by Lexi Blake
“And the other man?” His voice had gone so quiet she barely heard the question.
She’d promised him honesty. “Was the love of my life, but I want to talk about you tonight.”
A groan went through him. “Do you honestly think this can work? We’re sitting here talking like I’m not him.”
This was something he needed to understand. “You’re not. You won’t be again. I’m not waiting around for you to hit your head and suddenly remember everything. But I’m also not willing to give up, so I think we should enjoy this time we have together. I think we shouldn’t put pressure on you.”
“No, you take all the pressure so I don’t have to.”
“Don’t. You want me to not tease you. I want to spend time with you that doesn’t end in you feeling guilty. Please stay here with me. No past. No future. Nothing but the here and now. Can you do that?”
His hand began to move over her again. “I can try.”
She wanted so badly to push past his guilt. “I believe you promised that you would kiss me when I sat on your lap.”
“I promised I would do more than kiss you.” His voice had gone deep.
Her body tightened. “You did, Sir. As this is our first evening together, you wouldn’t want to disappoint your brand new sub. I’ve heard she can be mean sometimes.”
“She better not be. She better be a good girl while we’re playing or she won’t get what she wants.”
She was working so damn hard to get what she wanted. It was difficult. It was easier to tell herself she didn’t deserve it and let it go, but there was no way she could do that now. This was the man who’d taught her she was worthy.
“I can be a good girl.”
“How far are you willing to go tonight?” Master Theo asked. “I would really like to see your breasts. I’d like for you to take off that corset, let me spank you, and then cuddle for whatever time we have left. I want to play with your nipples. Just my hands.”
“Master Theo, my body is yours. I made that plain. I have a safe word, but don’t expect me to use it.” She slid off his lap and presented her back to him. “You’re going to have to unlace me. Charlotte tied it pretty tightly.”
She heard him sigh and felt him move in behind her. His fingers brushed over her shoulders, pushing her hair out of the way, and she held back a shiver of pleasure.
“How is it that I remember so easily how to do this?” His hands moved down and started to work her laces even as he kissed her neck. “I don’t even have to think about it to know I’ve done it a hundred times. I know we’re sticking to the here and now, but I’ve done this for you before, haven’t I? I’ve unlaced your corset and I’ve kissed you while I did it.”
Oh, so many times. Her Theo had loved to undress her like he was unwrapping a present. “You’ve freed my breasts, Sir. You’ve undressed me and held me and made me ready for your kiss and your cock. It’s why my body is yours. I signed that contract with no times or dates. You can do with me as you will because I trust you. Not the you that was. The you that’s still deep inside. The soul of you no one can touch because it belongs to me, Sir. You’re mine and I’m yours. Body. Soul. You remember because it’s as natural as breathing for you to get me naked and hold me close. Stop trying. Just let us be, Theo. We’ll find our way. We did before and we’ll do it again.”
He tugged at her laces and she could breathe more easily. He’d always been damn good at getting her out of her clothes quickly. His lips brushed up her neck and then she felt his tongue rimming the shell of her ear. “Tell me how I fucked you.”
He’d made love to her in a way that could only be described as fucking. It had been hard and long and so good she’d never been able to forget the way he’d felt when he moved inside her. Hours he would spend touching her, lavishing her with his never-ending affection, prepping her for the hard drive of his cock. “With determination. With power. With dominance and always with my pleasure in mind. You were the best lover I ever had and I can’t wait until you touch me again.”
“You make me feel like I’m ten feet tall, Red,” he whispered in her ear as her corset wriggled loose. “When you talk like that I want to be the man you knew.”
“Just be you, Sir. I don’t need anything else.” She felt the corset stretch and held her hands up, allowing him to draw it over her head. Cool air chilled her skin, but it did nothing to lessen the heat she felt about him. She was ready to get on her knees and do anything he asked of her.
“Turn around and let me see you.”
She turned for him, pivoting on the four-inch heels she only ever wore in this club. The heels still didn’t make her as tall as Theo. She let her shoulders fall back, her breasts upthrust and presented to him like the gift he’d once called them. He’d told her she was beautiful and she was going to do her best to see herself the way he saw her.
Strong. Beautiful. Worthy.
He stared at her, but she didn’t cringe. She went still, allowing him to look his fill. He’d enjoyed looking at her, studying her like she was a work of art. Her skin felt alive under his gaze.
“Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?”
Only because he’d told her so very often. She’d never once felt beautiful before him. He’d been right. She’d been good for him and that had made her understand exactly how lovable she was. “Thank you, Sir. You make me feel that way.”
He sat back down on the couch, his eyes hot as he looked up at her. “Tell me you need this because god knows I do. I don’t know why, but this feels right. I feel more settled than I have since I came home, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
He was sliding back into guilt and she wasn’t about to let that happen. “If you hurt me, Sir, I’ll hurt you back. You seem to think I’m some fragile thing. If that’s what you’re looking for, I suggest you find a cowering flower of a sub because I’m not your girl.”
His eyes hardened and he reached out, tugging her down and over his lap. “You are my girl. I signed the paperwork that states it’s true.”
