by S. H. Kolee
Time passed by as we lay contentedly, not talking, simply just enjoying the day and the closeness of each other. The light breeze teased us but I felt warm from Jackson's body nestled against mine.
"Emma?" Jackson said softly after a while, breaking the silence.
"Hmm?"
"In case I forget to tell you, this has been one of the best weeks of my life."
I lifted my head and saw Jackson watching me, his face serious. My face broke out in a wide smile at his words.
"I wish I could say the feeling's mutual, but it's not." Jackson's face darkened and I instantly regretted my bad joke. I quickly added, "This hasn't been one of the best weeks of my life. It's been the best week of my life."
Jackson's face cleared and then he got a devious look on his face. "Toying with me, I see. You'll have to be punished."
Jackson swooped in, tickling me, and I shrieked in protest.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I exclaimed breathlessly through my laughter. "I won't do it again!"
Jackson stopped tickling me as he hovered over me, his eyes dancing with merriment. "You're lucky you're so beautiful. I'd forgive you anything."
I caught my breath from laughing so hard and gazed up at him. He traced the outline of my lips with his thumb, his eyes darkening. He leaned down and grazed my lips with his, the soft touch setting sparks of desire through me.
Jackson winked at me as he lay back down on his back, pulling me next to him so we were nestled against each other again. "You're also lucky we're in public, otherwise you'd be naked right now."
"Then I think we should go back to your place now."
Jackson grinned and we got up, quickly packing up our picnic basket. I couldn't believe how my body could constantly crave him, with no more provocation than a simple kiss. But I decided to just enjoy it instead of questioning it. I was riding high on feelings and emotions.
Before we left the park, we walked over to the John Lennon memorial. It was a large circular mosaic on the ground made up of black and white stones and my chest felt tight when I saw the word spelled out in the middle: Imagine. Memories of my father rushed through me as I felt conflicting emotions. I grieved the fact that I would never share this with my father, that we would never stand here together and look upon this poignant tribute to his favorite musician. But a part of me, the part that believed in something more than myself, that believed in things beyond what we could see and touch, felt that my father was here with me.
My father would often say, "Emma, you and I are two of a kind. We're practical and sensible but we're also dreamers. Don't forget that part of you. There's nothing wrong with being sensible, but dreams are what make you fly. And you're destined to touch the sky."
Memories of my father's belief in me had given me the strength necessary to leave behind my life in D.C., to leave a life that I knew would slowly drain me of my dreams. I never would have been standing at this memorial if it hadn't been for my father. It was only fitting that I felt him so strongly here.
Jackson didn't say a word, he just wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I rested my head against his chest, my arm around his waist, and we just stood there silently, gazing at the word Imagine.
After a few moments, he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "How are you feeling?"
"Happy and sad," I answered honestly. "I'm sad that my father isn't standing here next to me, but I'm happy that I got to see this. I know my father is still a part of me, so in a way we're still seeing it together even though he's not here physically."
I looked up at Jackson, my heart full of an emotion I didn't want to put a label on yet. "Thank you for bringing me here."
Jackson leaned down and brushed my lips with his own. "I'm just glad that I could share this moment with you."
I leaned in closer to him, tightening my arms around him. "I'm ready to go home now."
Jackson and I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening at his apartment. This time we succeeded in making love slowly and it was infinitely poignant and soul stirring as we worshipped each other's bodies. I felt emotionally exposed and bare looking into Jackson's eyes as he gazed back at me, slowly and exquisitely sinking his body into mine. But I reveled in my vulnerability, in my willingness to open myself up completely to Jackson, because I could see all my desires and emotions reflected back to me in Jackson's eyes.
Afterwards, we ate Chinese food out of takeout cartons and watched bad sitcoms, laughing even though the jokes were cheesy because it felt effortless to be happy in that moment. When it was time for Jackson's play, I went along, sitting in the front row and enraptured by his performance again, clapping until my hands tingled when he came out for his bow.
