Luc took her back shortly after that. Kelly knew that both of them were thinking of the previous week, of what had happened at the end of the promenade—of the kiss. But neither said anything about it. Their conversation was light-hearted, but both were aware of the thoughts that they just could not voice.
When they got back Kelly refused a nightcap, said she was tired, she’d like to go to bed at once.
‘Of course,’ Luc said. ‘Did you enjoy your evening? Did you enjoy the company of Madeleine and Paul?’
‘Very much so. They seem a happy couple.’
‘They are. They have the kind of marriage I should like to have. Goodnight, Kelly.’
‘Goodnight, Luc.’ Kelly fled. She had enjoyed the evening very much. But the end of it seemed curiously anti-climactic. Just what did she want?
It was Saturday. Luc was at home all day. ‘Being with Jenny is as much fun as ever,’ Kelly told Luc. ‘We’re carrying on with the bird notebook, we’ve started to read more and we’re getting an interest in music. But she’s getting better and she’s getting irritated. She’s started to feel that there are things missing in her life. We go out in the morning in the wheelchair but she needs to mix with other children of her age.’
Luc nodded. ‘I am aware of that. But all her school-friends are away, it is the holidays.’
‘Don’t you know anyone we could invite round? If not friends, then family?’
He thought a moment. ‘I have a sister, Clarice, who lives about a hundred and twenty kilometres away. She has one child, a serious little boy called Marcel, who is about two years older than Jenny. The two of them get on very well.’
‘That’s perfect! Could they come to see us? Just for half a day?’
She looked at the expression of doubt in his face. ‘There’s some reason why not?’
He seemed to make up his mind. ‘Clarice cannot move from the house. Her husband is at home recovering from a…from a badly broken leg and she will not leave him.’
Kelly had noticed his doubt. ‘What’s the full story, Luc? You’re holding something back from me.’
He sighed. ‘Clarice’s husband is a soldier. There are photographs of him in uniform all over the house. His leg was broken by a bullet and I thought this knowledge might upset you. It might bring back your fears.’
‘It won’t upset me. I’ve had shrapnel in my leg, we can swap stories. But thanks for thinking of me.’
She wondered if he knew how easy it now was for her to joke about this. She also wondered if he knew just how much he and Jenny had helped her. She went on, ‘So would she like us to call? You’ve brought that new wheelchair home for Jenny, we can easily fit it into the car.’
He smiled. ‘I am sure Clarice would like to see us.’
He phoned, they were to go to visit Clarice and Marcel the very next day. Jenny was greatly excited—she hadn’t been out of the house for too long. ‘Marcel will be impressed by my bird book, won’t he?’ she asked.
‘I’m sure he will. You must take your notebook to show him as well.’
‘I like Marcel. He tells me things.’
The trip was a definite success. Marcel and Jenny were old friends, they got on together at once. With great care Marcel pushed Jenny in her wheelchair down the garden and Jenny pointed out a few birds to Marcel, who took careful note. Luc went upstairs to talk to his brother-in-law, but Clarice asked if Kelly didn’t mind if she wasn’t invited to meet him. ‘He is having one of his bad days,’ she said. ‘His wound is healing—slowly—but at times he is not himself. I think it is because he had been confined to his bed for so long.’
‘I can understand that,’ Kelly said.
It was a good day. Clarice served tea on the lawn, and when Luc was at the other end of the garden, playing with Jenny and Marcel, Clarice said, ‘I am glad that Luc has met you. And you are a better mother to Jenny than his wife ever was.’
‘We’re just friends,’ Kelly said, and ignored Clarice’s meaningful smile. What was this? Everyone seemed to be pairing her off with Luc. This was the second woman in the week who had mentioned it. Still…it was nice to have her work with Jenny appreciated.
She thought about Jenny as she sat in the back of the car with her as Luc drove them back. Jenny held Kelly’s hand for the first ten minutes and then she went to sleep. She was getting really fond of the little girl. No, she was getting to love her. It wasn’t only adults who could love. But it was impossible to think of Jenny without thinking of Luc. They were a package. Was it a package that she wanted? She felt dissatisfied with herself. She felt that she had to make some kind of a decision about Luc.
