“You give yourself too much shit dude.” I stand, crossing the room toward him. “You deserve Kimber. You deserve to be happy. Just let the doubts go and embrace the fucking ride.” I clasp down on his shoulder and meet his gaze.
“Thanks man.” He lets out a slow exhale before turning to follow me out of the room.
Stepping into the hallway, I pause just seconds after the door closes behind me. My attention goes directly to Charlie as she comes into my line of sight. She’s leaning casually against the wall, her cell phone just inches from her face as she types something out.
I hear Kimber say something to Decklan but I can’t pull my gaze away from the stunning woman in front of me. She’s wearing a black, strapless dress that stops mid-thigh and shows off the amazing contour of her legs. It hugs her torso just right, accenting her amazing curves. Fuck me.
The moment her eyes meet mine my mind goes slack. Her hair is pulled to the side, secured in place by a silver barrette and her full lips are covered in a deep red gloss that has my groin tightening just by looking at her.
I am fully aware that our whole group has gathered in the hallway, apparently waiting for Deck to get me, but I can’t rip my eyes away from her. Seconds tick by but feel like hours before I finally register Gavin’s voice next to me and the fog seems to lift.
Hoping no one has noticed my momentary lapse; I plaster on a smile and turn in his direction just as he speaks again.
“What the fuck dude? Hitting the mini fridge early?” He bumps his shoulder into mine, clearly chalking up my haze to alcohol.
“Maybe a little.” I give him a cocky smile and head off down the hallway.
I’m not really sure who, if anyone, is following me as I round the corner toward the elevator. All I know is I need to pull my shit together—like now. I can’t have Gavin seeing me gawk at his sister like a horny fucking teenager.
Fuck.
Everyone joins me in front of the elevator before it reaches our floor and the doors slide open. I keep my eyes trained on anything and everything that is not Charlie the entire ride down and walk to the restaurant. By the time we take our seats in the swanky hotel restaurant just a few minutes later, I am painfully aware of her eyes on me. I swear it’s like I can feel the heat from her stare burning holes in my face, but still I avoid her gaze.
It’s killing me not to look up into those beautiful, dark eyes but I keep my focus trained on the rest of the group, the menu in front of me, the waitress as she brings our drinks and then comes back minutes later to take our order.
I know my actions are probably confusing as hell. I can only imagine what Charlie is thinking right now as she sits caddy corner across the table from me.
Doing my best to participate in the conversation flowing around the table, I jump slightly when I feel my phone vibrate. Leaning forward, I grab the device out of my back pocket, an instant smile coming to my face when I see the message displayed across the screen.
Charlie: You realize it’s not illegal to look at me right?
A second message immediately follows.
Charlie: You’re starting to give me a complex.
Here I’m thinking she’s probably furious with my behavior and instead, clearly she’s finding humor in it.
Me: Well I certainly wouldn’t want to do that.
Charlie: It’s just me Pax. Stop acting like your eyes will burn out of their sockets if you look in my direction.
Her response pulls a laugh from my throat that I immediately try to cover. When no one seems to take notice of my outburst, I finally turn my gaze to her, meeting her eyes instantly. She stares at me for a long moment before sticking her tongue out playfully and scrunching her nose in the cutest fucking way. This is why I’m so twisted up by this girl. Not only is she beautiful as fuck on the outside, she’s amazing in every other single way that counts as well.
She’s sweet and stubborn. Giving and selfish. Funny and serious. She is the perfect fucking combination of good and bad and just looking into those damn eyes of hers pulls the air right out of my lungs. She’s fucking more than just breathtaking, she’s all consuming. And I’m fucking lost in her.
I turn my attention back to my phone, typing out a quick message.
Me: You think you could slip your roommate tonight?
I can’t fight the smile on my lips as I press send and watch her eyes widen, her gaze jumping between me and the phone. She chews lightly on her bottom lip, the action causing me to squirm slightly in my seat, before typing out a response.
Charlie: Maybe...
Before I get a chance to say anything more, Decklan pulls my attention to him, asking if I’d be willing to lend my musical services for the wedding.
Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I throw Charlie a quick sideways glance before turning my attention back to Deck.
“What did you have in mind?”
“Well, I had an idea.” Kimber jumps in. “Instead of walking down the aisle to the same boring song everyone else does, I thought maybe you could play something.”
“I’d be honored.” I answer truthfully, watching Kimber’s smile light up her face. “Anything specific you were thinking?”
“Not really.” She tucks a blonde wave behind her ear. “Just something different. Something beautiful.”
“I think I can come up with something.” But then quickly add the moment I remember I didn’t bring my guitar—“Does the chapel have...”
“We already made sure they had a guitar on site.” Deck interrupts, clearly already knowing where my question is going.
“Okay. I won’t have time to practice anything but I’m sure I can wing it.”
“Isn’t that what you always do?” Gavin injects.
“Usually, yeah.” I agree on a laugh, knowing I rarely plan a performance beforehand.
