A Fire That Burns

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  “But it is. It’s always been him,” Austin told him and closed her eyes again as though it helped soothe the pain some, and she let the next thing slip from her lips. “There are only two other people I really want right now, Tom, and both of them hate me,” Austin spoke with so much misery that it physically hurt to hear and her damaged throat did nothing to make the pain less palpable.

  “Tyler and mom?” Tom questioned and he watched Austin close her eyes again and nod. He knew their mother’s absence was killing her. He knew she had probably spent every day wishing that Tyler could just be there with her, and he knew it was this that would well bring her to her knees entirely.

  “It sounded like such a good idea back then to run, but I really have lost everything,” Austin admitted sorrowfully. “I never meant for this, Tom. Never. I never meant to break our family up, or to hurt Tyler. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. That’s why I left, but I still lost everything regardless.”

  “It’ll all come together soon. You’ll see. Mom will come here soon, and Tyler, and everything will finally be right,” Tom said and it was the truth, he believed it would work out. However, he knew Austin had given up entirely at this point and how could he blame her?

  Austin looked away in disbelief, "Can you just go, Tom. He loves her and that's final. He’s getting married on Friday to prove it." Austin looked down at her bandaged arms, “I’ll still be stuck in here and maybe that’s a good thing. I can keep out of everyone’s way. Everyone can get on without seeing me around anymore. Tell everyone to leave me alone and get on with everything. It’ll be a waste of time them coming here anyway.”

  Tom sighed; he knew he had to talk to their mom about this. He knew he could sit here and argue back, but he also knew Austin was not physically or mentally strong enough right now for that. That didn’t stop him from being her support through all of this and he wasn’t going to just leave her to get on with this alone. "When you open your eyes to who he loves, I'll be here waiting to help you fight her and when you realize that there are so many people who want you back, I’ll be here. I'll be back later, Austin."

  Looking over his shoulder as he finally left the room, Tom saw Austin squeeze her eyes shut as the tears began to fall again, her breakdown worsened right now. He hated leaving her in this state, and he would easily stick around, but he had things he had to do and he knew that before the sun rose in a couple of hours, he would have knocked some sense into some people.

  Then he would make Austin see sense.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “TOMMY, Baby, Austin has caused quite a stir in the time since she got back and maybe Tyler getting married to Natasha is something that Austin needs,” Jane said as though nothing had happened. She was obsessively cleaning the same patch on the kitchen counter and hadn’t even noticed.

  Tom knew his mom, she was good at pushing things to the back of her mind and distracting herself when she didn’t like what was going on. Right now she was compartmentalizing everything that had happened from the house catching on fire to Austin being pulled from its fiery remains.

  “So what about right now?” Tom asked simply, “Austin needs us. She always has and now sh-”

  “You need to let Austin get on with her life. She has done pretty well for herself in the last six years,” Jane told her son as she tried to get away from the pounding in her heart and stop thinking about her daughter. She had been the one that had literally ran the Austin hate campaign on her own and she knew she had taken it too far to just turn around and suddenly be the diligent mother.

  “Are you blind?” Tom questioned his mother rudely, he was done with her ability to brush things aside and try and take out the complications and now that they had a cause of the fire he was prepared to use that ammunition. “Your daughter was nearly blown up, not by faulty piping or accidental purposes, but someone sabotaged that house. Mom, Austin is in the hospital a mess because of how her life is.”

  “She left, Tom!” Jane flared up at her son and put a shaky hand to her mouth to calm herself, “She chose to leave Tyler. She chose to leave us too. She chose to take six years to come back, she cannot think that the world stopped spinning while she was away and she cannot expect him to just beg her to marry him again. She cannot expect me to just want her back when she has done nothing to win my trust back.”

  Tom growled, he didn’t want to drop the bomb shell just yet, but it seemed he had to. “She was pregnant, Mom. Before she left, she was pregnant,” he admitted and saw his mom stop all actions and if he looked hard enough he could probably guess that she was holding her breath now. “I was there when Natasha pushed her and I was with her when she lost that baby. I told her to tell Tyler and she told me she was going to, but when I went to check on her the next morning she was gone. She ran because she felt like she had let everyone down. Not just herself, but Tyler and you, Dad and Tanya, James too. Everyone.”

  Suddenly the icy exterior to his mother began to thaw out and she began to feel a rush of emotions she had been fighting. Finally finding out why her daughter had left was hanging in the tense air and she felt overcome with grief. Jane turned to looked at her son, “No,” she said almost inaudibly, trying to fight away the tears. “No, Tom, no.”

  Tom rushed to his mother’s side and wrapped his arms around her as she broke down, “I promised Austin I would never tell a soul, but now I think it’s time that we told.”

  Pushing her son away, dread filtered through Jane’s body and everything she had done since Austin’s return came at her with full terrifying throttle, “I made her think I hated her.”

  “She knows otherwise, Mom. Deep down she does,” Tom replied as he let her go. “You’re her mom; you can make it up to her now.”

  “She won’t want me to help her,” Jane remarked and felt at lost. “I gave up on her before even letting her tell me why she left. I never gave her the opportunity to just tell me when she was ready.”

