Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

“Fine. I’ll hurt her.”

  Case frowned for a moment. “Are you talking about Erin? Sorry. Of course you are. Uhm, you’re not going to hurt her. She’s already here and she’s planning on finding her own play partner.”

  His hands fisted at his side. That was a kick in the gut. A massive, brutal kick in the gut. “Who?”

  Case took a step back, his hands coming up. “Dude, you look crazy right now. Tone that shit down. You’ve made it clear you don’t think a relationship between you and Erin can work. Did you think she’d wait around forever? It’s already been almost two years for her. She’s gotten the message. She’s ready to try something new.”

  Someone new.

  Fuck and fuck. He’d been ready to turn down something he needed to spare her feelings, but apparently there were no more feelings to be spared. Maybe she’d finally figured out that he wasn’t the man she’d loved before. He was merely wearing his skin.

  “Fine. Let’s go and meet the sub.” He wasn’t sure how he would handle it if he saw her on the dungeon floor. Something ached inside him at the thought. Was this what they would come to? Would they nod each other’s way as they passed by holding the hands of their new partners?

  He knew he shouldn’t care, but he did. He simply didn’t know why. Was it a habit he hadn’t quite forgotten?

  He stopped before they made it out of the locker room. “Did I really love her?”

  His brother would know. According to everything he’d learned about himself, he’d been close to his twin. He was sure they hadn’t sat around talking about their feelings and shit, but shouldn’t Case know if he’d been in love?

  Case’s face went tight with emotion. “You loved her so much I was jealous. Not because I didn’t want to lose my brother, but I wanted to feel what you felt. I wanted to find a woman who made me better than I’d been before.”

  “Did you? Did Mia make you better?” His sunny sister-in-law always had a smile on her face.

  Case nodded. “She does. But I almost screwed everything up. I almost lost her. Do you know how I got her back? I took your advice.”

  “I gave you advice? I didn’t think Mia came around until after I’d gone missing.”

  “No, but you have to know you were always there for me,” Case said solemnly. “I know that sounds silly, but I would ask what you would have done. And when you were first trying to chase Er…her…you would call her and leave her voice mails about your day. You had to because she wouldn’t answer your calls, but I learned later on that those messages wore her down. They made her understand how you felt. So I did it with Mia and six months of pouring my heart out to her phone did the trick.”

  He’d done that? What would he have talked to her about?

  He chased her. Pursued her. Wanted her so desperately he was willing to accept the fact that she wouldn’t answer when he called but he would still leave messages about how he’d hoped she had a good day.

  There it was. A tendril of memory he knew was truth.

  He let it go. If he tried to follow it he would end up in a ball of pain on the floor and nothing would get done all night. He would fuck up the evening for everyone.

  He had to talk to Ian. There was no getting around it. Even if he decided he couldn’t partner with a sub, he did need to explain why. He needed to tell the sub it wasn’t a rejection.

  He might need to find his ex and ask her not to play with anyone else until they’d had more time.

  Did he have the right to ask that of her when he wasn’t sure he could ever be with her again?

  Why was everything so fucking hard?

  He strode out of the locker room, leaving behind the laughter and entering Sanctum.

  His brother’s club. He’d been told this was the second version of the club, the first having been blown all to hell by one of his former team members. Ian had laughingly told him that he and Case had been the only reason everyone inside hadn’t died because they’d rammed the bomb with Case’s truck.

  What a hell of a time that had probably been. His former self had been a badass and for all the right reasons. He’d been a man willing to sacrifice for others.

  Who the hell was he now?

  Thumping industrial music greeted him as he walked to the stairs that led to the second floor and the lounge and playroom. More exotic play occurred on the third floor and there were several privacy rooms he would likely never use with the woman he was about to meet.

  “Ian’s in the bar with the sub and the man who’s representing her in your negotiations.” Case pointed toward the bar area.

