“I loved you, baby girl. I need you to know that. And if he ever hurts you…” He leaves that sentence hanging, too, and I watch as he turns around, as he leaves without looking back. And I keep staring at the door he’s just walked through, trying to get my head around what’s happened here, the confusion, it’s returning. This is all so surreal that it’s taking a while to sink in. Has he just given me permission to leave? With Logan? Is that what’s just happened here? I don’t know, and what I thought made sense before, I can’t make any sense of it now.
I sit down on the edge of the bed and draw my knees to my chest, hugging them to me as I look outside. They’re still trying to put this place back together, after the Devil Hounds ripped it apart, but it’s getting there. This club, it really is like a family. They looked after me when I needed their help. They gave Logan a sense of purpose when he’d lost all focus. And we’ve both betrayed it, we can’t deny that. Yet, we’ve almost got their blessing to take this new life and run with it, and I can’t help but think that if my father wasn’t involved then things would’ve been very different. He’s the one I owe now, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I don’t know…
Vanni
She’ll think her father had something to do with that speech in there, but she’s wrong. And I’m not gonna put her right. I’m not saying Frankie Cabbetto didn’t have words; that our unexpected and unplanned meeting didn’t have anything to do with what just happened between me and Piper, it had everything to do with what happened in there. But there were no threats. Not really. He just explained the situation, and we came to an agreement. We’re partners now, we gotta do business together, and this was just one of those dealings. I give up his daughter, I let her go without any trouble, and we’re gonna get along just fine, that’s all there was to it. And, yeah, I’m angry as hell about what she and Logan did, but nobody else has to know what happened, that she’s leaving me to be with one of our own, another brother. Everyone thinks Logan’s gone some place with Reba, and as for Piper – I’m letting her go because what happened, it was too much. She needs to go back home, to New Jersey, with her mom. That’s the story, and it’s one that means I lose no face. I get to stay strong, keep that respect. Nobody will know what really happened; what Piper and Logan did, that’s gonna stay a secret. Losing a woman, that isn’t supposed to affect men like me, we aren’t supposed to love like that, it’s just the way we are. But I loved her. Piper Cabbetto, I loved her. And if Logan Sandero ever hurts her, I’ll know about it. I’m gonna make it my business to know about it. ‘Cause that happens, then he’ll pay. He’ll fucking pay.
Twenty
Logan
I look up as she walks into the room, and I want to run to her, to sweep her up into my arms and kiss the fucking life out of her, but there’s something stopping me from doing that. There’s something in the way she moves, the way she looks at me that’s almost putting a barrier up between us.
“You OK?” I ask, and she nods, and then she comes a little closer, and I feel my heart start to race, feel my stomach embark on another round of nervous flips.
“Dad told me, what happened with Reba. Logan, I’m so sorry…”
“Hey, come on, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, how the hell were we supposed to know she was that damaged, huh?”
“She was married to Mad Dog Vierrra. It should’ve been obvious.”
I drop my head, slide my hands into my pockets but she reaches down and pulls one of them out, sliding her fingers between mine, and I look up.
“We’ve got to put this shit behind us, Piper.”
“I know.”
“I mean, it’s crazy and it’s fucking confusing, but – we’ve got to put it behind us.”
She reaches out and rests her palm against my cheek, and she smiles. And that smile, man, it’s like she’s just flicked a switch, everything suddenly feels brighter, although the image of Reba falling to the ground – that’s never gonna go away.
“You make it sound so easy. Like we just walk out of here and all this disappears. People died, Logan. Reba died.”
I step back from her and turn away, walk over to the French doors that look out over the pool and I know that I’m so out of my comfort zone here, in this house. This place. This world. Piper isn’t. She’s just come home.
“I thought it was, that easy. A second ago, I really thought it was.”
“Well, maybe it can be. Y’know, maybe you’re right. Maybe if we just get away from here…”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Piper.”
