by Tina Martin
Kalina sighed, walked over to the bed and sat next to Madeline so as not to disturb her. She held her weak hand and, even though Madeline was asleep, Kalina said, “Hey, mom. It’s Kalina. I’m back. I went to Fayetteville to visit dad but he…um…he wrote me a letter and told me everything. He told me how you took me in when Edith gave me away.” Tears dropped from Kalina’s eyes. “You raised me like I was your daughter and as far as I’m concerned, I am your daughter and you will always be my mother.” Kalina took a breath when felt the slightest squeeze from Madeline’s hand. With tears steadily falling from her eyes, she whimpered, “I love you, mommy.”
Almost immediately after she uttered the words, the constant beeps from the heart monitor had ceased and now there was a loud, piercing, steady tone that remained constant. Flat. A few nurses and a doctor rushed into the room, doing what they could to revive Madeline. Another nurse escorted Kalina out into the hallway where she slid to the floor with her back against the wall, still crying. She didn’t need someone telling her this was the end, that her mother was gone. She knew it already. Madeline had said her final goodbye with a gentle squeeze of her hand.
Too distraught to call anyone, Kalina told one of the nurses to call Edith. Wanting nothing other than to be alone, Kalina headed outside to her car and sat there, sobbing.
* * *
Edith had tried calling her an hour ago, but Kalina didn’t answer. She didn’t want to talk to Edith. Not now, but since she couldn’t sit in the car forever, she went back inside of the hospital to find Edith sitting in a waiting room, in tears.
Edith looked up and saw her and said, “Oh, Kalina. I’m so sorry,” rushing up to her to give her a hug.
Kalina’s arms remained by her side as she tried with all of her might to hold in the anger building up inside of her.
Edith released her and said, “Were you here when it happened?”
Kalina nodded. “I got a chance to tell her I loved her…that I appreciated her for taking care of me, even when my own mother didn’t want me.”
Edith’s lips trembled. “You know?”
“I know everything, Edith. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Kalina walked away from her and headed back outside to her car, driving away.
CHAPTER 41
Edith had tried to call Kalina on Friday. She even came over to her house, banged on the door, but Kalina wouldn’t open it. She was in bed with a box of Kleenex, crying for most of the day until she’d had enough of feeling miserable. She wanted to talk to someone. Someone who knew what she was going through.
She took her phone from the bed then dialed June’s number.
“Hey, girl,” June answered.
“Hey, June. Um, what are you doing right now?”
“The guys are here about to play cards. I’m not doing anything. You want to come over?”
“No,” Kalina said. She glanced at the clock. “Can you meet me at The Sandwich Shop in like an hour?”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
“No, not really. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”
* * *
“Kalina, I’m so sorry to hear that,” June said after Kalina informed her that Madeline had passed. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”
“It’s been hard and, it doesn’t help matters that I found out, a few days ago, that Madeline wasn’t my real mother.”
“What!”
“I mean, she raised me, but she’s not my biological mother.”
June frowned. “Do you know your biological mother?”
“Yes. My aunt Edith.”
“What?” June said, shocked. “Oh my gosh!”
“Edith couldn’t find it in herself to tell me the truth after all these years.”
“So does that mean your father had an affair with his wife’s sister?”
“That’s exactly what it means. Edith ended up getting pregnant, told my father she didn’t want the baby and was going to give me up for adoption until my father stepped in. He said he confessed to Madeline what he’d done, and Madeline agreed to raise me as her own daughter.”
“Wow. That’s…goodness…I can’t even find the words. It sucks you have to deal with that and Madeline’s death all at the same time.”
Kalina nodded.
“Have you made arrangements and everything for the funeral service and—”
“She didn’t want a service. And she wanted to be cremated.” A tear rolled down Kalina’s face. “So…um…Edith is taking care of that.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, I wanted to talk because I’ve been struggling trying to deal with all of this, you know.”
June nodded. “One thing that helped me deal with the loss of my mother was knowing I was there for her. Even though you just learned that Madeline wasn’t your biological mother, she was still your mother. She cared for you, took you in and loved you.”
“I know.”
“And I think you need to stay with someone, Kalina. I know everything inside of you is telling you to shut everybody out and mourn in silence, but you need support right now.”
“Well, Edith is all the family I have and I’m definitely not staying with her.”
“Then come stay with me and Everson.”
Kalina shook her head. “That’s kind of you to offer, but I can’t do that, June.”
“What about Bryson? You two seem to be close. Stay with him.”
“Bryson has done enough for me already.”
“But—”
“June, I’ll be fine. I promise I will call you if I feel like I’m going to have a meltdown.”
“Okay, Kalina,” June said, reaching for her hand.
CHAPTER 42
“Hey, babe,” Everson said as he watched June walk in. He was still sitting at the kitchen table, playing cards with Garrison, Bryson, Barringer, Rexford and Colton. “Everything okay?” he asked when he saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. He knew his wife well. Very well. They’d dated for two years before they married and in those years, he grew to learn the woman he loved.
