by Beth Shriver
“More beef,” he demanded while stuffing a bite of the Salisbury steak into his mouth.
Lucy mixed the bread crumbs, ground beef, eggs and milk, and then made patties. As she placed a patty onto the skillet, some grease popped up and hit her wrist. She yelped and walked quickly to the cooler for a piece of ice and placed it on her wrist, letting the cool water run down her arm.
“My food’s burning.” His chair screeched across the wood floor as he stood and strode to the stove. He grabbed the metal handle without the oven mitt and hollered so loudly that Lucy covered her ears.
She withdrew, stepping back against the counter, and waited for his reaction. He stared down at her, his eyes bulged, and his body shook with rage. Lucy almost apologized, but she knew anything she did or said would only make it worse. So she waited and prayed he would calm down or leave. His work boots seemed louder and his stagger more pronounced as he headed for the back door.
Not knowing what to do, she wiped her face with her sleeve, slipped the spatula under a slab of charred meat, and threw it out for the dogs. She went out and sat down on the porch, letting her shoulders drop, feeling completely incompetent as Skip and Hop enjoyed their special meal. She didn’t seem to be able to do anything right, at least when she was around Sam. She wasn’t a great cook or haus keeper, but she could hold her own. As stressful as Verna would be to have around, she might be able to help with some of the details Lucy seemed to miss.
She looked over the large farm that Sam had built up after years of work. From what she’d heard, he and his first wife had spent so much of their time working this place that they did little else. No one seemed to really know them the way the rest of the community knew and helped one another. It seemed strange, but then most everything about this man was odd to Lucy.
She looked over at Sweet Pea, wondering whether she could take her back without Sam getting upset. Sam didn’t like her to leave the farm unless it was necessary. She didn’t know why, other than it might be another way to control her. But she was used to that; she seemed to gravitate to controlling people.
It was wash day, and unlike most women, she did hers alone. She decided to finish her chores before returning the horse.
Sweet Pea whinnied, causing Lucy to stop and look her way. She smiled when the horse stamped her hoof on the ground, as if demanding attention.
“What is it, girl?” Lucy moved closer, just enough to feel the horse’s warm breath. “I’ll take you home soon.” The horse shook her head.
“You’re going to have to wait. If I don’t get something done around here first, I’ll pay for it when I get back.” She rubbed Sweet Pea’s chest, watching the horse’s eyes droop with satisfaction. “You probably get spoiled at Manny’s place.”
Sweet Pea grunted her response, and her eyes closed.
“I bet he talks to you too.”
Sweet Pea opened her eyes wide.
“You’re a good listener.” She patted her one last time and let out a long sigh. For some silly reason, she felt better. Maybe Sweet Pea was good medicine.
After the clothes were washed, Lucy walked to the backyard to hang them up to dry. It had to be very nasty weather to hang the clothes inside. Sam became especially annoyed by the lines hung from wall to wall with damp clothes filling the room, but their family room was only used for a short time before bed, when they read from the Bible.
She found Sam in the barn shoeing a horse. This gave her some hope, as he didn’t seem as irritated doing this task. “How is your hand?”
He jolted and turned to her. “I’m in no mood. What is it you want?” He took hold of the hammer and started in again. The noise resonated in her ears, distracting her from what she wanted to say.
“I should take the horse to her owner.” She didn’t know whether he heard her, as he kept pounding away. She waited until he finished and stuck the hot horseshoe in a tub of water. The steam rose to the roof of the barn.
“I won’t be gone long.”
“Make it quick. I’ll be expecting an early dinner.” He glared at her with his ice blue eyes and pulled the horseshoe out of the tub—his way of making her feel guilty, making it hard to ignore. She had ruined his lunch, so he expected a large dinner. She would be sure to give him one, just to keep the peace. Filling his belly would be a sure way to do that.
She didn’t know where these thoughts came from. She’d learned that submission was the easiest and smartest way to deal with her life and her husband, especially with a baby on the way. Lately that way of thinking was harder for her to do. Maybe it was the hormones making her thoughts bolder than usual. Angry impulses crept in now and then. Even anger toward Gott—something she’d never dealt with before, not until the day she’d first seen Sam in action. She couldn’t forget the sight of him taking out his anger on an unruly horse.
Tiptoeing out of the barn in case he changed his mind, she heard him grumble but ignored it.
Skip nipped at her heels, wanting to play. She lifted her head and kept walking. Never would she have imagined that she would be so tense over such actions. She couldn’t so much as walk away from her home without worrying Sam would change his mind or that she’d be scolded when she returned.
Once in the buggy, with Sweet Pea tethered to the side, she felt freedom in riding along the road by herself. One of the many things she looked forward to was being with her little one, just the two of them enjoying the countryside as she was doing now.
