Words come to me in distorted, broken blur, “Severe bleeding…supply blood…can’t say anything…keep praying…”
The words, “keep praying,” plays on a loop in my mind. Isn’t it what they say when…but there is hope…I cling to that hope so that I can breathe.
Every minute outside of the ICU drags.
The doctor comes out after hours and I…
I don’t remember what happens next.
52. Tia’s Moth
er
“Mom…mom…open your eyes mom.” Avinash’s voice comes to me in breaks, and slowly light enters the darkness. It takes me a while to remember what’s going on.
“Tia.” I rise with a jolt. Where is Tia? How is she. I…I need to see her.”
“She is out of danger mom.” Avinash says, and the relief is so strong and so unreal that I still feel disoriented, cut off from reality.
“Dad has gone inside to see her. Right now, only one person can see her, but since you were not well, we didn’t wait.”
“Its…its…ok…she…she…is fine…that’s all that matters…” And when the tears start flowing, I wonder where they have been until now?
Dev walks out after seeing her. I rush to him. “How is…” My voice chokes in my throat…he is crying…Dev is crying… I have never seen him cry…
“She is fine.” His voice is hoarse.
She is fine? Then why is he crying? I can’t put my question into words, because somewhere deep down I know the answer I don’t want to know…
She is alive…but is she fine? Can she ever be fine?
My princess…can she ever be fine in this life?
“I want to see her.” I grasp his collar.
“You have to wait. the doctor will tell us when you can see her next.” He says, holding my hands that are still on his collar.
“Please Dev, please, just a glimpse, I won’t talk, I won’t touch, I…I just want to see her once. Please Dev. Please. Please. Please Dev.”
“Come with me.” This was doctor’s voice as he was passing by the lobby. “But you can’t stay long. Ok? And you can’t make noise, got it?
Was that a polite way to say I can’t cry? Was he so sure I would cry? I gather courage from every corner of my soul and follow the doctor, but as soon as I enter the room the last bit of courage crumbles and I press my mouth to suppress the scream.
Where is my Tia? Where is she? All I can see is a still girl lying with bandages all over her body.
She is still unconscious; the doctor says that will help her bear the pain.
Physical or emotional? I want to ask but I don’t, because I know the answer.
After spending hours outside the hospital Dev talks to me cautiously.
“There is something I have been meaning to tell you.” The expression on Dev’s face scares me.
“What now?”
“They found Tia near the Ritesh’s house.”
Where was this going?
“Someone saw her lying in a pool of blood with a blindfold around her eyes and her hands tied with metal chains near his house in the early hours and called the cops. Police searched his house and have found the evidence. He has innumerable photos of Tia in his room, and not only recent photos. It seems he has been clicking her for years, the latest ones too, that he used to send her, and also...” He doesn’t say anything more, he can’t, he doesn’t need to. How does a father speak about the molestation of his daughter? No parents should need to talk about it.
“They also found Tia’s lost earrings in his drawer.” He said after a long pause.
“No.” I couldn’t make it any more than a whisper.
A scene comes alive…Tia gifting him books to study, gifting him dreams of a future. The same man ruined her future.
“It’s not possible that Shantabai didn’t know it. His house is quite small. Only two rooms.”
“No.” I couldn’t think of anything else. Over the years I had begun to trust her like a family member. Shantabai and Ritesh were there to help in every celebration of Tia’s life, even her engagement where only the family could attend. He was planning the whole time! How could I have been so blind? How? It was all my fault. I was the grown up here, I should have seen it coming. I should have. I closed my eyes with guilt weighing me down.
Later, when I come face to face with Shantabai in the police station, she is crying. “Believe me madam, there is some misunderstanding. I would never harm Tia, she is like my own daughter.” By this time I had seen the photos found in Ritesh’s house, how vulgarly he had bitten the lips on every photo. I slap her hard and walk to Ritesh. He is looking at the floor.
“She thought of you like a little brother….” My voice falls.
“But I never thought of her like a sister.” He looks up and his eyes are red. Dangerous. Threatening. He isn’t the Ritesh I know, he is a stranger, a menacing stranger, or is it that it’s the first time I am seeing him without the façade? Is that the reason he never looked into the eye because his eyes gave him away?
How did Tia survive him all this time? With everything he must have done. I close my eyes.
“But I didn’t kidnap her.” His lie cuts through my thoughts.
“Then what is this?” I bring the photo found in his house to his face, the photo where he had bitten her at all the inappropriate places. What must he have done to her when she was kidnapped? The thought unsettles me.
“I love her, is that a crime?” he asks, seething his teeth.
I slap him so hard that my hand hurts and my fingers are drawn on his cheeks, but that doesn’t calm me, I want to stab him to death. “You don’t even know what love is.”
His presence suffocates me, so I turn around to leave, trying not to think of Tia being with him for so long.
“But I didn’t kidnap her, I didn’t. I would never ruin her soft body. I would never ever chop her beautiful hair.” I press my ears with my hands and run out of the police station.
Liar.
