his hand to confirm what he’d heard. Sure enough, it said Alice Wilton.
Hans added a phone number to the information before assuring the caller that Blue would get her message.
“Was that Alice calling?” Eddie asked the second Hans ended the call.
“She’s the one who died. Why? Did you know her?”
No, but Blue did. She didn’t talk about her years in the foster system much, but Alice’s name had come up more than once and he knew Alice was Blue’s last foster mother. The one she spoke of most fondly.
“Not personally,” Eddie said, already walking toward the exit.
He knew what he’d seen in Blue’s eyes now — grief. And she hadn’t said a word to him, just walked out the door after putting him off.
Because of this morning. Because of Friday night.
Blue’s car was already gone, and he got into the Ferrari and shot out into the street. Even though there was a chance she hadn’t gone straight home, he headed there anyway. If he had to, he’d wait until she came home. Whatever it took.
He parked opposite her block and climbed the stairs to her apartment. His knock echoed loudly off all the hard surfaces in the stairwell — concrete and bare brick and metal railing. He glanced around, wishing she’d find herself somewhere nicer to live.
He heard a footfall inside, then the click of a deadlock being twisted. Then Blue was standing there, her eyes big and bright with tears, her cheeks wet. Pain sliced through him as her chin wobbled.
He didn’t hesitate, stepping forward and pulling her into his arms. She gave a choked sob and buried her face in his shoulder.
“No matter what, I am still your friend,” he said fiercely, his arms tight around her. “No matter what, okay?”
She nodded, her face still pressed against his chest, her arms tightening around him.
“I’ll take you to the funeral on Thursday, okay? We’ll go up together,” he said.
“Okay. Thank you.” Her words were muffled by his chest.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. All the anger and jealousy of last night and today drained away. None of that bullshit mattered, only Blue’s happiness.
A pretty simple idea to hang onto, when everything was said and done.
Two days later, Blue stood waiting in front of her apartment block, dressed in a pair of black trousers, plain black shirt and her most sedate pair of black boots. The most conservative items of clothing she owned. She’d even slicked her hair back instead of wearing it in one of her more flamboyant styles.
Alice had been a pretty simple person at heart, and she’d never been a fan of Blue’s crazy hair or tattoos. Blue figured the least she could do in honor of her memory was turn up looking the way Alice would want her to.
The rumble of a car engine drew her attention to the street and she frowned as she recognized Raf’s Bentley. She stared at the black tinted windows, disappointment biting hard.
Eddie
wasn’t coming with her.
She pressed a hand to her stomach, stunned by how much the realization hurt. Then the car door opened, and Eddie climbed out, dressed in a dark charcoal suit and a white shirt with an open collar, his hair —
She blinked. He’d had his hair cut.
The messiah locks were gone, replaced with a crisp, edgy GQ-cover-worthy cut that drew attention to the clean angles of his cheekbones and the clarity of his green eyes.
“You didn’t need to do that,” she said.
“Yeah, I did. I was starting to look like a roadie.”
She laughed, something she hadn’t thought she was capable of today until the sound came out her mouth. She glanced at the Bentley, mostly because it gave her an excuse not to look at him for a couple of seconds. He was so dazzlingly gorgeous, he almost hurt her eyes.
“Don’t tell me the Ferrari broke down?” she asked.
“The Bentley’s better over long distances. Better suspension,” he said.
She swallowed a lump of emotion. He’d wanted her to be comfortable. And he’d dusted off his suit and had his hair cut.
“Thank you,” she said simply, unable to get anything else past the tightness in her throat.
She was determined not to cry today, though. She’d shed her tears on Tuesday night. Today was about Alice, about honoring her memory. She wasn’t going to do that by standing around crying like a little kid.
“We should get going. There are roadworks on the way out of town and it might take us a while to get a clear run,” Eddie said.
He held the door for her and she slid into the Bentley’s sumptuous interior. Raf might not be as showy as Eddie, but he enjoyed the finer things in life just as much, and the Bentley was a prime example of that.
Eddie slipped back behind the wheel and they took off.
“You want music, talk back…?” he glanced at her as they turned out of her street.
“Whatever suits you. You’re the one doing all the hard work.”
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