Peter. Three years, Ali. You're stronger than your addiction.
“You… you okay?” Bella stutters behind me.
I take a paper towel from the holder and dry my face, looking up over my shoulder, ready to face her pity. Her mouth opens but then closes, like she wants to say something but then changes her mind.
I silently nod and take a deep breath.
“I… I've been clean since I found out I was pregnant with Peter. I… I wanted to wait until the right time to tell you guys.”
Bella nods silently and walks over, pulling me in for a hug.
“We're always by your side, Ali. You're never alone.”
I smile and wipe a tear away, knowing those are the words I tell myself every day and now someone else has said them for me.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I… I kind of want to tell everyone else on my own time, if you don't mind.”
“Of course not. Alessandra, this is your story to tell, not mine. I'm proud of you, your life… God, Alessandra, can I hug you again?” Bella says shaking her head with a laugh.
I smile and open my arms as she pulls me in for another hug, and we wrap each other up, her big belly in between us.
“Thank you for being such a good friend and understanding. Not running when you knew the truth.”
“I wouldn't dream of it. Let’s go,” she says taking my hand.
Bella and I return to the table, arms wrapped around each other as the rest of the women are clueless.
“Where have y'all been?” Lacey asks curiously
“Just… got a little sick. You know how temperamental this baby is,” Bella says squeezing my hand.
Savannah yawns loudly. “Fuck, I’m beat. I thought I could hang, but I’m about to nap in the booth. Wanna take the limo back, Charlie?”
“Yeah, I’m shot too. If I drink anymore, Gabe and I won’t be able to… yeah let’s go,” she says stopping her words.
“Thank you, Mama,” Bella says smiling shaking her head. “I might head out too. My back is killin’ me.”
“We can call it a night. I feel like I’m gonna puke,” Normani says groaning.
We all get up from the booth and stumble out towards the limo. When we pile inside, the fit of giggles attacks everyone and I don’t even know what we’re laughing about.
“Oh my God, we’re all almost married. What the fuck happened?” Lacey says laughing, tears streaming down her face. “It’s all your fault, Mama! You hired Aunt Charlie and she felt guilty about Uncle Gabe, so the universe drafted Devin to his team. Then you had to look all sexy at their weddin’ and get pregnant! Then you ambushed Bella with Damon who then ambushed me with Nico, kidnapped Normani and… well I don’t know how you fit Ali, but somehow it was this one’s fault,” Lacey says pointing to Savannah.
We all laugh again, and Savannah shakes her head pulling Lacey in for a headlock.
“I’m gonna tell Hulk to spank you extra hard tonight, you wise ass,” she laughs running her knuckles on Lacey's head
The driver pulls up to the front door and we all stumble out and up the stairs to the house, slamming open the front door.
“Honeyyyyyy, we’re homeeeeee,” sings Lacey.
We walk into the kitchen and all the man are sitting around the island with beers in their hands, staring at us.
“Oh Jesus,” Nico says eyeing Lacey.
“She was a bad girl, Nico!” Savannah laughs.
“Mama, shut the hell up! Everything is your fault, don’t forget that!”
We all laugh again and Normani wraps her arms around Devin’s neck.
“I can’t wait to marry you, Caveman,” she says in a voice that she probably thought was a whisper.
“Uh oh, Caveman? Thank you tequila. That mean my crazy darlin’ is comin’ out to play tonight?” Devin says wiggling his eyebrows.
“Let’s go,” she says dragging him by his jean loops.
“Let me go get the kids. You just sit here,” he laughs.
“How are you holdin’ up baby cakes. You’re quiet,” Gabe says eyeing Charlotte.
“I’m a rockstar, Gabey! A rock…” Charlotte leans on Gabe’s shoulder and I swear she starts snoring.
“How much did y’all have to drink?” Gabe asks picking Charlotte up ‘bride over the threshold’ style.
“I really didn’t think y’all had that much,” Bella laughs.
“What about you?” Miguel whispers in my ear. “You good?”
I remember the pull I felt, Frankie’s face, the memories, the desire to use again but I shake it off. I'm back where I need to be; by Miguel's side and Peter’s mom. It'll never go away. I just need to remember the reasons not to use. Every day I need to remind myself I have better things to live for, people that need me to stay strong.
“More than okay,” I say smiling, running my hand to the back of his head, playing with his hair.
“You want a repeat of last night? I miss the sound of my fingers in your pussy.”
I mean to gasp, but it sounds more like a moan and everyone looks at us as my cheeks turn a shade of tomato red. I clear my throat and smile.
“Let’s go,” I whisper.
