“I don’t know that we have anything left to say. I love you. I want to be with you, only you. But you’re not sure that you can trust me to be there for you five or ten years from now. Hell, I’m not so sure you’re convinced I’ll still wanna be warming’ your bed six months from now.” He punched the button on the elevator. “Without that kind of trust, we really can’t build a relationship, can we?”
“Ryan,” she said, taking a step toward him. “Wait…”
He stepped on the elevator without looking back and the last sight she saw before the doors closed was the vacant look in his eyes.
***
Ryan had driven around aimlessly, trying to make sense of what happened, before he found himself sitting in the parking lot of his friend’s upscale club. Regardless of whether Brianna wanted to be a part of his life moving forward, he knew he wanted to buy Johnny’s vacation home.
He got out of the car and locked the doors. Pocketing the keys, he headed toward the main entrance and nodded to the large, bald man standing guard at the door. Up until a few months ago, he’d been a regular at this place. That was before every beautiful woman he saw reminded him of Brianna. He felt lost. He’d put everything on the line to earn her love and trust, and still it hadn’t been enough to convince her.
“Hey,” Johnny said, opening his arms when he saw him. “Look what the cat dragged in.” Pulling Ryan into a hug, he said, “How’s it goin, man?”
“Okay,” Ryan said, barely glancing at the stage at the front of the club where men were gathered to watch the feature dancer. Waitresses in uniforms that may have been illegal outside of their workplace meandered through tables, taking drink orders and warding off advances.
“Come on,” Johnny said, slapping Ryan on the back. “Let’s head on up to the V.I.P. lounge. You can fill me in on what’s happenin’ in the world of an uber-rich record exec.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “I really don’t want a drink, John. I just came by to pick up the keys to your place, if that’s okay? I know I said I was gonna go up on the weekend, but my plans kinda changed. I’m thinkin’ I might head up tomorrow, check the place out.”
“Hell, it’s even better than the last time you were there. I had the decks and dock re-built last summer. A new gazebo and hot tub the year before. If I could make better use of it, I’d keep the place for myself, but it seems like a waste when I can only get up there once or twice a year, ya know?” He removed the velvet rope cordoning the elevated V.I.P. lounge off from the rest of the club.
Ryan tried to ignore the beautiful women giving well-dressed older men lap dances. He wasn’t a saint. He’d indulged a time or two himself after a few too many drinks. Hell, he’d even taken a dancer home once or twice, so who was he to judge? But tonight, with Brianna at the forefront of his mind, this was the last place he wanted to be.
Johnny beckoned to one of the waitresses. “Give us two J.D. on the rocks, sweetheart,” he said, giving a lascivious grin when she bent to give him a nice view of the ample cleavage spilling out of the skimpy uniform he had no doubt chosen. John often dated the women in his employ, and they all seemed to accept the arrangement without question.
It made Ryan sick to think he hadn’t been so different from his friend until a few months ago. Partying, drinking too much, mixing it up with women who knew the rules. How had he ever convinced himself that he was happy living that life?
Sighing, he asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of this, John? Don’t you ever wish you had a good woman to go home to, a nice house in the ‘burbs, a couple of kids?”
Johnny threw his head back and laughed. “A nice girl wouldn’t come within ten feet of me, we both know that.”
That was the problem, Ryan thought. Brianna was too kind, too decent to waste her time on a guy like him.
“Hey, what’s got you in such a mood tonight?” Johnny asked, nudging his friend in the arm. “You need to get laid, or what?”
He wondered if taking Brianna up on her offer would have changed anything between them. He doubted it. If anything, it would have made it harder to let her go. “Man, I’m messed up,” he said, scraping his hands over his face. He nodded in acknowledgement when the waitress set their drinks down on the small round table in front of them. “This thing with Bri…”
Johnny laughed. “I knew it wouldn’t be long before she started givin’ you grief. Man, that chick’s a ball buster.”
