Absolution

by Amanda Dick

  This was all that mattered. Her and Jack, just like it was before, just like it would always be. She knew in her heart now that every moment in the past four years had led up to this – this moment in time, this blending of bodies and minds, this was what she had been waiting for. She was stronger now and so was he. They had weathered the storm. This was their reward for trusting that fate would bring them together again.

  He rolled over onto his back suddenly and she panted slightly, light-headed. He toed off his shoes and unbuttoned his jeans, tugging at them, arching his back and kicking his legs to get rid of them. He rolled onto his side and reached for her jeans, unzipping them slowly, his eyes flitting back to hers. She grabbed the bedcovers and rolled to one side, then the other, as he inched them down her hips and over her thighs. She raised herself up onto her elbows and watched, her heart racing. He winked, smiling as he peeled her jeans away, easing them down over her knees and then her calves, forgetting in his haste that she still had her shoes on. She couldn’t help smiling as he frowned, momentarily stymied.

  “I got this,” he said with a satisfied smile a moment later, climbing down onto the floor at the foot of her bed.

  He divested her of her shoes before dragging her jeans down and depositing them on the floor.

  She felt the bubble burst in a rush of reality as she stared down at her legs, still enclosed in braces.

  Definitely not sexy.

  She silently cursed them for destroying the fantasy. He sat down on the bed beside her, reaching over to lay his hand on her ribs as she dared to look at him, wondering what he was thinking, afraid to ask.

  He stroked her skin, his touch so feathery soft that it electrified her nerve endings and completely obliterated any self-conscious thoughts she had. She almost whimpered with pleasure, closing her eyes again, leaning her head back, her hair tickling her shoulders. His hand moved slowly downward and she raised her head again, opening her eyes as his touch faded. The sensation turned to pressure alone, the warmth gone. A moment later, she watched his hand move towards her underwear but she felt nothing.

  “You can’t feel that, can you.”

  It wasn’t a question.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he murmured, his hand moving back up, suddenly alive on her skin again. “I’m learning here, too. We need to talk about these things, okay?”

  She nodded, her heart swelling again at the tenderness in his eyes, the thoughtfulness in his actions.

  “Can you show me how to take them off?”

  She searched his face for any sign that the mood had altered, that he might have changed his mind. All she found there was a deep desire, turning his eyes to molten pools of green, dark and dangerous. Her breath caught in her throat. It had been years since she had seen that look, and she hadn’t realised until right this second how much she had missed it.

  She nodded, her arms suddenly trembling beneath her weight. She pulled herself back towards the pillows behind her, before leaning forward to unfasten the Velcro strap over her right thigh with trembling fingers that refused to co-operate. She was hyper-aware of Jack watching her every move. After a few moments, he reached for the strap over her left thigh, pulling it gently to undo it. She glanced over at him in surprise and he caught her look, doing a double-take.

  “What? Did I do something wrong?”

  “No,” she said hesitantly. “Not at all. I just didn’t think...”

  “I want to be as comfortable with this as you are, and that means I need to know how these work.”

  He glanced down at her braces and she saw he had loosened the strap and his hand rested on her thigh. She imagined she could feel it on her skin, warm and gentle as she knew it was.

  He reassured her in a way she had both become used to and looked forward to. He kissed her, snaking his hand around the back of her head to draw her closer. She closed her eyes, her hand floating up to latch onto his arm, grounding her, chasing away the insecurities that threatened to ruin the moment. Then he released her, caressing her hair as they drew apart. The tenderness in his expression calmed her, showing her the possibilities.

  “What’s next?” he asked huskily, and she almost forgot what he meant.

  Her trembling fingers found their way to the second strap across her leg and pulled it open. He followed her lead, talking quietly, offering reassurance.

  “These ones next?” he asked, indicating the straps across her shins.

  She nodded, wishing they could skip all this and go back to when they were lying on the bed, fully clothed, when she felt more confident.

  They unfastened the final straps at the same time. She pulled the straps out of the way and eased her leg out of the brace. Jack watched closely, then followed her example. Her heart nearly burst at the tenderness in his movements, his face a picture of concentration as he gently eased her leg out of the brace and lay it down on the bed. She watched his hands as he worked, her gaze travelling up his strong forearms and biceps and along the smooth shoulders, remembering how it felt to be held by him. His chest, smattered lightly with chestnut-coloured hair, seemed to gleam in the soft light that shone through from the hallway. She hadn’t suggested he turn the light on because she didn’t want him to see too much of her own body, but now she realised that in her vanity, she had cheated herself out of seeing his.

  “Can you turn the bedside light on?” she asked, before she lost her nerve.

  His eyes seemed to sparkle with mischief, even in the dim light, but he smiled and obliged, murmuring “Thank God.”

  As light flooded the room, she momentarily regretted her decision, but when he crawled back to her side again, his chest was mere inches from her and she felt instantly comfortable again. She smiled, reaching up to touch it, loving the shiver beneath her fingertips when she did.

  He slid down beside her again, smiling crookedly as his hand captured hers. “Ah. And here was I thinking the light was for my benefit.”