As she came upon Manny’s place, she noticed the dried and withered flower gardens. It would be better to strip them and have an empty garden than the dead flowers that were there now. Her hands itched to get on them and help them thrive. She could douse each stem with life-giving water and pull out the weeds that sucked away all the nutrients.
As the buggy drew closer to the farm, Lucy started to regret coming. She felt like an intruder, but she hardly got the impression from Manny that he would feel that way about her making a visit—especially with his horse in tow.
“Hallo!” She called toward the barn, which was where she suspected Manny might be this time of day. With the milking done and morning chores completed, he should be getting ready for lunch. As the haus came into view, she thought about how lonely he probably was after losing his wife. Had they truly loved each other, the way she’d hoped her marriage would be? Or was their marriage a simple business arrangement?
“Hallo.” Manny’s voice sounded behind her. She tried to peek out the side of the buggy, but her stomach cramped, so she stayed put. She had started worrying about the baby, wondering especially about different ailments she might have. With some marrying third and sometimes second cousins, more and more babies were being born with defects. Though she and Sam weren’t related, she knew very little about his forebears. She often wondered if his parents were second cousins, because that would explain much about his short temper and other traits people put down simply to Sam being Sam.
Manny appeared by her window and smiled. “Well, hallo there.”
“Manny, I’ve found something of yours.” She clambered out of the buggy, holding her stomach, and tried to stand straight. Her short legs made it difficult to step down, and she felt for the ground by dangling one leg behind her.
“So I see.” He took Lucy by the arm to help her balance and then moved away once she was sure-footed. “Where did you find her?”
“Out in t
he backyard.”
He untied Sweet Pea from the buggy, and she heard his voice faintly comforting the horse.
Lucky Sweet Pea. Lucy wished she had someone to talk to her in the same way. “She’s a sweet horse.” Lucy stroked the horse’s side, listening to her whinny softly.
“That’s why I gave her the name.” He glanced back to Lucy and took a moment to study her.
She felt her cheeks redden. Not from Manny’s scrutiny, but the fact she’d forgotten to hide her scar. She wondered why that bothered her more than usual when she saw Manny. Many times she would go into town and face the gawking, but for whatever reason she didn’t want Manny to see her blemish.
“The grass must be greener at Sam’s place.” It still sounded strange when people called the place she lived only her husband’s, but she felt like a visitor there. Although Sam didn’t come out and say it, she knew better than to think the haus was anyone’s but his.
“Would you like something to drink?” Manny offered, but seemed a bit reluctant. With no one around but the two of them, it was a little awkward. But Sam had approved her going, and a glass of water sounded good.
“Jah, I’ll wait on the porch.” She looked up to see more steps than she’d expected. “Or maybe I’ll sit on the steps.”
“Nee, I’ll bring you a chair.” Manny took the stairs two at a time, grabbed a rocking chair from the porch and set it down by the bottom stair. “There you go.” He looked up at the nearby tree and then the ground where she sat. “You’ll have some good shade here.”
He was so hospitable. Unfamiliar emotions started to well up inside. She choked them back and let out a long breath.
“Are you all right?” He squatted down. It was nice she didn’t have to look up. But at the moment she didn’t want him to see her face with the heat rising up her neck.
“Just a little warm.” She rubbed her belly. “This little one creates a lot of heat.” Then she felt embarrassed for talking about the baby. It wasn’t common to mention, but it was so obvious, it seemed silly to ignore it.
“I’ll get that water.” He touched her hand. “I’ll be right back.” He slowly walked away, not looking back until he was at the door.
She scanned his farm, which was smaller than but just as well-kept as Sam’s. It seemed quaint and inviting, more like a home than a business. She sat up to look closer. That was the difference. Sam ran his farm like a business. Manny’s was a home first, then it provided a living. Sweet Pea was relaxed, with her head down and eyes closed, unlike at Sam’s where she was jittery. The calming atmosphere seemed to affect them in the same way, confirming that the tension was a reality at the place she called home.
“You two taking a nap?” Manny’s voice floated toward her as her eyelids lifted.
“Just resting my eyes,” she said, although she might have had a wink or two.
He handed her the water and smiled. “I have trouble with that too when I’m rocking under that big oak tree.” He squatted down by her and looked up. “Nice day.”
She took a moment to admire the blue sky with white clouds rolling by slowly in the slight wind. She hadn’t felt this serene since . . . she didn’t know when. And there was something definitely soothing about Manny . . . but maybe it just seemed that way to her since she lived with someone so opposite.
Lucy suddenly felt uncomfortable enjoying herself when there was dinner to make. “Danke for your hospitality, Manny. I should go.”
He stood and offered his hand. She accepted with a smile of appreciation and started for her buggy. He helped get her up and settled, as the lump in her throat swelled again. But there was no appropriate way to express her feelings other than a simple danke.
“If you ever want to talk, feel free to stop by.”