Miguel nods and walks toward the sitting room to grab Peter. We wave to everyone and walk towards the car as Miguel buckles Peter in and I sit in the front seat, resting my head against the window. My eyes close as the happiness from the night washes over me.
I thought I would lose control, but seeing that girl, a reminder of who I was grips me. Being surrounded by the women who have grown to mean so much to me has made all those voices in my head fade to the background. One day at a time, Alessandra. One day at a time. You're not alone.
-------
Miguel
I walk into the Double Play offices with lunch from Alessandra's favorite Tai place in my hand and a smile on my face.
“Hey Savannah,” I say walking past her office towards the back where Alessandra is.
“Hey! She's… not in actually. She went out for lunch.”
“Did she say where?”
“She's been goin’ out the past few days. You just missed her, gotta be somewhere close, she was walkin’.”
I furrow my brows and nod, walking back out towards the street. I start walking the opposite way down Main Street that I came in and catch a glimpse of blonde hair up ahead, entering the church.
I speed up as she walks in and stop, waiting on the steps outside for a few minutes, fiddling with my shoelaces. I feel sweat trickle down my back and stand, pacing outside the church as I wait for her.
I haven't been inside that church since Rico’s funeral and I feel the panic start to set in, the guilt like a weight on my chest, not allowing me to breathe normally.
“Hey,” says a soothing voice from behind me. “What's going on?”
I feel her soft touch on my back and slowly the weight lifts, I can breathe easier and I smile.
“Came to bring you lunch, Savannah said you've been eatin’ out? Been here every day?” I ask turning around.
She kisses me softly on the lips then sits on the stairs and I follow.
“I… I've just needed a reminder a little bit. Needed to think, be thankful. The other night at the bachelorette party… there was a girl in the bathroom and I… just needed to really remember why I've stayed clean. It scared me a little bit.”
I grab her hand and run my fingers along her knuckles.
“Is this too much? Am I pushin’ you too hard?” I ask.
“Honestly? I'm not sure,” she laughs nervously. “A part of me is scared because the last time I gave my heart to a man, I ended up addicted to heroin. I'm not putting the blame on Frankie, I just… love, hard, ya know? I don't know if it's because I never really had love when I was younger, not much at least. Who knows,” she says exhaling. “I'm rambling, I'm sorry. You okay, though? You looked… sad.”
“I hope you trust me, Aless. I would never do anything to jeopardize your sobriety. I know how hard you've worked and
how strong you've gotten. I'm not goin’ anywhere, okay?"
“I know, thank you, Miguel. Nice change of subject though. Come on, what's up?” She says pushing her shoulder into mine.
“I… just haven't been in this church since a friend died. I kinda lost all faith after that.”
I see her eyeing me out of my peripherals and smile.
“It's all good though, some people come back to their faith after gettin’ knocked down, some walk away. I guess we're the opposite in that sense.”
“I'm so sorry, Miguel,” she says rubbing a hand down my back.
Her touch calms me like nothing has ever calmed me before. All these years of hurting and one simple touch can ease the pain.
“Don't be. I'm good, really. You wanna head back and eat this Tai before it gets cold?” I say standing and putting my hand out for her to take.
Her expression is stone as she stands and takes my hand.
“Everyone faces obstacles in a different way, just know when you're ready to talk about yours, I'm here to listen. You've been the best thing that's happened in my life next to Peter, I'll always be there to listen.”
She laces our fingers together and I wrap an arm around her shoulder, kissing her head.
“I know, Aless. Thank you. You're helpin’ more than you will ever know.”
Chapter 15
Alessandra
“This is so much more beautiful than I thought it would be,” I say wistfully as Miguel guides me along the dance floor.
The kids are playing tag as Normani and Devin glide together, sharing the end of their first dance with their guests.
“She's really happy,” Miguel says with a smile looking over at his sister.
The song ends and Devin nods to the DJ as Nico takes a chair from a nearby table and puts it in the middle of the dance floor, guiding Normani to it.
“Alright y'all. Our groom has a surprise for his beautiful bride. Get your cameras out and keep those tissues handy,” the DJ announces.
Devin grabs a guitar from behind the band and a stool as he walks over to Normani, sitting right in front of her. He leans down, whispering something in her ear and my heart jumps in my chest.
The DJ comes over with a microphone stand, putting it in front of Devin as he starts to strum on the guitar. Bella comes over to the pair, putting Devin’s black Stetson on his head and Normani's cheeks redden as she covers her mouth.