“Yes, everything’s fine.”
June leaned down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “You sure?” Everson asked.
“Yes.”
“Where are you coming from?”
“The Sandwich Shop. I was talking with Kalina for a while and all those emotions I felt when my mother died came back.”
Bryson looked up when he heard her mention Kalina’s name. He was shuffling cards, but had since dropped the deck on the table.
June continued, “Bryson, I told her she shouldn’t be alone right now.”
Bryson frowned. “What do you mean?”
June looked confused. “She didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what, June?”
“Her mother passed yesterday.”
“What!” Bryson said, standing up quickly.
“Bryson, I thought you knew.”
Without saying a word more, Bryson quickly left. Too many thoughts were running through his mind for him to even think about paying attention to the speed limit. He had to get to Kalina’s house now. Why didn’t she call to tell him about Madeline?
He rang the doorbell and banged on the door as hard as he could, saying her name. He waited a few seconds and repeated his actions. “Kalina, open the door, please.”
He doubted she’d be sleeping nine at night and even if she was, she was going to get up. He wasn’t going to leave until he spoke with her. Bryson pressed the doorbell again, then he heard her unlocking the door. She pulled the door open, standing there in a robe and messy hair.
He stepped in, walked up to her and took her into his arms, embracing her tightly while feeling her whimper against his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
He held her for a while more until her crying ceased. When they were sitting on the couch, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me, Kalina?”
“I d
idn’t want to bother you.”
“Bother me? You’re not a bother to me.” He released a frustrated sigh and said, “Please let me be there for you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.”
“You have your own life to be occupied with, Bryson. I’m not going to burden you with mine.”
“Kalina—”
“No listen to me,” she said loudly. “You have your business, you have your brothers…you have a loving, caring family, Bryson. You still have a shot at a normal life without having to concern yourself with my screwed-up life.”
“I want to concern myself with your life. Jeez, Kalina. When June told me what happened, I broke my neck to get over here to you.” Bryson ran his hand over his head, frustrated. “Gosh, Kalina. Can’t you see how much I love you?”
Kalina closed her eyes and shook her head.
“Why are you shaking your head? You don’t believe that I love you?”
“I do believe you, Bryson, but it’s unfortunate you feel that way about me because I can’t love you back. I’m in no condition to love anyone. That’s why I didn’t call you.”
“Kalina, baby,” Bryson said, lowering himself to his knees in front of her while she remained sitting on the couch. “I don’t want to talk about whether or not you love me. I’m here because I care about you and I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“And I’m telling you I don’t want you doing that anymore, Bryson,” she cried. “I can’t be the woman you want me to be. I’ll never be that woman. You know about my issues…my past. I don’t want to make you feel like there could ever be anything between us when there never will be.”
Given the circumstances, Bryson didn’t want to discuss this now, but she was forcing him to. So with pain radiating from his eyes that matched the sadness in his voice, he asked, “You don’t trust me?”
“Bryson, can you please just go?”
“You don’t trust me, Kalina?”
“I told you from the start I didn’t trust men and—”
Bryson placed his hands against the sides of her face and said, “I’m not talking about men. I’m talking about me. Do you trust me, Kalina?”
Bryson watched her lips tremble. As it was, she was grieving the loss of the woman who she thought was her mother and now she was crying over this separation between them. For her sake, he wanted to take himself out of the equation. “Kalina, I’m going to say this and then I’m going to go. I know you love me. I know you do. And I know you’re afraid and I know you have trust issues. But I’ve never done anything to hurt you, or to make you not trust me. So, I’m going to go. I hope you find someone to help you deal with your anxiety, and I wish you nothing but the best.” With a heavy heart, Bryson stood up and exited out of the front door.
More tears poured out of Kalina’s eyes after he left. Bryson had been nothing but a gentleman to her. He helped her with work. He honestly and genuinely cared for her. Yet, she couldn’t find it in her heart to actually tell him how she really felt about him.
CHAPTER 43
With puffy eyes, Kalina sat on her couch, listening to Edith give the full history about how she and Stanley had fell in love. She went on and on as she tried to explain her actions.
“So you decided you didn’t want me because I didn’t fit into your lifestyle,” Kalina said.
“Kalina—”
“Just tell the truth, Edith! I’m so tired of people lying to me.”
“I told you before that I didn’t want children and I didn’t. So when I got pregnant with you, I was devastated.”
“Devastated,” Kalina said, rolling her sad eyes. “You should be devastated to lose a child...not to find out you’re bringing one into the world! I trusted you, Edith, and here I am thinking you’re the hero in all of this by taking me and my mom in and now I understand you’re the cause of it. Of everything! Not only did you have an affair…you had to sleep with my father…your sister’s husband! And to add insult to injury, you didn’t want me. Now you’re trying to justify this?”
