by Cynthia Dane
At least Thomas wasn’t there to get on his case about drinking too much. Not that Rick was drinking much at all. He had two beers and called it quits there. Otherwise he was afraid he would do something stupid, like flirt with one of the female dancers who came along for the party that night.
He didn’t remember her name. Since breaking it off with Olivia, Rick wasn’t interested in learning any names. He wasn’t interested in anyone at all. This is the longest I’ve gone in a really long time. Every time he thought about dating, he thought of Olivia. Every time he thought of Olivia, he thought of Fiona. And every time he thought of Fiona… well, just the day before, Rick sent off his DNA to be tested. Soon enough he would find out if he was about to become a father.
“What’s wrong?” It was that dancer, a young woman with blond hair and a waist to die for. She sat on the couch next to Rick, the whole party confined to one large VIP room in a hallway full of rented VIP rooms. The whole thing was on the label’s tab, but if Rick didn’t go then he risked lowering his relations with some people on the staff. One other thing I don’t care much for in this gig. It seemed like there was always one thing or another. Why couldn’t he perform all day? Not that he felt like doing much of that lately anyway. “Do you need something? I could get you another drink.” She picked up one of Rick’s empty beer bottles and looked at the label.
“That’s not necessary. You don’t have to do anything.”
“Maybe I would like to do something for you, though.” Like a slithering snake the blond dancer crawled along the couch and wrapped her arm behind Rick’s shoulders. “Someone who has it as good as you right now doesn’t need to be feeling so glum.”
He shrugged her off. “I said I’m not interested.” Before any of the drama happened, he definitely would have been interested. The dancer was pretty, lithe, and seemed ready to do about anything. So what if he didn’t know her name? It would be best that way. No attachments. Just how it should be at his age.
“Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do.” She sank into the other side of the couch, careful to cross her legs so Rick would be tempted to gaze at her. He wasn’t. Instead of giving her the attention she craved, Rick got up and pushed against drinking partygoers.
Why do these places have to be so dark? The only thing he could see in the hallway was a large bouncer guarding the entrance. Rick saw another young man stumble out of a room, zipping up.
There was nobody else in the bathroom, which suited him fine since he wanted to be alone anyway. Rick stood in front of the sink, hands clutching the counter as he stared at his own reflection in the mirror. Things could be worse, I guess. Most stars his age would probably be doing lines of coke on that counter – or on the blonde’s stomach. Rick was never into those sorts of substances. The fact that he was offered so much now that he was a big shot only deterred him from these types of parties.
At least he had some time to think. With the music thumping in the hallway, and with the shouts of joviality from revelers echoing in his ear, Rick curled his hand into a fist and slammed it against the counter. There. He got that out of his system.
He stepped out of the bathroom, fully intending to make a further ten minute appearance in the VIP room before heading home. That was until he entered the hallway and saw that burly bouncer dealing with a nuisance only a few feet away.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but you can’t go back there.”
“I never said I wanted to go back there. Just get him for me. I need to talk to him.”
“I’m not going to do any such thing. You need to leave.”
Olivia? Rick could hardly believe his eyes. What was Olivia doing around there? She wasn’t part of his party, was she? No, if she were, she wouldn’t be having so much trouble with the bouncer, who was apparently good at his job.
Rick stepped forward and tapped the bouncer on the shoulder. “She’s with me.”
Both the bouncer and Olivia gawked at him. “She wasn’t on the list,” the bouncer said, the club music even louder over here. “Look, I’ll let you take care of this, but if there are any problems, it’s not on me.”
“Of course.” Rick stepped past the bouncer and took Olivia by the hand. Gasping, she stepped after him, following him down the hallway until he found a room empty enough to confront her in. No, just ask her a few questions. Like what the hell was she doing there?
The door latched shut, cutting out the brunt of the bass heavy music. Rick turned to Olivia, standing in the middle of the small VIP room with her sweaty hair down and countenance set in that determined vigor he once admired so much. Okay, he still admired it. A woman out for blood was hot to him. Even if that blood was his.
“All right, Olivia, you got me. What do you want?”
He didn’t mean to be cruel, but he needed to establish their boundaries right away. Rick had no idea what to expect from a woman he got so passionate with and then unceremoniously dumped. She would either surprise him by remaining levelheaded, or she would go off the fucking rails and kick him in the ass until he could never sit again.
Then he had another horrible thought. What if she’s also pregnant? Why else would Olivia hunt him down in some shitty club and confront him? Why would she risk getting kicked out when she was probably there with other people? It had to be serious. Oh, shit, he was gonna have two baby mamas. Rick could already see the close birthdays and the two women awkwardly talking of that time they shared a hotel room while both being knocked up by the same guy. I need to get a vasectomy, stat. Those were reversible, right?
Olivia pulled the hair out of her face and set her jaw as if she were about to bite Rick in the neck. Here it comes. Some sort of horrible news. “Want? I don’t want anything from you. Do me a favor and assume I’m not a greedy bitch after your money or fame.”