  “She wants you,” was all Tom said to ease his mother’s mind. “You taught us not to give up and I don’t think Austin did back then, she needed to make sense of everything when she felt like she was losing it all which is why she left. Except now, right now I mean, she is giving up. She needs her mom, that’s why she came home. She came home to get forgiveness, but all she got in the beginning was hostility and you pushed her out.”

  He could see his mother silently asking for repentance.

  “Now she’s alone in a hospital. She told me she doesn’t want anyone to go to her because this is what she deserves, but she was nineteen when she left. Nineteen and scared. Can you please just go to her and repair your relationship because I loved watching you two while we were growing up. You’re one of her best friends, Mom, and she needs you more than ever, but she refuses to reach out to you because she thinks she broke that tether with you.”

  “What type of mother am I, Tom?” Jane asked as she realized the truth that her daughter was alone in a hospital no more than four hours after being pulled from a burning building. “I don’t even know what type of condition she’s in, or how badly burnt she is. Oh God,” Jane finished and the fact that her own pride and dignity had stopped her from doing what was innately right. She realized that her husband had the right idea all along as he played good cop, while she played bad.

  As her anger lifted, Jane was rendered weak and ashamed.

  “You can go to her, Mom. You can fix this, but I need you to read the letter she left me. It will put so much perspective on everything. You’ll understand where she was back then,” Tom finished and took the letter from his pocket and gave it to his mom. He had gotten it when he had arrived back from the hospital; he knew it was the key to making everyone understand. “I’ll leave you for a minute or two and then we can go to the hospital.”

  With his piece said, Tom stood up and left his mother alone in the kitchen with the letter that had torn his world apart six years ago.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tom, I know you tol
d me to tell him, but I can’t. I can’t tell him what happened or how I’m feeling so I’m doing the only thing I can do. I’m leaving. I don’t know where I’m going, or how I’ll manage, but I will. This just feels like the right option in the long run.

  I’m starting to realize that we rushed, Tom. He doesn’t want a wife and he certainly won’t want a child – maybe it’s a good thing I lost this baby before I could tell him. Whatever you say, sitting here, right now, I can only think that leaving everything behind is right for everyone. I know that Tyler is a career man, he will succeed in that job and I won’t stop him from doing that and reaching his dreams. I won’t ruin what he wants.

  He is a good man, and he is an even better officer. I can see him reaching high up places before he’s even thirty. He’s courageous and intelligent. He has so much to prosper from and he will make it in life. I know Tyler and he will get the best out of what he is given.

  I know I love him, and always will. I want to love him and I want him to love me back, but that isn’t how this is going. I thought it would be simple, but this isn’t. There is nothing simple about this.

  I want you to promise me that you will never tell him the reason why I left. Not just him, but mom and dad too. I don’t want anyone to know about this, Tom. That’s all I ask of you. I don’t want anyone to know about Natasha pushing me, about the hospital, about the baby at all. I just want it to be buried and forgotten.

  Don’t think I am just disappearing on you because I would not have lasted earlier without you with me. I will call you when I know what I’m doing with my life.

  Tell mom and dad and everyone that I’m sorry. It isn’t about them, this decision is just an impulsive one, and until I know what I want, it’s the right one.

  I am so sorry, Tom. I know I’ve let you down. I let myself down. I’m sorry.

  Austin x

  AS Jane finished she came to realize quickly that she was violently shaking and couldn’t withhold her knees from buckling from underneath. Grabbing onto the counter beside her, Jane steadied herself before she fought for composure. She had just read how her daughter had become so lost in life in such a short amount of time when she was so young and how she felt that the man that wholeheartedly loved her didn’t actually loved her at all.

  Because of grief, Austin had become consumed quickly and she had lost her way within a couple of hours and everything had imploded on her, leaving her with only one option – to run away from it all.

  She gathered her own inner tranquility and stood up, laying the letter down she ran her hands over her daughter’s penmanship and she knew she had to get out of this house and find out what they were dealing with. She needed to see how Austin really was and she knew she would be sticking by her daughter trying to rebuild what she had now made of their relationship. She would build up from the ashes she had made and she would fight to keep her daughter’s spirits high.

  Jane had always felt that Austin had disowned her, but when reality became clear, it was Jane who had disowned her daughter.

  Suddenly, her feet were carrying her to where she needed to go. She ran outside, letter clutched in her hand, looking around wildly and she caught him staring at the destroyed house and she just sprinted towards her son. “Tom!” She yelled as she ran in the direction of him.

  She needed her daughter now.

  She needed the forgiveness.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  HOW the hell did she get out of this? Tom asked himself for the umpteenth time as he stood staring at the smoldering wreck of the house that had once stood proudly in all its renewed glory. He had barely left his mother alone and now he was unable to look away from the death trap. The anger within him making a newer more rapid fire through his entire body.

  As he stood there he finally noticed the sun was beginning to break in the horizon and lighten the sky as morning dawned on the little town. He had nowhere he wanted to be but back at the hospital with his little sister. However, he refused to go back alone. He wanted his mother to get the last dose of reality and really give up the fight.

