I am sure we can continue to work together over the coming weeks. I will try to keep away from you as much as possible.
I hope you can take this as the last word between us and not try to get in touch. Since it is now largely repaired I am moving back into Joe Cameron’s cottage.
Give my love to Jenny.
Kelly.
Kelly wiped away a tear, tiptoed out to her car and drove away.
Of course, Luc ignored her plea and came round to see her that evening.
‘What rubbish is this?’ he asked, waving her note at her.
Kelly wouldn’t move from her doorway, wouldn’t let him in. That would be fatal. ‘I’m sorry, Luc, but this is the way it has to be. I just don’t have the confidence. I saw you this morning with your ex-wife and—’
‘Merryl has already headed back to England. Believe it or not, she had a photographer waiting for her outside the house. She thought she could persuade me to let her have pictures taken with Jenny. When she saw that there was no way she was going to have her own way, eventually she went.’
‘You seemed pretty close to her.’
He shrugged. ‘I needed to be polite. I learned early never to give Merryl any reason to start an argument. Especially when Jenny was around. And if I’d been cold to her there’d have been a screaming argument in the hall. As it was, I managed to get Minette to take Jenny for a walk before the screaming started.’
‘I see,’ said Kelly, and she did see. But now she had made up her mind. Being with Gary had taught her that once you took a major decision, you stuck to it. Less pain that way.
‘Kelly, I’m missing you. Jenny’s missing you. You’re one of us.’
‘And I’m missing you both too! I was happy with you both. I’m sorry, Luc, but I just daren’t take the risk.’ Now there were tears running down her face. But she never cried!
‘Kelly, it might be hard for you to take a risk on falling in love again—but it’s been hard for me too! I vowed never to look seriously at another woman. Then you came along and…well, I changed my mind. But it wasn’t easy! I fell in love with you in spite of myself. And I thought we’d be happy together.’
‘Perhaps you’re stronger than me,’ she said.
He was silent for a while. Kelly could tell he had something still to say, was trying to find the right words. And eventually, ‘I love…or I loved you, Kelly. But if this is what you want, we will part. Just one thing. If we part now then we part forever. Which is it to be?’
For ever. What final words. But she knew it had to be. ‘We have to part,’ she said.
Now his face was as hard as iron. ‘Very well. Working together after this would be impossible. I don’t want you to come to the surgery again. I will see, however, that you are paid for the time you are contracted for.’
‘There is no need. I am not short of money.’ She shut the door.
Kelly thought that she was back where she had started. But Joe’s cottage wasn’t a refuge any more. She still went for her long walks, kept the cottage scrupulously tidy.
She missed her bedroom in Luc’s home. She missed the life she had been leading, missed Jenny, above all she missed Luc.
She wondered what the future might bring her, she even wondered if she had a future. There was no need for her to accept the New Zealand job at once, she had six weeks to make up her mind. She didn’t complete the acceptance, she supposed she’d go but she had no great interest in it.
Again and again she went over what she had done. Had it been the right decision to leave Luc? Yes! It had to be! Look at the state she was in now. And it could have turned into something far far worse.
Then suddenly, three days later, her life was turned upside down, a shock far greater than she had ever been able to imagine. It was a warm early evening, she was sitting outside on the cottage terrace, thinking blankly that everything around her was beautiful—and she just didn’t care.
Her phone rang. She looked at it suspiciously, there was absolutely no one whom she wished to talk to. There were few people who would wish to talk to her. So she let it ring. But it rang and rang. Someone was determined to speak to her. It was less trouble to answer.
‘Kelly, this is Paul Briard.’ The voice was anxious. Hastily he said, ‘Please don’t ring off, this is very important. I need you urgently.’
‘What is it, Paul?’