He took a step back. Whoa. Safe to say he wasn’t expecting her to say that. Not that he thought such things about her to begin with, but what had Rick done to make her think so? Rick briefly thought back to their pillow talk over the months. Did he ever insinuate that she was no better than a groupie? He certainly hoped not! “I didn’t think that.” It was all he could say.
“I only want to know why you did that,” Olivia said, bottom lip disappearing into her mouth. Was she trying not to cry? How emotional was she right now? I’ve never seen her super emotional. Olivia was usually an example of poise. “Why did you act like you cared so much about us trying at a relationship and then take me to your mom’s old place and dump me in front of her memory? You got some issues with your mom?”
“What? No!” That was a new one. If I weren’t half-panicked right now I’d write a song about that. “The Ballad of Angelina’s Legacy (How She Fucked Up Her Son)” would be the title. “Look, I’m sorry if it upset you. Okay, I knew it would probably upset you. In truth, I didn’t really mean to break it off with you there… it just sort of happened.”
“Our relationship started just how it ended, huh?”
“Relationship? You were the one who said we should take it slow on the emotional front! You wouldn’t even commit while we were on tour.”
“Why would I do that? You’re some big shot rock star. For all I knew I was your bed buddy for the tour. I’m not gonna set myself up for that kind of heartbreak and disappointment.”
“I’m just saying, you didn’t seem too interested anyway. Can’t say I feared that you would take it that badly.”
“Damnit!” Olivia shook her head. Don’t get attracted to that temperament, Rick. Especially since Olivia looked about ready to smack him in the balls. “Stop trying to make this about me. I want an answer. Just tell me why you dumped me, and I’ll never bother you again.”
Well that was an unnecessary ultimatum. “I never wanted to, well, never see you again. I was trying to propose a bit of a break while I sorted some things out. You were the one who took it as me dumping you.”
“Gee, wonder why I had that impression. Usually ‘I don’t think this is a good idea right
now’ is explicit code for breaking up. I’ve been on this base before, Rick. The dude at home never hits that fucking home run and I’m left standing there trying to figure out if I can run fast enough to score a run myself. Guess what? I never do.”
“Well, I’m sorry those have been your experiences.” Shit, they were really doing this right here. To the sounds of a bass line thumping and some dude throwing up out in the hallway. Soon enough someone would come knocking to make sure Rick was all right. Then again, he came in here with a woman. People probably thought they were screwing. If we were on tour still… Nope. Rick needed to get that out of his head. “I haven’t tried contacting you because you seemed pretty insistent that this was actually over.”
“So then why did you need this break to sort out your shit?”
Rick sighed, sinking onto the nearest couch. He supposed it was finally time to tell someone about what was going on with Fiona. I haven’t even told Thomas yet. And he wasn’t going to until he found out one way or another about the paternity of the child. “I’ve got personal shit going on. I’m not really in a position to be starting a serious relationship with anyone. Even a casual one.”
Olivia finally uncrossed her arms. “What kind of personal stuff? Come on, don’t be closed off and secretive. I know we’re not best friends, but I would hope you trust me enough by now to not go spreading your shit. My parents don’t even know we were together.”
Rick looked up at her. “Stop yanking my arm. I’ll tell you. Just sit down first.” He hoped he wouldn’t regret this.
4
As Olivia sat and listened to Rick’s explanation, she wanted to both laugh and scream in his face. Fiona’s pregnant with his kid, huh? That was rich. What a riot!
But that was what he couldn’t tell her before? That there was some possibility he fathered an illegitimate child? Sure, it wasn’t glamorous, and Rick needed to practice some discretion, but holy shit! Of all the things to dump her over! “Let me get this straight,” Olivia said, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand. “You got freaked out about possibly being a father and decided the first thing you should do was cut ties with every woman romantically in your life.”
“To be fair, you were the only person who qualified for that description.”
“Whatever. Point is you went ahead and cut ties with me because you didn’t think I could, what, handle it? That you couldn’t handle it? Please explain this to me.”
Really, Olivia wanted to know. From where she sat, Rick was a reactionary kid whose solution to his immediate problem was something he never thought through. Typical dude. Knocked up one girl? Go ahead and dump the rest! For some reason, Olivia was surprised to hear that she had been the only one. At no point did she delude herself into thinking she was Rick’s main squeeze… even if she was falling in love with him.
Rick looked like he would rather pull out his own toenails than explain his faulty logic. Nevertheless, he made a valiant effort to not sound like a total idiot when he spoke again. “I can’t handle two big things at once. Not like that. I’ve already got my career eating up so much of my time and patience. On top of that, I can’t handle a new relationship and a kid. Besides, if I am this kid’s dad, I need to figure out what I’m going to do. Obviously I want to do the right thing by it and Fiona… but I have to think about the media and whether or not to be open about it. I mean, it’s not a good idea to make something like that public, if only to keep them from being harassed. If the media finds out years from now and I’m not a nobody… the shit could hit the fan and that’s it for me for a while.”
