Her body told her. This could only lead to one thing, something now desperately needed by both of them. They could drive back to his house, they could…
The only alternative was to stop now. But perhaps just a few more minutes of bliss and then they could…No. It would only make things harder. If that were possible.
It was the hardest thing she had ever done. She took her arms from round him, placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away.
He was Luc, always a gentleman. He stepped back as she wanted him to, but his reluctance was obvious. ‘Kelly, chérie, what is the matter? I did not wish to…I thought that you…’
Her voice was quavering but she knew this had to be said. ‘If you kiss me much more as you are doing, you know where it will lead.’
‘It will lead only to where you want to go.’
Sadly, she shook her head. ‘I know it will lead to where I want to go. Let’s say it. My body tells me I want, I need to go to bed with you. But my brain says—what then? If we make love then all I can see in my future is…Luc, I just can’t get over the chaos and misery that Gary left me in. I don’t know what I want! Luc, I desperately want to…and I’m sorry if you feel I led you on. I didn’t intend to.’
He took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it. His voice shook as he said, ‘I won’t say it doesn’t matter because that would be a lie. But at times we are all disturbed. Gary is now just a ghost in your past, in time he will disappear. There is a ghost in my past too, like yours, the ghost of a past love affair. But that will disappear too. Now I will walk you quietly back to the car and then I will drive you home. It has been a full day, you must be exhausted.’
‘It has been a wonderful day, Luc. You have made it that way. But I would like to go home now. Will we…go out again together?’
‘I can think of nothing better.’
It was a good thing for Kelly to hear. But she could detect the sadness in his voice. She had offered him something he wanted—and then withdrawn the offer. And now she felt guilty.
The visit to L’Auberge de la Rivière had been one of the most wonderful experiences of Kelly’s life. She had always been a guarded person, careful with her emotions. That was why the end of her affair with Gary had been so destructive. She had let her guard down, had offered herself unconditionally. And been rejected. But a few minutes in Luc’s arms had meant more to her than her entire time with Gary. Which was why she had had to stop. She had been too frightened to carry on.
And Luc had been so good about it! He had driven her home, talking about nothing much in particular, ignoring her monosyllabic answers. She realised that he wanted her to know that he was not angry with her. They were civilised people. But she also knew how much her refusal had cost him. He tried to make his voice cheerful, the subjects he talked about were ordinary, simple things. But she could detect the hurt underneath. He had reached out to her, expecting to be welcomed, and she had rejected him. But what else could she have done?
CHAPTER SIX
TO HER surprise she slept well that night. As Luc had driven her home she had wondered if she ought to invite him in, just for a nightcap, of course. Then she’d decided that it would be foolish, as well as being unlikely. They would never stop short at a nightcap.
She had realised that she’d had a glimpse of possible—just possible—happiness. But going further with Luc would be premature. There were three months of work with him to come, she would see what happened then.
In the event, she hadn’t had to decide whether or not to invite him in. He’d left the car engine running as he’d escorted her to her front door, shaken her hand and said, ‘That was a wonderful evening.’ And then he’d left.
Kelly nodded to herself. Luc knew exactly what she wanted. Just a little time.
Next morning she turned on her radio, found a French pop station. She recognised the song, it was popular in England at the moment so cheerfully she sang along with it…‘I love you and you love me, what’s our future, we will see…’ It was so long since she had sung to herself. She must be changing.
It happened while she was in the little kitchen. She was singing, wondering when she would see Luc again.
Then suddenly her world exploded. There was the scream of metal on metal, the splintering of breaking glass, the crash of falling masonry. She opened her mouth to scream, it filled with dust. Something smashed into her chest, she was thrown backwards and her head hit the stone floor.
There was time for just one thought. This was France, not the Middle East.
She didn’t think she was concussed, didn’t even fully lose consciousness. For a while she just lay there, trying to make sense of what had happened. She tried to peer through the brick dust. What was the front of a lorry doing in her living room?
Just for a moment there was a feeling of utter desolation. This cottage had been a haven for her. She had been through all this before, seen too many half-destroyed buildings. Rooms with smashed pictures, ornaments, holding memories of once peaceful lives. Not again!
Then, painfully, she rolled over, climbed up onto her knees. No, not again. She would not go down the route again. Whatever had just happened, now she could cope. This was an accident. Nothing more.
She managed to push herself onto her feet, stagger to the front door. The street was filling with people, she heard the mutter of dismay as they saw her. Her next-door neighbour came over, threw a blanket round her, slipped an arm round her waist. ‘Come, you must sit. Is there anyone still in the house?’
Kelly shook her head, coughed, and then said, ‘I was on my own.’ She looked back at her cottage. The cab of a large lorry was buried deep in the end wall. It was obvious what had happened. The lorry’s brakes must have failed as it had negotiated the bend at the bottom of the steep hill leading down into the village. And her cottage had been in the way.
She was a doctor, she was conscious and capable. Just. ‘Where is the driver of the lorry? Has he been injured? Is anyone injured?’
‘The lorry driver is shocked but otherwise fine. I will tell him that you are not badly injured, he is worried. Now, you will come into my house and rest.’
