“That’s not true.” My mom immediately cuts me off. “While yes, he may be upset about the fact that the two of you are lying to him, at the end of the day I truly believe all your brother wants is for you to be happy. Does Paxton make you happy?”
“He does.”
“Then that’s all that matters. All the other stuff will just work itself out.”
“How can you be so calm about all this?” I question, feeling like she should be so much more upset about this whole situation then she is.
“Because I’ve lived. I know that love, true love, only comes around once, maybe twice in a lifetime. I would never stand in the way of you finding that for yourself. You deserve to be happy Char. And so does Paxton. Keep it a secret, scream it to the world, it makes no difference to me. You’re my child. All I want for you is to be happy.”
“Thank you mom.” I push out of my chair, wrapping my arms around her neck the second she stands in front of me. “Truly. Thank you.” I squeeze her tightly before finally letting her go.
“I’m always here for you my sweet girl.” She pats my cheek and gives me a sweet smile. “I’ll let you get some homework done. Dinner will be ready in about an hour.” She says before stepping past me.
Just like that she’s gone and I’m left to process the events that just took place. I didn’t expect it to feel so good to just admit what’s happening out loud. I feel like a massive weight has lifted and while I know the hardest parts are still to come, for the first time since I returned home I actually feel like everything just might work out okay for me.
Feeling like I can conquer the world, I smile to myself as I slide back down into my seat and open my laptop. Clicking on the internet icon, my mind drifts to Paxton as I load my email and scroll through the contents, only half paying attention to the screen in front of me.
I wonder how he would feel about my mom knowing. Would he be as relieved as I am or would it cause him to worry that Gavin might also find out? I’m not sure that I have it in me to tell him just yet. My mind swirls around the possibility of what the future may hold for us.
My brain is still floating around somewhere out in la-la land when a certain email catches my eye and everything seems to come to a screeching halt. My pulse instantly quickens at the sight of Drew’s name and my hand visibly shakes as I click on subject line what you left behind.
I swallow down the tight knot in my throat as a slew of pictures load in front of me. One after another they come. They are all of me, naked and exposed. My face is turned away so you can’t tell if I’m aware of the pictures being taken or not but I know with complete certainty that I was asleep. There’s no way I would forget something like this.
As if he didn’t torture me enough while we were together. Now to find out he did this, I just can’t even seem to process it. Somehow all the times he hit me, degraded me, verbally abused me, it all seems small in comparison to the absolute violation I feel knowing he did this to me while I was sleeping.
In the body of the email there is just one sentence. This still belongs to me.
Chapter Eleven
Charlie
“You okay?” Paxton’s gentle voice snags my attention and I turn away from the window just in time to watch him set two plates on the coffee table behind me.
“Yeah. I’m good.” I give him a small smile, crossing the space of the living room to join him on the couch.
Pulling my feet underneath myself, I reach for the plate that Paxton extends to me. I smile when I see that he put pickles on my grilled cheese sandwich rather than next to it. Even after all this time apart, he still knows exactly what I like.
“This looks amazing. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He slides back, resting his plate on top of his thighs as he scrolls through the cable guide, trying to find something to watch.
It’s strange really, spending such a normal afternoon with Paxton. Behind the walls of his condo it’s like we are just a normal couple enjoying a lazy Saturday in front of the television. There is no stress. No worry of the outside world. There is no Gavin or Drew. The weight of everything I carry with me just seems to float away in moments like these.
I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been somewhat focused on Drew’s email since receiving it two days ago, but being with Paxton just makes it all seem less important somehow, like nothing can touch me in our little bubble.
I didn’t tell him about the email of course. I’ve accepted that there is very little I can do about it anyways. At least not without exposing the truth of my situation to him, which is simply out of the question.
I refuse to taint what Paxton and I have with the poison of my past. I can’t change it but I sure as hell can pretend it never happened, which is essentially what I’ve been doing since high tailing it out of New York. I refuse to let a man like Drew define my life. I refuse to live in fear of a man I know can never hurt me again.
He may still try, hence the email, but only I have the power to let him. My time in New York may be shadowed in black but that doesn’t mean my future has to be.
“Char.” I turn my face to see Paxton studying me curiously. “Where’d you go?”
“Sorry.” I shake my head. “Just thinking about all the stuff I need to get done before next week. Returning to school has been a lot harder than I thought it would be.” I lie and instantly feel guilty for it.
“I can help you, you know?” His boyish smile is enough to melt my heart right on the spot. “I mean, I’m not a scholar by any means but I could help you study, quiz you, whatever you need.”
“You’re sweet.” I lean toward him, kissing his jaw. “But I’ve got it under control. I just have to get my mind back in the swing of it all.”
“Well the offer stands.”
“What did you ask me anyways?” I refocus on the fact that he clearly asked me a question and then said my name when he realized I wasn’t paying attention.
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were good with Grill Masters.” He points toward the television.
Following his line of sight, I realize he’s talking about the cooking show currently playing in front of us.
“You know I’m a sucker for the Food Network.” I laugh, wrinkling my nose playfully at him.
