“Ladies, we would love to join you,” Ben answered with diplomacy, “but we haven’t finished our tour of the estate yet and I need to get Ashley settled in a little more if we want her to stay with us. So we’ve got to get going now.”
“I hate to see you leave so soon, Ashley,” Robert added. “Perhaps later?”
“I really don’t know how long we’ll be,” I begged off, a little flustered.
“Maybe tomorrow, then?” he persisted.
“I don’t know,” I answered, feeling the discomfort of absent memory scraping against my mind once more. “Maybe.”
After saying our final goodbyes, we set off down the path and returned to the fountain.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
We turned left at the fountain and onto the central outward bound walkway. As we strolled along, Ben said softly, “I didn’t want to say anything within earshot of the others because I don’t want to jinx it, but it seems that you already have an admirer. Robert fancies you quite a bit.”
“I noticed. He certainly is a fascinating character. Tell me, is he really a nice guy or does he just spread his charm around to all the ladies?”
Ben chuckled, “A little of both, actually, but I can tell you that his interest in you in genuine.”
“Why? I’m not beautiful by this group’s standards, not by a long shot. Besides, he doesn’t even know me yet.”
“Robert’s an incurable romantic and he’s lonely for real love. You see, Arrosha promised to send him Miss Right, so naturally, when you showed up, he assumed it was you.”
“Okay, I guess that makes some kind of weird sense. Now, don’t get me wrong, Ben, I think Robert’s cute, but why is he so overly romantic? I might not remember much, but I do remember that the only straight guys I’ve met that seemed that romantic on the surface were all womanizers.”
“Boy, were you ever dating the wrong men.”
“Oh, you’ve read my diary? Tell me about it.”
He chuckled. “First of all, congratulations on the new memory.”
“Thanks. I think it was exposure to Robert that dredged it up.”
“And secondly, let me put your fears to rest. Robert’s the real deal. He is the way he is because before coming to live with us, he had absolutely no real-life experience with romance whatsoever. His entire frame of reference comes solely from old movie vaults and it’s an ideology so completely ingrained in him that I doubt he will ever lose it. At least I hope not, since I’m such a sucker for romance myself.”
“So he’s not a womanizer at all?”
“Of his own volition, no. But like the rest of us, he knows that serious outside relationships are forbidden. Until Arrosha brings in a suitable mate for him, he’s forced to keep his contacts with women casual. For a little while, he enjoyed playing the field in the outside world. It was good for him, it gave him confidence. But when push comes to shove, Robert’s not a frivolous man. He’s been hoping for some time now that every next addition to our group would be a woman. When the sisters arrived, he thought that one of them might be interested in him, but it was not to be. Separating those three is impossible.”
“Are they really sisters?” I asked, shocked because their behavior suggested otherwise.
“Not at all,” Ben laughed. “Geoffrey started calling them that and it just sort of caught on. I guess it’s because they stick together so much. Their interest in Robert or any one else is entirely superficial. They’re really just interested in each other, although they seem to have bonded somewhat with Geoffrey.”
“Geoffrey?” I asked, shocked. “I thought he was your, I mean, I thought he was gay.”
Ben laughed. “No, my dear, I’m gay. Geoffrey is just Geoffrey. He defies description. Oh, he’s never had an actual relationship with a woman. But on a purely physical level, Geoffrey is a man of extremely broad and varied tastes.”
“I still can’t understand why that doesn’t bother you.”
“If we could form relationships outside of the group, it would bother me if he showed too much interest in another man, because that could possibly get serious.”
“Are there any other gay men in the group?”
“Thank goodness, no. It’s one of the reasons that I’m able to trust Geoffrey as much as I do.”
“Kenny and Antonio aren’t?”