Minette had gone to visit relations but had left food on the kitchen table. Kelly tried to feed a drowsy Jenny, but all Jenny wanted was to sleep. So Kelly put her to bed while Luc went to get changed.
When she came back she found Luc staring at what Minette had put out. ‘I asked for a light supper,’ he said. ‘Does this look like a light supper?’
‘It’s not very light, is it? But it all looks delightful. Shall we load a tray each and go to sit in the living room? It’ll be like a picnic.’
‘Sounds good.’
‘Remember how the headmistress sent me a bottle of champagne for helping the children? Well, I brought it here. Minette put it in your cellar for me. I said we’d have to share it. Shall we have it now? I noticed you didn’t drink much at Clarice’s because you’d be driving.’
She saw his face light up with pleasure. ‘What a great idea! Kelly, you’re a wonder.’
He walked to the cellar door and almost casually dropped a kiss on her cheek as he passed her. Just a friendly kiss. But she loved it more than perhaps he knew.
They ate their supper in the living room, and Kelly took the dishes back to the kitchen. When she returned Luc had drawn the curtains, had moved to the couch and carried the two glasses and the champagne to the coffee-table. Normally Kelly would have sat opposite him in the great easy chair. This evening she sat beside him. Something told her that it was time.
He poured them a glass of champagne, lifted his and clinked his glass against hers. ‘Who shall we drink to?’
‘Well, this was given to us because two passing doctors happened to help some young girls. So let’s drink to them. That is, to us.’
‘To us,’ toasted Luc, and raised his glass to hers. Their fingers touched. The smallest of contacts but she trembled at it.
The bubbles tickled her throat, the wine was chill on her tongue. What more could a woman ask but to be sitting drinking champagne with a wonderful man whom she…whom she what? She put down her glass, moved nearer to Luc, leaned her head against his shoulder. ‘I feel tired, but happy,’ she said. ‘No special reason. I just do. Life seems good to me.’
It seemed the obvious thing for him to stretch his arm round her shoulders, pull her to him. ‘It seems good to me too,’ he murmured.
‘Have you found the past few days hard? Living with me and just…well, just living with me?’
She looked up to see his grin. ‘Very hard. I know we agreed not to, but every time I see you I want to…well, you know.’
‘I know what you mean. You know I’ve found it hard too?’
‘Well, in that case…’
‘Luc!’ She tried to sound stern, to sound disapproving, but it didn’t come out that way.
He grinned. ‘I just want to hold you. Just pull you close to me, and you can put your head on my shoulder.’
‘All right,’ she said. ‘But that’s all.’
She knew she didn’t mean it and so did he. His head bent over hers, he kissed her gently, as she knew he would. One of his hands stroked the back of her head. He pulled her to him so she could feel the warmth of his body. She thought she could stay like this for ever.
Then for ever seemed to be too long. Perhaps it was the way he was kissing her, tiny kisses feathering over her face, along her neck. This was wonderful but she felt—she needed—something more.
And w
hen had they moved? She’d thought they were sitting side by side so how come she was now lying on her back—with him gently undoing the buttons on her shirt, pushing the cloth aside, kissing her shoulders, the swell of her breasts and…how had he undone her bra?
But she liked it so much! She pulled him to her, opened her lips to his insistent tongue, felt the warmth travel down her body, telling her that this was only a beginning, that there must be more. He took his lips from hers, his head plunged downwards so he could take the hard peak of her breast into his mouth. ‘Luc I want…I need you, I want…Will you…?’
‘Daddy?’ A tiny wavering voice came from the child alarm in the corner.
‘Daddy?’ This was not the voice of a child who was half-asleep.
‘Where are you, Daddy?’ Now there was the threat of tears.
It was a hard thing to do. Kelly put her hands on his shoulders, eased him backwards. ‘You have to go,’ she said, ‘you know that.’
