by Lexi Blake
It was always cute until someone punched him in the face.
“Hey, buddy. Mama’s working. We’re going to go take another nap. How about that?” He tried to give TJ his most confident smile. Weren’t kids a bit like wolves? They could smell fear.
“Mama,” he said insistently.
“Dada,” Theo shot back. “All you got is Dada, kid.”
TJ looked so utterly forlorn for a moment, his bottom lip quivering as though he realized he’d just been sentenced to life without parole for a crime he hadn’t committed. “Mama.”
“Dada. You need more words.” He was arguing with a toddler. He should get inside and see what the kid needed.
That was when TJ’s eyes widened in horror and he proved he knew more words. “Spot! Spot! Mama!”
His face went a bright red and his mouth opened but no sound came out. Theo watched, his whole body alert to the fact that something horrible was happening and he was completely helpless to stop it. Was he breathing? Theo wasn’t sure TJ was breathing. That was bad, right?
And then an ear-piercing scream seemed to make the walls shake.
“What? What is it?” Panic ran through his veins. The kid was dying. He had to be. Something was attacking him because there was no other reason to make that sound except horrific pain and near death. What should he do? Was it some weird seizure? Should he call a doctor?
“Hey, what’s going on here? Did someone lose a puppy?” Robert was suddenly beside him, holding up Spot. He made the dog move, coming in to touch TJ’s nose. “I missed you, TJ. Ruff, ruff.”
TJ clutched the dog as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. “Mama.”
Robert cupped his head, easing a hand down his back. “It’s okay. Mama will be back. But Dada can be fun.”
TJ tucked his head into Spot’s body.
“What the hell was that?” Theo felt battered, like he’d been left on the sea in a storm without a boat.
“That was a fit,” Robert replied. “I was coming back from a session with Ari when I noticed your trouble. You know it’s bad when the mouth comes open but there’s no sound. It’s like the reverse of lightning and thunder. You count the seconds and every one that goes by magnifies the sound that eventually comes out of the kid’s mouth. The longer it goes, the worse it’s going to be. You got a set of lungs on you, buddy.”
TJ was sniffling, holding on to that dog like it was a lifeline.
Robert bent over and grabbed the diaper bag. “Having a hard time juggling things? Kids need a lot of stuff. It’s why so many parents get those things. The baby handler things.”
He’d seen Ian in them. Ian and Charlotte were big proponents of what they liked to call “baby wearing.” Now that the girls were two they had moved on to strollers, but Theo had seen pictures. “Like a sling? Ian says it’s the only way he could handle Kala when she was tiny. She was squirmy. Apparently her sister was more chill, but he’s got a ton of pictures of him with a baby strapped to his chest. He says when Charlotte has this baby, he’s getting a manly sling.”
“Sling. Yeah, that’s it. You got the keycard?”
He handed it to Robert, quickly bringing his hand back because TJ was kind of squirmy too, and he didn’t want to see what his son did when he was actually in physical pain. It may register on the Richter scale. “How do you know so much about kids?”
Robert used the card and the door opened. “I don’t know. It kind of came to me.” He stopped and smiled. “I think I used to like kids. Maybe I was the oldest of a whole bunch.”
“Maybe you had one.”
Robert shook his head. “No. If I had one, then wouldn’t someone be looking for me?”
Sometimes Robert wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “If you had a bunch of younger brothers and sisters, wouldn’t they be looking for you, too?”
“Yeah, probably, so there you go. I saw it on TV or something. Come on, I’ll help you get him settled in. Where’s Erin?” Robert held the door open for them.
TJ’s head came up. “Mama.”
“Sorry. Only Dada here,” he said, patting TJ’s back as he walked through. “Can you say Dada?”
His mouth pouted, a sullen look on his features. “Mama.”
“Mama has to work. Believe me, right now I wish Mama was here, too.” She would have known not to put the dog on the floor. At least now he could stretch his left arm. Erin had left a playpen fully stocked and ready to go in the middle of the living room. There were a few toys, what looked like a jack-in-the-box, some blocks. Theo eased TJ down. He sat in the middle of the playpen, his dog in one hand while he stared up. “There you go. Play with your toys while Dad talks to Uncle Robert.”
“When did you become Dad?” Robert asked.
He shouldn’t have called himself that. Luckily it wasn’t like the kid would remember. “Well, I thought Theo was a lot for a kid who only seems to be able to say the words Mama and Spot. Though the Spot really sounded more like Pot. You want something to drink?”
He could use a beer, but then Erin would kick his balls up into his body cavity. He strode into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.
“I’m good.” Robert followed him. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
He didn’t want to have this conversation for the fiftieth time. “I don’t have a choice.”
“You do.”
“Yes, my choice is either to protect my family or put a big-ass sign on their backs saying ‘hey, come and hurt me.’”
Robert shook his head. “They’ve got that on their backs already. If you think for a second that McDonald is going to leave Erin alone because you stay away from her, you’re high. It’s not going to happen. She’s going to come after Erin and TJ because she knows they’re the key to getting you under control.”
“She can’t use them if she can’t find them.”