“Oh, heavens no. They’re very good friends, but certainly not gay. They may have no real interest in girlfriends, at least for now, but that’s because they’re still into casual flings, getting their sea legs, in a manner of speaking. No, Arrosha promised me a long time ago that she wouldn’t tempt Geoff with another gay man in the group. She understands the attachment our little Geoffrey has to his own incorrigibility. Geoffrey’s not perfect, I’ve never fooled myself into thinking that. I see him as he is but I love him anyway. I suppose Geoffrey’s nature reveals a weakness of my own as well, since I tend to find his naughtiness somewhat entertaining as long as it doesn’t threaten our relationship. So you see, his special friendship with the sisters has never bothered me in the least. His interest in women never does. It’s always frivolous and never emotional. It’s always just sex. But enough about Geoffrey for now. Let’s get back to Robert. You know how he feels about you; how do you feel about him?”
“I have to admit it’s flattering that such a handsome guy is showing so much interest in me, but I’m just getting settled in around here. I don’t know him well enough even to have an opinion yet.”
“That’s fair. What’s your first impression of him, then?”
“I like him a lot, but Ben, I have to tell you that his attentions are stirring things up in my mind. For some strange reason, just being around him starts to irritate my memory loss.”
“Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“It would be if it worked, but it doesn’t. You know that the amnesia didn’t really bother me before, but whenever I’m around Robert, for some reason it starts to pester me big time. It’s uncomfortable and it’s just plain frustrating. It happened a little this morning by the elevator and a lot more just now by the pool. Once I’m away from him, as long as I don’t dwell on it, it starts to go away and I can relax again.”
“Any clue why this is happening? Any important memories coming back at all?”
“Not really. What I get are not really memories, they’re hard to describe. They’re more like echoes, like some kind of impressions of feelings; but they’re buried way too deep for me to get to. They keep grating against the back of my mind trying to get out, but they can’t. Ben, you know that feeling that you get when something’s on the tip of your tongue but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t retrieve it?”
“Sure.”
“And you know how irritating that can be, like it could drive you nuts sometimes? Well, it’s like that with me, but it’s about everything, about my whole life before I got here. It only happens when I’m around Robert and then it’s not enough actually to bring anything back. It’s just enough to be disturbing.”
“Do you want me to tell him to back off?”
“I’d like you to ask him to slow down, at least until my memory returns. I like Robert and under any other circumstances, I’d jump at a chance to be with a guy like him. But Ben, if there’s one thing I’m picking up from this, it’s that I don’t think I’m unattached. I can’t shake a nagging suspicion that there’s somebody else in my life, somebody back home waiting for me. I can’t remember who he is or what he is to me, but there is somebody. I can feel it. I wish I could remember more but I can’t. It’s right on the edge of my memory, like an itch I just can’t reach to scratch.”
“Ashley, if it winds up that here is someone else in your life, do you think it would be serious?”
“It would have to be. If he weren’t someone very important to me, I can’t imagine that it would bother me so much.”
“So it is a ‘he’?”
“I get that feeling, yes. As a matter of fact, that’s the clearest f
eeling that I can access.”
“Hmm,” Ben considered. “This could complicate things. I don’t know how Arrosha is going to deal with that. She could possibly bring him in to join us, like she did with Geoff and I. Then I guess that Robert’s just going to have to wait a little longer for a girlfriend. Before we go down that road, though, do you think that these feelings could possibly be associated with a relationship that recently ended?”
“Considering the complete lack of information that I’m working with these days, anything is possible. If I could only remember…” I was beginning to get very frustrated.
“Okay, calm down and just let it go again for now; it’ll come back when you least expect it. I’ll tell Robert the situation. He deserves to know. He’ll be very disappointed if you are otherwise attached, but I’m sure that Arrosha will send him someone else. If it winds up that your involvement is no longer an issue, though, whenever you’re ready, I do hope that you consider Robert. I’m not trying to push you or play matchmaker, I just want to tell you that he’s a great guy.”
“I do really like him. He seems very sweet.”
“He is. The man’s a prince. He’s as loyal as they come and he’s really funny, too, once you get to know him. But he is long overdue a real girlfriend. He’s never had one before in his entire life.”
“You have got to be kidding. A gorgeous man like that? I can’t believe it.”
“He didn’t always look like he does now. None of us did. I’m sure you can relate better today because you can tell the vast improvements in yourself from only yesterday. The change is even more extreme when Arrosha transforms a person.”