When he spoke she could hear the worry in his voice. ‘This morning Luc went for a stroll in the woods near his home.’ Now there was bitterness in his voice. ‘There were hunters in the woods. It was probably an accident—but Luc was shot in the back. Not a shotgun wound either. He has a bullet in his spine. He needs urgent surgical attention. The hunters sent for SAMU—they’re now being questioned by the police. SAMU brought Luc here.’
It was weird. She knew she should have been shocked, horrified by the news. But instead she reverted into the mindset she’d developed as a military doctor. Never mind that he was the man she loved most in the world. She had to be calm, passionless. ‘How bad is the wound?’
‘Serious. We’ve got him stabilised, he’s even half-conscious.’
‘Any paralysis?’ Always a great fear when there was damage to the spine.
‘Not yet. We’ve got him immobilised. But the X-rays aren’t good. He needs urgent specialist care.’
‘He needs a full neurological team to look at him. Can you get him to the hospital?’
‘It’s far too far away. My medical opinion is that he should not be moved if it is at all possible to deal with him here.’
‘There! At the surgery? Have you found a surgeon?’
‘There’s one on holiday locally. I’ve sent for him. Kelly, we could do with your advice.’
‘Of course. I’ll drive there at once. Don’t start anything serious until I get there.’
It struck her as she replaced the receiver that she was giving orders again. And expecting them to be obeyed.
Her car drew up outside the surgery, there seemed to be quite a lot of cars there. Then she realised that this was a normal working day, the rest of the unit would be functioning as normal. As normal as was possible. She hurried into Reception. Paul met her there. ‘How is he?’ she asked.
‘Okay at present, but the situation isn’t good. Something has to be done quickly. That bullet could move at any moment. Do you want to come and see him?’
Yes, she did. He was the man she loved. The thought of him in this state was so horrific that…But she was here as a surgeon! Calmly she said, ‘I’d like to see him in a moment. Before I do I want to see the X-rays, your report of what has happened so far. Tell me about the injury.’
‘The wound is to the dorsal vertebrae. He was shot with a small-calibre, standard velocity bullet at quite long range. There appears to be no fragmentation and the bullet hasn’t transacted the spinal column. But it’s lodged between two vertebrae and if it moves another couple of centimetres…’
‘Paraplegia or even quadraplegia.’ Paralysis of the lower body or even all the body. Kelly shivered. Not a good prognosis.
‘And is this surgeon here yet?’
‘He is. Albert Delacroix. He is in my office right now.’ Paul paused a moment and then said, ‘Referring to some of my medical textbooks.’
‘What kind of surgeon is he?’
‘He is training to be one. He has performed a number of operations—but largely under supervision.’
‘Does he want to perform this operation?’
Kelly saw that Paul was choosing his words carefully. ‘He is certain that something needs to be done at once.’
‘I’d like to look at the X-rays and talk to him. Is the theatre ready for use? Can you act as anaesthetist? Is there someone to be scrub nurse?’
‘Everything is ready. All we need is a surgeon.’
‘Good.’
For a moment she wondered why Paul was looking at her in that slightly baffled way. Then she realised. This was a Kelly he’d never met before. A curt, effic
ient, professional doctor, able to make half a dozen life-or-death decisions in the course of a day. And be confident about them. And that was what she was!
She liked Albert Delacroix. He was younger than her. He was keen, earnest, obviously a very hard worker. He had studied the X-rays, drawn little diagrams, consulted Luc’s textbooks on anatomy.
He also spoke excellent English. But he had never taken a bullet out of a spine.
He pointed to one of the X-rays. ‘You see, Dr Blackman, cutting down for access to the bullet here would be difficult but possible. What I am not sure about is how then to extract the bullet.’
‘A nudge in the wrong direction and you’ve damaged the spinal cord,’ she said laconically. ‘But if the operation isn’t performed there will soon be damage anyway. This isn’t one of those cases when we can wait and see.’
‘I agree. We need to operate at once. I gather that you are acquainted with the patient?’
‘I am.’