  Damn it. He would have to explain to another fucking Dom, who would probably get pissy with him for rejecting his reject. She was probably a former sub he wanted to send off into the leather sunset with another Dom so he didn’t have to deal with her anymore. He would get a lot of pomp and circumstance and then anger when he explained he wasn’t going to help him out.

  He got to the top of the stairs and looked over at the bar. He could see his brother’s back. No way to miss Ian. He was the biggest dude in the place, and there was Charlotte sitting in a chair as he stood. When he decided to sit, he would take her chair and either pull her down to his lap or she would sink gracefully to his side and place her head in his lap.

  On the other side of the table was Liam O’Donnell. His wife was sitting across from Charlotte wearing a pretty corset and laughing at something.

  “Why is O’Donnell here?”

  Case stared ahead. “He’s representing the sub.”

  Damn. He’d thought O’Donnell was a one sub Dom. His instincts must have gotten shot. He hadn’t thought O’Donnell would have a couple of subs on his string along with his wife. Who was the sad-sack sub who played second fiddle…

  Ian moved to his left and he saw her. Her. She was on her knees, smiling at something Charlotte had said. His her. With red hair and freckles he wanted to kiss and breasts he could hold in his palm.

  The implication hit him hard and fast.

  Case’s hand was suddenly on his chest. “Don’t you fucking dare. He’s not here as her Dom. He’s here as the man she respects most in this club. They’ve never once played together. Not once. He’s the godfather of your child, so you chill out right this second and you think this through.”

  Think it through. She was sitting right there. How the hell could he think when she was on her knees waiting for some fucking Dom? “He’s negotiating with her new Dom?”

  “He’s negotiating with you, brother.”

  He stopped, staring at her. She wore a forest green corset and what looked like black boy shorts. Her fire-red hair fell around her shoulders and she looked softer and younger than she did at work. She so often wore it in a severe bun and made sure her clothes were utilitarian and hid her sweet curves.

  “I can’t even say her name.”

  Case put a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t even know her name yet. She’s not Erin in this club. She’s a sub named Red. You will call her Red. You will think of her as Red. Your relationship exists in this club alone and it does not include a past or a future.”

  No past. No future. Simply a woman he wanted more than he did his next breath.

  Red.

  He thought the word, playing it around in his head as he stared her way. No pain. No memory. Just a sense of pure anticipation flowed through his veins. Oh, it had a destination. His cock.

  Ian turned and Theo realized his big brother was kind of an asshole. Not that he hadn’t known that about two minutes after he’d met the man, but he wasn’t foolish enough to think this hadn’t been Ian’s plan all along. He’d said he wanted to try something different and then he hadn’t given Theo an out.

  “So you had an off site? And couldn’t answer your phone?” He had to play this cool. She was a girl in a club and he didn’t know her. It was the only way this could work. If he rushed in, he would be all over her and she would be Erin again.

  Deep breath. Let the pain go.

  Ian shrugged
, one massive shoulder moving up and down negligently. “You know how it goes with picky clients.”

  Yeah, he did. His brother typically put them on their asses and moved on to less annoying clients. This had been one long play to get him here, to force him into a position where he could almost taste her.

  Fuck, if this worked, he might be able to taste her.

  “You could have told me.” He moved to join the group. He wasn’t going to do what he wanted to do, which was scoop her up and take her to one of the privacy rooms and start exploring.

  Red shifted on her pillow. They were scattered around the bar area for subs to relax on. The woman who was so competent and independent during the day seemed perfectly comfortable lounging like a sleek cat on her big fluffy pillow. She leaned to one side, her long legs curling behind her. Her eyes were down in submission, but for a moment she looked up and he could see the heat there.

  She wanted him, too. She wanted this. She’d plotted and planned with Ian and that did something for him. For so long she’d gone without and she sought to end her lack of physical affection with him.

