My throat was so choked up that it was hard to speak and she continued. “I love you Dylan, I’ve always only ever loved you, but I need you to understand that he needs a friend right now and I need to be that for him.” With her last words I exhale the long breath I was holding, the burning sensation in my chest from holding my breath so long subsiding.
“Shit, Lexi, you scared the living hell out of me, I thought you were telling me that you chose him,” I said holding my hand to my heart trying to return it’s beat to a steady rhythm. “There’s something I need to tell you,” I said taking her by the hand and leading her over to the couch.
“You aren’t in the mob, are you?” she laughed a nervous laugh.
“No Lexi, I’m not in the mob, but I’ve made some mistakes. I need to tell you the truth as to why I didn’t return home for the last seven years.” I continued on to tell my gruesome story about my first year as an undergraduate at Harvard. How I felt when she broke up with me, and wouldn’t listen to my story on prom night. How I began to place bets on basketball games. How I made the biggest mistake of my life when I took ecstasy with alcohol and ended up in bed with Santana and Carlie. I told her the ugly details of Santana’s death. How I felt ashamed and unworthy of her love or my families' love and so I chose to stay away, in fear of seeing my shame reflected in their eyes. I told her about my work with Doctors Without Borders, and finally I confessed that I feel no better than Luc. That I understood his torment over hurting her because he was out of his right mind and didn’t remember the episode.
When she finally did speak, a mix of emotions swirled in her dark blue eyes. I was afraid of the storm she held within her. I was afraid the havoc that the storm could reap into my life, but then her expression softened and she ran her hand up and down my cheek, when she touched me the look of pure love rested on her features. “Dylan, I don’t want you comparing yourself to Luc, that was different. You didn’t hurt the girl, even if you were on drugs, you didn’t lose control of any sort. She died and that is very sad, but apparently the other girl was fine and that’s because Santana died of an overdose, nothing you did could have changed it. You said it yourself, her friend told her to get help. You only met her that night you didn’t know what she was into….and honestly, what you were saying about sleeping with all those girls while fearing to come home and being rejected. Well, I can understand that too, I told you that I slept with too many guys, it began as something fun, a way to pass time and time did pass but that void, it was never fulfilled,” she paused and tilted her head up to stare into my eyes. There was a familiarity in her story of loneliness that I could identify with.
“I understand Lexi, oh God, do I understand, you don’t know what your acceptance means to me right now. I spent the last seven years dreading revealing that awful night to you, in every scenario that I confessed you turned your back on me. There was no way in my mind that a perfect angel like you was going to take me back after what I’d done. You don’t know how much sleep I’ve lost and nightmares I’ve had over this.”
“Dylan, you were being too hard on yourself I understand what happened was sad, but it was a mistake, and not even that. People experiment in university, most of them don’t end up with a dead partner in their bed in the morning, I know. It’s tragic, it really is. I’m not making light of her death, I feel terrible for her family, but clearly there was a problem that had nothing to do with you, you had just barely met her,” she said so convincingly. As I took in her words slowly hoping that they would penetrate and that I could agree with her and once and for all let it go.
“Lexi, if I wasn’t high I could have probably saved her,” I explained the root of my guilt.
“You really don’t know that she could have been saved. That is the doctor in you speaking, the need to save everyone. I’ve watched you grow and I’ve watched that need in you grow. You even wanted to save me Dylan, you were hoping so bad that you could save me, but here’s the thing, at the end of the day you have to realize that you could have never saved me. I was on a self-destructive path, maybe because of my difficult childhood, but it was my path Dylan, a path I had to figure out on my own. You could have never saved me because in the end I realized that I needed to save myself. I see that now. I understand that my bad decisions lead me down a dark road, but it was my road and at the end of that road I found my way back to you,” she said causing my heart to literally burst. I felt fire crackers going off in my chest, I loved her so damn much.
As unstoppable tears flowed down my face, I said, “Lex you have no idea…” I nodded my head trying to collect my emotions enough to will the words out of me. “When you left that day to head downtown to the university for undergrad I knew, I knew it in my heart, that you needed the time to figure things out. I knew it was your first time experiencing freedom away from home and that’s why I didn’t go after you, I felt like you needed the time to discover yourself without me in your life. I knew that with your strong personality you would want to find your independence, so I waited back at Harvard, I was miserable for so long, but I always knew in my heart, I knew you would find your way back to me. I just didn’t expect that dreadful night that Santana died to happen. I felt like any chance we had got washed down the drain with my mistake,” I swiped the tears at my eyes, I wasn’t expecting to become so emotional over this but we hit some heavy bumps in our road, some very heavy bumps.
“You’re right Dylan, I needed time to discover myself and a life without the abuse, and I’m not going to lie. I had dreamed up different scenario’s of you suddenly appearing one day and claiming me as yours, but those dreams died out. They were painful….but that was our road just like you said, it was bumpy and sad and oh so very lonely at times, but it was still our road and it was a road that lead us back to one another,” she explained through her heavy tears. I lifted my finger to wipe her cheeks, looking at her in awe, the beautiful woman in front of me. She was no longer a girl, the young brave girl I fell in love with. Along our road of separation she grew up, I grew up.