She was taken into the neighbour’s house, made to lie on a couch and another blanket wrapped round her. Somehow, she did rest. She knew she was not badly injured, there was pain but not too much. She thought she’d just close her eyes for a moment, there didn’t seem to be much that she could do. Just close her eyes for a moment.
When she opened her eyes there was Luc looking down at her. She had just time to register how worried he looked, remembered how easily his feelings could show on his face. In fact, there was more than worry. There was…He saw that she was awake, and his expression turned to that of the concerned doctor.
‘I was at home, your neighbour phoned me and I came at once,’ he said. ‘Kelly how do you feel?’
She decided that she must be still shocked a little, she said what she felt without thinking. ‘I’m glad to see you,’ she said, ‘so glad.’
‘I’m glad to see you’re all right. Now, I’ll make a quick examination and then we’ll get you off to hospital for a thorough check.’
‘No need for hospital! Luc, I’m not too badly hurt. Tomorrow I’ll be fine. I just don’t know what to do about the cottage.’
‘Don’t worry about that. I’ve been in touch with the mairie, they’ll organise everything very efficiently. But we need to get you seen to.’
And suddenly the doctor disappeared for a moment and the man appeared. ‘Kelly when I heard…No one knew how badly you might have been hurt…You could have been dead…And I thought that if you were dead I…’
Then the doctor reappeared. ‘Just tell me where it hurts most and I’ll decide if you need to go to hospital or not.’
‘It hurts that you won’t trust my professional judgement!’
‘A doctor who treats herself has a fool for a patient,’ he quoted. ‘Now, let me look at you.’
He ex
amined her just enough to decide that there was no chance of her getting worse. Then he told her to rest, said he was going to see how things were progressing outside.
He was back ten minutes later. ‘All organised. You’re not going to hospital, you’re coming home with me. I’ve phoned Minette, she’s preparing a bedroom for you.’
‘But what about my things? For a start, I need clothes.’
‘We can come back for them some other time. The mairie has arranged emergency building work, by this afternoon most of the cottage will be safe to enter.’
‘But where am I to live?’
‘For the moment I would like it if you would live with me. That is, as my guest in my house.’
‘Luc, that’s so good of you. But—’
‘There are definite buts. May I suggest that we leave them until you feel better.’
Kelly thought. ‘There’s not much I can say, is there?’
‘Nothing at all,’ Luc said.
Luc was a doctor. He was accustomed to emergencies, knew how it was necessary to keep calm, that personal feelings were a trap. He glanced at the figure by his side, huddled in a blanket. All he had heard was that there had been an accident, Kelly was inside a badly damaged building, no one had known how badly she might have been injured. Or even if she was alive or not. When he had heard this Luc’s world had turned upside down. She couldn’t be dead, he’d only just met her, and since then his life had been full of more hope than he’d had for months. Now he knew she was alive, she was coming to stay with him. Now he had some idea of what his life would be like if she wasn’t around to share it. He would have to be extra-careful not to lose her. Not to push her too far or too fast.
Kelly’s room in Luc’s home was on the ground floor, next door to Jenny’s room and vastly more luxurious than the cottage had been. There her bedroom had been tiny, with sloping walls and a chest of drawers and wardrobe that both rocked when she stood on the wrong floorboard. The bathroom had been along the corridor. Her new room was different. The walls were panelled, the furniture antique, the bed a four-poster with a very modern mattress. And her bathroom was majestic in marble and brass. There were two vases of fresh flowers. Kelly shook her head. If she couldn’t be happy in this room then there was no hope for her.
But…before she could think about being happy in the future, there was the present to consider. She was covered in dust, standing in filthy clothes with nothing to change into. There was a rough dressing on her head, she felt sticky and altogether unpleasant. And what was Luc saying? This was something she had not considered.
‘I need to examine you properly, Kelly. Then you need a bath and to go to bed for a while. I’ll arrange for you to visit the cottage later.’
‘Luc, I’m fine, there is no need to examine me. I’m a doctor, I should know. A bath certainly, but otherwise…’
‘Dr Blackman, if a patient came to you, having suffered what you have suffered, would you let them go without an examination?’
A pause. ‘No,’ she muttered.
‘Are you embarrassed at the prospect of being examined by a man?’
She had to be honest, tell him what they both knew to be true. ‘I am embarrassed at the prospect of being examined by you.’
He nodded. ‘I understand. And I am embarrassed at having to put you through this. But it has to be done!’
She had been examined, treated by men before, there was no problem to that. And Luc was the perfect, gentle doctor. There was no sign that he was aware that she was a woman, he was a man. In fact, when he examined the great bruise on her chest, it was she who felt the surge of excitement as he touched her breast. Only when he had finished did she detect the gleam of joint disappointment and delight in his eyes.
‘Have a bath now,’ he said, ‘then go to bed. You were quite right, there’s nothing seriously wrong with you. But you’ve been shocked, you need the rest. And tomorrow you take things very easy indeed.’
Then he frowned. ‘I’ve put one of my dressing-gowns on the bed for you. This evening we’ll find you some clothes that might do for now.’ And he was gone.
