For a moment she froze as if she remembered another time and place. Slade would not have it. He meant to erase that time from her mind forever.
"Easy, little fox. I'll go slow."
Slade tried to ease inside her, but his hunger was raw with need and wanting. He'd denied himself for so long. He held back as best he could, but when she arched against him begging for more of him, he could control himself no longer. In a smooth powerful motion, Slade drove into Lainie. She was so small and tight.
Lainie's eyes flew open, "Slade," she cried out. Her balled fist hit him on the shoulder. She writhed against him, pushing him away and then, inexplicably pulling him closer.
He froze. "Easy, little darling. Easy now. I'm sorry. I didn't think this would hurt." With more control than he knew he possessed, Slade waited with patience born from a hunger deep inside to pleasure Lainie. She had known only pain. Slade wanted to make sure she knew only exquisite pleasure. He reminded himself she was an innocent, and that he could hurt her just as easily as give her pleasure. Slowly, He lowered his mouth to hers and brushed warm easy butterfly kisses on her lips her cheek her nose.
Slade felt her relax beneath him. She moistened her lips and instinctively arched into him. It was a small movement but it was enough for Slade to know that the pain was subsiding and her hunger was growing once more.
He kissed her more deeply and she returned the kiss, tasting him and exploring him with her tongue. She began to move beneath him with a rhythmic pulse that was primal, seductive and undeniable.
"Easy, not too fast. Does it hurt?"
"Nay,' she said and arched again, pulling him more deeply inside. He stifled a hungry groan and possessed her mouth with his lips and tongue just as he was possessed all of her.
The motion of Lainie's body as she responded wildly to him was an aphrodisiac to his heart and soul. Tongues of pure fire pulsed into him where their bodies were joined.
Even though she didn't fight him, he knew she wasn't swept into the smoldering flames of passion as he was. He tried to control himself to hold still, to wait until he'd brought her once more to a place where all she could do was beg him for her release, but it was too late. He was far too aroused to deny himself the tight velvet paradise he was sheathed within. Release swept through him, burning him with a hunger that he knew could not be quenched with one joining.
He let out a broken cry when his seed spilled into her, and silent tears of remorse poured through him when he realized he had not seen to her climax.
He held her close and tried to control the pulsing of his own body in the aftermath of the sweetest joining he had ever known. "I'm sorry. It will be better for you next time."
His breathing slowed but he was still inside her. He couldn't bring himself to leave the sultry paradise he'd just found.
"Slade, that wasn't what I thought it would be." Lainie said finally, a tightness to her voice he’d never heard before.
The sound of her voice frightened Slade. She had been so hot, so willing, and he had failed her. He had proven true just what she'd thought about men since Bertram had used her in such a vile and hateful way.
He cursed himself.
He had taken and failed to give. He had enjoyed it so much he had lost control too quickly. That had never happened to him before. The knowledge that he had wanted her more than he'd ever wanted another woman made him furious. For Lainie's sake, he knew he had to tamp down that fury.
Slade remembered how vulnerable and fragile she was, as well as the tightness of her satin sheath. And he remembered that she'd had only one man before him. Even though he hadn't taken her maidenhead, this had been her first real experience with lovemaking and he'd acted like a besotted fool.
One more time he swore at himself and his inability to control his lust for a woman who needed to be taught the pleasures of making love.
Then Slade realized with sudden clarity how slender Lainie was, how delicately made she was. He wasn't either slender or small. He was an unusually large, powerful man. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but he must have. The knowledge simultaneously shamed and angered him.
Even if he didn't hurt her, he gave her no pleasure, either.
He didn't like the color staining Lainie's cheeks. She had no reason to be embarrassed. He'd never ever wanted this to happen. From the first kiss, she had felt like sun-warmed honey. He had been so hot for her he'd left his pants tangled around his boots. And he'd taken her wearing his boots as though she were the promiscuous mistress of a man he hated.
There were no names vile enough to call himself.
And she had begged him. Giving and giving of herself as if she loved him. That thought slapped him hard across the heart. He looked at Lainie as if he'd never seen her before. And he hadn't. Not the way he was seeing her now. He hadn't allowed himself to look past the actions to the woman. She'd had good reason to steal the documents. She'd had good reason to fight him. And he hadn't seen her because he'd wanted her too much to turn aside, no matter what the truth of her innocence was.
He was a damn stupid fool.
"I'm sorry, Lainie," he said. "It won't happen again."
"I'm not sorry, Englishman," she whispered as if her heart were breaking. Suddenly her mouth drew down in an unhappy curve and she looked away from him as if she were horrified.