Ryan’s hands curled into fists. “Watch your mouth,” Ryan said between gritted teeth. He knew starting something with the man in his own club, where he had an army of guards to protect him, was a bad idea, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t tempted. Physical violence may not solve his problems, but it would help relieve some of the tension he was feeling.
Johnny raised his hands as he glanced at Ryan’s clenched fists. “Relax, man, I meant no disrespect. She’s hotter than hell. Why do you think I tried to get with her so many times back in the day?”
“She was and still is way the hell out of your league. Hell, I think she’s out of my league.” It killed Ryan to admit he’d made more mistakes than he could expect a woman like Brianna to forgive. She chose her lovers carefully, and sex, in her mind, wasn’t something to be taken lightly.
Johnny laughed. “She was probably the one girl I couldn’t get my hands on. It damn near drove me crazy.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything to me about her?”
“I knew you guys were friends.” He shrugged. “I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”
“I wouldn’t have liked it.” Ryan threw the shot back, and before he knew it, a fresh one sat on the table in front of him. He pushed the full glass away. “I shouldn’t. I gotta drive home.”
“No, you don’t. I’ve got some rooms upstairs.” He smiled. “You remember, for our V.I.P.s and their favorite girls.”
Ryan remembered the rooms too well, but he’d never stayed there alone. “I don’t think so.”
“Come on, you look like you could use a few drinks to take the edge off, man. No harm, no foul.”
Ryan was tired of over-thinking his situation with Brianna. For just one night, he wanted a reprieve from the obsessive thoughts circling around inside his head, tormenting him. Throwing another drink back, he winced at the slight burn that followed. “Maybe you’re right.”
Johnny crooked a finger at their waitress. “Just bring the bottle over here, sweetheart. My friend’s little lady is givin’ him grief. He needs to forget his problems for a while.”
She set a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “I know what that’s like.”
Ryan felt the alcohol begin to take effect and he welcomed the opportunity to escape his problems for a while.
Their waitress was beautiful, but his mouth was still infused with Brianna’s sweet flavor and he knew any other woman would taste rancid by comparison. Not that he would even consider taking another woman to bed. No matter how much it had hurt to face some hard truths about their relationship tonight, he was still in love with Bri.
Johnny shot him a look out of the corner of his eye. “So you’re gonna give up on this stupid fantasy with Bri and move on to someone who’s more your speed, or what?”
“What’s it to you?”
“Like I said, she was the one girl I always wanted, but could never have. A guy doesn’t want to think one of best buddies is gettin’ the girl who should have been his.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “You didn’t have a chance in hell of gettin’ Bri and we both know that. She’s too smart, too classy for you.” He didn’t care that his words may have pierced his friend’s ego. He felt it was the least he deserved for the inappropriate comments he’d made about Brianna earlier.
“That’s ‘cause you were always talkin’ me down to her. You made her think I was some sleazy player, only out for a good time.”
Ryan chuckled as the waitress set the bottle on the table. “You were, but then, so was I.”
“Are you tellin’ me you changed, just for he
r?”
“Yeah.”
“What makes you think I couldn’t have changed if she’d given me a half a chance? If you hadn’t interfered, talkin’ trash about me, maybe we woulda been together today.”
Ryan tried to figure out whether he was serious, but when he concluded the alcohol had already stripped him of his ability to reason, he poured another drink. In for a pound… His cell phone rang and Brianna’s name flashed across the screen. “Shit, it’s her.”
Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t ya gonna answer it?”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to her.”
“Hell, I got no problem talkin’ to her.” He grabbed for the phone before Ryan could stop him. “Hey, gorgeous,” he said after connecting the call. “Long time, no talk.” He turned up the volume and connected the speakerphone while Ryan glared at him.
“Who is this?” she demanded. “Where’s Ryan?”
“I’m right here,” Ryan said, sensing his evening was about to go from bad to worse.
“Where are you?” she asked.