  She smiled up at him and he pulled her close. He was firm and solid against her as his lips pulled her under again. Her senses dipped and soared alternately, leaving her breathless. When they drew apart, he indicated the braces lying next to her on the bed with a nod.

  “Is it okay if I put those on the floor?”

  She nodded dumbly, not even really hearing the words, just the sentiment behind them.

  I need to get closer to you.

  As he picked up the brace closest to him, she opened her mouth to warn him about the lock but it was too late. He yelped in pain, diving off the bed and taking the brace down with him, disappearing in a heap on the floor. Before she could stop it, laughter bubbled up inside of her and she quickly clamped her hand over her mouth. Powerless to stop, she hunched forward, giggling uncontrollably, watching gleefully as Jack jumped up from where he had landed on the floor, furiously shaking the brace loose and giving it a filthy look as it clattered to the ground.

  “Son of a bitch!”

  The sight of him in his boxers, beautifully-shaped chest gleaming, his good hand clamped tight over his wrist as he belted out a stream of obscenities, did not help her.

  “Are you okay?” she finally managed to spit out, still giggling, but trying valiantly to stop.

  He shot her a dirty look, pacing backwards and forwards in front of the bed. After a few moments, the obscenities died down.

  “Freakin’ health hazard,” he muttered under his breath, plopping down beside her on the bed, shaking and flexing his hand.

  “Let me see,” she grinned, finally able to control the laughter as she reached over to grab his shoulder and pull him around towards her.

  He turned obligingly, displaying a pathetic, wounded expression that any five-year-old would’ve been proud of. She cleared her throat, wiping the smile off her face as she reached for his hand. Inspecting his reddened finger, she was willing to bet it hurt like hell, but there was no way she was going to let that ruin the mood.

  She raised his finger to
her lips and kissed it, looking up at him through lowered lashes.

  “Better?”

  “Yeah… a little.”

  A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. She reached over to gently push the other brace off the bed. He gave it a wary look as it clattered to the floor, muttering under his breath again. She lowered herself back onto the bed as he stretched out beside her, propping himself up on one elbow to gaze down at her.

  Her skin tingled under his gaze, anticipation flowing through her. He reached over to run his hand over her midriff. She moaned gently, shuddering as he slid his fingertips over her belly and up to her sternum before lightly cupping one full breast through her bra. Tenderness morphed into pure desire and he leaned over to kiss her again. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the feel of his hand on her skin, his lips caressing hers before moving down to her jaw and neck, working their way down her body to between her breasts. His hand travelled down her side, finally stopping to rest in the hollow of her waist. She tried to lean into it, enjoying the feel of it, moaning softly.

  “Can you feel that?” he murmured throatily, kissing his way back up to her lips.

  She nodded, incapable of speech.

  “Show me how far I can go,” he whispered, squeezing her waist. “I don’t want you to miss out on anything.”

  Without thinking, she searched out his hand with hers and moved it slightly south, stopping when she felt the warmth of his hand become mere pressure on her skin. He covered her lips with his, forcing them apart, exploring with his tongue until she began to respond in kind, deeper and harder.

  The hand beneath hers moved back to the hollow of her waist and she released it, reaching out for him, wanting to feel him, smooth and strong and so close to her. In return, his hand never left her torso, moving over every inch of her upper body, front and back, removing her bra so effortlessly she almost didn’t notice until she was shimmying out of it.

  He slid his hands around her, pulling her up to him. Her arms found their way around his neck, before trailing down his back, his skin so smooth and warm. She could feel the muscles in his back working beneath her fingers and she moaned with pleasure, hardly believing that any of this was real anymore.

  He set her back down on the bed, his lips nibbling a trail down to her breasts. He reached down to remove his boxers with one hand, frantically yanking them down and wriggling out of them. He kicked them to the floor, his hands and lips back on her in a heartbeat.

  Lost to the world, hands buried deep in his hair, she barely registered that he had leaned down to remove her underwear. They drew apart as he pulled them down her legs and dropped them off the end of the bed.

  Crawling back up the bed towards her like a cat, she watched breathlessly as he ran his hands up her shins, over her knees and then up her thighs, her brain making the connection that her body couldn’t. Seeing the sheer desire in his eyes, the substitution was automatic and almost indistinguishable.

  He continued his journey upwards, caressing her hips, her stomach, her breasts, as she shuddered with pleasure beneath him. She felt claustrophobic, his body warm and damp on top of hers, her breathing ragged as she reached for him. Her hands traced the hills and valleys that formed his chest, mapping his body, committing it to memory once more. She wanted him so badly now, she was almost beside herself.

  He kissed every inch of her and she found herself wishing she could arch her back, just to get closer to him. It wasn’t enough to be with him anymore, she wanted to be part of him.

  Suddenly her nerve-endings were on fire. He had lit a match inside of her and it was burning so hot, she could barely catch her breath. She felt like she might implode at any moment. Giving in to the sensations that had hi-jacked her mind and body, she didn’t care what happened next.

  After spending so long worrying about this, she had the overwhelming sensation that this was exactly where she was meant to be.