There’s no response, just a silence, but I keep my back to her. And it’s like the weight of everything that’s happened, all those repressed feelings I’d kept locked away for all that time; the weight of all of that, it’s like it’s suddenly landed on me, now, all at once, and I drop to my haunches and hang my head, closing my eyes as I breathe in deep. Reba’s dead. The love of my freakin’ life is dead, I watched her die, she took her own life, right there in front of me, Jesus!
“Logan?”
I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel her arms around me, and I cling onto her. But I stop crying, Christ, come on! I’ve seen worse shit than that. I’ve seen men blown apart, seen their flesh scattered for miles around and I didn’t fucking cry.
“I’m sorry, Piper.” I pull away from her and stand up, leaning back against the glass, my head bowed, my hands back in my pockets. And what happened there; whatever the hell that was, all that’s done is let me know that I’m right, to do this.
“Don’t be sorry, Logan. Showing emotion isn’t a weakness.”
But it is. In my world, it is. I open myself up to that shit and people get hurt. I don’t want Piper to get hurt.
“What did you mean? When you said you don’t think you can do this?”
I slowly look up, and her eyes are full of panic, because I think she already knows the answer to her question. So I don’t reply, I just hold her gaze, and then she shakes her head as she comes closer.
“No. Logan, no. I mean, I know I said you made it sound so easy, putting all this behind us… After everything we’ve been through, no, it isn’t gonna be easy, but you’re really just gonna walk away? Without even trying?”
“It’s what I do, Piper. It’s how I handle shit like this, I run.”
“And that makes you weak. Showing emotion – that really isn’t weak, Logan, it isn’t, for Christ’s sake the woman you loved just blew her brains out in front of you! You’re not a fucking robot, that’s got to affect you…”
“I didn’t love her, Piper. Not anymore, and that’s why she did it. Because I couldn’t love her again. And I should’ve let her kill me, too, like she was…”
“She was going to kill you too?”
Her beautiful blue eyes widen in horror, and I feel my stomach take the biggest dive.
“Murder suicide. She had it all planned. If I couldn’t love her, I wasn’t loving anyone. But I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want anyone to die…” I turn my head away from her and look back outside. That perfect world of manicured lawns and palm trees swaying gently against the backdrop of a clear blue Californian sky, it’s nothing but a façade to mask the twisted shit that goes on behind the closed doors of this Bel Air mansion, and others like it. No-one’s world is perfect, it’s just that some are more fucked up than others. “I tried to fight her. That was my mistake. That’s when she turned the gun on herself… she wanted to punish me.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Logan. There wasn’t anything you could’ve done.”
“I could’ve gone with her. Like I was supposed to do.”
“You wouldn’t have been happy…”
“I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be happy, Piper. It’s just not something that’s meant to happen for me, so maybe I should’ve just gone, disappeared like I was supposed to, and maybe Reba would still be alive.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know how damaged she really was.”<
br />
She’s right. The Reba who killed herself wasn’t the woman I loved, she’d been gone a long time, fucked up by the Cabbetto family and their twisted shit. And that’s what crushes me, but, ultimately, she did this to herself. She was the one who left; the one who wanted something different. She was the one who wanted to see what else was out there. And it wasn’t any fucking better. She threw our life away, for what? For nothing. Fucking nothing, and that just tears me apart, it’s fucking crazy, and I have to blink so hard to stop more tears from escaping, man, I’m done with this shit now.
“I’d only hurt you, Piper. If we do this.”
“You’re really gonna walk away?”
“It’s not what I want…”
“Then don’t do it. Show me you aren’t weak, show me…”
It’s like something just snapped inside of me, her words, they’re taunting me, almost, and I reach out and grab her wrist, slamming her back against the glass, my eyes blazing as they stare into hers.
“I’m not weak, Piper, don’t fucking do this.”
“What do you really want, Logan?”
My chest suddenly tightens, making my breathing heavy and uneven, but I keep hold of her wrist. And she doesn’t fight me, even though I can feel my fingers digging into her flesh, I must be hurting her, and the last thing I want to do, in any way, is hurt her. So I let go of her wrist, her arm dropping to her side.