There was that word again, “transform”. Ben had promised me an explanation of it today. I wanted to question him about it, but before I could, he said, “We’re coming up to the reflecting pool. It’s the last thing I want to show you today before we head back. Then we can sit down and talk some more.”
Despite my curiosity, I figured that I could wait just a little while longer to hear his tale.
It took about another minute for us to reach the next break in the hedges that signaled the arrival at our destination, a pass this time guarded by a pair of twin Greek stone warriors. Once past them, the path upon which we walked widened into a small road as the scenery changed once again, this time not to the tropical paradise of the sports court or water park, but to a terrain that was distinctly Mediterranean. A raised platform stood at the very end of the road, lined by tall cedars planted in neat rows against a backdrop of softly rolling hills that faded into the background as far as the eye could see. The platform, a roofless, rectangular court bordered by Doric columns about every twenty feet or so, was, with the exception of its very newness, quite reminiscent of the ruins of an ancient Greek temple.
Ben and I walked up the short steps leading onto the platform which contained a large, long reflecting pool sunken into its floor and that was filled with the blackest water I’d ever seen. Stone benches set back at a respectful distance surrounded the pool on three sides, while on the fourth side, presiding over the pool at its head at the far end sat a regal onyx sphinx set upon a base. Everything contained within the pool’s periphery was reflected back by the water’s dark surface, a mirror-like finish broken up by only a few floating lily pads.
Ben, who had been silent since the gap in the hedges, now said with great reverence in his voice, “This is the most sacred place on the grounds, second only to the Temple of Arrosha within the mansion itself. I suppose you could think of it as our garden chapel. Our highest holy days to the one true Goddess are observed in the conservatory temple itself, but the Days of Observation, our secondary holy days, are always held out here. It’s also where the transformation ceremony for new members is held. Isn’t it beautiful? It’s so peaceful here that I often come alone to this spot to meditate.”
With his words, I became suddenly uncomfortable. While I really liked it here and was earnestly considering remaining, contingent, of course, upon my memory’s return, comments such as these served only to remind me of the true nature of this group. I could not, despite Ben’s protest to the contrary, help but have the opinion that when push came to shove, I would not be allowed to join them without first converting to their religion. This notion bothered me tremendously and I couldn’t shake the feeling that doing so would be profoundly wrong. While it was true that I’d seen, and even experienced firsthand, several wonders that could actually be classified as miracles, there was something still holding me back and I had no idea what it could possibly be. Was it possible that before my arrival here, I had been a particularly religious person? I didn’t know. I didn’t even have a clue. Why couldn’t I remember? While Robert’s attentions had awakened in me a new desire to find out who I was, it still remained only that, a desire. Somewhere within my memory, there must surely be buried a hint as to why was I even here. Of all people, why had Arrosha chosen me to pull into her tightly-knit little community? What did I have to offer? I wondered why my attitude about coming to live here always turned from eagerness into reluctance the moment that Arrosha’s position was mentioned. Could it be that because every time it was, the word “cult” sprang back into my mind? No matter how vehemently that label was denied, I could think of no other that fit. After all, this really could not be considered a bona fide alternative religion, because its members were far too few, at least for now. Most of the time, that religious factor was so easy to dismiss because this group was so very different from any other modern cult of which I’d ever heard. For the most part, it didn’t seem to be a dominant part of their lives. Except for Ben and the occasional mention, the piety of its members seemed oddly lacking, its semblance casual rather than fanatical. This group seemed to be about as laid back about their goddess worship as once-a-month churchgoers. On the surface, at least, these people, this lifestyle, seemed to have much more in common with a private, hedonistic resort club than with any religion to which I’d ever been exposed. The dynamic was odd; at first glance it seemed to be nothing more than very old, over-indulgent money choosing to accommodate and cater to the every whim of a group of young, nouveau riche beautiful people. While I had no doubt that Ben was earnest and probably the most devout of all the followers, I was left to wonder whether the others, some of them, at least, were in this just for the perks. Did they only grudgingly go along with what they considered “church” as payment for such a fabulous, self-indulgent lifestyle? Was it the price they paid for youth, wealth and beauty? Once again, I looked up at Ben, hoping that by an expression on his face or an inflection in his voice, I could get some small glimmer of an answer. There was none to be had, however, as with a countenance of beatific peace, he stood silent, staring intently at the reflecting pool, completely lost within his thoughts.