Just like that, we settle back into comfortable silence. The more time I spend with Paxton, the more I realize that there’s no pressure with him. He doesn’t need to hear me speak all the time. Nor does he need to me in my pants every five seconds. He’s content just existing together which honestly, I think is my favorite thing to do with him.
Not that the sex isn’t blow your mind incredible, because let’s be real, it so is. But it’s in the quiet moments that I really get to appreciate all that Paxton is. I get to watch his forehead crinkle as one of the cooks on the show chops onions, which he hates. I get to witness that incredible smile when the person he’s rooting for wins. But more than anything, I just get to enjoy the calm he seems to instill inside me by just being near him.
There is not another man out there like Paxton Stewart. I know without a doubt that I could search the world over and never find someone that lights me on fire the way he does. With just an innocent glance or a graze of his hand across my knee and my entire world turns on its axis.
He doesn’t have to try. He doesn’t have to pretend with me. He just simply has to exist. To share the same air, to inhabit the same space, to know without a doubt that my heart is exactly where it belongs... I think that’s all I’ll ever need.
****
“Seriously Char.” Gavin laughs, swiping a napkin across the bar table in an attempt to clean up my spilt drink.
“Me? You’re the one who bumped into me.” I shout over the buzz of people around us, shoving his shoulder.
He throws his head back on a laugh, shaking it back and forth.
“Now you have to buy me another.” I demand, playfully stomping my foot like a spoiled child.
“We
ll lucky for you I know the owner.” His cockiness is enough to make me want to slap my hand across the back of his head but I refrain, simply sticking my tongue out at him as he walks away instead.
“Could he be any more annoying.” I complain to Harlee who simply laughs and watches my brother from across the room with dreamy eyes.
Guess that’s what I get for letting Paxton talk me into coming to Deviants tonight to watch him play. As much as seeing him on that stage drives me wild, I’m not sure if dealing with my love struck brother and his new girlfriend is really worth it.
Oh hell, who am I kidding? I can’t think of one damn thing that I wouldn’t endure to watch him on that stage. Paxton is sexy as sin all on his own, strap a guitar in his hands and put a microphone in front of him and oh dear lord, he will melt the panties off a nun.
“I know he’s your brother and all,” Harlee finally speaks after a few long moments of silence. “But my god.” She lets out slow sigh and fans herself with her hand, her eyes focused away from me.
I shake my head on a laugh, following her line of sight. I instantly spot Gavin weaving in and out of the massive crowd toward us.
“On the house.” He announces, setting another Vodka and Sprite in front of me the moment he reaches us.
“Are you sure the owners will be okay with you giving away stuff for free?” I ask sarcastically, clearly mocking his earlier statement.
“Keep it up and I’ll charge your ass from now on.” He warns playfully.
“You would not.” I challenge, placing the straw between my teeth.
“Try me.” He laughs, turning his attention to Harlee just as my phone buzzes to life on top of the table.
Snatching it up before Gavin can see who it’s from, I slide my finger across the screen and immediately feel all the color drain from my face. I don’t have the number saved in my contacts but I immediately recognize it just the same.
Drew: Did you get my pictures?
I delete the message without responding.
Within seconds another message sounds.
Drew: That body still belongs to me. YOU are still MINE.
Again I delete it, this time powering off my phone all together. Grabbing the drink in front of me, I drain the contents in one long hard chug, gasping seconds later as an ache runs through my forehead.
“Brain freeze.” I explain to the two sets of curious eyes that turn toward me.
“Slow down there tiger. I’m not carrying your ass out of here later.” Gavin quips.
“Don’t you have somewhere else you can be?” I mutter, pushing off of the stool before spinning toward the bar. “I’ll be right back.” I call over my shoulder, though I’m not entirely sure he heard me over the noise.
I wait at the bar for all of thirty seconds before Matt, one of the part time bartenders, is in front of me, a cheesy smile plastered on his face.
“What can I get for ya Char?” He addresses me like we’re old friends despite the fact that we were just introduced a few weeks ago and have basically never really spoken to each other.
“Vodka and sprite.” I say, resisting the urge to order a shot of something really strong to accompany it.
“Coming right up.” He spins, taking two more orders in the process of making my drink.
I have no idea how people bartend. I would forget the drink I was making if even one person spoke to me, let alone having several people lining the bar throwing out orders. Matt seems completely at ease, sliding my drink in front of me with a little nod, before moving on to the next order.
Having no desire to go back to the table and play third wheel to Gavin and Harlee, I decide to step out back and grab some fresh air. I pause at the door that leads to the office on my way out, for a brief moment considering popping in on Paxton before he goes on, but not wanting to draw any unwanted attention from Gavin I decide against it.
The bouncer that sits at the back of the bar barely even acknowledges me as I step past him and push my way through the door. Even though you’re not permitted to take drinks outside, he doesn’t say one word about the drink in my hand. Being the sister of the owner kind of gives you a free pass to do whatever, which I have to admit does have its perks.