What a lovely thought, but it would never happen. “I bet you’re a good listener.”
He grinned. “Actually, Sweet Pea is better than me.”
Lucy chuckled, picturing him talking to the horse the same way she just had, and she didn’t feel quite so foolish. She grinned at Manny. “Jah, I know.”
Manny sat up in his bed and looked out at the dark sky. It would be a long day of threshing wheat. It was time-consuming and hot this time of year, but the flour would last through the winter and then some for all the baking the women did.
He glanced at the empty side of his bed. “Not that I need as much as most now.”
But his cousin, Emma, would be sure to come over and make him his favorites—cherry pie and peach cobbler.
He dressed and took slow steps down the stairs to the kitchen to fix some coffee. Rummaging through the pantry to find the coffee beans to grind, he came up short. One more grocery item he had forgotten at the store. He bent his head and placed his palms on either side of the door. Even the littlest of things seemed to keep popping up, showing him another chore Glenda had done that he took for granted. The canister of the herbal tea she liked was almost full. He eyed it before shrugging. It wasn’t the same as a strong cup of coffee.
He looked out the window over at the tall cluster of trees that blocked any view of Lucy’s haus. As he tapped his fingers on the counter, he could almost smell the roasted beans being ground. He was in need of coffee, but wouldn’t it also be neighborly to stop over at her place just to say hallo? He had to admit he worried about her. Not that it was his place to. There was just something that didn’t sit right.
He tried to push aside his worries about Lucy and headed outside to get started on his morning chores. But once the cows were milked, his thoughts drifted once again, and he decided he needed coffee, which would give him a good excuse to check in on Lucy. The rest of the chores could wait. He swallowed his pride and got up his nerve to face Sam as he started down the lane to the main dirt road that led to their place. He stopped at the driveway. Somehow their place always seemed darker. Maybe it was the tall, thick trees that surrounded the haus. Or maybe it was just Manny feeling uncomfortable being there.
He stood at the back screen door, savoring the smell of the coffee and bacon. Maybe some eggs too . . . or was that his imagination, dreaming about them. Standing under the window, he heard Abner’s voice and took a step back, listening, not wanting to intrude. Abner walked in from the mudroom and seemed to be talking slower today. Manny glanced through the window and noticed he held a letter against his chest as if it was made of gold.
Lucy walked over to the stove and stirred up something that sizzled. “Good to see you, Abner.” When Abner didn’t respond, she took a closer look at him. His pinched forehead and the way he averted his eyes worried Manny. “Are you feeling all right?”
Abner rubbed his hand over his wrinkled face. “Nee. I’m not.”
She waited, and watched him stroke his beard. “Why don’t you take a load off and have a seat.” Lucy motioned toward a kitchen chair.
He sat down heavily. “Nee. I need to get something off my chest. That’s what needs to be done.” He scratched his thinning gray hair and let out a breath.
Manny was eavesdropping, but at this point, he was as concerned as Lucy appeared to be and needed to know what was on poor old Abner’s mind. He made himself visible, taking a step forward, but couldn’t get himself to go any farther and interrupt the conversation.
“What in the world’s got you so upset?” Lucy rested her hands on her belly and waited, shifting her weight.
Abner
’s eyes went to her hands that cradled her stomach. “I just have to say this once and for all.” He glanced outside, and she followed his gaze out the window to a tree stump where Sam chopped wood. “Do you know why I bring you the mail?”
She shook her head and scooped the eggs out of the pan.
Manny figured Abner was either nosy or felt sorry for her, not knowing which for sure.
“It’s ’cause I worry about you.” His eyes sought and found hers.
“I’m fine, Abner, and the baby is—”
“I worry about your safety, Lucy.” His stern face was taut with red blotches. “You know right what I’m talking about too.” His nostrils flared when she shook her head, as if he knew what she was about to say.
Manny wanted to know what Abner had seen and heard. They were so secluded; Lucy probably thought no one could know what went on to worry about it. Thinking of all the times Abner must have dropped by, Manny was sure he’d seen and heard plenty. It seemed clear that Lucy had talked herself into thinking that was just how things were.
She looked away, and Manny couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in her eyes, her denial. “We’re fine. Really we are. I appreciate your concern, Abner.”
His lips tightened. “It’s bothered me too much not to finally say something.” His hand shook as he looked out the window to see Sam stride to the stump and grab his ax. “I know it’s not common to get into another’s business, but I can’t help but worry for you both.” He gestured to the unborn babe.
Lucy let out a lungful of air. “You’re a sweet man, Abner. But I’ve learned how to live my life. I’d hoped for different, but the Lord hasn’t brought that to be. So I’ll make do with the path I’m on.”
Manny hadn’t heard her say so much in one breath. She knew what Abner was saying was right, but she was trying to keep him from carrying her burden. Manny didn’t want him to either, so he walked up to the door and knocked.