by Brenda Novak
But no one was baking him bread anymore. Ever since Jaclyn had quit and hired on at Guthrie, the office and his part of the house, especially his part of the house, had seemed empty and impersonal, as though she’d stripped away all the cheer and warmth he’d ever felt there and taken it with her. He and Jaclyn had managed to tiptoe around each other before the job change, had kept any interaction between them very formal, but now she was gone and Cole felt her absence like a hole in the side of an airplane at thirty thousand feet.
I’ll get over her, he told himself firmly, but he’d been telling himself that for weeks—ever since October seventh, the night he made love to her—and six weeks later, living without her wasn’t getting any easier. He’d tried throwing himself more deeply into his work, but he was drowning in phone calls and title searches and home inspections already, and it was all starting to feel pretty pointless. Jackie was the thing he cared most about, which was why he’d driven past her house twice already tonight and, against his better judgment, was heading back for another pass.
“I hate this. I feel like I’m in high school again,” he grumbled, circling the block. He used to drive by the trim wooden house where she’d been raised in Feld, hoping for a glimpse of her. The most he usually saw was Terry’s truck parked at the curb, but occasionally he got lucky and she passed him on the street in her parents’ car, or he saw her out front talking to someone. It happened enough to keep him coming back. But never did he think he’d be driving by her place again at the age of thirty-two.
God, wouldn’t Chad and Rick get a laugh out of him spending his Friday evening like this, he thought, slowing. Jackie’s house was coming up on his left, but no one was outside, not even Alex. The only thing moving on the street was the old man next door, and he wasn’t moving very fast. He was standing at the curb, sifting through the mail he’d just retrieved from his mailbox, and he gave Cole a distinctly suspicious glare when Cole passed.
Cole waved and smiled. He didn’t want to alarm anyone. He just wanted to see Jackie.
Her car was parked in her driveway. This time of night, she was probably making dinner—spaghetti or teriyaki chicken…or meat loaf. Heaven help him if it was meat loaf. Cole thought he could smell it from the road, could almost taste it—but then, he was probably imagining things. He hadn’t been himself lately. He hadn’t been thinking straight. There were times, late at night, when he actually considered asking Jackie to marry him—pretty funny, since he’d sworn he’d never marry. And he knew she’d turn him down, anyway.
What if she didn’t turn him down? he wondered, parking in front of the neighbor’s a few houses away, where he wouldn’t be so obvious but still had a clear view of her place. What if he asked her to be Mrs. Cole Perrini and she said yes?
Scrunching down in his seat, he leaned his head back and let himself imagine the wedding. Him waiting at the altar, all stiff and formal and nervous in a tux. His brothers spit-polished and standing next to him.
Part of his brain tried to interrupt at this point, to remind him that Rick wouldn’t be there, but he refused to listen. This was a dream—his dream—which meant he could paint it any way he liked. And he liked what he was seeing. Rick was there, and so was Jackie, coming up the aisle, dressed in white.
Butterflies fluttered in Cole’s stomach at the look he pictured on her face. Imagined or not, it did something to him, something that moved him. It was a smile of trust and love and promise.
Closing his eyes to more fully enjoy the vision, he heard himself agree to love and honor Jaclyn his whole life.
Then he waited for claustrophobia to overwhelm him. But it didn’t. He had no desire to pull and yank on his tie or run screaming for the hills the way he had the moment he’d said “I do” to Rochelle. He felt happy and eager to hear Jaclyn return the same promises to him.
Next came the good part—the kiss, which was soft and sweet at first, then bordered on passionate. And he knew what to expect from the wedding night—
A fist rapped on his window. “Cole? Cole, why are you sleeping out here?”
Cole opened his eyes and blinked at the face that went with the fist, and wished he could have talked himself into going home fifteen minutes earlier.
It was Alex.
“MOM! HEY, MOM!” Alex called, charging into the house.
Jaclyn had just finished the dishes and was hurrying to get her jacket and purse. Scooping her keys off the counter, she rounded the corner.