The parking lot behind the bar is packed full and several people are hanging out off to the side, smoking cigarettes and laughing annoyingly loud. Taking a deep breath, I pull my phone out of the back pocket of my skinny jeans and power it back on.
The last thing I want to do is let Drew get inside my head but pretending like this isn’t happening isn’t doing me any favors either. Clearly he’s spent some time tracking me down, considering I changed my cell phone number and email address shortly after leaving New York. What is unclear is what he plans to accomplish by sending me these things.
I breathe out a deep sigh of relief once my phone loads and I see that no new text messages have been received.
He’s just trying to mess with you, I reassure myself.
If there’s one thing I learned about Drew in our nearly year together, it’s that he’s a coward. It’s easy for him to bully a girl half his size when she lives right around the corner. I don’t see him coming all the way to Oregon to do it though. Which must be why he’s choosing to go this route. He wants me to be scared. He wants me to think he still has the power.
Well I’m calling his bluff.
I may have been stupid enough to stick with him when the abuse first started, buying the bullshit apologies and fake tears he fed me every time he hurt me. But I found my footing again and I realized that I’m not the weak girl he made me.
Like being woken up from a fog, suddenly everything started to become clear again. That’s when I knew I had to leave New York. I knew that there was no way he would ever just let me walk away from him unscathed. He’s too proud to ever let that happen. But I also knew he wouldn’t chase me if I just up and left without giving him a chance to stop me.
This is just his way of trying to get even with me for leaving the way I did.
“Hey.” A voice sounds behind me causing me to jump slightly. “Sorry, did I scare you?” Paxton gives me an apologetic look when he realizes he startled me.
“No you’re good.” I shake my head. “What are you doing out here? I thought you’d be on stage by now.”
“I saw you come outside.” He shrugs, backing me into the wall where we practically disappear into the darkness, before reaching out to cup my face. “I just needed to touch you for a second.” He latches his hand around the back of my neck and pulls my face toward him. “I hate hiding this.” He slowly sucks my bottom lip into his mouth.
“Me too.” I shiver, despite the unseasonably warm night.
“It’s fucking killing me.” He groans. “Tell me you’re coming home with me tonight.” He grinds his evident arousal into my lower belly.
“I want to.” I pant, already so turned on that I can barely contain myself. “But I’ve been drinking.” I moan when he nips at my ear lobe, his lips skirting across my heated flesh. “Which means Gavin will insist I crash at his house.” My statement comes out breathy and broken.
“Then I’ll leave my door unlocked.” He pulls back abruptly and gives me a wicked smile, stealing one last brief kiss before turning and quickly disappearing inside.
It takes me several long moments to compose myself before I’m finally ready to go back in. By the time I finally make it back to the table, Gavin and Harlee are nowhere to be found and honestly, I’m actually glad they’re not here. It gives me the opportunity to watch Paxton openly without the fear of what my face might give away.
Paxton’s touch has all but erased any thought I have outside of getting to his condo tonight. That’s what he does to me. In just one look, he changes everything.
Chapter Twelve
Charlie
“Welcome back!” Harlee squeals before jumping out of her bar stool.
She’s rounded the table and has Kimber in her arms before I’m even fully turned around.<
br />
“What’s up man?” Gavin pulls Decklan in for what can only be described as a ‘bro’ hug, giving him a tight clasp on the shoulder before releasing him. “I wasn’t sure you guys were gonna make it.”
“You really didn’t need to get everyone together.” Deck shakes his head, reaching out to Paxton who gives him their customary twisted finger hand shake.
“You know Gavin.” Paxton laughs. “He’ll find any excuse he can to party.”
“Not true.” Gavin interjects. “I’m a changed man now.” He drapes his arm around Harlee’s shoulder and pulls her into his side.
“Don’t let him lie to you.” She swats at his stomach. “He really just wants to party.” She rolls her eyes.
I can’t contain the laughter that bubbles out of me at the interaction. I think I just fell in love with that girl, in a purely sisterly way of course. I’ve never seen anyone handle Gavin the way she does. It’s quite refreshing to see that he’s finally met his match.
“Hey sis.” Deck steps up in front of my stool, pulling me to my feet. “It’s good to see you.” He pulls me into his chest before dropping a kiss to the top of my head. “Been keeping all these assholes in line?” He laughs, releasing me.
“As if that were ever possible.” I shake my head, turning my attention to Kimber. “How was the honeymoon?” I ask, giving her a brief hug before sliding back onto my stool.
“Incredible.” She gushes, taking a seat on the stool next to me, her smile permanently attached to her face. “But I’m also glad to be home.”
“Hey babe.” Deck pulls Kimber’s attention to him as Harlee claims the stool to her right. “You want a drink?” He gestures to the bar.
“Nothing too strong.” She gives him a sweet smile, watching him walk away with Paxton and Gavin before turning back to Harlee. “Where’s Angel?”
“She’s on a date.” Harlee rolls her eyes. “Apparently she’s found another Mr. Right,” she says sarcastically.
Crazy Stupid Perfection (Crazy Love, #3) Page 8