She forced herself to relax, but there he was. Her Theo had always seemed so laid back. Losing his memory and being taken down to the core of his being was a revelation. He was a possessive caveman. She could handle that. “All I’m saying, Sir, is if you hurt me I’ll take your balls off and serve them to you for dinner. Stop feeling guilty or get off the dungeon floor. There’s no place for it here.”
The first slap came down in a hard arc, the shock of it sending a shudder through her body. “You want to be a brat? I’ll show you how I handle a brat.”
Unfortunately, being a brat kind of came naturally to her, which was good because it dovetailed nicely with her inner masochist. His hand started to rain fire on her backside and she bit back a squeal of pure delight. It hurt, yes, but something about the pain felt so damn good. She was sure Kai had some explanation about her childhood or some shit. She didn’t think so. When she got too stressed out, she used a sadistick on her own skin to force herself to relax. Some people liked yoga. She liked a sting followed by the roll of sensation that pulsed outward from the pain. Like it was doing now.
Pure fire and then the fine chill of awareness. It made her skin come alive and her whole body relax as the chemicals started to course through her brain. Dopamine. Adrenaline. She wasn’t sure which. She only knew it felt like heaven.
He slapped at her cheeks, one and then the other. “You like this. You enjoy this. It makes you hot.”
He didn’t need memory to figure that out. He could likely tell from the flush of her skin and the way her body was already softening up for him, getting warm and wet.
“I love it.” The words came out on a gasp as he spanked her again. His big hand held the heat against her flesh. “I didn’t know I could be sensual until the first time I got spanked. It woke me up, made me want something I’d never had before.”
He smacked her again, twice in rapid procession. “It made you want to submit?”
“It made me wa
nt to give over. It wasn’t really about the Dom. Not until…” She let the thoughts drift away as she held on to his muscled calf. “It was about being able to let go. I never let go until I found the lifestyle. It’s important to have a place where you can let go and simply be.”
It was one of those things she’d learned as she’d gotten older. Everyone needed this. Some found it in books or by playing games online. Some found it when they worked out, pushing their bodies to the point where nothing mattered but the next mile, the next rep, the next breath.
She found it by giving over. She found that piece of herself she denied in the real world, that piece that wanted to be of service to someone, to be praised and prized. It was a part of herself she’d learned to suppress, but here she’d been given the gift of valuing it again. Of truly accepting all of who she was.
Tears pressed out of her eyes, falling to the floor below. And yes, she’d been given this as well. Years she’d gone without the solace of tears. They’d been wrong, a sign of pure weakness.
Theo flipped her over and she found herself on his lap again. He manhandled her with ease, showing no signs of strain as he wrapped a strong arm around her. He stared at her for a moment.
“Such a pretty girl. You shouldn’t cry.”
If only he knew the last time he’d said those words to her. He’d been dying. She closed her eyes, willing the memory away. So much of Theo was simmering below the surface, but it fled when she tried to catch it. She took a deep breath and smiled up at him. “I never used to cry. My father didn’t like it. Then there was the military. It was good for me for the most part, but it could be harsh. I didn’t learn to cry until I came here.”
His fingers brushed over her cheeks. “You’re beautiful when you cry. I changed my mind. I don’t want to do this.”
Her jaw went tight. He hadn’t kissed her. He didn’t want to kiss her? She hadn’t thought of that. She’d thought the minute he had the chance, he would get his hands on her and they could both find a measure of relief. She’d thought he would want her at least physically.
She’d had a baby. Her body wasn’t the same. Sure she’d dropped most of the weight, but her boobs sagged more now. They’d had a baby hanging off them for almost seven months. Her milk had only recently dried up as she’d weaned him. She had stretch marks.
If Theo had changed during his time away, so had she.
She went stiff in his arms and wished she had something to cover up in. “All right, Sir.”
He stood up, hefting her easily. “I want more than a kiss. I want some privacy. I know we said we would take it slow, but you also told me to follow my instincts. Every instinct I have tells me to take you somewhere private. It tells me to mark you as mine so no one thinks twice. So they know you’re mine. That’s what my instinct says.”
She nearly sobbed in relief. Erin bit back a cry and managed to nod, her arm going around his neck to steady herself as he started toward the stairs. “You should follow your instincts. Mine tell me to submit to my Master. Here and now.”
She relaxed against him. Now was all they had and she was going to enjoy it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Theo took the stairs as quickly as he could. He knew where he was going, but he wasn’t going to think about it. For the first time since he’d gotten home, he didn’t care about his past or figuring out who he’d been. He wanted. He wanted something and that felt good.
She’d been right. There wasn’t a place for guilt here.
He strode up the stairs, her weight comforting in his arms. Yeah, he wasn’t going to think about that either. He was going to enjoy it, not wonder why his body remembered her when his mind would not.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
Damn it. Case was standing at the top of the stairs, obviously having come out of the privacy rooms. His wife was at his side, her face flushed. Mia had sex hair. Good for them. Red was about to have sex hair, too. Lots of messy sex hair. “Everything’s great. Night.”
Case put a hand on his shoulder. “Whoa. I thought you were going to take this slow, brother.”