  “Tom,” Tyler called out from behind him on approach. After staying at his parents that night, Tyler hadn’t slept but watched the road instead. He had, after taking a long shower, sat staring at the house out of the living room window remembering the chaos that had taken over. In that time he had no update on the condition of Austin and when he had seen Tom leave the Pearson house and walk the minimal distance to the charred house he knew this was his time to step up and step in.

  He wanted to get his relationship back on track with Austin and fix his life. He was still grieving the death of his and Austin’s relationship, and now a baby that he never even got a chance to see and now he felt like he was grieving for the loss of Austin all over again.

  Tom looked and turned back releasing a hoarse groan, “Not now, Tyler. I really am not in the mood to deal with you.”

  “I just need to know if she’s okay,” Tyler answered back simply. He didn’t just need to know, he was dying to know. He needed to have that peace of mind to be able to move on however he could.

  “She’s as okay as can be,” Tom replied monotone. His voice neither quivered nor did it show any life to it, just sheer exhaustion and the overwhelming sense of worry. “You don’t get to come here and demand answers, not now. You don’t get to come here and be worried when you weren’t too worried about Austin at the diner the other night,” Tom could feel his tone tightening on him, his anger getting the better of him. “So you know, she’s as okay as can be.”

  “I need more than that, man,” Tyler almost whimpered at how painful the wait was to find out how she was.

  Sighing, Tom ran a hand over his brow, “She’s in a lot of pain right now and I don’t mean from what happened last night with the fire,” Tom told Tyler and turned to face him, “I mean with what drove her from this town. That still kills her.”

  “That sob story,” Tyler muttered with a sad head shake. He was still in denial that what Austin had said was the gospel truth. It was more out of disbelief and fear that it were truth than because he was a fool.

  And just like that, Tom lost it. Exhaustion collided with his anger and without a thought Tom balled his fist and took a swipe at Tyler, feeling the pained beauty explode as his knuckles clashed down onto Tyler’s cheek bone.

  Immediately Tyler stumbled backwards, moaning in pain, but trying to gain his composure.

  “No, you don’t get to say that and get away with it. Six years on and that night is still very much real,” Tom spat at Tyler and his voice lowered with his slowly releasing aggression. “She fled because something terrible had happened and the man she loved would rather be at work getting a career than acknowledge his own fiancée. He would rather be out with the girl that had made it her point of call to make Austin a miserable during school. She was pregnant, Tyler.” Tom finally spoke the forbidden secret to the man he had sworn he would never tell, “And because of your current fiancée she lost it. I was there when it happened so you best believe it was no sob story or anything pathetic like that. It was real. Scarily real. I lived it with her because after she was pushed, Natasha went to find you at the local bar and she made damn sure Austin knew that small fact. She only had me to run to.”

  Tom didn’t give Tyler a chance to form a defense.

  “Now she’s lying in hospital because of that,” he pointed to the house as he remembered how he, Dean and Tyler had rushed into the house and found Austin unconscious and attracting the fire quickly, her body beginning to ignite. “This house was her new dream, a way of helping herself get over you, and even that got torn down because of your precious fiancée.”

  “You can’t blame Natasha for this,” Tyler replied in astounded disbelief.

  “Oh I can,” Tom told Tyler back defiantly, “And I will. Austin is lying in a hospital bed happy for the only fact that she’ll be stuck in there and will miss your wedding day. That one thought is breaking her all the more. Sh
e knew she never had a hope in hell with Natasha around as it was but she kept a grip on you until Natasha managed to take that away as well.”

  “Man, I want nothing more than to believe that, but I can’t believe my fiancée is a monster.” Tyler tried to get his head around everything. Austin was back in his life, he had seemingly moved on with Natasha, now he was told he had two miscarriages from both the women he had committed to – what were the chances in that?! – And now the woman that held his heart most was lying in the hospital critically injured.

  “Tyler, open your eyes to everything!” Tom began to shout out, and felt the anger begin to spread through his chest again as his mind filled with Austin as she now lay fragile and even more miserable than ever before. “You believed that Austin was a monster, so why is it so hard to see Natasha as one? It all adds up, her little digs at Austin, the little things going wrong with the house, the covered heater. Do the math, Tyler! She even promised to get rid of her for fuck sake.”

  Tyler went to speak but was cut off by Jane as she left the house screaming out his name.

  “Tom, please tell me how she is,” Jane called out as she hurried the couple of yards to get to her son. “I need to know. Please tell me she’s going to be okay.”

  “Yeah,” Tyler added in, changing the subject away from Natasha’s part in this. “I need to know too. Like really know how she’s doing. Is she going to be okay?”

  Tom sighed heavily and brought a hand up to the back of his neck to try and calm down. The last thing his mother needed to see was him losing it completely. He took the letter from his mother and took a breath before repeating the doctor’s words. “She’s had one surgery already, but she’s gotta have more because of the burns to her arm and body. The doctor told me they’re quite serious and I guess they’re hoping that by skin grafting they can help reduce the overall scarring somewhat.”