“No, you come on! You were supposed to protect her, not basically tell her she’s a fuckin’ whore then treat her like one!”
“He’s right man, that’s fucked up,” Devin says shaking his head.
The bartender fills up the glass and he takes it, drinking it all down.
“My glass, man. God, don’t you think I know this! I regretted it all as soon as I said it. I passed out trying to apologize, I was drunk! I only pieced together everything the mornin' after and I just… I can’t face her. I’ve never been so ashamed in my entire life. My mother is probably rollin' over in her fuckin’ grave right now.”
“Probably! I don’t remember you bein’ such an asshole or I never would have made her stay with you,” Nico says shaking his head. “Have you even tried to reach out to her since?”
“I've sent her about a thousand text messages, but-”
“Text messages?” Devin says with disgust. “Fuckin’ text messages? Are you kiddin’ right now?”
“I can't face her, Dev. I can't even hear her voice, or I'll lose it. Is she… still at your parent's house?” I ask.
Devin nods and slides the glass to the bartender.
“She’s stayin’ in their guest room with Peter. The girls helped her move some of her stuff last night and this mornin’. She wanted to do it when you weren’t home which I guess has been a lot. Don’t tell me you’ve been fuckin’ around because I swear, we’ll kill you right here. Witnesses and everything I don’t care,” Devin growls.
“I haven’t been fuckin’ around. I’ve been killin’ myself in the gym. I slept in the ring the past two nights I… what do I do? What do I even say when I see her? God… fuck!” I yell slamming my hand on the bar. “I just saw Marco and Frankie and it just sounded so true. The money and the pictures, she didn’t tell me how she got home from work. I… I meant to just take a walk, get myself under control but I stumbled into here, just wanting one to relax. God, I’m an ass.”
“Wow… you made a comment about the money?” Nico asks shocked.
“Well I mean… where did it come from? Why did she have it? Then Marco put all that shit in my head…”
“You really are an asshole,” Nico says shaking his head. “She was taking money out of her account and giving it to Second Chances. The money Weston gave her for those pictures? She gave it to Marco to finish her debt and then promised Lacey she would earn it all back and give it to Second Chances. You’re a dick.”
I groan and slam my head on the bar, feeling like I’m gonna puke.
“Can one of y’all just run me over with your truck? I’m totally serious. Jesus Christ, she’ll never take me back. I don’t deserve to even say her fuckin’ name.”
“Nope,” Devin says standing from his stool. “You don’t. Clean it up, Jameson. Clean it the fuck up. You better hope she doesn't tell Mani about all this. There’s only so much I can do to control my wife, she’ll fuckin’ tie you to the statue in town and burn you alive.”
“I know, I know. I… I’m gonna talk to her. Can you get your parents and the girls out of the house for a little? I don’t want an audience.”
“Fine, just because I feel really, really fuckin’ sorry for you and you’re gonna need all the help you can get. You make me look like a saint and I'm still payin’ for the shit I said to Mani. I don't think she's changed a diaper since Jo's been born,” Devin says slapping me on the shoulder.
Him and Nico wave and walk out of the bar and I grab my phone and keys, getting a water from the bartender. I guzzle it down and walk to my car, waiting for the text from Devin.
---------
I ring the doorbell to Charlotte and Gabriel’s house and wait, pacing around and I turn when I hear the door open. Instead of Alessandra, I’m greeted by my sister and a pop to my nose that makes my eyes water and blood spray out of my nose like a fountain.
“Ow! Fuck!” I groan.
“You’re so fuckin’ lucky that the kids are in the house because I swear to God, Miguel, I wanna strangle you!” Normani whisper yells.
“She was supposed to be alone,” I groan.
“You don’t think I know my husband inside and out? I could smell what y'all were doin’ from a mile away. There was no way I was lettin’ you in here to talk to her without puttin’ you in your goddamn place, you asshole! You don’t deserve her!”
“I know I don’t Mani, but I love her,” I say stumbling to my feet. “I love her so much and I can’t live without her and Peter. I’ve been a mess and I have to fix this. Her face… I can’t get her face out of my head.”
“Good, you shouldn't because she's amazin’! She is way too good for you and I will stand by that statement until the day I die! I can’t even believe I share blood with you, you make me sick!” she seethes.
“Please, just let me talk to her,” I say dropping to my knees. I feel tears forming in my eyes and I drop to my hands in front of me, the ground spinning. “Please,” I whisper.
“She's not even here. She's at church. Pick yourself off the fuckin’ ground and beg her to forgive you.”
Normani slams the door on me and I struggle to get to my feet, wiping at my nose as I stumble down the stairs.
Fuck, my head, my heart, my body. I slowly walk down the drive and start to jog into town, thinking about what the hell I'm going to say to her. She's at church, I remember when I ran into her the last time and it was after she needed to remind herself why she stays sober, why she didn't give in.