“I just can’t do this, Piper. I can’t.” I hold my hands up as I start to back away. “I can’t do it, baby. I destroy people, and I don’t want to destroy you…”
“Self-pity? Really? And you still think you’re not weak?”
That anger starts to rise inside me again, is she deliberately trying to wind me up?
“I said, don’t call me that, don’t fucking go there.”
“I don’t want you to walk away from me, Logan.”
“I’d only hurt you, Piper, look what happened to…”
“I’m not Reba. I’m not her.”
“I know.”
“What do you want, Logan?”
I look at her, right into her eyes, and I want her like the craziest, most addictive of drugs. But that promise I made myself all those years ago, I can’t ignore that.
“Look what we’ve been through, Logan. We owe it to ourselves to…”
“To what, Piper? I already told you once, I can’t promise you anything, and I can’t. There’s not gonna be a happy-ever-after, no fairytale ending, I can’t promise you shit.”
“Who said that’s what I want? When you and me first… Coming near me like you did; fucking me, Jesus, that was a risk, Logan. That was a risk, but you said you got off on taking risks, and yet, you’re standing here telling me I’m not worth that risk anymore?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Piper.”
“It is. It’s exactly what you’re saying. You said, not five minutes ago, that we just need to put this shit behind us, and I accused you of making it all sound so easy. But you’re right. You’re right, Logan. It really is that easy.”
I reach out and tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, and I lean in to kiss her neck, and as I do so I breathe her in, and that sends a kick to my gut so real and so hard it actually causes me to flinch. I need this woman. She’s my antidote to all the crap that surrounds me; that surrounds us. And I need her.
She slides a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me down, turning my head slightly so her mouth catches mine, and the kiss she gives me, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, it’s soft and warm, it’s like a freakin’ comfort blanket, shit! What the fuck’s happening here?
I drop my hand to her hip, and I pull her to me as the kiss deepens, I feel her nipples harden against my chest, and I don’t care that we’re in the living room of her gangster daddy’s Bel Air home, I don’t give a shit. I just want this woman. And I slide my hand around, loosen her jeans, just enough so I can slip my fingers inside and the second I touch her it’s like I’ve found my place, my home. She sighs quietly as I slide my fingers inside her, throws back her head, my mouth lightly brushing the base of her throat as I touch her deeper, my thumb circling her clit, I need to hear her come. I need to feel her release, I need it all, every inch of her, ‘cause she is worth the risk. But then she yanks my hand away, pushes me back, and for a second I’m confused. But as she shimmies out of her jeans I feel my cock react, her smile telling me she just wanted more, and I’m not gonna say no, I’m all in now.
She pulls me back toward her by my T-shirt, and her legs are wrapped around my hips before I can get another breath out, but I’m inside her now, I’m fucking her. I’m taking her, ‘cause she’s mine now. This woman, she’s mine. And that promise I made myself? Yeah. Fuck it. Who keeps promises anyway…?
Epilogue
Piper
It’s quite strange, watching Logan play with my baby cousins, watching him run around the lawn, chasing them. And when he catches up with one, and lifts them high up into the air, their screams of delight echo around the yard and I can’t help but smile. He’s the man he never wanted to be, and yet, he’s the man he always was, in reality. What he used to be, what he was before, that was just a front, something he could hide behind so he didn’t have to face up to a reality that had hurt him. I’ve never told him that, of course, I think we’re done with the analyzing, we’re just getting on with our lives now. Our new lives. So, yeah, all of this is still a little strange, but only because we’re trying to get used to a very different kind of normality.
“Hey.”
I look up as he sits down beside me, hanging his head for a second as he catches his breath, and then he raises his gaze and he smiles, and I feel a hundred fireworks go off inside of me, yeah, it’s that clichéd. He does that shit to me, and I’m taking it all, every loved-up second, because no-one knows when the next pile of shit is going to land.
“Hey back. You done playing now, huh?”