Johnny snapped an imaginary whip and made a thrashing sound as he grinned. “He’s at my place. Why don’t you come by for a drink? I’d love to see you again, baby doll.”
“Shut up, asshole,” Ryan muttered.
“Is that you, Johnny?” She sighed. “Real nice, Ry. We have a disagreement and the first place you think to go is a strip joint? Maybe I was right not to trust you.”
Her lack of faith in him still stung, especially when he’d done nothing to earn it. He’d barely glanced at the dancers since he walked in. “I didn’t come here for the girls. I came here to get the keys for Johnny’s place.”
“Really? It sounds to me like you’re already half in the bag.”
Ryan couldn’t deny he was well on his way. “What the hell’s it to you how much I have to drink?” He knew he was being harsh, but the censor filtering his thoughts was already drowning in alcohol. “I’m not your problem anymore.”
Johnny poured him another drink and Ryan brought the glass to his lips.
“Ryan, we need to talk. Why don’t I stop by and pick you up? We can come back to my place and…”
“No!” He swiped a hand across his mouth. “I’m not interested in talkin’ about this anymore. I know where you stand. There’s nothing more to say.” He reached for the phone and disconnected the call. Turning it off, he slipped it into his pocket with a curse. “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.”
“Relax, she’ll cool off.”
“No, she won’t,” Ryan said, downing another shot. He hadn’t pounded the drinks back this fast in almost a year and he knew he’d pay for it in the morning, but tonight, he couldn’t summon the energy to care about consequences. Not when it felt like everything that meant anything to him was slipping through his fingers. He slammed his fist into the table top. “Damn it, we were so close.”
“Man, you need to forget about her,” Johnny said, curling his hand around Ryan’s shoulder. “It’s not worth the aggravation. Why do you think I’m still single?”
“You think it’s that easy to put her out of my mind?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and winced when his stomach roiled. “If it was, I would’ve done it by now. It’s like she’s inside my head, under my skin…” He knew he wasn’t making sense, but he couldn’t describe the way she made him feel, except to say, “She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted like this. It’s makin’ me crazy.”
“Listen, why don’t you go upstairs and sleep it off? In the mornin’, you can grab a shower, we’ll have some breakfast, and you can head on up to my place. It’ll do you some good to go up there and clear your head.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Ryan said, closing his eyes.
“You know I am,” Johnny said, beckoning to the waitress who’d served them earlier. “Natasha, my buddy here is gonna be crashin’ upstairs. Can you show him to the room at the end of the hall?” He put his arm around her shoulder, drawing her closer so he could whisper something in her ear.
A slow smile spread across her face as she glanced at Ryan. “My pleasure, boss.”
Johnny dropped the keys into her hand. “Remember what I said. I expect you to take good care of my friend here.” He turned to Ryan. “You’ll thank me for this later, Ry.”
Ryan didn’t know what he was talking about, and he didn’t care. He just wanted a bed so he could close his eyes and slip into oblivion for a while.
Chapter Sixteen
Ryan staggered up the back stairs, holding on to the railing for support. He was disappointed in himself for overindulging in alcohol. He knew it wasn’t going to solve his problems. It wasn’t even giving him the reprieve he’d hoped for. Brianna’s words filtered in and out of his head, making him question the future he’d been planning with her.
“Easy,” Natasha said, laughing as she slipped an arm around his waist and wrapped his free arm around her shoulder. “So my boss tells me you’re Ryan Spencer, the owner of Titan Records.” She whistled under her breath. “Very impressive.”
“One of the owners,” he muttered. He didn’t like discussing his business interests with women. Once they learned who he was, they pulled out all the stops, hoping to score the big prize. That was the reason he’d always been so diligent about using protection when he was single, because he didn’t want an unplanned pregnancy complicating his life. Hell, after his conversation with Brianna tonight, he suspected she would insist he was still single.