  Could he give her what she needed? He had once. By all accounts, he’d given her everything. He wondered if she knew what had been shoved in the bottom of the backpack she’d sent to him when he’d first come home. As Case explained, it had been his favorite. He’d carried it all around the world and she had kept it after his death. She’d brought it home and enshrined it.

  When he’d come home and gone to Case’s to stay, she’d sent it over, stuffed to the brim with socks and boxers and his clothes. At the bottom had been a book it looked like he’d been reading, a crossword magazine that had been half filled out, and a diamond ring. An engagement ring.

  Had he meant to ask her while they’d been out in the islands?

  Ian stepped in front of him, blocking his view. “This won’t work if you can’t stop thinking about it.”

  It. His past. All the things he couldn’t remember. All the things he’d lost.

  He let it go. “Her name is Red?”

  Ian nodded slowly. “Yes. It’s the only name you will call her in this club and she will call you Sir or Master Theo.”

  “And I can’t see her outside the club?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

  “Outside the club she has to be who she is during the day. She can’t give up her identity.”

  Because she had to think of more than pleasure. She had to think of her kid. This was all she could give him. He intended to take it. “You’re comfortable giving me back my Master rights?”

  “Yes, Theo. You’ve passed every test. Could you stop being afraid for five minutes and try to enjoy yourself? Could you stop thinking about all the ways you’ll hurt everyone around you and think about how you could please them? I know you’re here as a Dom, but you understand what that means in this club.”

  It ultimately meant serving his sub. It was the odd thing about his brother’s brand of D/s. The sub served the Dom. The Dom served the sub. The Dom’s happiness and pleasure was the utmost goal of the submissive. The sub’s happiness and pleasure was the ultimate concern of the Dominant.

  When he thought about it that way, it was kind of like a marriage.

  He couldn’t get on one knee and offer her the ring he’d found in his backpack, but he could do this.

  He moved around his brother, walking up to her. Her head was down and he knelt beside her. He reached out to tilt her chin up. Those green eyes opened and stared up at him as though waiting for him to reject her. It was there in the stubborn tilt of her chin, in the hollow way she looked through him.

  How hard had this been on her? How many times had she been rejected before? Told she wasn’t traditionally beautiful, wasn’t perfectly feminine?

  “I came here to explain to you why I couldn’t do this,” he said quietly.

  She started to pull away.

  He let his eyes go hard. “You will allow me to finish. I was told you had some training. Was your last Dom so lax he didn’t teach you to respect a Dom who’s speaking to you with kindness and politeness?”

  Oh, he loved how she flushed. He had her because her last Dom had been him. He watched as she obviously found her patience, biting that full bottom lip before allowing her eyes to go soft again.

  “My last Dom trained me well. He was a good man.”

  She’d loved him. Loved him so much that she’d had his child and kept his clothes and closed off the part of herself that had belonged to him.

  “I’m not him.”

  She looked down but didn’t move. “I realize that, Sir. It’s all right. If you’ll allow me, I’ll get back to the locker room.”

  “I don’t allow you. Like I said, I came here to explain all the reasons why I can’t top you. And I forget all of them now. I had reasons that had to do with not wanting to hurt another woman.”

  Her eyes came back up and the sweetest smile curled her lips. “I don’t think she’ll mind, Sir.”

  “She is far more complex than I gave her credit for.” He’d never suspected that she would do this. It was inventive and sexy and he needed to see her as more than the woman from his nightmares. She’d been everything to him and now he saw her through the filter Moth…Hope McDonald wanted him to see her through. “Would you like to play with me, Red? I hope you say yes because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen.”

  She flushed again, but he suspected it was for a different reason. For a second he saw a sheen of tears cover her eyes, but then she seemed to shake it off.

  “Yes, Sir. I would love to play with you.”

  Then it was time to let the negotiations begin.

  * * * *

  She reached up and allowed Theo to draw her to her feet.