I pick up the pace a little, my legs numb as I feel like I'm floating to her, my head in the clouds. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I caused her to relapse. My legs are heavy now as I round the corner, my breathing labored as I spot the church. Fuck, I can't go in there.
The guilt consumes me as I stand on the bottom of the stairs, staring at the church, the last place I got to see my best friend, the man I should have protected.
I wipe my eyes, tears and blood on my hand as I climb the steps, dropping to my knees. My body is too heavy, I can't walk. Alessandra's face pops in my head, her strength, what she's gone through and I crawl up slowly, reaching up for the knob of the church door. I push on it with all my might as I fall inside, landing hard on my chest with a loud thump.
“Miguel! What the… what are you doing here? Miguel? Miguel!” I hear from above me.
“Alessandra?”
I look up and get to my hands and knees, but everything is blurry and then I drop to my back, everything going black.
-------
“I didn’t put him in the hospital, it was a combination of things. He’s had a broken nose before, stop bein’ so dramatic,” I hear my sister say as I open my eyes.
I blink a few times and focus on Mani’s face as she argues with Devin.
“Still darlin’, you should have at least given him a fair fight. You ambushed him.”
“He’s a fighter, Devin. He should be ready at any time, especially when he’s an insensitive dick. He should know he had it comin’ to him.”
“I can’t argue with that,” I say in a raspy voice.
“Good, you’re awake,” Normani grumbles.
“Nice to see you too, sister,” I say with a strangled smile.
Devin elbows her and she rolls her eyes, folding her arms over her chest.
“I’m sorry I broke your nose,” she says in the most unenthused voice I’ve ever heard.
“Where is Alessandra?” I ask sitting up.
“She went to get coffee. The doctor said you were pretty dehydrated. When I said go get her, you could have drove instead of runnin’ three miles with a broken nose. Have you not been eatin’ or drinkin’? You went through three IV bags already,” Normani says.
“I… I don’t remember truthfully. Jack’s been hydratin’ me a little bit.”
“Whiskey is not hydration, Miguel. You should have talked to her the second you woke up and saw her missin’ from the apartment, not tortured yourself for two days, what the hell does that do?” Normani
snaps with her hands on her hips.
“I tried textin’ but-”
“I'm forgettin’ you said that, just stop. You have much to learn brother, much to learn.”
She walks over to me and kisses me on the forehead and walks towards the door.
“I’m happy you’re okay but I still stand by what I said, you don’t deserve her. I’ll support her if she wants to take you back but so help me God Miguel Jameson, if there’s a next time, I won’t stop with your nose.”
She shuts the door behind her and Devin lets out a whistle.
“Boy, what a lashin’. She’s one tough cookie,” he laughs.
“She was supposed to be alone,” I grumble.
“Now come on, Miguel. You know as well as I do that when Mani gets an idea in her head, no one's gonna stop her. That fire is what made me fall in love with her, can't fault a man for his weakness,” he says getting to his feet. “For the record though, I don't agree with her. You said some things you didn't mean while you were drunk and angry, I've been there. That guy doesn't deserve her, but the Miguel we all know and love does. That guy moved mountains for her, that guy put a smile on her face. Make sure it's that guy that talks to her.”
I nod and Devin slaps me on the shoulder as he leaves the room. I'm not sure I agree with him but it's worth a shot. I can't give up on trying to win her back, she's my lifeline. If I don't have her and Peter, I have nothing.
Chapter 23
Alessandra
I get a coffee and walk back towards Miguel's room, pacing the hallway until Normani comes out.
“He's awake, he's fine,” she says waving her hand away. “Sorry I broke his nose. If y’all get back together and he's ugly now, well… he deserved it.”
I give her a small smile and shake my head.
“I agree he deserved it, but you didn't have to do that. I could have handled him.”
“I know you could, but he made me so mad. As much as I keep tellin’ him he doesn't deserve you, I know deep down he loves you so much. It's been hard to trust people, I ain't makin’ excuses but in a fucked up way, I understand. He shouldn't have said what he said but the trust issues I get.”
“I know, I just… don't know how to erase what he said from my mind. Just… standing there and seeing him look at me like so many people have looked at me before. The Alessandra I worked so hard to become again was just washed right from his brain.”
“That's not true,” Normani says gripping my shoulder. “He puts you on a pedestal that you belong on, Ali. I don't know why you keep talkin’ about some old Alessandra. She ain't here and she's not comin’ back. This is who you are, and you own it. Don't let Marco or Frankie or even my brother make you feel any differently, okay?”
I nod and worry my lip as I look at her, deciding on my next course of action.
Take back your life, Alessandra.
“Can I ask you for a favor?”
“Anything,” Normani says eyeing me.
“Meet me at the range tomorrow morning?”
Normani's eyes widen and understanding crosses her face.