Claire had plans with friends after the play so we were saved from having to make excuses for not going out with her. We went back to Jackson's apartment and made love again, but we were no longer slow and gentle but frenzied and greedy. Jackson held my hands above my head, pinning them against the pillow and holding me in place as he slammed into me until I cried out as waves of pleasure rippled through my body.
I looked up after my climax and saw his jaw clenched as he stilled himself so that I could feel every spasm of my orgasm. My next words surprised me, I had never been so brazen in my life, but I could tell I took Jackson completely off guard.
"I want you to come in my mouth."
Jackson sucked in a deep breath, his nostrils flaring as I felt his erection jerk inside of me at my words.
"Christ, Emma," Jackson said hoarsely. "Are you trying to kill me?"
I sat up, feeling him slip out of me, and kneeled before him. I took hold of the root of his erection and licked the engorged head, looking up at him at the same time. Jackson groaned, his body shuddering in pleasure.
"I like tasting myself on you. I can't wait until you come in my mouth and I can taste us together."
I flushed with power when I took Jackson deep into my mouth and he clenched his teeth with pleasure, the planes of his face harsh with desire. It was pure satisfaction to slide his rock hard erection in and out of my mouth until he could take no more, grabbing my head and pumping his release into my mouth, his teeth bared as he cried out. His eyes glittered as he watched me lapping up every bit, greedy for the taste of him.
"You are trying to kill me," Jackson rasped as he fell onto the bed. He dragged me close so that I was nuzzled next to him.
I giggled and kissed his neck. "It was just payback for all the times you've made me lose control."
Jackson grinned down at me, his dimples deep and looking absurdly happy. "Luckily, I'm okay with that kind of revenge."
We woke up Sunday morning to an overcast day, but that did nothing to put a dent in our cheerful mood. I told Jackson that I would make lunch today since it was my turn to cook for him so we went grocery shopping. It felt domestic to wheel a cart around the market, picking out groceries and debating what the rules were in determining if fruit was ripe.
It was raining by the time we were done shopping so we ducked into a cab, laughing as we narrowly missed being splashed by cars whizzing past us.
"Hi, Sam," I greeted as we rushed into Jackson's apartment building with our bags of groceries.
Sam nodded in response. "Mr. Reynard. Emma." I had insisted that he call me Emma because it felt too weird being called Ms. Mills. He then smiled at me. "I'm glad to see you didn't get too wet. It's supposed to rain all day."
I grimaced. "It's hell on my hair. It frizzes like crazy in the humidity."
"You look beautiful, wet hair and all," Jackson said with a smile. He then winked at Sam. "I keep trying to convince her not to cut her hair."
I shook my head in disapproval. "I'm way overdue for a cut. I'm starting to resemble Medusa."
Sam smiled in amusement. "I think Mr. Reynard is right. Your hair is beautiful."
"I'll have to keep both of you around," I replied grinning. "You're good for the ego."
After the quick ride up the el
evator, we unpacked the groceries, but then I shooed Jackson out of the kitchen.
"Go watch TV or something. I can't concentrate with you in here."
Jackson gave me an indulgent smile and obliged, grabbing a beer and turning on a baseball game in the living room.
I busied myself in the kitchen, putting a pot of water to boil on the stove and grating Parmesan cheese. I had decided to make a cold pesto pasta salad with peas and grilled chicken, one of my old standbys and one of the few things I could make with no recipe.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Jackson called out from the living room.
"I'm fine, don't come in here!" I answered back. I wasn't exactly skilled in the kitchen and I didn't want Jackson to see the mess I was making, let alone the frantic pace of my cooking. I had admired his easy and effortless grace when he had made me dinner, but I was more like a chicken with its head cut off, rushing over to the stove when the water started boiling over and cursing softly when I spilled my first batch of pesto on the floor.
I heaved a sigh of relief when I was done, having avoided any major mishaps. I surveyed the kitchen, cringing at the mess. It looked like a hurricane had gone through it, but I would clean it after lunch, before Jackson could see it.