We are now home after Tia is discharged after spending five days in the hospital. She hasn’t spoken a word yet. She didn’t give any statement to the police. She has turned to a zombie. She no longer looks like the girl who left this home 20 days back. She never returned; this is a different girl. Her hair is cut haphazardly, almost gone in the front and very small at the back, reaching just to her neck. There are many scars on her, some still bandaged. Her body is now just a bundle of bones. Though the doctor didn’t find any internal injuries and any sign of molestation in the 48 hours before she was found, her soul is damaged beyond repair. We all try to talk to her, but she doesn’t respond, doesn’t even look at us, even when her eyes are on us.
When she sleeps, we leave her to rest for some time, but when I hear a noise, I run to her room. And a cry locks in my throat when I see her.
She is facing the wall, chunks of her hair are lying on the floor, a razor is working on her almost bald head.
“I would never chop her hair.” Ritesh’s words echoed through my mind and for a fraction of a second I believe him. But all my arguments die in my head and my blood runs cold when she turns around to reach her bed.
Her eyes are closed.
As if she is still blindfolded.
53. Tia’s Moth
er
Tia is silent, sitting on her bed and watching out the window, like a still, lifeless statue. The Tia who talked non-stop belonged to a different lifetime. I walk to her and embrace her tightly. Her arms don’t embrace me in a hug. This moment takes me back in time, when she was a little girl, when my arms never embraced her, maybe life has come full circle. Back then, a six-year-old waited for me to come alive, now it’s my turn.
She hadn’t uttered a word since she returned, even to the police when they came for the investigation. Though she nodded and shook her head at their questions.
Like when the lady constable asked whether she was blindfolded the whole time she was held hostage, she nodded. When she was asked if she ever hear
d the voice of the kidnapper, she looked confused before she shook her head. When she asked if she was molested, she fell still. She didn’t reply.
When the police showed her the photos they recovered from Ritesh’s home she panicked, and her breathing became uneven. The doctor told the police to give her some time and space.
Ritesh and his mother is in custody.
“Ria and Rima were asking for you.” I try to make a little chat, I don’t want to bother her about sharing the details of her hostage, she will come at her own pace. First it is important to make her feel safe, then maybe we can take her for therapy. “After all, aren’t you their age?” I tease her, but the way she looks at me snaps something inside me. The hatred in her eyes tells me she is no more a little girl, she is a girl who has paid the price of being grown up, she is a girl who won’t ever trust anyone in her life. She is a girl scarred for life.
I never thought twice before talking to her, but that needs to be changed now.
“Hey sis, how do I look?” Avinash enters wearing Tia’s pink T-shirt with the avengers printed on it. He is looking hilarious and his eyes are expectant, full of hope that Tia will react, she will fight for her favourite T-shirt, show some sign of life. But she doesn’t. Even a flicker would have been enough, but there is none.
“So?” Avinash doesn’t give up. “You don’t need it anymore? I am keeping it then.”
No response.
He walks up to her table and picks her teddy.
“Mom look, this teddy is calling me. I am taking him to my room.” Avinash picks up the teddy from the side table and a memory comes alive; just a few months back the same statement had made Tia mad and the next moment they were fighting like small kids, no one could touch her teddy. But that moment is gone. Vanished. And the girl who fought for her teddies was too.
“And my room is full, now there is no more space for pasting more posters. I am going to post the photo of that hot chic in your room.” He is struggling hard to keep the tone teasing, but I don’t miss the crack in his voice.
“And you know I am going to,” he swallows, tightens his lips, pause and then says, “dump all my old stuff in your almirah. Now that you don’t object, I am going to….” His voice finally gives away and he gathers Tia in his arms. Someone would say there is no reaction, but I see her eyes becoming alert as if she doesn’t like human touch anymore.
Avinash leaves the room, not wanting to cry in front of us. Tia is still the same, sitting silently.
Dev enters with a doll in his hand. It was a doll Tia had demanded on her last birthday. We obviously didn’t take her seriously. How I wish to go back in time and fulfil her every demand.
“A doll for my doll.” He gives the doll to Tia.
She doesn’t forward her hand, she doesn’t smile, doesn’t flinch. Her face is expressionless, like a blank canvas. Not the one on which nothing has been written, but the one on which a lot was written.
And then erased.
54. Tia’s Moth
er
Tia again closes the door on Samar.
“Tia, please give me one chance to see you. Tia, please. I missed you, Tia. Please open the door.” His voice doesn’t crack anymore, it has gone stable in the last few weeks. He again knocks on the door but there is no response.
The stoic handsome man who never for a second lost his grip is sitting on the floor, his knees drawn to his chest and his head on them. He is crying silently.
Sensing my presence, he gets up.
“I think you should take a break.” I hate myself for saying that, but I am not even sure if Tia would ever open the door for him. It’s been already two months.
“I don’t need a break; I need to see her.” The circles around his eyes matches the colour of his brown T-shirt.
“But it’s just pushing her further away.”
He ponders on my words.
“I will come back after one week. Not because I need break, but because she might need it.” He hurriedly leaves the house.
A lot of people came to see Tia, but she never opens her door for anyone except me, Avinash and Dev. Slowly, people stopped coming, and frankly I am relieved.