“Of course I will. You sure that's what you wanna do?”
“It is,” I say confidently.
We hug as Devin comes over to us.
“He's awake if you wanna go see him.”
“I um… yeah thanks,” I say smiling.
They walk down the hall and I walk to the door to Miguel's room, stopping before opening it.
“Just do it, Ali. Open the damn door.”
I take a deep breath and walk into the room, Miguel's eyes lifting to mine. He has two black eyes and his nose is puffy and swollen.
I cover my mouth and gasp.
“Oh my God, Miguel. Your face.”
I walk to the side of his bed and put my hand on his cheek, softly rubbing under his eyes with my thumb.
“Does it hurt?” I whisper.
“Not anymore,” he says smiling.
I muster up a small smile and drop my hand from his face.
“Alessandra.”
“Miguel.”
We say at the same time. I motion with my hand to let him speak and he exhales, looking at the blanket then looking up to me.
“I'm sorry. I know that means nothing because the things I said to you were unforgivable. The way I took you that night, I should have never lost control like that. I shouldn't have let someone else take over my thoughts like that and I should have never doubted you.”
He takes another deep breath and I wait for him to continue.
“I didn't plan on going to the bar, I just… Marco told me about y’all and I lost it. I didnt wanna think about it. I love you, Alessandra. You have given me a purpose, a reason to wake up every day and smile and I swear if you give me a chance, I will make it up to you every single day for the rest of our lives. I will forever carry the hurt I put you through in my heart. I will never treat you like that again and cuttin' words will never drip from my lips for as long as I live.”
He’s out of breath, panting as he waits for my reaction, for me to say something but I stand there, staring at him.
“Miguel… thank you for saying all that. I appreciate your apology and I accept it but what you said hurt me more than you can ever imagine.”
“I know but-”
“Let me finish,” I interrupt, putting my hand in the air.
He nods and sits back as I continue, knowing he isn't going to want to hear my next words, but he needs to.
“Yes, I had sex with Marco but...it was not my choice Miguel, none of it was my choice! The first night in the club Marco took me into that back room and… he… broke me in. It was six weeks after I gave birth to his grandson and he told me I would never see him again if I didn't allow him to be the one to ‘break me.’ I needed to be taught to have sex and pretend I liked it, pretend it didn't make me throw up as soon as each man left my booth, pretend it didn't hurt. I had to swallow the bile in my throat as he did whatever he wanted to do to me, save it for when he was done and I went home and scrubbed my body for hours just to wash off the filth I felt. Marco's friends would come and they were… inhuman and heartless.”
I take a deep breath and grit my teeth, replaying my past, dealing with it so I can finally move on, letting it all out. The burden, the shame, all of it slowly disappearing as I unload all my secrets.
“Frankie was the only man I slept with before all of that. One man, Miguel! One! And if I ran, God knows what would have happened and the most fucked up part was, Marco and Frankie were the only people in this world that I had! So, when you look at me with disgust in your eyes after finding out I slept with Peter's grandfather, remember this. Remember that I was basically sexually assaulted for a fucking year and a half and then come at me with your look of repulsion!” I yell through gritted teeth.
I angrily wipe my tears from my eyes and turn away from him, clenching my fists. I can't look at his face because it pulls on my heart. He didn't know about any of that, Ali. You're angry at Marco and Frankie. You love Miguel. It was the first time I admitted out loud the nightmare I've been living, and I couldn't turn and look at him. I didn't want to see his expression, his pity, his horror.
“Alessandra,” he whispers, sniffling from behind me.
I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and before I can think, I turn in his arms and cry. I let it all out as the tears soak his hospital gown and he hugs me, giving me strength.
“I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I had no idea, my girl, I had no idea. I know you didn’t want to be doin’ it but...my God,” he cries into my hair.
I hug him tighter, taking his love, feeling his strength lift me out of the darkness, the rage.
“I swear to you, Alessandra. I was angry at Marco and knowing he touched you, I… knowin’ what he did to you. God, Alessandra I can't let him walk around free, I just can't. You are nothin’ but a queen in my eyes,” he says pulling my face away from his chest so he can look at me.
The beautiful green in
his eyes is so light, shiny with his tears, his swollen face my undoing. I let out a sob and cover my mouth with my hand.
“I didn't know what to do. I consented, I had to I… he kept saying it wasn't rape. It was Miguel… it…"
I cry harder now, remembering the past years of my life; my addiction, the club, Marco and his friends, the other men that were gentler but it didn't make a difference. It's over, all of it is over now, I should be able to move on. Miguel moves a little, freeing his arm and I break away from his embrace.
"I… I'm sorry I… I never told anyone any of that before. The girls at the club… they all thought I was there like them. I… I'm sorry,” I say shaking my head, embarrassment creeping to the surface of my brain.
Last Round (Double Play Series Book 6) Page 21