  Master Theo. He was Master Theo in this place. She had to remember that at all times. For the last thirty minutes while they’d negotiated the terms of their contract, he’d seemed more relaxed and settled than she’d seen him since he’d returned. She wasn’t about to screw with that. Not for anything.

  But she was so having a long talk with Li. Did he have to drag out the contract negotiations when it came to the weird stuff? She caught his grin when Master Theo had blushed. They were giving him shit, but then that was pretty normal for these guys.

  When he’d looked down at her and asked her to play with him…for a second it was like the old Theo had shown up. He’d told her how beautiful she was and she’d believed him. He was the only person in the world who could make her believe it.

  “Now that we know I’m not going to pee on you, would you like to walk a bit and watch some scenes, perhaps?” Master Theo asked politely.

  Yes, Li and Ian had fun with this negotiation. She wanted to go to the privacy rooms and ride him like a stallion, but patience was the word of the day. “I would love to, Sir.”

  Sir. He was back to being Sir. She remembered the first time she’d called him Master. The first time she’d submitted to him. It had been in Africa.

  No. Let it go in here. In this place she was discovering the new Theo and not longing for the one who had died. In this place, she was looking to the present, enjoying the moment with the handsomest Dom she’d ever seen.

  He helped her to her feet and she expected him to let go of her hand. He seemed so hesitant to touch her, but this time his fingers entwined with hers. He turned to lead her out of the bar, not bothering to look back at his brother.

  “You’ll walk her to her car?” Li asked, calling out.

  “I’ll take care of her,” he said, but his shoulders had gone stiff.

  This was the part when she would normally try to soothe him, try to coax him back to his previous good mood. It hadn’t worked for six weeks. For six weeks when she’d laid hands on him and tried to ease him, that was precisely when he would walk out. It was killing her to not know why he could no longer accept her comfort, but she had to go with what seemed to work on him.

  “Are you a jealous ass, Sir?”

&
nbsp; He stopped and his eyes flared as he turned on her. “What did you say?”

  Oh, yeah, now she had his attention. The masochist inside her flamed to life. She’d been carefully banked since Theo died, as she would only ever accept him as her partner again. She’d had fun in the years before Theo, but she wouldn’t play with anyone else. Had he stayed gone, she likely would have lived out her life in widowhood, her sexuality carefully packed away with her heart.

  But he was here and she didn’t have to pretend when it came to this part.

  “I asked if Sir was a jealous ass because he seemed to get upset that I had a friend negotiate for me. It was explained to Sir that my relationship with Master Liam is strictly familial in nature. He acts as the big brother I always wanted. So that means Sir either can’t stand the thought of me being around any male but him, which is selfish as shit when you think about it. Or Sir thinks I’m a liar and I’m actually sleeping with my partner and cheating on the best woman I’ve ever met. Which is it?”

  “Are you always such a mouthy brat?”

  “Always.” She was an honest one, too.

  His shoulders eased down and a self-deprecating chuckle came from his mouth as his hands found her waist and he drew her close. For the first time in forever her body brushed against his and every cell seemed to leap back to life. Her skin heated and she could feel her nipples tighten. Only this man could ever do it for her.

  “I think I’ll have to do something about that,” he said, staring down at her. His hands moved over her shoulders, running down her arms. “I am a jealous ass. And no, I don’t think you’re lying to me. I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t want you.”

  “Then you have very little imagination, Sir. I assure you he’s perfectly happy with his wife. He doesn’t look at other women. I thought it would be easier to have someone negotiate for me. I thought it would give you some time to settle your mind around the thought of playing with me.”

  “Somehow I suspect this was all carefully crafted to manipulate me to the exact place you wanted.”

  Thin ice. It was everywhere. If she stepped the wrong way, she plunged them both back into the chilly waters they’d been swimming in for weeks. “I don’t think of it as manipulation. I think of it as getting what I wanted. You as my Dom. Your hand guiding me. Your hand disciplining me. Your hand as the only one on my body.”