I soon began to get bored waiting for Ben as he meditated upon the black water. The minutes passed and with nothing else to do, I started to look around for something to occupy me. As I did so, however, I began to understand the attraction that this peaceful, open, column-framed space held as a meditation spot. The soft, gentle breeze that had been blowing all day picked up a little, bringing with it the sweet smell of honeysuckle, my favorite fragrance. And while the wind was strong enough to cause soft ripples upon the surface of the water, the liquid remained steadfastly still, continuing to reflect back all that fell upon it in perfect detail. The sphinx, its face yet another portrait of Arrosha, sat regally at the pool’s head and seemed to peruse all that lay before it with confident ownership. There was nothing strange about the statue itself, the body of which seemed to be an exact replica of the one within the Giza complex in Egypt, but the more intently I stared at its reflection, the more noteworthy became its image upon the water. Of everything that was reflected, only the sphinx’s mirror twin was not completely true, for upon the still water, it alone seemed brighter than its original, glowing with a gold sheen the onyx statue itself lacked, a reflective quality which I had never before seen. This strange i
ncandescence locked my eyes into itself until, beyond the confines of my own volition, I began to stare, ever more engrossed, into the pool. For the first time, I gave the liquid it held more than a simple passing glance. As I peered intently down into its blackness, I now saw that while the dark surface itself remained still as glass, the forbidding depths of the fluid glowed with swirling hues which, despite their intense brilliance, refused to reveal themselves to anything shy of a direct, prolonged gaze. Their movements never stopped, continuing always to gyrate in a slow, lazy pattern. It reminded me somewhat of an oil slick, although rather than floating on the surface, these intense, fluorescent colors were trapped deep within their liquid near the bottom. As I continued to stare downward, my thoughts stirred and I recognized that held within my nagging memories, thoughts that stubbornly refused to materialize, sat information far more important than just the obvious details of my own life; there was something deeper, more urgent, that I needed to remember. If only it would come to me, this secret buried far within me, this secret my mind withheld, I would be free of the awkward discomfort that it brought with it. Perhaps if I reflected longer, gazed deeper, the secret locked within my own mind would at last reveal itself to me and perhaps I would at last know my true purpose.
It was then that the pool began to exert its real magnetism over me. The longer I stared, the stronger its hypnotic power drew me further and further into itself. Once again, the steady breeze picked up, caressing my hair and my skin, coaxing my gauzy robe to flow with it, to undulate against my naked flesh beneath it in a relaxing, smooth, even sensual way. The air around me was now as fresh and clean as that surrounding a waterfall and I breathed deeply, taking in as much of its invigorating energy as my lungs would allow. Although it was late afternoon, the soft smell of morning glory continued to permeate the air in this land without rules. Along with the fragrance, the breeze now brought with it also the faint melodic music of far away wind chimes. I began to sway with the wind, feeling as if I weighed next to nothing, as if my body might actually be capable of being blown away by the breeze like the wisps a dandelion’s head. I liked this feeling; it made me happy. I could stay here forever with my mind and my body connected to this pool and its still, dark water as the softly shining sphinx glowed upon its surface. I could not remember ever feeling such a calm, peaceful joy. I stood quiet, not a care in the world, at one with everything that was good and pure and perfect. Perhaps I would stay at this estate forever. Then I could come back to this spot as often as I liked for as long as I liked, returning to the house at night only to sleep, drink water and take essence. The more I thought about it, the more desirable that thought became. Yes, I really did want to stay right here, I decided. I needed to be near this spot which cried out to me, telling me that I was home. In fact, everything else that Ben had shown me was only prelude and now paled in comparison as I realized that this reflecting pool was the only thing I needed and the only place in the entire world where I really wanted to be.
The Nightmare Game Page 36