“I love you Lexi, I love you so much,” I said as I kissed her face wanting to wipe away her tears, her sadness. I kissed her eyes, her nose, her forehead and her cheeks and a big smile erupted on her face, the smile turned into laughter making my heart swell.
“I love you too Dylan, I love you so much, I’ve missed you so much,” she said wrapping her arms around me and pressing herself into me. I stood up pulling away from her and her smile fell as confusion took rest on her beautiful features.
“Don’t frown at me,” I smiled looking back at her as I walked over to my speakers by the television.
“What are you doing?”
“I want a re-do,” I grinned noticing she looked bewildered.
“What type of re-do?”
“I want a re-do of prom night,” I smiled back at her as I turned my head, I turned up the sound of the music and I took her into my arms dancing with her slowly. She began to laugh and her head fell back revealing her creamy white skin on her neck. I pressed my nose into her neck inhaling her perfect scent. As Edwin McCain’s loving words filled up the apartment. I swirled Lexi in my arms and sang to her, “Tell me that we belong together…I’ll be captivated…and I’ll be your crying shoulder, I’ll be love suicide, and I’ll be better when I’m older, I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.”
We continued to dance slowly as our eyes stared into one another's. Lexi’s dark blue eyes were beaming at me, and that’s when I realized it, her brightness, the light that she always carried around with her as a child, the one that had been burnt out for too long was back and I realized it was back for me and because of me.
“Oh Lexi, please, please let me love you forever,” I said twirling her in a circle as I watched her golden curls fly in the air and her bright smile light up the room. When I brought her in close to me, she smiled and breathless she answered, “Forever,” and with that I claimed her lips in a way that I never have. I needed to possess her. I needed to
brand her and make her mine forever, this would be our forever.
Chapter 26
Our Forever
Lexi
As our lips thrashed together my blood boiled beneath my skin and a needy fire erupted between my legs. I had wanted this man my whole life. I’d dreamed of him burying himself inside me, feeling one with him. That day we had sex in his car, the day I got pregnant, everything happened so fast I didn’t have a chance to cherish him. Now I would take my time. I explored his tongue drawing delicious circles with my own. I wanted to moan just from the taste of his tongue, a delicious taste that I missed. He broke away from me leaving me breathless, his own chest heaving. My body was a tight ball of need, craving relief only he could provide. His tongue licked down my neck as his nose caressed the path down inhaling me, and groaning at the back of his throat. It was so damn sexy.
“Oh Lexi, oh Lexi,” he groaned a mantra of my name. His sexy, raspy voice filled with need. His hands cupped my head and he moved his lips down toward the crease between my neck and shoulder, the feel of his breath on my sensitive skin caused goosebumps to erupt. My hand slowly ran through his dark brown hair, pulling him in even closer.
“I want to take you to my bed,” he groaned down my neck and I nodded my head, dizzy with lust. In one swift movement he lifted me up by my legs, cradling me in his strong arms. He walked me into his room and lay me gently along the soft white comforter. His blue eyes were smoldering, his face filled with hunger and need that I knew now only I could quench.
I lifted my pink t-shirt over my head, not wearing a bra since I got ready for bed after my shower. Dylan stood at the edge of the bed in a state of awe. “I want to watch you undress yourself,” he said with a stern voice filled with want and sex. I nodded my head and continued to lower my not-so-sexy flannel pajama bottoms, of course I was commando. With my eyes trained on Dylan, his eyes roamed over my body slowly drinking me in, I felt safe with him, I felt beautiful with him, despite the new very visible scar on my stomach from the attack.
He licked his lips and with a low throaty voice and said, “I can’t wait to taste you everywhere, god I missed your taste.” He lifted his own t-shirt over his head revealing a body that was too perfect to be real. I thought that he had looked like he filled out since high school with his clothes on, and I had a quick glimpse of him while staying here, but now I had time to revel. I never expected him to be so ripped. His wide shoulders were carved like the Rocky Mountains and his chest, wide and broad leading to a lean abdomen only seen in fitness magazines. He crawled onto the bed in a predatory way, still in his jeans and leaned over my body slowly lowering himself above me. His warm chest was pressed into my aching nipples sending bursts of need to my core. I was soaked between my legs at only the thought of him touching me there. His mouth met mine as we kissed tenderly, my hands running up and down his smooth back.
As much as I was enjoying the slow sensuous reunion of our bodies, my aching need drove me to want more and faster. My hands roamed down his back then came around to his front to unbutton and unzip his jeans, I pushed down willing them to come off. He lifted slightly up and helped me lower his jeans and boxer shorts in one swift movement. When he was sprung free, I couldn’t help but stare, my core clenching deliciously at his long hard cock. Was it possible that even that grew since high school too? My eyes rolled back at the thought of having him thrust into me. Dylan’s lips tugged up into a cocky grin and then he dipped into the crevice of my neck, spreading kisses along my jawline. My body was on fire from his trail of hot kisses. Knowing Dylan he was only thinking of me and what would make me feel comfortable in this moment, but the only thing I craved was him inside me.