His grin widens and he draws his knees to his chest as he looks back out at the kids playing, the barbecue being set up at the far end of the yard, the gathered crowd laughing and drinking and to the uninitiated onlooker this probably seems like nothing but a typical family and friends’ get-together. And, I suppose, that’s exactly what it is. Well, maybe it isn’t typical, ‘cause this afternoon’s barbecue is the first of many meetings my father’s ‘crew’ have set up, there’s work to do here, at the heart of the Cabbetto family.
I’ve come home, to New Jersey, and Logan’s come with me. My father’s set us up with a home and a life, and I’m grateful for that. He once wanted me dead, but I trust him enough to believe he’d never do that again, as long as I do what’s expected of me now; what’s expected of us. I’m back home, I’m a Cabbetto again, and Logan, he’s now part of my family, too. He’s been trusted with his own ‘team’ of men to carry out my father’s business while he’s in California handling the Devil Hounds alongside the Death Knights, the club Logan’s left behind him now. And I’m no biker queen, not anymore. But I’m no mafia princess, either. I’m Piper Cabbetto. And I have my own ‘team’ to look after, my father knows I’m not willing to go back to what I was before, I’ve changed too much. He knows I need to be a part of something, and I am. I’m helping the younger members of our huge extended ‘family’ grow up to look after themselves, to protect themselves. I’m teaching them shit they might never need to use, or shit that might, one day, save their lives. Am I OK back being part of a world that tried to kill me? I’m fine with it, in reality it’s all I know. But Logan, he’s known normality, known what it was like to live a life that wasn’t messed-up and wrong; a life that didn’t involve danger and fear. Before Reba walked out on him he had what most people would call an ordinary life, but that disappeared the day she left. And he can’t go back, I don’t think he wants to, so we’re here. We work for my father now, and in return he makes sure my ex-husband doesn’t come for us, because I still don’t know how Vanni really feels about what happened.
He’s a very clever, very proud man, he has people everywhere, and what I did to him; what Logan did to him, that’s not what club brothers do. It’s not what old ladies do, it’s the ultimate betrayal, and when that happens, people pay. We’ve escaped that, and I still think that’s down to my father. So we owe him. And we’re both fine with that.
“So, we gonna go for it, then?”
I turn my head to look at him, and his eyes meet mine. And he smiles again, and I can’t help but smile back. “If that’s what you want.”
“Your dad’s sorted out a couple of Harleys for me to go look at tonight. Says his contact can get me a good price. You gonna come? We could drop by Kellie’s on the way home, grab one of their short-rib sandwiches and a beer.”
“Last of the big spenders, huh?”
He shrugs and flips a cigarette between his teeth. “This bike’s costing me big, sweetheart. Gotta make cuts somewhere.”
He throws me a wink and I laugh as he pulls me over, and I straddle him, removing the cigarette and quickly kissing his slightly open mouth.
“You gotta make sure you look after me. My daddy’s watching now.”
I’ve got my tongue very firmly in my cheek, and he knows that. My father trusts Logan. That’s why he didn’t send us away, instead he kept us close, ‘cause he saw something in Logan. Something he could use, something that gave Logan that focus he needs, and although I know he hasn’t forgotten what happened – he loved Reba, once, and what he saw… that’s going to stay with him for a long time. But he has a purpose now, he’s needed. And he’s good at what he does, he commands respect and he gets it, even from men who’ve worked with my father for decades. They like Logan. I love him. We risked a lot to get here, to get to where we are now, and this life we’re living, it’s still a risk. My father’s world is just as unpredictable as the one Logan lived in as part of the Death Knights, although, the two are intertwined now. My father’s part of that club, he’s working with that club, he’s merging his world with the one both Logan and I had once been a part of. We’re all one family now, to all intents and purposes. And I guess that’s OK, it keeps a certain familiarity within our respective circles. But I think we’re safer here. I think we’re gonna be fine, we’ve come home. We’ve come home…
Protection (Death Knights MC Series Book 1) Page 21