I just get up on stage and play whatever songs I feel like. Lucky for me, I know quite a few so I’m able to keep things interesting. Though I must admit, I have no idea what I’m going to be able to pull out of my ass that’s appropriate for a bride to walk down the aisle to. Fortunately I have a day and a half to figure it out.
“How long have you been playing?” Angel speaks directly next to me, pulling my gaze toward her.
“Since I was about thirteen. My dad taught me. At the time I thought he was just trying to push an agenda on me. I realized pretty quickly though that it gave us something to bond over. I’ve been in love with it ever since.”
“That’s amazing.” She gives me a wide smile leaning into me slightly.
“It is.” I agree, returning her smile.
It isn’t until her hand settles on my leg that it finally hits me what the hell is going on. She’s hitting on me. That’s why she insisted on sitting next me. That’s why she’s been breaking her neck to stare at me since the moment we sat down. I glance up at Kimber and then to Harlee who are both looking in our direction, watching the interaction between the two of us. Kimber seems excited but Harlee— she seems more—hell how do I explain this?
There’s something in Harlee’s stare that goes straight through me, and I don’t think it has anything to do with Angel. I can’t shake the uneasiness I feel but before I can really pinpoint why she’s looking at me the way she is, she turns her attention back to Gavin, snuggling into his side when he drops an arm over the back of her chair.
Casually brushing Angel’s hand from my leg, I try to keep my rejection as subtle as possible. I barely register her unphased reaction before I glance back at Charlie. Her face is turned to the side as she talks Kimber. She gives me a brief smile when she catches me looking at her, but otherwise gives me no indication that she witnessed my interaction with Angel.
Don’t get me wrong, Angel is banging. And if not for the gorgeous creature sitting across from me, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to take her back to my room. But what physical attraction I may have towards Angel in different company, it’s nonexistent when Charlie’s in the room.
Luckily
, Angel seems unaffected by me thwarting her advances and continues to joke and laugh with the rest of the group like nothing even happened. Honestly, she’s so causal about the entire thing I have almost immediately convinced myself that I misunderstood her intentions. Almost. The sly look she throws my way moments later reaffirms my initial thought. Can’t blame a girl for trying I guess.
The conversation continues on through dinner, jumping back and forth around the table. I only really pay attention to the important things; Charlie transferring her credits from NYU to the University of Oregon, how she plans to stay at her mom’s house while she finishes her last year of school, what she plans to do for a job in the meantime, which up to this point she has yet to figure out.
Gavin questions her a little more about why she left New York to begin with, considering she had just three semesters to go before she would have graduated from NYU with a bachelor’s degree in Business. Like every time he’s asked her before, she shrugs it off, giving some half-cocked excuse about missing home.
Clearly he doesn’t believe her answer. Not that I can blame him. I’ve never bought her excuse either. Something is just off with her whenever anyone brings up New York. Charlie has never been a very good liar, which is in large part one of the reasons why I avoided pursuing her further after our one night together. I knew that if Gavin ever suspected anything and asked her straight up, her expression alone would have probably given us away.
Luckily now he has Harlee. Not that having a girlfriend makes him blind or anything but it does offer up a nice distraction while I feel things out a little more with Charlie.
By the time we finally wrap up dinner, everyone is ready to call it a night. Considering it’s just past ten o’clock when I return to my room and I don’t normally go to bed until three or four in the morning, I know that I am hours away from being ready to sleep.
I stare at the text feed between me and Charlie from earlier tonight. My thumb lingers over the screen for several moments before I finally lock the phone and toss it onto my bed. As much as I want to reach out to her, I know I need to put the ball in her court. If we are in this together than I’m game, but I won’t be the only one putting myself out there.
If she wants to meet up after Angel falls asleep then she knows where to find me. If not, then it looks like I am in for one hell of a long, disappointing night.
Chapter Six
Charlie
The darkness of the room settles over me like a thick blanket, shutting me off from the world to hold me prisoner beneath its weight. I fight to keep my eyes closed, to will myself to sleep, but I can’t get my mind to turn off.
I roll to the side, squinting through the pitch black room to where Angel is in the bed next to mine. I can’t see her, but I can hear her light exhales of breath as she sleeps. Letting out a slow sigh, I roll to my back and stare up at the dark ceiling.
Six rooms down on the right. That’s all I would I need to travel. Six rooms and I could be in Paxton’s arms, in his bed. But as much as I want that, I’m not sure I want it at the same time. We’ve been through this before, this back and forth, game of tug of war between us.
Last time things we’re slightly different. Then I was just a kid really. It started my senior year of high school. I was seventeen the first time I noticed that something had shifted between me and Paxton. I could tell in the way he looked at me. For a while I convinced myself it was just wishful thinking, considering I had harbored a secret crush on him for years. But then it slowly became apparent that it wasn’t just in my head.
Suddenly he was spending even more time at the house than usual. He would stay for dinner and always sit next to me. He would find ways to accidently brush into me but it always felt completely intentional. The way I would catch him staring at me from across the room, a hunger in his eyes, I knew he felt something too.