“And if she does find them, Erin will be alone to protect herself and your child.” Robert stood taller, his shoulders going back. “I want to go with them. That’s my plan. I spent the afternoon looking into it and I’m going to take responsibility for Erin and TJ. One of the club members has a country house that’s well protected. I’m taking them there.”
Anger swelled in him, a white-hot rage. “She’s not your fucking teddy bear. You think I don’t know how you view women? Erin’s a pretty good catch for you, isn’t she? You want a woman to take care of you. She’s not fucking yours.”
Robert looked a little angry himself, his face flushing. “She’s not yours either. Otherwise you wouldn’t leave her alone. Someone might think you want something to happen to her. Is she an inconvenient reminder of your former life? Now that you’ve started to remember, it seems you’ve changed your mind. Are you going to play the jealous asshole, Theo? You don’t want her but no one else can have her?”
“Not you. You have the same problems I do. Can’t you see I’m trying to spare her?”
“Spare her from what?”
“From being saddled with damaged goods. You think idiots like us deserve her? Deserve that kid in there? We’re dirty. We’re fucked up beyond all repair.”
Robert reached out, grabbing him by the shirt. “You might think so, but I’m not fucking beyond repair.” He let go, his face a florid red. He hit his own chest. “I fucking survived. I’m alive, and that’s more than I can say for you. You died in there. All this, this isn’t about saving Erin. This is about walking in front of a bullet that can put you out of your misery, brother. Save us all the pain and do what you promised. Walk away so we don’t have to watch you die.”
Theo stood in the kitchen, his body numb. Robert had been his only friend, the only person who hadn’t known the old Theo, the one who accepted him as he was.
“I think you should go.”
Robert nodded. “Yeah, I should. Good luck. And Theo, when you’re gone, ain’t nothing going to keep me from showing up on her doorstep, because that woman needs someone who gives a shit about her. You care so much you’re willing to t
oss her out into the woods alone rather than standing by her side and fighting like hell for your family. That’s fine by me, brother. You don’t want them, I’ll take ’em. Have a good trip and tell Mother hello for me when you see her. Preferably with a bullet to the brain.”
“I swear to god if I find out you’ve touched Erin, I’ll kill you myself.”
“You know what the funny thing is? You don’t even flinch when you say her name anymore. You beat it. You beat McDonald and you’re still going to let her win.” He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
What the hell had happened? When had he become the bad guy?
TJ had managed to get himself to standing, pulling himself up by the railing on the edge of the pen. His eyes were turned up, solemnly staring at Theo. One hand came up and he opened and closed his fist. “Up. Up.”
Another word.
He didn’t want to pick up the kid. He wanted to punch a wall. Theo paced like a lion stuck in a cage. “You know I’m doing this for you and your mom.”
“Up.” As though to explain to the silly man who wasn’t listening, TJ bounced a little.
He was doing it for them. He wasn’t some fuckup who was looking for a bullet with his name on it. He didn’t belong in this world anymore. He’d been changed and he wasn’t good for anyone.
“Up.”
Damn it. He shoved back the frustration. The kid was going to fucking start crying soon. He picked TJ up, bringing him against his chest. “There. You’re up.”
He glanced at the clock. How long before Erin got back? Then he could…go where?
He could disappear. He could do exactly what Robert accused him of doing. One last mission. If he was gone, McDonald wouldn’t have a reason to come after Erin and the baby. He’d died a long time ago, his heart’s blood staining the dirt of that Caribbean island in a way that he couldn’t come back from.
It would be for the best.
TJ twisted his body and his hands came out. One chubby hand landed on either side of his face, and he was forced to look into the eyes of his kid.
TJ’s face was solemn as he rubbed Theo’s cheek. His scar. The boy was running his hand over the place where they’d nearly taken off his face, but he didn’t seem scared. He ran his hand over it again and that was when he leaned over and put his mouth on Theo’s cheek. The scarred one.
His son was trying to kiss his boo-boo. Theo’s heart caught, his vision blurring. TJ didn’t know him, didn’t know who he’d been or who he’d become. He simply knew he’d been hurt and that a kiss made it better.
TJ didn’t know him. It struck him quite forcefully. His son wasn’t going to look at him and wonder why he couldn’t be the man he’d been. TJ didn’t care. TJ only saw who he was now.
TJ pulled back and stared at him, a smile coming over his face, and in that moment Theo finally saw himself in the kid.
The best part of him hadn’t died that night. The best part of him had already been alive inside Erin, already growing. While Theo had been lying there dying, his son had been beginning.
He stared, father and son locked in what almost felt like a trance of discovery.
Would this kid have his smile? Would he be the leader of his group? Or would he be like his dad had been? Would he be the one who tempered those around him? Who tried to force them to remember to be kind while they were being strong, to look past what was on the surface?
Did he have to lose the piece of himself that saw the good simply because he’d been confronted with evil?
A man who saw evil and then turned from good…he didn’t deserve any good, did he? This was the fight. This was what Erin had talked about. What Robert talked about.
This was his fight, not surviving McDonald. That had been instinct and luck. Survival meant nothing if he wasn’t really alive.
How would Old Theo have looked at the situation?
