Springtime at the Cider Kitchen

by Fay Keenan

  ‘Oh nothing,’ Matthew shook his head. ‘It’ll have to keep until after we’ve made the arrangements for Dad.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Christ, Anna. The old bugger and I didn’t see eye to eye about a lot of things, but now that he’s gone…’ he put his head in his hands.

  Wordlessly, Anna put her arms around Matthew again, running a warm hand through his hair and reassuring him with her presence. Eventually, he looked back up at her. ‘I’ll just go and check on Meredith,’ he said hoarsely. ‘And then I think we both need some rest.’

  Anna wrapped an arm around Matthew’s waist as he stood up. She knew the days ahead were going to be tough and she felt exhausted already, but for the sake of her new family, she needed to find the strength to hold things together. She wasn’t sure exactly how she was going to do it, but for everyone’s sake, she needed to try.

  42

  Meredith had a somewhat more direct approach to dealing with her uncle. She had decided to pop into Orchard Cottage on her way back from school, having just sat her first English Literature AS Level mock exam, and had swiped Matthew’s key to the cottage as she’d left for school just to make sure she’d be able to get in if Jonathan didn’t open up.

  Although pleasantly surprised to find the place neat and tidy; she’d expected all kinds of detritus to have crept in already knowing how messy her uncle could be, as she entered the kitchen she was shocked at the sight of him. He obviously hadn’t slept for some time and the dark rings under his eyes were highlighted by the redness. He hadn’t shaved and he didn’t rise from his chair.

  ‘How are you, Uncle Jonno?’ she asked as she drew closer.

  ‘I’m fine, lovely,’ he said softly. He finally stood up and enfolded her in his arms, and they held each other tightly.

  ‘I suppose your father would have a fit if I offered you a proper drink, so you’d better put the kettle on,’ Jonathan said as they broke apart.

  Meredith smiled. ‘He’d probably understand, under the circumstances, but I’ve got a driving lesson later so I’d better not.’ Meredith was one of the older students in her year, and her seventeenth birthday had been occasion for both celebration and anxiety for her father and stepmother, whose memories of her dreadful car accident were still fresh.

  ‘How’s that going?’ Jonathan asked as Meredith crossed the kitchen to fill the kettle.

  ‘Not too bad, but I can’t seem to get my hands and feet to work together so I’ve been stalling a lot.’ Kettle filled, Meredith crossed to the range top and lit the gas.

  ‘How many lessons have you had?’ Jonathan reached behind him to the upper cupboard and took out two mugs.

  ‘Two,’ Meredith shrugged. ‘So, I suppose it’s still early days.’

  ‘You know your father didn’t pass first time.’

  ‘Really?’ Meredith said in surprise. ‘He kind of gave me the impression that he did.’

  ‘He doesn’t like to admit it but he failed because he mounted the kerb and then had the temerity to argue with the examiner about it.’ Jonathan dropped a tea bag into each mug and then went to get the milk out of the fridge. ‘I almost think he’d have got away with it if he’d kept his mouth shut, but he couldn’t help arguing.’

  ‘Sounds like Dad,’ Meredith replied.

  ‘Well, this examiner decided that he was far too full of himself so he put a cross in the box and your dad had to wait six weeks until he could have another go. He was pretty pissed off, because he’d been chosen as the designated driver for a boys’ week in Devon at the end of his A Levels, and he couldn’t get another test date until September.’ Jonathan smiled and passed Meredith the mugs. ‘But don’t tell him I told you that.’

  ‘My lips are sealed,’ Meredith said as she filled the mugs.

  There was a companionable pause as the two of them sat back down at the kitchen table and sipped their tea.

  ‘I would offer you a biscuit, but I’m afraid I’ve run out and I haven’t been shopping since before Granddad…’ Jonathan trailed off and took another gulp of his tea.

  ‘No worries; I had a late lunch.’ Meredith looked from her mug to her uncle and gave a soft smile.

  Jonathan blinked. ‘You’re not the kid you used to be, are you?’

  Meredith shook her head. ‘The past couple of years have made me grow up a lot. And there’s been good stuff and bad. When I woke up in that hospital bed, I realised that there was so much I’d taken for granted, and when I heard you and Dad talking that night after the Harvest Ball, I guess that’s when I stopped being a child, and started realising that not everyone is a hero and not everyone is a bad guy. We’re all shades of both and everything in between. And that’s coming from someone who totally believed you and Dad were invincible and couldn’t ever do anything wrong.’