“What is it?” she asked. “You’re supposed to be helping me get the girls in their seat belts. We’re going to be late for your game.”
“Guess who’s here? Guess who’s coming with us?” he cried.
Jaclyn didn’t need to guess. By now she was standing in the living room nose to nose with Cole Perrini.
He grinned, and her heart leaped into her throat. “Cole?”
“Yeah, it’s Cole,” Alex continued excitedly. “He said he’d come watch my game. Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah, it’s great,” Jaclyn managed to say, but she couldn’t inject any enthusiasm into her words. Terry, Burt and Dolores were meeting her at Alex’s indoor soccer game in fifteen minutes. Burt would interpret her showing up with Cole as a direct challenge. He’d have her back in court before she could say “child support.”
“These games can get kind of long,” she said, stalling while she tried to figure out what to do.
“I don’t mind,” he said.
“Terry and his folks will be there.”
He shrugged. “Okay.”
Okay? He still wanted to go? “You’re fine with that?”
“Sure. Want me to drive?”
Oh God, what now? Showing up with Cole would create complications she wasn’t prepared to deal with—not when she was already dealing with the stress of her new job and the real-estate test looming first thing Monday morning.
On the other hand, Jaclyn hated to let Burt Wentworth dictate whom she could see and what she could do. Maybe it would do him some good to see her with Cole and to think something was still going on between them. Maybe it would do him some good to spend the whole game sitting right next to Cole.
Giving in to a devilish impulse, Jaclyn smiled. Burt’s reaction was going to be worth every penny she stood to lose. “That would be great,” she said.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“THERE THEY ARE,” Mackenzie cried, pointing at Grandpa and Grandma Wentworth and Terry sitting together in the bleachers overlooking the indoor soccer field.
The Wentworths hadn’t yet spotted them coming in the door. Burt was actually smiling for a change, and saying something to Dolores, who was nodding in agreement. Even Terry seemed to be in good spirits.
Jaclyn suspected that would soon change.
Hauling in a deep breath, she slipped her hand in Cole’s, looking for the alliance and support she’d known when they visited Feld. Here we go, she thought.
At her touch, Cole glanced at her in surprise. Until tonight, they hadn’t spoken since she’d left Perrini Homes. They hadn’t so much as brushed up against each other since the night they’d made love. But he didn’t seem to mind the liberty she’d taken. His fingers curled around hers, warm and strong and comforting.
Alex had already headed to the locker room to join his teammates, but Alyssa and Mackenzie raced ahead, dodging the other soccer moms and various spectators as they climbed the stands to greet Terry and his folks.
“Is something wrong?” Cole murmured, leading Jaclyn up behind them.
Jaclyn kept her eyes on Burt, or what she could see of him around Cole’s broad shoulders, waiting for him to notice their approach. Excited and strangely empowered, she was frightened, too. Was she crazy to provoke her ex-father-in-law? Probably. But she had to do it for her own self-respect. She wasn’t the same woman she’d been a year ago. She was stronger, more confident. The time had come to let Burt know he hadn’t quelled the fight in her, after all, at least not yet.
“They’re not going
to be happy to see you here,” she said.
“I’m not expecting a lot of hugging and kissing.”
“It’s actually more than that. Your presence here is sort of making a statement.”
“What’s the statement?”
The children had reached the Wentworths, and Burt, Dolores and Terry were watching them now. Terry looked grim, troubled. Dolores looked shocked. And Burt was nearly apoplectic.
“Never mind,” Cole muttered. “I think I get it.”
“Look, Daddy, Cole’s here,” Mackenzie said, as they drew even with them, her enthusiasm for Cole’s presence inadvertently rubbing salt in the wound.
Jaclyn bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. She could almost see steam coming out of Burt’s ears. “Hi,” she said, imbuing her voice with as much confidence and friendliness as she could muster. “You guys got here early, huh? How was the drive?”