"Lunch is served," I announced as I carried our two plates into the living room. Jackson took his plate, his eyes lighting up at the pasta salad.
"You've been holding out on me," Jackson said after he took his first bite. "This is great."
"Don't be expecting too much," I warned with a laugh. "I can only make a few things without burning down the kitchen. This is one of them."
We watched the rest of the baseball game while we ate. More accurately, Jackson watched the rest of the game and I watched Jackson. It pleased me more than I thought possible that he was eating my pasta salad with such relish. When he asked if there was any more, I jumped up to get him a second serving, not wanting him to see the kitchen.
"I'm going to start cleaning up," I said after I gave Jackson his second helping.
"I'll clean up after I finish this," Jackson said. "You cooked."
"It's okay," I insisted vehemently. "Watch the rest of the baseball game."
Back in the kitchen, I tackled the task of cleaning up. I was in the middle of wiping up pesto that had dripped down the cabinets when I heard footsteps behind me.
"Why don't you go relax, I'll-"
I wheeled around as Jackson stopped in mid-sentence, his mouth gaping open as he surveyed the kitchen. I winced, knowing how bad it looked. In addition to the pesto on the cabinets, there were puddles of pesto on the floor. When I had ripped open the package of frozen peas, handfuls had spilled out and were now rolling around on the counter. I had somehow gotten pasta stuck to the refrigerator, although for the life of me I couldn't remember how that had happened.
"Sorry," I squeaked in embarrassment. "I can be kind of messy while I'm cooking."
Jackson looked at me nonplussed, and then burst out laughing. "I've gotta watch you the next time you cook to see how this all happens."
I frowned at Jackson in mock annoyance, but I couldn't suppress my laughter.
"I know, I know. I'm a bit of a mess. I'm just lucky that I didn't get anything on your ceiling. It's happened before, usually when there's a blender involved."
Jackson grinned and wordlessly helped me clean up the kitchen. Between the two of us, we were able to make quick work of it.
We settled back into the living room after we were done. Jackson peered out the sliding glass doors at the rain.
"It doesn't look like it's going to let up any time soon. Wanna just watch a movie until it's time to leave for Nathan's showing?"
"Sure," I agreed, liking the sound of snuggling together and watching a movie, cozy inside while the rain poured steadily outside "What's the selection?"
Jackson got up and pulled a box out of the closet full of DVD's, setting it in front of my feet. "Take a look."
"Interesting storage solution," I commented, indicating the cardboard box. "How come you have so little furniture in here?"
Jackson shrugged. "I just never got around to buying anything more after I got the essentials. I always meant to buy a coffee table and all that other junk you're supposed to have but I never got motivated enough." His face brightened as he looked at me. "Maybe we can go furniture shopping together. I could use some help. My taste tends to run to the utilitarian."
"Sure," I answered with a nod, a thrill running through me at the thought of doing something as domestic as picking out furniture together. I turned my attention to the box of DVD's before I embarrassed myself with my giddiness.
Jackson had an eclectic collection of movies, but I raised an eyebrow as I picked up one DVD.
"I'm surprised you have The Way We Were," I said with a skeptical look. "I never would have pegged you for a Barbra Streisand fan."
"I'm a progressive modern kind of man," Jackson said with an affronted look, but he ruined the effect by grinning. "Actually, I've never watched it. My mom gave it to me. She's always trying to give me old movies to watch. Says I don't appreciate the classics."
"Your mom is right," I said, handing him the DVD. "It's one of my favorite movies. Let's watch it."
"I'm game." Jackson got up to slide the DVD into the player.
We snuggled on the couch, my legs draped over Jackson's lap and my head on his chest. It had been a long time since I had watched The Way We Were, but I was instantly engrossed in the story of Hubbell and Katie. It was bittersweet watching them fall in love, because I knew what was coming at the end.