"Lainie, I--" but words stuck in his throat. Nothing he could think of to say would do anything but hurt her. And he'd already hurt Lainie MacPherson more than he could imagine. He should suffer the torture of the damned.
A tear slipped down her cheek. "I don't want your pity. I gave you everything I had to give and I thought you wanted me."
"Lainie," he breathed. "I did want you."
"Then what's wrong?"
'I've ruined you."
The word pulsed in Slade's mind and reverberated in his heart. Ruined.
"I was ruined a long time ago, Englishman. Nothing you did today changed that," she whispered harshly. "I wasn't a virgin. I should have known better than to give you a reason to continue believing the worst about me."
To Slade her words sounded bittersweet.
A gentleman marries the woman he's ruined.
Despite the gut wrenching sensations racing through Slade, he suddenly realized he was well and truly cornered. He wasn't the marrying kind. He believed love was fool's paradise. He searched for a remedy and fought the guilt which was now overriding the concern.
"I can't marry you," he said. "We made a bargain."
Her laugh didn't sound real. "A bargain made in hell," she said softly. Her fingers gripping the bedroll as if it was all she had to hang onto and perhaps it was. "Don't worry, Englishman. I didn't expect a proposal." She sat up and tried to cover herself.
For the second time, Lainie had shocked Slade. He had expected an argument or tears. Nothing Lainie did was in tune with the lessons he had learned at a tender age about women. Seducing a man to take her innocence was the oldest trick known to man, but Lainie wasn't proposing marriage. She acted as if she didn't want anything to do with it.
"I won't marry you," Slade said feeling both shocked and numb.
"It's important for the truth to come out from the very first," Lainie shot back. "And now that the bargain we made has been fulfilled, I won't owe you anything, either."
"The devil," he breathed, feeling an about face to his twisted, raw emotions. "What are you talking about, little darling. The bargain has not been fulfilled."
"--you couldn't possibly want to make me your mistress, and I'm not applying for the job in any case."
Lainie's tone and the underlying current of unhappy resignations took Slade by surprise again. "I never wanted a mistress. And our bargain is far from being complete." Slade didn't understand how one tiny, very delicate woman could goad him into saying things he ended up regretting.
But she'd done it again.
"I didn't like what you did and I don't want to do it again," she told him simply.
"You begged me fo
r more," he responded, defending his actions and his emotions if not to her, to himself.
She was shaking her head. The motions set her silken hair swirling in disarray around her. "I did, but I learned my lesson. I don't condemn you for anything that happened. It's just that--"
"We will make love again," he whispered intensely. "And you will feel different about it. I won't take you with my boots on as if you were a mistress I can buy or sell, ready and willing for a quick tumble. You will feel pleasure."
He saw her flinch. He knew he'd hurt her if he started speaking his mind. That was why he'd tried to keep his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself.
"I won't be your mistress or your whore," she said then turned away from him and fled in the direction of the pool.
Chapter Fourteen
"Slade, please, just leave me alone."
Embarrassed and angry with herself, Lainie fled to the pool, stripping her clothes off at the waters edge and wading into the comforting water. She pushed back the tears of humiliation. She had no one to blame but herself. She had begged him to make love to her, and she had known all along that it would only cause her more pain.
She had hurt Slade, and she had never wanted to do that.
She dove and swam underwater, wishing she could erase the memory. Yet this had been different. He had not raped her. She did not need to rub herself raw with the sand on the bottom of the pool to erase his touch. No, she longed to remember the heat of his mouth, remember the way he tasted and the scent of roses that emanated from him because he had used her soap.
She had wanted him with a raw hunger she didn't understand. And she still wanted him.
Lainie stayed underwater until her lungs burned for lack of air. She surfaced, inhaling a long breath of life-giving air then let herself slowly sink below the water. Once again she stayed beneath the surface until she thought her lungs might burst from need. But nothing, not even the soothing texture of the water could ease the pain she felt.
Suddenly, a huge arm circled her waist as she was forced to the surface. She fought, kicking and flailing with her arms.
Bertram! No!
Not again, she thought. They burst from the water. Still fighting, she turned and pummeled the man with her fists.
"It's all right, little darling. Don’t fight me. I won’t hurt you."
Lainie opened her eyes. "Slade?" she whispered and breathed deeply, wiping water from her face. "Don't ever do anything like that again."
"Be still. I didn't mean to frighten you."
"Why? I was swimming."
"I watched you sink beneath the water. I thought you needed my help," he murmured apologetically.
She fought down the panic which had overwhelmed her for a few moments. Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes, even as she let Slade hold her head above the water.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I didn't want you to be alone."
"Alone is what I do best," she said. But she felt his hard muscled length against her again and everywhere they touched he still burned her. She wished the raw aching need for this man would vanish.