Devin starts singing the words to Tim Mcgraw’s, “It’s Your Love.” I can hear the sighs coming from every warm-blooded woman in the place and Miguel reaches over, squeezing my hand.
“Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By taking your hand
And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever,
I'm happy and free
Oh, it's a beautiful thing
Don't think I can keep it all in
And if you ask me why I've changed
All I gotta do is say your sweet name”.
Normani stands, lifting Devin’s hat as he continues to strum and she kisses him, stopping his song as he wraps a hand around her waist. Everyone cheers and Devin turns the guitar to his back, pulling her into his lap and dipping her for a deeper kiss.
“Alright can we get Mr. Miguel Jameson up here to dance with your beautiful sister?”
I squeeze Miguel's hand and I already see the tears forming in his eyes. He kisses me softly as he moves to the floor and gives Devin a hug before taking Normani into his arms.
‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ starts to play and I swear there isn't a dry eye in the room already. Normani holds onto Miguel with a grip as if she'd float away without it. I watch with my hand on my chest, envious of the love they share. The strength of their bond, having each other’s backs throughout the years. A bond so strong they would die for the other. Being an only child, I longed for someone to be on my side.
“I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings”.
I wipe at my eyes, but the tears just keep coming as I watch Miguel and Normani sway to the music, both of them crying.
“What a tribe we've made, huh?” Lacey says to Bella across the table.
“We have,” Bella says grabbing her hand and squeezing.
Lacey and Bella both look at me, stretching their arms across the table and we all hold hands, smiling through our tears. They're on my side, this whole crazy crew is behind me.
You're not alone.
The song finishes as everyone gets to their feet, clapping as Miguel and Normani hug one more time. Miguel starts to walk back to the table as Devin wraps Normani in a hug, wiping her tears. She motions for the DJ and grabs the microphone.
“Let's get this party started, y'all,” Normani yells pumping her fist in the air.
Everyone yells as the DJ plays an upbeat country song and the dance floor floods with people.
“Let's go for a walk,” Miguel whispers in my ear.
I glance around at the table and Lacey and Bella both are smirking, and I see them fist bump out of the corner of my eye.
Miguel and I walk to the outside patio and he stands at the railing, looking out at the field below us.
“My partner, Rico. We uh… we were goin’ to a call. Domestic disturbance.”
He turns to face me, crossing his arms over his chest and leans back against the railing. I watch his expression shift from contentment to uneasiness.
“It was supposed to be a routine call, we got calls like that all the time. Something felt different about this one though. Usually, the couple is out front, dukin’ it out, or you could hear the yellin’ from outside. This one though, everything was quiet. I should have called for backup. Quiet is never good, but I didn’t.”
He shakes his head and stares at the ground for a long time before continuing.
“We usually separate, one up front, one through the back just in case, but we didn’t. Everything was off that day and I took the lead. It was a setup and the perp came around the back of the house, ambushed us from behind and Rico was shot right through the lung. I tried to help him, but he was dead before the paramedics even got there.”
I cover my mouth, willing the tears to stay where they are. I wanted Miguel to continue, I didn't want him to stop because I was crying. He moves his hands to the railing behind him and his knuckles start to turn white.
“I… I pulled myself off the squad, strictly became an on call case worker. Small towns like this, we kinda make our own rules. I couldn’t face any of the guys for months. The chief tried to get me help, but I never went to any of the counselin' sessions. I threw myself into the gym, hit that bag, night after night until I bled from my knuckles, just to feel something. We should have separated. I was the lead, I should have come in from the back, I could have…” he runs his hands through his hair in a frustrated movement and turns back towards the railing, gripping it tightly again.
I walk over to him, placing a hand on his back and he flinches. I take my hand off and he turns, regret in his gaze.
“I'm sorry. I still...it feels like just yesterday, Aless. I can't… this is why I said I couldn't do this with you. I still have nightmares… guilt. It eats me alive, day after day. It's not only that either. I come with a lot of baggage, I've done things, Alessandra…”
“What things?” I whisper.
“I've… killed people. Not for the precinct but for my father. There were jobs I couldn't let Normani go on, things she would never be able to forget if she did them.”
I swallow my gasp and keep my expression unaffected.
“H-how many people?”
“Six,” he says without hesitation. “They were all terrible people. Criminals, rapi
sts… but I shouldn't have been the one decidin' their fate. I would never hurt you or Peter, Alessandra. Please believe that. I'm not a killer, I was put in a spot I… I had to protect Mani.”
I nod silently, wrapping my head around all this. Miguel doesn't have one terrible bone in his body. I believe when he says he would never hurt us.
Last Round (Double Play Series Book 6) Page 13