“Kalina—”
“All these years you had me believing my father was the enemy and, while he played a role in this too, you were the prime suspect. That’s why you didn’t tell me he passed. You weren’t sure whether or not he’d left something like this letter to tell me the truth.” Kalina sniffled, and angrily swiped tears away from her face.
“I’m sorry, Kalina. I—”
“Do you realize what you’ve done to me? Because of you…because of all of this, I don’t know who to trust anymore. I can’t even bring myself to tell Bryson that I love him…the man who has been there for me throughout this…this crisis, because I’m afraid he’ll end up hurting me like everybody else in my life! I’m so tired of being hurt by people who claim they love me.”
“People make mistakes, Kalina,” Edith said. “I take full responsibility for what I’ve done—”
“You haven’t taken full responsibility. If you had, you would’ve told me what you did. I had to find this out on my own.”
“Okay, I know forgiveness won’t happen overnight and I know what I did was wrong, but when Stanley left, I took responsibility by taking you and Madeline in to live with me. I did that, Kalina. I didn’t have to, but I did,” Edith said, in tears. “And I took care of Madeline for years before she went into that facility. You don’t think it pained me to see my sister literally break down in front of my eyes? You don’t think it hurt me to watch you spoon-feed her? I carried so much guilt with me and—”
“Answer me this…why didn’t you tell me that you were my real mother?”
“I wanted to. I really wanted to, but I didn’t want to take that privileged title away from Madeline. She had suffered enough and you were the only thing she had left to be proud of.”
Kalina dabbed her eyes. “And you really didn’t want me? You were going to give me up for adoption?”
“Kalina, I didn’t know what to do with a baby. I never wanted children. I was never the kind of woman to grow up and want a family. I didn’t want that responsibility.”
“But yet you ended up taking care of Madeline and me.”
Edith nodded. “I did. I guess I saw it as a way to correct my wrongs. It was a way for me to be close to my sister again. When her memory faded, she’d forgotten what I’d done and I felt like we could be sisters again. But even still, even after the Alzheimer’s, Madeline was more of a mother to you than I could’ve ever been. She loved you dearly.”
“Until the end,” Kalina said, wiping her eyes, remembering how Madeline had squeezed her hand before she passed.
“Yes…until the end,” Edith responded. She stood up and said, “I know you want to get to bed, but before I go, I want to say that Bryson is a good man, Kalina. I actually coached him to talk to you because I knew you needed help and I knew you would need someone to confide in, especially when you found out who I really was. If you love him, you need to let him know. Some of us are not lucky enough to find the one person we were meant to be with and I know you’re afraid, especially since you’ve never been down this road before, but the road less traveled is the very road you need to be on. Talk to him. Don’t let the circumstances in your life destroy your chance at happiness. I may not be much of a mother, but the least I can do is not let you repeat my mistakes.” Edith turned to head for the door.
“Edith,” Kalina said, getting up from the couch.
Edith turned around to look at her.
Kalina took a deep breath. “I’ve been holding on to too many things for too long and I’m not going to let grudges continue to dominate my life. I didn’t get a chance to make things right with my father, but I still have a chance with you.” Kalina wrapped her arms around Edith, feeling Edith’s body tremble as she broke down and cried.
“I’m sorry about everything, Kalina. I’m so sorry,” Edith cried.
“I know. We’ll work through it, okay? I can’t promise you that I’ll be happy to see you some days, but we’ll get thro
ugh it.”
“Okay, honey.”
With that, Edith continued on to her car.
Kalina closed the door when she drove away and sat on the couch again, grabbing a pillow and wrapping her arms around it. She wondered what Bryon was doing this very second and for a moment, she thought about calling him. She needed to apologize. She needed to tell him the truth about how she felt for him. But she couldn’t do it over the phone. She would have to talk to him face-to-face, if she could work up the nerve to do so.
CHAPTER 44
A Week Later
Bryson was standing in his kitchen, making potato salad. He had a feeling these family dinners was his mother’s way of making sure all her children learned how to cook. After he’d placed the boiled white potatoes in a bowl, he added two dollops of Miracle Whip before pausing, thinking about a family. He thought he would have a family with Felicia but that didn’t turn out so well. After the divorce, he swore he’d never marry again. He killed his dreams of having children. And he even wanted to sell his house. That was all before he met Kalina.
Never once did he think he’d meet another woman who would make him consider wanting to marry again, but Kalina was different.
“Um…that potato salad ain’t going to make itself, Bryce,” Candice said. She was helping him prepare their Monday night family feast again.
Bryson glanced up at Candice and said, “Yeah…I suppose it won’t.”
Candice closed the oven after she was done checking on the lemon-pepper chicken. She looked at Bryson again. “Okay, you better get out of that funky mood if you don’t want everybody drilling you at dinner.”
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You’ve been extremely quiet. What’s bothering you?”
“Nothing, lil’ girl. You just make sure that chicken doesn’t burn.”