Kiara walks in some time. Tia doesn’t open the door for her too. I tell the same thing to Kiara to give her some space and she reluctantly agrees.
The scars on her body have begun to heal and her hair has grown a little. I call in a beautician at home to level up her hair into a boy-cut. She looks at Tia in astonishment, she is the same girl who had once refused to cut Tia’s hair. I can see the moisture in her eyes as she levels up her hair. Tia’s hair is the least of my concerns, I am worried about her health. She isn’t eating. I force some bites into her mouth that keep her alive. She just opens her mouth, chews and swallows. After a few bites, she raises her hand in a gesture for me to stop and walks away to her bed.
It’s been a week since Samar last came and Tia is showing signs of restlessness. I should have been worried, but frankly I am happy, because it is a sign of being alive.
I am feeding Tia when the doorbell rings and I don’t miss the twinkle in her eyes that vanishes very soon, but it was there, even if for one second, it was there.
I go downstairs to open the door. It is Samar.
“Can I see her?” he asks, his body tense, his voice desperate. I nod and we walk upstairs.
“Samar has come to see you.” I say. She doesn’t react, but doesn’t get up to close the door on him.
I walk outside and nod. A big smile erupts amid the worry lines deeply etched on his forehead, dark circle surrounding his eyes, the hollow of his cheeks; the smile looked as if it didn’t belong there. He closes his eyes, maybe preparing to survive the flood of emotions.
He walks in. Tia is sitting lifeless on the bed, wearing a dress that fully covers her, but still a few scars on her cheek are prominent. Subconsciously, Samar’s eyes travel towards her photo on the table, the chubby girl full of life smiling like the world is hers, hugging her teddy close, whose eyes held a thousand mischiefs, a twinkle impossible to miss, then it drifts back to Tia and he swallows a lump. It takes him a while to get a hold of reality.
“Tia.” His voice is hoarse as he walks towards Tia. Tia turns to look at him. I think I saw something in her eyes. What is it?
Fear of rejection? Or Hope?
I couldn’t quite make it out, all I know is it wasn’t indifference. It shows a sign of life and I have trouble keeping a check on my tears, so I walk out to the kitchen to bring water for Samar. When I walk back to her room, Samar has pulled a chair to the front of Tia’s bed and is trying to feed her. She looks at him and then at the bite in his hand and then eats it. After a long time, the tears that flow don’t contain pain, they are the tears of hope. After a long time, she eats a plateful. Samar wipes her mouth and kisses her on her forehead. I see a flicker of emotion in her eyes. She comes alive for a second.
And the next moment she is gone.
55. Kiara
Tia has begun to heal. I mean by body; her mind is still far away. But she must heal. I will help her rediscover herself. I have been there, in a deep dark place where there was nothing except void. That void connects us, like never before. I will be there for her at every step of her life. I walk to her house. I see Samar and Tia from the window. What a perfect couple. Samar is feeding her with his own hands, and I must admit, since he has started feeding Tia, she has begun to fill. She is nowhere near the plump sweet girl she used to be, but she is on that path.
Men’s love is fragile, fleeting, temporary. Nothing like a women’s love. I hadn’t expected Samar to stick around her for so long. But as much as I doubt him, I think he will wait for Tia to heal. But for how long? Will he stay until she heals? Or will he leave? The question scares me.
I hurry my steps towards her home. Ria and Rima and playing in the garden. I ask them to accompany me.
As soon as Tia’s mom sees me, she rushes towards me. “She asked for a second serving today.” She is te
ary eyed.
“Wow…that’s really nice.” I say. “See who has come to meet Tia. I am sure she will love their company. Go kids, Tia is waiting for you.”
Kids ran upstairs and within no time they were singing their favourite rhyme, “Twinkle Twinkle little star.”
We smile at each other, me and Tia’a mom, but that smile is short lived.
A loud bang follows cries of Ria and Rima and we rush upstairs. I don’t enter in, I just peek from the door, there are already enough people in the room. Ria is on the floor and Rima is holding her up and they both are crying. There is a threatening look on Tia’s face, she has transformed with a new hatred raging in her eyes.
“Aunty she pushed me!” Ria points towards Tia. The plate I saw in Samar’s hand from the window is now on the floor, the food scattered around. Still crying, Ria and Rima run downstairs.
“Just leave me,” Tia speaks for the first time since she returned. I notice a sharp edge to her voice that is new to us. I peek inside, and she has violently pulled Samar’s collar. Samar’s back is towards me, but I can see Tia. “Just leave me. I am not the girl you loved. She is dead. Why don’t you understand? Just leave!” She screams and points towards the door.
Samar is still, more out of shock than of willingness. It is as if his legs are cemented to the ground, maybe mourning the death of the girl he had loved. Yes, he knows now she is dead. I think he will leave Tia. Without Samar, how will Tia heal?
I am here to help her. I will help her gather her pieces. I will never let her down. Never.
I make a gesture to Tia’s mother that I should leave and give them their space and walk out.
And I peek inside one last time. Samar is still cemented to his spot, maybe trying to accept the death of the girl he once loved.
Beyond Lies Page 15