I bit my lip at the last scene, not wanting to cry, as Hubbell and Katie gazed at each other with love and regret as they thought about the life they had shared together and the future they would never get to explore.
When Katie reached up to brush Hubbell's hair back from his forehead, the gesture full of wistfulness and lost dreams, I was unable to hold back my tears. I sighed heavily as the ending credits rolled on the screen and Jackson tipped my head back by my chin so that he could see my face.
"Sweetheart," he said with a wry smile as he gently wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs. "Are you okay?"
"It's just so sad and unfair," I wailed. "They belong together, but all they did was get in each other's way. Now they'll spend the rest of their life regretting not being with one another."
Jackson chuckled as he kissed me. "I guess it was a more realistic ending. Not everyone lives happily ever after."
"Did you like it?" I asked, wiping away the rest of my tears, feeling a little foolish for getting so emotional over a movie.
"It was kind of frustrating," Jackson admitted. "They loved each other, but they kept creating problems between them. Yeah, they were drastically different but they could have made it work if they really wanted to. They were more focused on their own agenda than each other."
"Yeah, but sometimes love isn't enough," I said, thinking of my relationship with Sean. "And sometimes it isn't the right kind of love. People like to think that just because they're in love, they'll get a happily ever after. But then real life intrudes."
Jackson looked at me with a thoughtful expression. "Are you speaking in generalizations or are you thinking about a specific situation?"
I knew what he was referring to, but I was reluctant to mention Sean. Since I had told Jackson about Sean and our broken engagement, I had been loathe to bring it up again. Jackson hadn't been happy hearing that I had been engaged to someone that I had been with for ten years so I didn't want to stir the pot.
I shrugged, trying to answer obliquely. "I don't know, I was just thinking out loud."
Jackson raised an eyebrow, not seeming to accept my answer. "Did it have anything to do with Sean?"
I bit my lip, not knowing how to avoid the subject of Sean when Jackson mentioned him outright.
"I don't think it's a good idea to talk about Sean. You weren't too happy when I talked about him before. Besides, it's
in the past. I'm happy being here with you now. That's all that matters."
Jackson's eyes glowed at my words, but he smiled ruefully. "I admit it didn't feel great finding out about Sean and your engagement. But it was just because I hated knowing that he got you for ten years. I found myself wishing that I had been the one to meet you when you were fifteen."
"Well, you have me now," I said with a gentle smile. "And that's what's important." I paused, hesitating to broach a subject I had never mentioned before, although I had been wildly curious. "What about you? Have you had many serious relationships?"
"Not really. My longest relationship was for about a year, but it ended when we realized we were better off being friends."
"Are you still friends with her?" I asked, unexpected jealousy coursing through me. I wasn't normally a jealous person, and the unfamiliar feeling was unwelcome.
Jackson shook his head. "Our friendship fizzled out, just like our relationship."
"Didn't you and Claire date for a little bit?" I had wondered about this for a while. Claire seemed perfectly happy for Jackson and I, but there were fleeting moments when I wondered if she was bothered by our blooming relationship.
"We went out on a total of three dates when we first met. There was no chemistry between us, so it was natural to transition to just being friends."
"Did you guys ever...you know...get a little friendlier?" I couldn't help but wonder if Jackson and Claire had ever slept together, especially since I knew how Jackson was in the bedroom. With his good looks and skills, how could any woman resist him? But I felt uncomfortable asking Jackson about it.
Jackson smiled, kissing my forehead gently. "If you're asking if Claire and I ever slept together, the answer is no. There was never anything more besides a goodnight kiss here and there."
I was relieved by his answer. Even though the thought of Claire and Jackson kissing didn't make me ecstatic, I was comforted by the fact that nothing else had happened between them. Besides, that had been a long time ago.
Jackson gazed me at, his eyes questioning. "Does that bother you?"
I shook my head. "No, I know you're just friends now. Claire's told me herself that you guys just went on a few dates and nothing came of it."