Clothes? Kelly wondered. Surely he wasn’t going to borrow from Minette?
The bath was sheer delight. She shampooed her hair, taking care with the great lump she felt on the back of her head. Then she wrapped herself in a towel, put on his dressing-gown and slid into bed.
She liked the dressing-gown. It was black silk, Chinese in style and smelled, very vaguely, of his cologne.
When he came back he was carrying a tray with a bowl of soup, rolls, a plate of fruit and coffee. ‘Minette thinks that you might need something to keep up your strength. So eat what you can of this before you sleep. Now, I must go, I have to work.’
He came to her bedside, leaned over and kissed her—on the forehead. ‘I am so glad that you’re not badly hurt,’ he said. And he was gone.
Kelly slept. She awoke early in the evening, to find painkillers and a glass of water by her bedside. She felt much better. Then she slept again. There was no cause for worry, sleep was the best possible remedy for shock. The second time she woke there was Luc by her bedside. ‘How do you feel, Kelly?’
‘Infinitely better. I want to get up and there are things I have to decide.’
‘In a moment.’ He smiled at her. ‘I feel no shame in doing this to you since I know you would do exactly the same to me. A quick check first. Pulse, BP and heart.’
‘Whatever,’ she sighed. He was, of course, quite right.
When he had finished she said, ‘There are things we have to sort out. First of all, I feel at a disadvantage lying here in your dressing-gown while you’re fully dressed. Could we go back to the cottage and—?’
He held up his hand. ‘We can’t get into the cottage before six tomorrow evening but after that we can take what you wish. Your car is there, quite unharmed. I’ve phoned Joe Cameron, explained things to him, put him in touch with the mairie. He has an advocate here who will deal with the legal matters.’
‘That’s good of you, Luc—going to all this trouble for me. But what about clothes till then?’
He frowned again but then said, ‘There’s no shortage of clothes. Come with me.’
He took her upstairs, showed her into a large bedroom. Kelly blinked. She had never been in a bedroom that had so obviously been decorated with no thought given to cost. The cream carpet was thick, the brocaded curtains were swagged and held back by gold cords, the chandelier was immense. There was a double bed on a raised platform, a dressing-table with enough lights to illuminate the entire house. One wall was built-in wardrobes.
Kelly didn’t like it. ‘Is this your bedroom?’ she asked.
‘No. It was my wife’s bedroom. Designed for her by one of her designer friends. I haven’t slept in it since she left.’
He opened the door of one of the wardrobes. ‘All these clothes are no longer needed.’ Once again Kelly felt the force of Luc’s bitterness. He went on, ‘I was told to send these to charity—or get rid of them in any way I wished. So far I have not bothered. But all of them are freshly washed or newly cleaned. Take what you wish.’
‘I’m not sure I’m happy about wearing your ex-wife’s clothes, Luc.’
He shrugged. ‘I understand that.’ Then he smiled. ‘But you don’t mind wearing my dressing-gown?’
‘No. I really like it.’ Then she blushed and said, ‘If you’re sure she wouldn’t mind, I would like to borrow something.’
‘Please do. She will never wear any of them again.’
In fact, Kelly was bemused by what she saw. She would have liked to have spent an hour sorting through the contents of the wardrobe. Merryl might have no taste in bedroom furniture, but her clothes were…
‘Trousers, two shirts and a sweater, a tracksuit,’ she said after five minutes. ‘And after I’ve worn them I insist that I have them cleaned and returned.’
‘As you wish. Now, will you get dressed and we will have dinner together?’
‘I’ve just had a call from the mairie and a call from a builder,’ he told her an hour later. ‘The cottage will be rebuilt, as good as new in a fortnight. You may move back in then. Until then I would like you to stay with me.’
‘Is that a good idea?’
He knew what she was talking about. ‘Perhaps not. Having the two of us together in the same building might be…hazardous.’
That’s a good way of putting it, Kelly thought. The very presence of Luc was exciting her. But she merely said, ‘So what do we do?’
He sighed. ‘Kelly, there is something growing between us. I think something wonderful. But you are frightened of it—and so am I.’
She nodded, sadly. ‘That is true.’
‘So I propose that…that while you are here as my guest, while you are still perhaps suffering from shock, that we agree that…that we take things no further. We will stay as friends.’ Then, in a totally different voice, he added, ‘But that is just for now!’
‘I agree,’ Kelly said after a moment’s thought. And she was aware of a tiny touch of disappointment. But she went on, ‘I think we can cope. But if I stay here I will have to—’
‘I hope you are not going to insult me by talking about money!’
‘No. But I would like to help in some way. I thought I might spend time with Jenny when you are not here. She must get bored.’
‘That is a great idea,’ he said.
‘I’ll start first thing tomorrow morning.’
It was odd. Kelly found it easier to get on with a child than she did with adults.
‘Medicines first and then a wash. Afterwards we’ll have breakfast together and then…what would you like to do then?’
‘Don’t know. I want to go out to walk round the garden but I can’t.’ Like a lot of invalids, Jenny was not at her best when she first woke up.
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