Will I ever learn?
"I do not get my pleasure hurting women," he told her, his voice harsh, his fingers tightening then instantly gentler.
Lainie sighed. "I know, but that doesn't mean I want you to take me again," she told him flatly.
I don't even want you to make love to me.
The rush of his expelled breath on her damp skin sent goose bumps rippling down her spine.
The double-crossing response of her own body exasperated her. Heat pooled in her stomach.
"It's lovemaking," he corrected.
"You never called it lovemaking before. Don't change your tune, Englishman. ‘Tis clear love has nothing to do with this thing between us." She tried so hard to keep his words from entering her heart. But he was heartless and she needed a shield to keep from letting him back inside her own heart. She needed to guard herself against the pain sweeping though her.
"I need to make this right for you," Slade said softening his tone.
"There is no way to make this right," Lainie said. 'I won't let myself be hurt again by anyone. You've already done too much."
Her body was rigid and she shook with the tension he caused. "It will happen again," he told her, "And I promise you'll like it this time. I'll make damn certain I give you pleasure."
"Don't make promises you may not be able to keep," she reminded him of his own words. "Pleasure is not possible."
Slade said something brutal under his breath. Then it seemed to Lainie he regained his infamous control. "You're the most passionate woman I've ever had the joy of touching. I'm not going to let you run from something so beautiful and precious."
"And that will make me either your whore or your mistress. I told you I won't be either." She radiated outrange as well as frustration. "I won't Slade. I mean it."
Slade inhaled a long, deep breath, telling Lainie that perhaps she'd gotten through to his thick hide. She wasn't sure anyone could tell Aaron Slade anything he didn't want to hear.
"Listen. I didn't mean to tease you and leave you raw and tangled up with desire, yet I did. It wasn't very well done of me, but I want to change that. Still, I can hardly blame you if you want a pound of my flesh."
Slade turned Lainie around so they were eye to eye. His hands were at her waist and he slid them up until her breasts were bracketed by them.
"Stop, Slade. I mean it." She pushed away from him, giving herself a little distance.
"No you don't," his voice was gentle. "I love the way your breasts respond to my touch. Your body is telling me something very different from your words. Wrap your legs around me and hang on. Let me show you what you're supposed to feel. I know you are courageous. Don’t run from me."
"There's a wee clootie in your head if ye believe that nonsense."
She could feel the change in her nipples as they tightened in hungry reflex for a man she wanted more than life itself. Still, she meant to deny her emotions and the sensations swirling inside. Lainie said something that normally would never have crossed her mind, much less her lips.
"You've told me again and again that you always keep your word. Was that just a ruse or is it true?" he asked. "Would you go back on it now?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I can touch you anytime I want. Wasn't that our bargain?"
Lainie stiffened and she didn't answer. She didn't dare answer.
"I thought so."
"Slade I don’t--what are ye doing?"
"I mean to make love to you."
"Nay." Half-heartedly, Lainie struggled against his greater strength, remembering one of the lessons she was supposed to have learned from him. He was stronger than she was. She wouldn't win.
"But that can wait," he said. "I brought your rose scented soap with me. See?" He let go of her with one hand and held out the soap.
The nail marks biting into Slade's arms where she tried to push him away gave evidence of her battle to keep from loosing control.
Earlier though, the proof of her easy capitulation appalled Lainie. She had never thought of herself as easy prey, or as a person who could so easily be manipulated. After the rape, she had hardened herself to all men. How Slade managed to seduce her with just a smile infuriated Lainie.
She had reached for love with Slade. He had told her the truth with a fist in the heart that she would remember forever. Aaron Slade did not believe in love--only passion.
Slade set Lainie on her feet. The water came to her shoulders. She shivered with the absence of his touch. She thought to turn and flee, but she knew he would follow. She felt much safer in the water where he couldn't really see her.
"Lainie," he whispered. "I mean to make this right."
She watched him.
"I'm sorry I didn't give you pleasure," he said. "But I'm not sorry about having you. You are a fire in my soul I can't seem to appease. You respond to
me like no one I've ever known."
Slade's voice died as if his words had taken him to a place where he didn't want her to follow.
"Dinna fash yourself, Englishman. I'm all over it now. Ye don't have to give me pleasure. Just like love, it doesn't exist." She wasn't over him, but if she told herself enough times, maybe the deception she was prolonging would happen.
"I don't think you are--over it," he told her smoothly, his smile dark, making him so very handsome. "Deep inside you want to know about pleasure and satisfaction." Slade paused a moment. "Pleasure a man can give a woman does exist."
Highland Song Page 24