  EPILOGUE

  “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.”

  - Ancient Chinese Proverb

  One Year Later

  Ally woke up slowly, teasing reality, dipping her toes in before she decided if it was really for her. A few moments passed before the realisation hit her.

  I’m getting married today.

  She had personally helped to organise a thousand things for the wedding this afternoon – flowers, seating arrangements, the church, the cake, the champagne – yet they weren’t the first things that came to mind.

  What if I can’t do it?

  She wanted to walk up the aisle so badly, she had spent the past several months learning how. Of course, Jack knew nothing of this. It was going to be a surprise. But would the real surprise be falling flat on her face in front of her friends and family?

  Callum’s voice rang in her ears.

  “You won’t fall – you can’t, it’s a physical impossibility. I’ll be on one side of you, Maggie on the other, remember? You’ll have both our arms to lean on, and we’ll be holding you so tight we might actually cut off the circulation to your hands. Personally, I’d be more worried about that if I were you.”

  She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

  Physical impossibility.

  Yeah, well, so was what she was planning to do this afternoon. Months of practicing with a sheet tied around her waist so she couldn’t see her legs. Trusting her body was doing what she was telling it to do, without actually being able to see it respond. She was probably crazy for even thinking this would work, but she couldn’t back down now. She wanted to see Jack’s face as she walked up the aisle to be with him – no crutches, no wheelchair. Just this one time, she wanted to do things the same way everyone else did. If it never happened again, she was fine with that. But it had to happen today.

  She pushed herself upright, throwing the covers back and transferring into her wheelchair. The butterflies in her stomach increased as she laid eyes on her wedding dress, hanging silently on the wardrobe door. She wheeled over to it slowly, reaching up to touch the soft white silk folds that fell from the waistline. When she wore it, she felt like a princess.

  She was getting light-headed thinking about it. The plans – both public, that Jack knew about, and private, that he didn’t – were set in stone. It would be fine. It had to be. It was their wedding day.

  She used the bathroom, then headed for the kitchen, eager for coffee. Maggie would be here soon, and the chaos would really begin. Before that though, she needed some quiet time.

  Rounding the kitchen doorway, she stopped dead.

  Jack stood leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, smiling at her.

  She stared at him, wide-eyed. “What are you doing here?”

  “And a good morning to you too, fiancée. I thought I’d come by and make your last ‘first cup of coffee of the day’ as a single woman,” his smile faded and he scratched his chin. “Did I get that right? That sounded better in my head.”

  “You can’t be here, Jack – its bad luck!” she sputtered, glancing around as if someone might see him and throw him out.

  “Yeah, well, that’s where my lack of superstition comes in handy. Don’t really care, y’see – I had to see you.” He shrugged, the smile back. “I didn’t like sleeping without you next to me last night. The day started all wrong, so I thought I’d come over and re-start it, if you know what I mean.”

  “But… my dress is in the bedroom, you can’t see my dress!”

  He glanced down the hall. “Don’t panic, I don’t plan on going anywhere near the bedroom. I just wanted to see you, that’s why I waited in here. Knew you’d come in for your coffee eventually.”

  He walked over to her, bending down to scoop her out of her wheelchair and into his arms. The butterflies in her stomach took flight as she draped her arms around his neck, slightly breathless suddenly.

  “What has gotten
into you today?” she murmured, anger and fear dissipating as he pulled her closer.

  His smile faded and the green of his eyes seemed to deepen. “I missed you. And I wanted to make sure you were okay – that you hadn’t changed your mind or anything.”

  Her heart melted and she reached up to stroke his cheek. He hadn’t yet shaved this morning, and the stubble was rough beneath her fingertips. “Of course I haven’t changed my mind.”

  He rolled his eyes, throwing his head back with a theatrical sigh. “Whew! That’s a load off!”

  She grinned, grabbing his chin between her thumb and forefinger. “Here’s your last chance to kiss me as your fiancée,” she said, smile fading. “Next time, it’ll be as your wife.”

  He didn’t need any more of an invitation, covering her lips with his. She closed her eyes, burying her fingers in his newly trimmed hair, and tried to remember to breathe. She hoped it would always be like this between them - that his kiss would always have the power to soothe the worry in her heart and her soul. It seemed to last forever, which is exactly what she wanted right now – to lose herself in Jack’s arms, his lips on hers, making silent promises she intended on making sure he kept.

  The thought of walking up the aisle towards him wasn’t as frightening as it had been earlier. Callum was right, and she had been practicing for months. Everything would be fine, and at the reception, she would dance in his arms in front of everyone, light-headed from the champagne. She couldn’t wait.

  “Wow,” he mumbled, licking his lips.

  She smiled.

  Just you wait till you see me at the church.

  “As much as I want to hang around here and see where this leads, I should probably get going, right?”

  “You should.” She nodded, as he deposited her carefully back in her wheelchair. “Maggie’ll be here soon – and while you might not be superstitious, she is. She’ll kill you if she finds you here, and I want you to make it to the church in one piece, otherwise this very romantic gesture of yours will’ve been a total waste of time.”