I lowered my hand and began to pump his cock starting at the top and working my way down, massaging his balls when I reached them. He let out a throaty groan into my chest as his lips descended on my left nipple. As he nipped and sucked one side, he tantalized the other with a circling motion of his thumb. I was all senses as my back lifted from the bed and my hips pressed into his prominent arousal. His cock gently rubbed my core and he gasped, “You’re so wet, I can’t take this.” Suddenly in one swift movement his head moved in between my legs as he shoved his nose inside my pussy inhaling it. At that gesture, my core tightens from the sexy grin that erupted on his face alone. Then his tongue pushed into me lapping at my needy core from front to back placing extra pressure on my clit. My hips began to buck as I tried to hold on, I needed to last longer than this, “Oh Dylan…oh Dylan…”
“That’s it baby, come for me, I need to you to come on my face,” as he said the words my need to let go overtook my need for control, and I was overcome by ecstasy as my hips bucked into Dylan’s tongue colors passed by me.
“Yes!” As I yelled out his name, memories of love flooded over me, the love I felt for him bursting through me with sensuality and need releasing me to depths I’d never known.
“That was the sexiest thing ever,” Dylan said crawling his way back up my body and enveloping my mouth in a domineering kiss that felt more like he was branding me as his. As I tasted my muskiness on his tongue, and he possessed me with his love I finally felt wanted, I finally felt home.
“I need inside you babe,” he said into my mouth and I knew he was asking because he still felt unsure of us, and he wanted to make sure I was okay. “I will go slow, I promise, I won’t hurt you,” he said referring to the still healing scar on my stomach. The truth was, despite my scar I didn’t want him to go slow, I needed him fast, and I needed him hard.
“Please Dylan, I need you inside me,” I rasped out. He reached over to the night table by his bed and opened a drawer with condoms.
“Before you think anything it’s a closed box, and I’ve never had another woman in this bed,” he explained with a sincere look. I nodded my head. For some reason I knew it was hypocritical of me, but the thought of him having other women here bothered me. To hear him confess that I was the first in this bed was reassuring and warming. I took the condom out of his hand and opened the wrapper pulling it out and rolling it over his throbbing cock. As Dylan watched me his eyes heated even more, and his cock strained against my hand.
Then in one strong thrust he was inside me. Filling me, loving me. He moved his hips hard and fast as he thrust in and out of me rubbing my clit in all the right places with his skilled and controlled movements. I felt myself building again, but I had to hold on. I wanted to come together with him. His thrusts grew harder and he lifted my legs over his shoulders allowing his cock to penetrate even deeper. I bucked my own hips into him intensifying the friction.
“Lexi, you don’t know how many times I’ve dreamed of this,” he bit out as his face became more flushed, beads of sweat were trickling on his forehead. His impending release very close and my own need begging to be released.
“Me too baby,” I said with a raspy voice. “Oh, Ah…Ah….” And then he slammed into me strong and hard and I let go rubbing myself against his thickness watching his neck muscles strain as the look of pure lust crossed his perfect features and his bright blue eyes closed reveling in the ecstasy. Then he fell on top of me but leaned to the side so the brunt of his weight was not on my body. He didn’t pull out of me and I could feel that he was still hard.
“I want to be buried inside you forever, this feels like a dream Lex. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this, dreamed about this,” he said between ragged breathes. His chest rising and falling in sync with my own.
“I know, me too, that was beyond words Dylan.”
“For me too,” he said lifting his chin and kissing my cheek sweetly.
After making love till the early hours of the morning, my body felt raw in the most delicious way. We needed this reunion, we needed to feel each other again and it was like we could never get enough of each other. We spoke a bit and I cried over Anna, but somehow through the sadness and my grief we ended up mangled between the sheets and each other again and again. Until reality hit me and I
knew how important it was for me to get a little bit of sleep. I had to testify at Luc’s trial and not only testify, but ensure that I said the right things so that Anna would be returned safely.
As thoughts of Anna pervaded my mind, I was reminded that although this time with Dylan was our sweet time together, like in the past the sweet was always mixed with the bitter. In the past I would have to leave Dylan’s sweetness and head home to Mom who was usually waiting and pissed off about one thing or another, I never really understood what made her angry. Now as fate had brought my sweet Dylan back to me, we were faced with the bitter together. I couldn’t run from the fact that my life was at risk. The letter from Luc’s family warned that I was not off the hook. If they wanted to, they could find me and kill me with little effort.
“Don’t do it Lex, don’t go inside your head now,” Dylan said looking down at me warily. “I need you to share your thoughts with me, don’t try to save me from your pain, because we are in this life together,” Dylan said pulling me into him so my head rested on his chest. His skin felt warm and soothing and listening to the beat of his heart was warming and brought back memories of how I felt safe in his arms when we were younger. I thought I would never feel these arms around me again and so despite our tough situation, I found myself grateful.
“Okay, I know, I’m worried about Anna, and I’m worried they will come after me too. Luc said it’s good that they know I’m staying here because it means that he and I are no longer together. But his father is disappointed in him for wanting to leave the family and Luc said I still need to be careful.”
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