  ‘I suppose we’ve both been a disappointment to you, then,’ Jonathan said thoughtfully.

  Meredith paused for a long time before she answered. ‘No.’ She put her mug down on the table. ‘I had to realise that everyone is human, everyone has flaws. When you’re little, you believe your dad is superman and that he can achieve anything. Then you grow up and you realise that your dad is human, but that’s what makes him more incredible. And, Uncle Jonno, the same goes for you.’

  Jonathan swallowed hard. ‘I suppose I never really learned that lesson when it came to Granddad.’

  ‘And I can see why,’ Meredith said. ‘But I also saw how many times he and Dad argued over the years, and I know exactly how bad Dad feels about that now. He never got to have the conversations he wanted with Granddad until it was nearly too late. I know they did sort a lot out after I had my accident, but there was still so much for them to work through.’ Meredith impatiently brushed away a tear that had escaped. She’d done so much crying since her grandfather had died, and she couldn’t let things get the better of her at the moment, not with Jonathan in such a vulnerable state.

  ‘What would you have said to him, if you had the chance for one more conversation?’ Jonathan asked his niece gently.

  Meredith took her time to give this some thought. She sipped the dregs of her tea. ‘I think Granddad and I had this kind of unspoken thing,’ she said, eventually. ‘We just enjoyed each other’s company. I don’t think I actually needed to say anything to him that he didn’t already know.’ She looked up at Jonathan again, clear blue eyes alight. ‘I’d have liked to have told him that I loved him one more time, and that I was glad he was my granddad, but I have the feeling he knew that already. What about you?’

  Jonathan laughed hollowly. ‘The thing about Granddad, niece of mine, is that he always knew, and noticed, a whole lot more than we gave him credit for.’

  ‘Such as?’ Meredith asked.

  ‘Such as the real reason your parents split up,’ Jonathan said quietly. ‘Although he never let on until your Dad was at risk of losing your delectable stepmother for good. Then he let him, and later me, have it with both barrels.’

  ‘I was so angry with you,’ Meredith said thoughtfully. ‘That night I overheard you and Dad talking, when I realised that you were the reason Mum and Dad split up, I wanted to scream at you.’

  ‘I know,’ Jonathan hung his head. ‘And I remember our dinner at The Stationmaster when you basically called me every name under the sun, in whispers, until I was so paranoid Vern was going to chuck us out, I bought you a liqueur coffee just to keep you quiet.’

  ‘That’s right,’ Meredith smiled. ‘And I eventually realised that if Granddad could keep the peace for ten years, then I should try to do the same, no matter how angry I was with you.’

  ‘And you’ve no idea how glad I am that you’re still talking to me,’ Jonathan said quietly. ‘I don’t deserve you, Merry.’

  Meredith blushed. ‘You’re probably right, but Granddad also cleared up a few things for me about how hard it was for Mum when Dad was working all hours, and how I shouldn’t just blame you for what happened. The three of you all had something to do with it, even if you did behave like a twat.
’

  ‘Thanks,’ Jonathan said dryly.

  ‘So, what are you going to do about Caroline?’ Meredith asked.

  Stunned, but not entirely surprised by Meredith’s abrupt change of subject, Jonathan played for time. He got up and took Meredith’s mug and his own to the dishwasher. ‘You don’t believe in pussyfooting around, do you?’

  ‘Must have got that from Mum,’ Meredith smiled. ‘But it’s not about me, it’s about you.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, darling,’ Jonathan replied. ‘There’s not really a situation to do anything about, is there?’

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ Meredith said. ‘You know you’re bonkers about her, as does half the village by now. The only one who needs to know for sure is Caroline.’

  ‘Well, that’s not going to happen, even if it were true,’ Jonathan said. ‘She’s got other things to deal with right now.’ He stopped himself from adding that, if Caroline really gave a stuff about him she’d have got in touch when Jack died, too.

  ‘Such as?’ Meredith pushed.

  ‘Oh, nothing you need to worry about,’ Jonathan evaded. ‘Just try to remember that you can’t make everyone dance to your tune.’