‘So do you feel happy about performing an operation on a friend? It will be a tremendous strain on you. I am willing to operate, to do what I can. But my honest medical opinion is that you would do a better job.’
Kelly glanced at Paul, who had been standing silently, listening to the conversation. ‘I’d like to see the patient for a minute first,’ she said. ‘How is he, Dr Briard?’
‘Sedated. But he will be able to recognise you.’
‘I’d like to see him for a minute. Then I’d like to scrub up. You have scrubs ready?’
‘We have everything ready.’
So far she knew she had done very well. All personal feelings had been repressed, she was a surgeon again. But when she bent over her lover, saw his face lined with pain, suddenly she reverted to the haunted woman she had once been. In England she’d never be asked to operate on a family member or a friend, it was ridiculous! She just couldn’t do this!
‘Luc?’ She knew her voice was quavering. ‘Luc, it’s Kelly.’
Slowly, his eyes opened, and he tried to smile.
His voice was only a croak. ‘Kelly. You can do it.’ Then his eyes closed and he didn’t speak again.
For a moment she remained hunched over the bed, tears falling unchecked. Then she stood.
‘I will attempt to remove this bullet. Albert, you will assist me. Paul, you are to be the anaesthetist and I gather you have someone who has experience as a scrub nurse. Now we all prepare and I will operate in fifteen minutes.’
She was standing there, gowned, masked, a scalpel in her hand. In the background there was the familiar chuntering of the anaesthetic machine. Lights bright overhead, green-clad figures near her, waiting for her orders.
Time to start work.
Slowly, delicately, she cut her way into Luc’s body. She was pleased to see that her old skills had not deserted her. Follow the channel of the bullet, enlarge it where necessary, mind the nerves, the blood vessels. And finally she could see the bullet. This was the hardest part. ‘Forceps,’ she said.
She had to hold the bullet, withdraw it, not let it move a millimetre to the side. And, inevitably, it didn’t want to move. She kept up the pressure, pulled, knowing that eventually it would have to come. Or slip. It didn’t want to move. She could feel the tension around the table now. Everyone knew that this was the crisis point. Then she felt the tiniest alteration in resistance. The bullet moved.
Slowly, she drew it out. There was a ting as she dropped it into a dish held out for her. There was a sigh of relief from everyone.
This was supposed to be a team effort. ‘Would you like to start closing?’ she asked Albert.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SHE stayed in the surgery until the next morning, waking every two hours to check up on Luc’s progress. It was good. In the morning the ambulance arrived and there was just time for a word with her semi-conscious patient before he was driven away. ‘Go and see Jenny,’ he said, ‘and then tomorrow will you come and see me?’
‘I will.’ Then she watched as Luc was carefully transferred to the ambulance. She would have liked to have gone with him. But there was an experienced nurse in attendance so Kelly knew there was no reason to.
She watched as the ambulance drove out of the surgery gates. Her responsibility had ended. Then, and only then, the tears came.
Paul came to stand by her side. His arm slipped round her shoulders, and she turned to him and wept, her head buried on his chest. He felt big and comforting but not like Luc.
‘Your work for now is finished. You can go home,’ he said. ‘But you must decide which home you wish to go to.’
‘Which home?’ She didn’t understand.
‘You can go to Joe’s cottage. Or you can go back to Luc’s house and stay with Minette and Jenny. I talked with Luc while you were having a shower this morning. Madeleine is going to stay over there for a few days. You being with her would make things…happier.’
There didn’t seem to be much difficulty in choosing. Previous decisions were…previous. ‘I’d like to go home to Luc’s house,’ she said.
Paul smiled. ‘That is good. And there is a surprise waiting for you.’
‘What kind of a surprise?’
‘I think you will find it a pleasant one. Now, I think there is little point in anyone going to see Luc today. The medical team there will want to assess him, will not want to be bothered with visitors and will probably keep him in Intensive Care overnight. They will let me know how he is progressing, I will forward all news straight to you. But tomorrow I think—’
‘I’ll go tomorrow morning.’