‘But, Kelly, I…We…’
‘You have to go. I’ll still be here when you come back.’
He stood, pulled his unbuttoned shirt back together. ‘Wait for me,’ he said. One hard swift, passionate kiss. And he was gone.
For a while Kelly just lay there, reliving what she had just gone through—and dreaming about what she had expected, and wanted. But then she shook herself. She sat upright, fastened her bra, buttoned up her shirt. She needed to think.
She had gone too far. Desperately, she had wanted to carry on to the inevitable end of what they had been doing. But now she had time to pause, to think.
She was scared. She had wanted to give herself to Luc, finally and totally—but she was scared. She remembered how she had felt when Gary had thrown her over so brutally. Of course, Luc wasn’t Gary. But she had known Gary longer and still been amazed by what he had done to her.
What was she to do?
She stood, looked at herself in the mirror. It seemed to her that what she had just been doing would be obvious to anyone who saw her. Good thing Minette wasn’t around.
Luc would be back in a moment, she could only guess what he would want—well, who could blame him? And it was what she wanted too, she thought.
But she was frightened. Frightened of what she would feel if all this fell apart. But how could she do this to Luc?
Only one thing. She would try to explain to him. She knew he would be bitterly disappointed—well, so was she. But she trusted he would understand.
And before she could consider further, he was back in the room.
He came to her, took her in his arms and kissed her. At first she relaxed—but then remembered this was not what she had decided and her body stiffened. He felt it at once. ‘Kelly, sweetheart, what is it?’
‘Let’s sit down, Luc.’
She would try to explain, she hoped he would understand. And she knew that her behaviour could be seen in the worst of terms. When she looked at him she saw an expression of sadness, of resignation. And that was harder to bear than anger would have been.
‘You know I’ve been ill—well, I’m over that. I’m still a bit underconfident because of Gary but that’s coming back. And you know about Gary dropping me so cruelly. Well, I’m not over that. I’m over him, I can see him for what he is now. But I still am fearful of giving myself to anyone. It seems to be too great a risk! I know it’s wrong and I know it hurts you but I can’t help it!’
‘The last thing I want to do is hurt you,’ he said gently, and that made her feel worse.
‘I’m going to bed now. But I’m going to make you an offer, a promise. Next week we’ll carry on as if nothing had happened. Say nothing about this to each other. But next Sunday either I’ll go to bed with you or I’ll move out of here and only see you at work. Please, Luc, I need this time!’
His was a sad smile. ‘If that’s what you want. Do you know how much I’m waiting for and dreading next Sunday?’
‘About as much as me,’ she said.
On Monday morning Paul came to sit by her while she was having a coffee in the doctors’ lounge. ‘I don’t know if you want to hear this,’ he said, ‘but I want to tell you. We had a note from the hospital where our tracheotomy patient was taken. The surgeon there sends his compliments and says it was some of the best suturing he has ever seen, and if you ever want a position you can come and work with him.’
‘Well, that’s nice,’ Kelly said. She felt a faint stirring of pride—the first for a long time.
‘So are you thinking of becoming a surgeon again?’
‘At the moment I’m quite enjoying what I am doing,’ Kelly said. ‘I like working here.’
And she was. The work at the surgery, the mornings with Jenny, the pleasure she took in Luc’s company—all made for a happy life. She ought to be happier than she could remember. But there was Luc to consider. What was her relationship to be with him? She still didn’t know.
Luc broached something new when they had dinner together that night. ‘On Saturday next Jenny and I have been invited to a wedding,’ he said. ‘In fact, it is Minette’s granddaughter who is getting married. Jenny was very much looking forward to it. Children have an important part to play in weddings. Madeleine Briard has made her a special dress with what Jenny called a big twirly skirt.’ Luc sighed. ‘I am afraid she will not be able to twirl very much in her wheelchair.’
‘She’s a happy child, she’ll have a lovely time,’ Kelly said.
‘I am sure she will. She would enjoy it even more if you were with her. So both she and I want you to come to the wedding. And so does Minette, she asked me to ask you.’