  Meredith stood up from her seat at the table and looked her uncle straight in the eye. ‘You’d be surprised,’ she replied. ‘After all, I’m really good at matchmaking, and I know a good couple when I see one.’

  ‘Ah yes, I remember all too well hearing the stories about how you got your dad and Anna together for their first date,’ Jonathan said. ‘But you’re wrong on this one. Caroline and I were never a couple.’

  ‘That’s not what it looks like to me and everyone at the restaurant,’ Meredith said.

  ‘Caroline’s not interested in anything long term. If she was, I’d know.’

  ‘I think you need to speak to her, Uncle Jonno,’ Meredith said gently. ‘And convince her that you’re serious.’

  ‘Maybe when the funeral is over,’ Jonathan said. ‘Let’s just get through that first, darling.’

  ‘All right,’ Meredith conceded. ‘But Granddad wouldn’t want you to waste this opportunity. So, don’t wait too long.’

  As Meredith left, Jonathan was torn between tears and helpless laughter. Sometimes Meredith truly was incorrigible. But, no matter what his niece said, it didn’t detract from the fact that Caroline hadn’t contacted him about Jack, and, like it or not, he felt more hurt by that than he had by anything in a long time.

  43

  The Carter family was lucky that the coroner wasn’t busy. Because Jack had died unexpectedly and at home, a post mortem was necessary, but it was pushed through quickly after his GP had furnished the coroner with Jack’s medical records. The verdict was heart failure, which came as no surprise to anyone. As a result, Jack’s body was released for burial fairly swiftly. The old man had often spoken about what he wanted for his funeral, and so it was that Jonathan and Matthew were able to arrange it for the following Tuesday, the same day that Jonathan had arranged to meet Paul Stone. Jonathan realised, with a lurch, that he’d completely forgotten about Stone until the date was confirmed by the vicar. Regretfully, he cancelled the appointment, vowing to rebook as soon as he could. Caroline would understand, he thought. She still hadn’t been in contact since sending him a text to let him know she’d got to Farnham safely, before Jack’s death. He’d tried calling her the day after Jack had died but her phone had gone straight to voicemail. She had warned him that her flat was in a blackspot but he was surprised, and not a little hurt, that she hadn’t been in touch nearly a week on from his message. Surely she’d have been able to check her phone at some point, he thought. She wouldn’t have been holed up in the flat for all that time.

  Despite Jack’s popularity and the temptation to mark his passing in a more flamboyant way, the Carter brothers had been relieved at the straightforwardness of their father’s final wishes. There would be no carrying the coffin on a Carter’s juggernaut, no Morris men dancing and jingling, just two brothers and their family, and those from the village who wanted to pay their respects. At the end of the day, in his quieter moments, Jack had always said he just wanted to see Cecily again.

  Matthew and Anna, ever concerned, ever hospitable, had invited Jonathan to spend the night before the funeral at Cowslip Barn but Jonathan had declined. He loved his family, but he needed to be alone. Despite this, Matthew had come over earlier to discuss the eulogy one more time.

  ‘You’re the elder son, you should do it,’ Jonathan said. ‘It’s your right.’

  Matthew shook his head. ‘I think we both know you’d do a better job of it. And Dad would have preferred you, anyway.’

  ‘Now is not the time to bring that up again,’ Jonathan said wearily. ‘But if you really want me to do it, then I will.’

  Matthew nodded. ‘Thank you.’ He looked at his brother. Jonathan had managed to have a shave today but he still looked tired. ‘Come to dinner tonight?’

  Jonathan smiled for the first time in days. ‘You’re not going to give up until I do, are you?’

  ‘It’s the wife,’ Matthew replied. ‘She’s got this foolish notion you’re fading away in this cottage and you know how she is about feeding people up.’

  ‘Well, she knows you’d never eat if she or Meredith didn’t cook for you.’ Jonathan pulled up the sleeves on the jumper he was wearing. One of Jack’s, Matthew realised with a lurch.

  ‘So, will you come over, to stop her giving me earache?’

  ‘Not tonight,’ Jonathan said, with the ghost of a smile of sympathy for his brother. ‘Really, I’m not that hungry.’