“If you don’t get your hand off him right this second, Taggart, I am going to ensure that you never have children,” Red said, her eyes narrowing on his brother. “You won’t be able to cock block anyone because you won’t have a damn cock. Am I clear?”
Case’s hands came up immediately, as though he knew that tone and was not going there. “Trying to help.”
“Three is clean and has plenty of condoms. We’re taking a monitor turn up here. I checked all the rooms.” Mia grinned at him. She actually was helpful. “Have fun and we’ll see you at home.”
He didn’t bother to look back. Case could give him a lecture later. He wasn’t waiting anymore. He’d waited forever. Even when he couldn’t remember her face, he’d known she was there. He’d felt her, or rather he’d felt her absence.
Could he truly be with a woman whose name he couldn’t think without hurting her?
It didn’t matter. He wasn’t making those decisions tonight. He was enjoying her. His sub. He was bringing her pleasure and he probably should do a good job of it because his sub was fucking mean.
And fragile. He’d seen the moment she’d thought he was rejecting her. He’d watch her skin flush and her body start to turn in on itself. She was such a mix of strength and need. It was intoxicating. He wanted so badly to be the man who gave her what she needed.
Affection. Pleasure. Comfort.
Love—he wasn’t thinking that word tonight. Nope. Pleasure was way better.
He kicked out lightly at the partially open door number three. It looked like Mia had done her job. The room was perfectly clean, the lighting soft and romantic. The best thing about this room though was the complete lack of any of his friends or family being here.
It was him and her, and that was exactly what he wanted. No Ian. No Li. No Kai asking them hundreds of questions. Him and her and the night.
He tossed her on the bed and stood back, looking down at her. “Tell me why you thought I was rejecting you.”
The instant she hit the bed, she was up on her knees. So graceful. So deadly. What the hell was this woman like out in the field? She moved like a predator, but the look on her face was pure sarcasm. “Uhm, your words. That’s what sealed it for me. ‘I don’t want to do this’ is generally considered a rejection.”
Somehow she managed to put an unsaid “dumbass” on the end of her sentences. Not all of them. She’d been perfectly sweet most of the night, but she could turn it on when she wanted to. “I didn’t mean that. When I said the words, I watched you change. Why? You’re good at slapping people down. I wouldn’t have said that until today.”
“Because I’ve been careful around you,” she admitted.
“Why? You think I’m delicate?”
Her lips curled up. “I don’t think you’re delicate. I think I’m a lot to take, but I’m starting to believe I was wrong. You like me rough.”
“I like you a lot.” More than he could ever tell her. “I’m more comfortable with this particular version of you. Now tell me why you thought I was rejecting you.”
Her eyes rolled and a groan came from her pretty mouth. “God, Taggart. What does a girl have to do to get fucked around here?”
He loved her bratty, but he wasn’t about to take that. “Turn around. Hands and knees.”
Her eyes went wide. “The…Master Theo, I apologize.”
She thought she could turn those big doe eyes on him and everything would be all right? “Every second adds to your punishment. I said I’m comfortable with your brattiness. I won’t, however, allow you to disrespect me. I don’t know what I used to be like, but I’m the man you deal with now and you will either put that ass in the air or call it a night. And take off the shorts. We’re alone. That means you’re naked.”
It was obvious she had to pull her patience around her. She took a long breath before pushing off the bed and shoving her tiny leather boy shorts off
her hips. In a single graceful move, she was back on the bed, her ass in the air.
It was still pink from the earlier spanking. He didn’t intend to make this a long session, but he couldn’t allow her to talk to him like that. Even if he was comfortable with it. Even if it was kind of adorable. He found a nice cane in the armoire and tested it against his palm, letting the sound ring out. It was all part of the play. He wanted her to think about what he was going to do. The cane was thin and round, flexible. It would hurt, but depending on how he wielded it, it wouldn’t leave a real mark.
Though the thought of her feeling it all day tomorrow did something for him.
He moved to the bed, anticipation thrumming through him. This was what he’d needed from the second he’d come home. He’d needed to pull off all his outer layers and get down to the primal part of him, to the part that needed her. The part that didn’t mourn the loss of their past or rage at what had been taken from him. The part that had seen her across a room and known deep down that she was his.
He let the emotion flow through him, not trying to catch it or pull it apart to understand it. He didn’t have to do that. Finally, he understood what Kai had been trying to get him to do all along.
Relax. Everything important was right here with him and he wasn’t going to lose it if he didn’t force the memories back.
Why struggle to remember when all the beauty he needed in the world was right here? He studied her, her gorgeous heart-shaped ass presented to him like the gift it was. His girl was built on slender lines, athletic and yet still feminine.
“You do understand that you’re killing me,” she said under her breath.
It was time to teach her a lesson. He brought the cane down, the sound whooshing through the air and landing with a satisfying smack. “What did you say to me?”
Her whole body shook. “I said you’re killing me, Sir.”
Such a brat. He brought the cane down again, the sound as deeply satisfying as the way her skin went hot pink and the breath seemed to shudder out of her body. “You don’t get to pick the time and place. I do. You don’t get to decide when I’m ready to fuck you. I wanted to spend time looking at you. I enjoy looking at you. It makes me happy.”