‘A wedding?’ Kelly considered. Even a fortnight ago, the thought of going to a wedding would have been hard. She would have remembered her own plans, then the letters she had to write, the dress she had to give away…but now, why not?
Luc seemed to misunderstand her hesitation. ‘Perhaps I should have made it more clear, you will be working. The groom is an old friend of mine, I have assorted duties to perform. And while I am doing so there will be no one to look after Jenny.’
She looked at him suspiciously. ‘Luc Laforge, I just do not believe that. Jenny will be surrounded by friends. You are trying to blackmail me into coming.’
‘That is true. I plead guilty. I am ashamed of myself.’
‘Then you shouldn’t be trying to hide a smile. All right, I’d love to come.’ Then she thought. ‘But it’s only five days away! Luc, I don’t have anything to wear. I’ve bought some new dresses but nothing suitable for a wedding!’
Luc smiled the smile of the man who has considered every eventuality. ‘I thought of that,’ he said. ‘In another half-hour we will be having two guests for an evening drink—Paul and Madeleine. And Madeleine will be bringing a selection of dresses, all in your size, all suitable for a wedding. You are to borrow one.’
‘Right,’ Kelly said faintly.
It was good to see Madeleine again so quickly. The four sat in the living room while Luc poured wine and Minette brought in a selection of canapés. As before, they chatted about anything and everything—and Kelly was reminded again of how good it was just to sit with a group of friends and talk. She was doing more of it lately and she liked it.
And after twenty minutes Madeleine rose and said, ‘You men can sit here and talk about man things. But Kelly and I have more important things to discuss. Come, Kelly, we will go to your bedroom. We have a dress to choose.’
‘Perhaps we men would like to see the selection,’ Luc suggested.
‘You can’t. Your comments would only distract us. Perhaps when the choice is made…we shall see. Your function will be to agree that the dress is wonderful.’
This might even be fun, Kelly thought.
It was fun. From the car Madeleine brought four dresses, each covered in transparent plastic. Carefully, she laid them side by side on Kelly’s bed.
‘You are not to outshine the bride,’ she said. ‘But for a wedding you must dress up. There must be a
sense of occasion. The other guests must look at you and think, That woman is chic! Your dress must not be too revealing, neither must it be too prim. To show how happy you are for the bride and groom you must show that you have come at your well-groomed best, and you are supremely confident in your appearance.’
Supremely confident? Kelly thought. Now, that will be a laugh. But she merely said, ‘It sounds a lot to manage.’
‘You have the face and the figure. My dress will do the rest. Now…all these will fit you. No need for measurements, I am a dressmaker, I know sizes.’ Madeleine unzipped the plastic covering of the four dresses. ‘Which would you like to try on first?’
Kelly looked at the dresses. Once I would have considered going to a wedding in my army dress uniform, she thought, and I’d have been proud to do so. Then she realised that that life was behind her. Mentally, she shrugged. Time to get on with the future.
For the first time she looked carefully at the dresses. And her mind was made up at once. ‘I want to try them all on,’ she said, ‘and I’ll think about each one. But I’ll try that one last and I know it’ll be the one I pick.’
Madeleine knew when not to comment. ‘Let’s get started, then.’
It was amazing what effect trying on the dresses had on her. It lifted her spirits tremendously. The first thing she realised was that Madeleine was indeed a brilliant dressmaker. Each of the first three dresses she tried on fitted her perfectly. Each of them had the right design, the right fabric, the right cut and line. She would have been pleased and proud to wear any one of them. But the fourth one…
A pale turquoise creation in silk, with spaghetti straps and a fitted top that flattered her figure. A long skirt, cut on the bias and with sufficient freedom so she could walk easily. And there was a wrap in a darker turquoise with a silver thread running through it.
‘Yes,’ Madeleine said thoughtfully, ‘that does something for you. You’ll need a strapless bra, of course, but you can buy one of those easily. Now, stand there and admire yourself. Don’t take it off. I’ll be back in exactly five minutes.’
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