No one answered. Terry tore his gaze away from Cole and focused on the empty field below, which was circled by a half-wall like that of a skating rink. Dolores flushed and put a hand on her husband’s arm. Burt stood.
“What the hell is he doing here?” he demanded.
“Who?” Jaclyn asked, feigning innocence.
Cole stiffened. “I think he means me.”
“Damn right, I mean you,” Burt growled. “I told you, Jaclyn. I told you I wouldn’t have him around my grandchildren, and I won’t!”
The momentary thrill of victory quickly dissipated, leaving Jaclyn worried and anxious. She’d thought Burt would glower and pout—and get back at her later—but she’d never expected him to cause a scene. Not in front of the other soccer parents, and most certainly not in front of the children.
“Alyssa and Mackenzie are here,” she said, keeping her voice low. “And Alex is expecting us to watch his game. Let’s not ruin it for him. We’ll talk about other issues later, okay?”
Frowning, Mackenzie and Alyssa scrutinized the adults. “What’s wrong, Grandpa?” Mackenzie asked.
“Your mother’s what’s wrong, young lady,” Burt answered, a vein throbbing in his forehead. “She doesn’t have sense enough to do what’s best for you, even when someone spells it out for her.”
“What, exactly, is she doing wrong?” Cole demanded. “Maybe it’s time someone spelled it out for me. Because I’m having a hard time understanding why you guys can’t simply enjoy your time with the children and leave her the hell alone.”
Jaclyn wanted to warn Cole to stay out of the line of fire. She’d seen Burt’s temper a number of times, knew he could get real ugly real fast, and didn’t think it fair for Cole to be on the receiving end of it. She’d brought him. This whole thing was her fault. Besides, people were starting to stare. Jaclyn could feel their eyes, their interest. And she was concerned about the confusion on her daughters’ faces and the possible embarrassment such a scene was going to cause Alex when he found out about it.
“Cole, let’s go sit somewhere else. The game’s about to start,” she said, but no one paid any attention to her. The smell of popcorn and hot dogs filled the air. Footsteps tramped up and down the wooden bleachers while others found seats. And the opposing team was already pouring onto the field. But Cole and the Wentworths seemed oblivious to it all.
“If she had any sense, she’d come back to Feld, settle down and raise these kids like she should,” Burt was saying. “If she had any sense, she’d leave men like you alone.”
Cole cocked an eyebrow at him, challenge apparent in his expression. “Men like me? You mean trailer trash, Burt? You think a poor man can’t be as good as a rich one?”
“Don’t play games with me,” Burt snapped. “This isn’t about rich and poor. I know who and what you are. I know your reputation—the liquor and the women and what you did to that poor girl you married. You nearly drove her to take her own life, for God’s sake. I can’t say what you’ve done since you left Feld, but I doubt you’ve changed much. An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it. You think I want my grandchildren growing up around you?”
Terry stood up then and hovered at his father’s shoulder, much the way his friends had hovered at his back during the confrontation at the Starlight Motel. Jaclyn wondered if it was because he expected Cole to start a fight, and she began to worry about that very thing.
Not here, she chanted silently. Please, not here.
“Cole,” she said again, but he was already talking.
“You’re implying they’d be around what, Burt? A poor example? A heavy drinker? An adulterer?” His gaze cut to Terry, who suddenly seemed ill at ease. “That’s funny. I thought they escaped a man who was all those things when they left Feld. And if I were you, I don’t think I’d run around spouting off about the apple and the tree. I’m not sure it reflects well on you.”
“I’ve made my mistakes, but so have you,” Terry started, entering the argument for the first time, but his father cut him off.
“How dare you!” he yelled at Cole. “This is none of your business. You have no say in any of it!”
“I have more say than you think,” Cole replied. “I’m going to marry Jaclyn, which would make her my wife and my business, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!”
This announcement was met with stunned silence. For Jaclyn, the drone of voices fell away. The tramping of feet fell away. She could only hear the furious pumping of her own heart. Had Cole just said what she thought he said?