Old Theo would have been a dumbass who would have taken all the pain because it meant he was still alive, because it meant he could love. Old Theo would have let his wife coddle him. She would be his wife because Old Theo would have used the whole experience as an excuse to ease her into marriage, because damn, he’d been through some bad shit and the only thing that could ease his pain was knowing the woman he loved was wearing his ring. Old Theo would have accepted his new needs and known that he’d picked properly the first time. Erin could handle everything New Theo needed.
He couldn’t take his eyes off TJ. Old Theo would have worshipped the ground she walked on for bringing this light into his world.
TJ touched his face again, this time his hand becoming wet with the tears Theo shed. He leaned forward again, trying so hard to hold his father in his tiny arms.
What would he hope for this boy? That he never experience the kind of pain his father had been through, that he live his life free of tragedy—but if it happened, oh, if it happened, he would pray that his son would try to find his way back. He would pray that his son fought to let his heart be open to the love he deserved.
His talent had been to see beyond the scars, but he’d never looked past his own. What was on the other side of all that ugliness? A woman who loved him. A son who accepted him unconditionally. A world of love, if he only reached out and grabbed it. He made the choice. Not Hope McDonald. She’d taken so much from him, but here and now he could choose to take a measure of himself back. The very best part. The part that loved and accepted love.
Theo held his son and finally, truly let himself feel again.
* * * *
“So that’s the plan, then?” Damon looked around the conference table. “I don’t know that I’m in love with this plan. I’m a bit worried about anything that we can code-name Harry Potter.”
Damn Phoebe forcing her to watch those brilliant films. “It’s the only thing I can think of. Unless you want to stop everything for a week or two so I can have a proper amount of time to come up with a plan. And you know what? It did work in that movie.”
Penny’s lips curled into a grin. “Well, they did have flying vehicles in that scenario. We’re going to have to take another course. Five, to be exact. I can’t pass for Erin, but I think if we put Kayla’s hair in a ball cap and give her a pair of heels, she’ll pass.”
There were still a few things to work out. They didn’t have a ton of time.
Kay smiled her way. “As much as any Asian chick can look like she’s straight out of Dublin. For this to have the best shot at working, we need someone who looks and moves like Erin. I’m calling Daphne.”
Knight thought for a moment. “All right. I have to admit she’s perfect.” He turned to Erin. “Like Big Tag, I allow certain helpful members of the city to apply for memberships. Daphne Carpenter is a police officer and quite good. She’s also a five-foot-eight-inch redhead with an athletic frame. She’s quite good humored and won’t mind the adventure of it all. I’ll call her CO. We’ll send her to St. Tropez for the weekend. She’ll enjoy the oddness of carrying around a doll in a baby seat. I’ll see if he’s got anyone else who can serve as our other Erins.”
Nick sat back. “So we’re set on this course of action? Five cars. Three decoys. Why not send Erin, Theo, and the child out together?”
She hated how her cheeks heated. Yes, that would be the smart way to do it. Five cars, all nondescript black, like all the cabs in London. They would all leave at the same time, going different ways. It would have been best to cut down on their chances of being caught by having only one car that held the three of them, but Theo wasn’t going where they were. “Theo and I are splitting up. He’ll go to a location I don’t know and TJ and I’ll head to Clive Weston’s country home. His lordship promises me it’s well protected. In a week or two, we’ll reevaluate. I would like to go back to Dallas at some point.”
Owen shook his head. “I don’t like it. Not the whole plan, but putting the baby out there worries me. All she has to do is find the car the real kid’s in and she’s got everything she needs to bring us all to ou
r knees.”
“The plan is to not allow her to find the car,” Nick replied. “If the driver thinks he or she is being tailed, turn around and come back to base.”
“And if she’s sent the brothers after the car?” Owen seemed intent on playing the voice of doom. “Erin can’t fight if she’s trying to protect her child. We know she’s got at least five of the fuckers. Are any of you ready to swear you can take all five down if they get you in a corner? Not to mention the fact that you won’t be able to use a gun since you would be worried about hitting the boy.”
Her stomach dropped. She was going to lose both her men in one day. Sure she would get TJ back, but being without him would hurt. “Owen’s right.”
Kayla nodded. “I hadn’t thought about it that way. Look, I’ll stay behind with TJ. I’ll play nanny and bodyguard and when we’re sure Erin’s spot is safe, we’ll smuggle him out and take him to her.”
Penny sent a sympathetic look her way. “We’ll take the best care of him.”
“If she believes you’re all gone, she shouldn’t have any reason to target the club,” Damon mused. “I can’t imagine how hard this could be for you. You could stay here. The decoys could work.”
“No.” She had to be strong. They couldn’t stay here forever and there was no telling how long it would take. This might not be the last time they had to move around. “We should protect TJ. I’ll go and make sure we’re safe and we can decide from there.”
Owen sat back. “All right then, so we’ve got five cars. We each take one along with our decoys and watch for signs that we’re being followed. Anyone being followed turns tail and comes right back here to The Garden. I think it’s a perfectly good plan. No way she’s got five people with resources watching the place. We get Theo and Erin out and then figure out where the blighter is hiding. She’ll show herself soon enough.”