“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
“That’s what I’m saying. “ Rick threw his arms up. “I can’t process becoming a father and having a new girlfriend at the same time. The thing is, as much as I liked… like… you, it in no way compares to what else I’m dealing with. Know what I’m getting at?”
“Sure. You were still a dick about it.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Funny that they should be having a conversation like this in the middle of a nightclub. A seedy one, even if it catered to the rich and famous in the area. How many babies have been conceived on this couch? Olivia didn’t want to think about it. “Please forgive me. I screwed that up and hurt your feelings.”
Wow, it was almost as if he were trying to make a sincere apology. “I can forgive you for making a screw up like that. Look, if we’re going to pick this up again – not that I’m saying we are – you can’t be a jerk like that. If something big like that is going on? I wanna know. Don’t let Thomas be the only one to know this shit.”
Rick shook his head. “He doesn’t know. Nobody but you knows.”
Wait, so Thomas doesn’t know about Fiona… and Rick doesn’t know about Thomas? This was a quandary. If Olivia were a blackmailing kind of woman, she would be super rich soon enough. Not telling Rick that Thomas was his father? Not telling Thomas that Rick might be a father soon? Juicy, juicy. “I’ll keep my lips shut then.”
“I appreciate it.”
Olivia wanted to shake her head back at him. “Thanks for telling me all that, I guess.”
“I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t think I could trust you.”
Trust her? What had Olivia done to earn his trust besides sleeping with him? Some men don’t take much I guess. Boy, if he knew what she knew about Thomas… “I guess I’ll be going now.” Olivia stood up, but didn’t make it three steps before Rick shot forward and grabbed her by the arm. “Excuse me?”
“Come the hell on. You went through all that trouble to see me, and you’re going to leave without another word?”
Olivia did not shake him off. “I was under the impression that this was over.” She didn’t want to get her hopes up, yet she couldn’t help but ask, “Or was I wrong? Does getting to know your current big secret put me on some cool pedestal? Because I won’t be jerked like that again, Rick. I don’t care how good you are…” She couldn’t finish that. Good in bed? Good on the dance floor? Both were dangerous. “I don’t have time to have my feelings played with.”
“Your feelings?”
Great. Now the cat was almost out of the bag. “Don’t play dumb. I know it’s a thing you do, but don’t do it to me. Of course I had… maybe still have… feelings for you. How could I not after all that? I was ready to tell you that I would be your girlfriend when that shit went down. Even hearing about Fiona… my feelings haven’t changed. Just because I feel that way doesn’t mean I’ll let you shove me around like that. I don’t need a commitment to something serious and long term. Just give me common decency.” There. She said it. Let’s see how long it takes for me to regret something like that.
Rick bit the inside of his cheek. One moment he glanced at Olivia, then he looked away again, and this sort of eye-contact dance lasted a good five seconds before he finally said, “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“It wasn’t like I was trying to broadcast it.. Girl’s gotta keep her feelings in check if she doesn’t want to get hurt.”
Olivia was past being embarrassed. She came into this room assuming she would be leaving alone and single. Why would she assume any differently? He’s the kind of guy who gets bored with women quickly. He has his pick. Olivia had been his pick during the tour. And now…
Suffice to say she did not expect Rick to yank her into his arms and bury his face in the crook of her neck.
Olivia sat there, inhaling his scent, nose touching his hair in utter, absolute shock. What the…? The way he gripped her, squeezed her clothing, and desperately tried to touch her skin beneath was not even sexual. It was needy, in the only way a man usually expresses himself when he wants to convey “I need you.”
Rick was exceptional, though. Maybe it was because he was an artist, but he had no qualms saying what was really on his mind – or his heart. “I felt awful about how that happened. I didn’t want it to happen like that. I don’t even want to do this alone right now. Do you know what’s go
ing through my head these days?” He squeezed her once more before pulling away, hands gripping her shoulders as he stared into her shocked visage. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t spend all my time wondering if you’re being taken care of emotionally, because I’m already spreading myself thin between work and this possible baby thing. Both of those have to take precedence right now. You understand?”
Olivia nodded. “I am aware that you’re not the most conventional man around.”
“That’s the truth.” Rick’s fingers pinched her arms, not because he wanted to hurt her, but because his eyes were squeezed shut to the point he had to channel his energy elsewhere. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t know what I can offer you right now… and that’s not fair to you.”
She wanted to cry – in amusement, at least. “Don’t be an idiot! You think I’m the kind of girl who needs you paying attention to me every five minutes? I don’t want to be treated like crap or ignored perpetually. If you really care about me, even if you’re busy you can still find time to call me every couple of days, right? My only fear would be feeling like your foolish fuck buddy who could never expect more. Or that you would…”