“So, you got a girlfriend?” Natasha asked. She glanced at his left hand. “I don’t see a wedding ring. Of course, that doesn’t mean anything these days.”
“Yeah, I got a girlfriend.” He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as she fit the key into the lock. “But we had a fight tonight.”
“You wanna talk about it?” she asked.
Ryan opened one eye to look at her. She looked genuinely interested, so he said, “My past is makin’ it tough for her to trust me.” He scowled when he slurred his words. He hated feeling so helpless. He hadn’t been in this condition in a long time, and it made him wonder how he could have spent so many nights in this sorry state.
“Come on,” she said, reaching for his hand. “Let me help you get settled in.”
“That’s okay,” he said, stumbling when he tried to withdraw his hand. “I can take it from here.”
She smiled. “My boss gave me strict instructions to take very good care of you.” She closed the door behind them and helped him remove his jacket. “And I always follow orders.”
Ryan wanted to protest when she reached for the buttons on his shirt, but his tongue felt thick, like his mouth was filled with cotton.
“Let me just help you get into bed,” she said quietly. “Then I’ll let you get some rest. Unless, of course, you’d like me to stay?” She slipped her hand inside his shirt, caressing his chest.
Ryan grabbed her wrist. “No, you’d better go. Now.” Nothing about this woman turned him on, yet certain parts of his anatomy apparently hadn’t received the memo that he was off the market because they begged for the same attention. “I’m not interested.”
Her eyes fell to the bulge in the front of his jeans. “Really? You could have fooled me.”
“Look, you’re a beautiful girl,” he said, trying to placate her. “But the fact is, I’m in love with someone else. Bri’s the only woman I want.” Whether he would ever have her seemed like a moot point. Suddenly a warm body in his bed was no longer enough to satisfy him.
“She must be something special,” she said, moving behind him to strip his shirt off. “Tell me about her.”
Ryan closed his eyes and pictured Brianna. What could he say that would do her justice? “She’s gorgeous, smart, sexy. She’s my best friend…”
“That’s so sweet,” she said, stroking his bare shoulders. “What does she do?”
“She’s a lawyer.”
“Wow,” she said, whistling soft and low. “Impressive.” Glid
ing her hands over his ribs, she was still standing behind him when she reached for his belt buckle. “Tell me more. What makes this girl the one?”
Ryan could barely keep his eyes open as he muttered, “She’s incredible.” He heard rustling behind him, but by the time he felt her lacy bra brushing against his bare back, he could barely make it to the bed.
***
“I wanna know where he is, Johnny.” Brianna set her hands on her hips and glared at the one man she hoped she would never have to see again. Ryan usually had pretty good judgement when it came to friends and acquaintances, but Johnny had always been the exception. “I know he’s still here. His car’s out front.”
“How do you know I didn’t have someone take him home?”
“I stopped by his house before I came here. He wasn’t there.”
Johnny reached for her hand, but she stepped back, just out of his reach. Just the thought of letting him touch her made her skin crawl. “I want to see him now!”
“According to him, it’s all over between you two,” Johnny said, sliding into a leather booth.
She had no choice but to ease in across from him if she wanted answers. “I don’t believe he said that.” At least she prayed he hadn’t. Was he really willing to throw away everything they could have, everything he claimed to want, just because of one argument?
He shrugged. “You can believe whatever you want. He said you don’t trust him. How the hell can you expect to have a relationship without trust?”
She rolled her eyes. “As if you’d know anything about trust, or relationships, for that matter.”
“I can’t deny you’re right, but we’re not talkin’ about me right now. We’re talkin’ about you and Ryan.” He covered her hand with his, but she quickly withdrew from his touch. “I hate to tell you this, darlin’, but he’s upstairs with one of my waitresses right now.”
Brianna felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. “Ryan wouldn’t do that,” she said, shaking her head in denial. “Just because we had a disagreement, he wouldn’t jump into bed with another woman.”
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