Surely he hadn’t meant it. He couldn’t have meant it.
“This is getting out of hand,” she finally managed to say, hoping to diffuse the situation to the point where they could all think rationally again. “Cole and I don’t have any plans, but we have the right to make them if we want. Now, I suggest we all calm down and think about what’s going on—”
“There’s nothing to think about,” Burt said, pointing a thick finger at her. “You marry this guy, and I’ll see that your kids are taken away from you if it’s the last thing I do.”
“Mommy!” Mackenzie cried, clinging to Jaclyn’s leg the way Alyssa had done almost from the start.
“It’s okay, love,” she said, patting her back. “Grandpa’s just angry. He doesn’t mean it.”
“Try me,” Burt spat, glaring at Cole.
Cole chuckled humorlessly and shook his head. “You folks need to take a long look in the mirror and decide what it is you’re trying to achieve because you’re certainly not helping your grandchildren.”
White-faced, her brow crinkled with concern, Dolores looked frustrated and helpless at the same time. “Burt, he’s right,” she said, but her husband shook off the hand she laid on his arm.
“He’s not right about anything!” he cried.
“We’ll see,” Cole said. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you. You take Jaclyn to court, and you’ll be sorry. We’ll fight to achieve full custody of the kids, and we’ll triple Terry’s child support. I’ve got the time and the money and the inclination to do it. I know the right lawyers. So you need to ask yourself something, Burt. Is this really a war you think you can win?”
Burt’s jaw sagged. Before he could gather his thoughts and respond, Cole shot a condemning glance at Terry, who looked as if he wanted to say something more but was still deferring to Burt. “Why don’t you ever stand up to your father?” Cole demanded. “Are you that sure you’ll fail without him?”
Then he lifted Alyssa into his arms, took Jaclyn’s hand and led her and Mackenzie to the opposite end of the bleachers.
HOLY HELL, what had he done? Cole wondered. He’d just announced to Jaclyn, her ex-husband, her ex-in-laws, and her two daughters that he was going to marry her. Marry her! He hadn’t even asked her, for crying out loud. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to marry. Furthermore, he and Rick still weren’t speaking, proof positive that he lacked any kind of good parenting skills. But his competitive spirit and defensive instincts had simply taken over. He’d established territory where he possessed none. And now he cou
ld only look back in horror and amazement.
Cole felt Jackie’s presence at his side but refused to look at her. Fortunately she didn’t seem any more eager to draw his attention than he was to give it. Following the argument with the Wentworths, she hadn’t said a word. She’d sat down next to him and focused strictly on the game—a game in which her ten-year-old son was playing. Mackenzie was sitting on the other side of her, and Alyssa was on Cole’s lap, and all Cole could think about was the prospect of raising them to adulthood while trying to avoid all the mistakes he’d made the first time around.
He couldn’t do it. He simply couldn’t do it.
Cheers reverberated around him—wild, excited cries diametrically opposed to Cole’s own emotions. He wanted to groan and drop his head into his hands. He wanted to go back in time and relive the past thirty minutes.
Cole clapped automatically for the goal Alex’s team must have scored, but he was thinking about Rick, and the way their relationship stood, and the reasons for it. He’d failed Rick somewhere along the line. He hadn’t given him enough love or positive attention or any one of a thousand other things a child needs, which meant he should quit while he was ahead—or at least not too far behind. He’d just have to apologize to Jaclyn and her kids for his impulsive mistake and move on.
Except moving on meant moving on. He wouldn’t get to see Jaclyn anymore. He couldn’t ask her for the same kind of relationship he’d had with Laura. Jaclyn wasn’t the same type of woman. She’d never put up with it, for one thing. And her situation was too different, besides.
“Would you like some popcorn?” she asked. “I’m going to the snack bar.”
Cole shook his head mutely, only now noticing that the playing field was empty. It had to be half-time. He’d been sitting in the stands for half the game and hadn’t seen any of it. Distantly he wondered if Alex had played well.