‘Good. Now, since I am doing the work of three doctors, I must go.’
Kelly blinked. She had forgotten that this was a busy surgery, that there would be patients coming in, decisions to be made, the normal work to be done. ‘Would you like me to come back here full time when I’m sure that Luc is all right?’
‘Please,’ said Paul. ‘I want this surgery back to the happy way it was before.’
There was no way she could think on the drive home. It took all her attention just to stay on the road. But eventually she pulled up outside the front of Luc’s house and there waiting for her were three figures. Minette, Madeleine and holding Madeleine’s hand a small figure was standing. Standing!
The figure waved. ‘Auntie Kelly, you’re back! And I’ve missed you. Look, I can walk now—well, nearly.’ And Jenny took four careful steps.
Kelly ran towards the little girl, gathered her in her arms and hugged her. ‘You look marvellous, darling. And soon you’ll be running.’
‘I’m to do a lot of swimming. Will you help me swim?’
‘Yes,’ said Kelly unsteadily, ‘I’ll help you swim.’ Things were moving too fast for her. How had she managed the past few days without seeing Jenny?
‘You look terrible,’ Madeleine said practically. ‘Come inside before you fall over.’
Paul had phoned, saying that Kelly was on her way. Minette had breakfast arranged, they all sat in Jenny’s room.
She had her breakfast. Then Madeleine said, ‘I’m not a doctor but I’m going to prescribe to you. You need sleep. Twice your eyes have closed while you’ve been eating, and you’ve had to force them open. So…’
‘But I want to know how—’
‘If there’s any news about Luc, I’ll come and tell you. But for now, sleep.’
She knew it made sense. She went to her room, had the quickest of baths. Then to bed—there was no nightie. With the faintest of smiles she remembered that the last time she had woken up in that bed, she had not been wearing a nightie.
She climbed into bed and slept.
Driving to the hospital next morning she felt considerably better. She was awake, alert, she felt smart in her doctor-going-to-hospital suit and a moderate amount of make-up. What she couldn’t decide was what she was going to say to Luc. The last time they had met—that was, before she’d operated on him—he had made things very clear to her. If we part now then we part for ever. Fo
r ever. Even then it had seemed a long time.
She knew his character now, he was a determined man. He didn’t like people who couldn’t make up their minds. And that certainly seemed to include her. Well, she would just have to see.
It took some time to negotiate her way to Luc’s bedside. It was difficult to decide—was she family, friend or doctor? But eventually she was there sitting by his bedside, looking down at him. Those glorious blue eyes opened. ‘Come to check on my progress, Doctor?’ he asked.
She burst into tears. ‘You could have been killed! What would I have done then?’
It was he who reached for her hand. ‘Could have been killed? I could have been paralysed if it hadn’t been for you.’
‘It wasn’t me that operated! I couldn’t have done it, the way I feel about you, I couldn’t have put a scalpel anywhere near you. It was some no-feeling operating machine that took over my body. It told the helpless, frightened me that this was just a job, that emotion had no part in it.’
‘It did a good job. The surgeon who examined me yesterday wants to offer you a job. And it wasn’t a no-feeling machine that operated. It was you. I can only imagine what you went through, thinking what I’d feel if I had to operate on you. But you knew you’d done a good job, didn’t you?’
‘Things are always doubtful. And at one stage I didn’t think I’d dare start, never mind carry on.’
She shook her head. There was something she didn’t really understand herself. ‘But something happened to me as I operated on you. I knew it was a risk, but I knew it was your best chance. I had to do it, even though I knew I’d have to live with the consequences if you died. I took that risk. And now I feel that there isn’t any risk I can’t take. Luc, I’ve got brave!’
‘You’ve always been brave!’
‘But now I know it. I feel that everything in my life is going to go well from now on. I know I’m confident—but I don’t know why I know. And I know what I want.’
‘And that is?’
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