It wasn’t until prom night that everything came to light. Even though I had made it perfectly clear to everyone that the guy I was going with was just a friend, Paxton was acting wildly jealous, cornering me in the hallway to demand I cancel. I refused of course. But not before I told him exactly what I wanted. That it was his arms I wanted to be in that night. It was him I wanted spinning me across the dance floor. It was him and only him I wanted.
He responded how I knew he would. Saying that Gavin would never be okay with it and that he’s just too old for me. I laughed. I mean, I was eighteen by that point and Paxton was twenty-two. We we’re both legally adults. He was just scared. I could see it in his eyes.
It wasn’t until later that night after I was home and curled in bed that he came for me. He told me how sorry he was; how he can’t fight the feelings he has for me anymore. He told me he wanted me and he didn’t care what anyone thought. He kissed me for the first time that night. It was soft and brief but to this day remains the most memorable kiss of my life.
I woke up the next morning the happiest I think I’ve ever been. Nothing could wipe the smile off my face that morning. Nothing, except the very person who put it there to begin with. The first chance he got to get me alone he did, telling me he was sorry for coming to my room the night before, that it was inappropriate, and that things could never be that way between us.
That was the first time Paxton Stewart broke my heart, but it certainly wasn’t the last. I guess the second time was my own fault. My parent’s let the guys throw me a huge graduation party just a few weeks later. Gavin even let me drink a little which was totally out of the norm for him. It didn’t take long for the alcohol buzz to work its way through my veins and by the time it did, I was fearless.
I remember finding Paxton sitting on the couch in the living room, strumming out a song on his guitar for some of my friends who had gathered around him, clearly enamored by his good looks. The moment he opened his mouth to sing and that incredible voice filled the air, I knew...
It’s not the exact way I planned to lose my virginity. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had always dreamed it would be with Paxton. I just didn’t think it would happen the way it did. I can remember each detail like it was yesterday.
He had just finished playing one of my favorite CCR songs when he looked up and saw me watching him from the doorway. I smiled, nodded toward the stairs and took off in the direction of the bedrooms, praying he would follow me.
When I reached the top of the stairs, I pressed my back against the wall, took a deep breath and waited. Only seconds past before Paxton appeared at the top of the landing. I took his hand, pulled him down the hallway and into my bedroom, locking the door behind us.
It was the most incredible, magical night of my life. Still to this day, it is one of my fondest memories. Like the night he snuck into my room and confessed his feelings for me, I awoke with happiness bubbling out of every pore. He was finally mine. Or so I thought.
Once again, he panicked. But this time it was so much worse because it wasn’t just a kiss we had shared. I knew what it was like to hold him, to feel him inside me, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that nothing would ever be the same again.
That was it. The story of Paxton and Charlie. I left for NYU two weeks later and had every intention of never seeing Paxton Stewart again. Unfortunately life had other plans and now I find myself in a very similar situation as before, only this time I know what it feels like to have him and what it feels like to lose him. I know it’s worth the risk. I just don’t know if my heart can take another break. It’s been through so much already.
****
“Get it girl!” Harlee leans over the small round table between us and yells over the music to a blushing Kimber who is sitting next to me.
She gives Harlee a wide smile and fans herself as one of the half-naked dancers’ slides past our VIP table and stops directly in front of her.
When Angel had told me this morning that Kimber’s bachelorette party was going to consist of martinis in the hotel room followed by an evening at Chippendales, I have to admit I wasn’t all that enthu
sed. But I guess I had forgotten how much fun it can be to just go out with the girls and let loose.
Considering I’m the only one of the group old enough to drink, I have been pounding back cocktails for the last hour and have a pretty decent buzz going on. I figured since everyone else is basically sober, they could keep me solid while I let down my hair for a little bit; something I rarely do. I’m speaking figuratively of course.
I cup my mouth and let out a howl when the dancer in front of Kimber runs his hands down his oiled up chest and tight muscular abs. I get that these guys are sexy, but I can think of one man in particular that would put every single one of these dancers to shame.
I shake off the thought. No Paxton tonight. I promised myself when I woke up this morning that I wasn’t going to let him consume my thoughts today. I was going to have fun with the girls if it killed me. And I am having fun. But that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t been sneaking into my mind for most of the night.
By the end of the show I’ve had more than my weight in martinis, or at least that’s how it feels. All I know is when we arrive back to the hotel just past one in the morning I feel like I can conquer the world. Of course I know, even in my drunken state, that this is the alcohol talking but honestly, I don’t care.
The other girls all say their goodnights and quietly slip off to their rooms. Neither Harlee nor Kimber say it, but I know they are both anxious to get back to their guys. The thought causes a tight knot to form in the pit of my stomach. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m jealous. Who wouldn’t be?
I follow Angel into our shared hotel room, kicking off my shoes the moment I reach my bed. My butt no more than hits the mattress beneath me before I’m standing again.
“I think I’m gonna head down and play some slots for a little while.” I announce abruptly.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Angel laughs, watching me struggle to slip my heels back on.
“It’ll be fine.” I swipe my hand through the air. “I’m drunk enough to lose all my money but sober enough to make it there and back alive.” I laugh.
Crazy Stupid Perfection (Crazy Love, #3) Page 4