  Matthew smiled back for the first time that day. ‘Dad wouldn’t want to see you sitting here alone,’ he said roughly. ‘Better to be with your family.’

  ‘He’d have kicked my arse by now,’ Jonathan said. ‘Over quite a few things, I think.’

  ‘It’s not just Dad, is it? You still haven’t sorted out the accounts discrepancies with Caroline, have you?’ Matthew looked at his brother, compassion in his eyes. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he said hastily, ‘at the moment, that’s the last thing on my mind, too. But something tells me you’re stalling because there’s more to it than just the money.’

  Jonathan gave a hollow laugh. ‘I can’t talk about it right now, Matthew. And anyway, we’ve got bigger things to get through for the next couple of days. But I will get to the bottom of it after tomorrow’s over and done with.’

  ‘That’s fine as far as the money is concerned,’ Matthew’s tone was still gentle, ‘but if there is more to it, you can admit it, you know.’

  ‘It’s no good,’ Jonathan said. ‘You know me; can’t commit to a shampoo, much less a relationship. Bachelor to the end of my days.’ At Matthew’s sceptical look, he actually managed a laugh. ‘Besides, she’s keeping me firmly at arm’s length.’

  ‘It happens to the best of us,’ Matthew reminded him. ‘Need I mention my previous marriage?’

  ‘I wouldn’t,’ Jonathan replied. ‘I hear some twat ruined it for you.’

  ‘Nah,’ Matthew said. ‘I managed that myself.’ He patted Jonathan’s shoulder awkwardly. ‘Come over tonight. Have some stew and a couple of glasses of wine. It’ll do you good.’

  Jonathan shook his head. ‘No thanks. I need to get my head together to face the funeral tomorrow. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m going to say.’

  ‘Don’t plan it,’ Matthew said gently, resting his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. ‘Just speak from the heart. You’re best that way.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Dad wouldn’t have wanted you to spend hours agonising about what to say.’

  ‘I wish I could have told him how I felt when he was alive,’ Jonathan’s voice trembled and he tried unsuccessfully to swallow the lump in his throat. ‘Instead of bending his ear about Buckthorn.’

  Matthew rubbed his eyes and Jonathan realised for the first time just how hard their father’s death had hit his brother. ‘He knew,’ Matthew said wearily. ‘He might not have said so, but he
knew.’

  ‘Go on,’ Jonathan said, wiping his own eyes hurriedly. ‘Get back to that family of yours. Your wife’s likely to give birth any moment now. You need to be with her.’

  Matthew gave a sad smile. ‘I’ll see you at Cowslip Barn tomorrow then. Remember Dad’s… getting there… at about nine thirty.’

  Jonathan nodded. ‘I’ll be there in plenty of time.’ He wanted to say more, but at the last moment he stopped himself. They both had to hold it together for the sake of the rest of the family, at least until Jack was safely interred. There would be plenty of time for tears later. He had the rest of his life to mourn for his father, and for Caroline, Jonathan thought as Matthew left.

  44

  Caroline couldn’t sleep. The flat didn’t seem like home any more. It didn’t help that there was hardly any furniture left in it now, apart from a bed and the sofa in the living room. It would have been more comfortable to check into a bed and breakfast, or stay with a friend, but she wanted to keep a low profile. She had no desire to let anyone who might even be vaguely connected with Paul Stone and her old life know she was back in Surrey; she just wanted to get the flat sorted out and then work out what to do about paying back the missing money.

  On her first full morning in Farnham she’d checked her restaurant emails from time to time on her phone, and kept up with the news on the BBC website, but the phone’s signal was still intermittent and she had to go outside the building to get decent reception. In the end, she’d given up, thinking she’d check it when she ventured out later to the supermarket. Since Emma and Gino thought she was out of the country, she didn’t try to phone The Cider Kitchen, but fired off a quick email to let them know she’d arrived at her destination safely.

  After a first sleepless night, followed by a day of repainting the living space, and then a second and third bad night, Caroline, fuzzy from bad dreams and interrupted sleep patterns (she’d grown rather used to the silence and the dark in her quarters above the restaurant and couldn’t sleep with the street lights outside), forgot her phone was in the front pocket of her overshirt when she started painting again. Kneeling down to dip her paintbrush into the pot, the phone slipped out of her pocket into the full tin of emulsion.