by Angela White
“Sam?”
“I’m glad you’re both okay.” Samantha ignored Neil’s worry, seeing to her needs first. “Welcome home.”
But there wasn’t much welcome in her words. Jeremy leaned against the side of the QZ supply truck, patiently waiting to be denied what he now wanted as much as his place in Safe Haven. He was positive who she would choose, but he hadn’t decided about staying on Neil’s team once they became a couple.
Samantha hated what she was about to do, and hesitated.
Jeremy held up a hand. “I don’t need to hear it, too, Sam. Feeling it is enough.”
She flushed at his open longing. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”
The XO shrugged as if he wasn’t being ripped apart. “You and Neil together was the plan all along, the main plot. I’m glad it worked out.”
Samantha stepped closer, unable to ignore his pain. “I’m sorry.”
“And you still want to be friends, right?”
“Close friends.”
Jeremy shrugged, fighting his emotions. “It’s hard to pretend not to feel something for someone. Not sure I’m that good of an actor.”
Samantha hadn’t expected it to hurt them all so much, and she swallowed a withdrawal of her choice. It wasn’t what she wanted. “You’ll stay away?”
Jeremy was too upset to care about witnesses. “I think that’s best.”
“I figured you’d say that. I understand, but I won’t act differently.” She smiled sadly, unable to help feeling abandoned even though she knew he had no other defense against her choice. “You were my first real friend here. I’ll miss you.”
A tear rolled down her bruised cheek and Jeremy’s control snapped.
“Damn it,” he lamented, stepping forward. “And damn me, too.”
Jeremy carefully surrounded Neil’s woman with arms that didn’t shake, didn’t betray him. He held her close for one moment of pretending she was his. “I’m always your friend, Samantha. More, if you ever want it.”
Sam clutched at his strength, his need, surrounding herself with his light. “Promise?”
“Yes.” Jeremy slowly placed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and then pushed her back. “Just let me heal for a while. It hurts.”
He was out of her sight an instant later, leaving Sam with a new wall of guilt. She should have stopped his play after the first act, but she’d had no will to resist after that life-crushing trip to get here. This was her fault for using them to ease her loneliness.
Neil studied Samantha’s stiff back for signs that she had anything more encouraging to say to him, but didn’t find any. It didn’t stop him from trying. “I’d like to talk.”
Samantha carefully wiped her cheek. “I have to rest now. I only waited up to get this over with.”
Neil did brace this time, hands going to rest on his belt, feet straightening. “Go on, then.”
Samantha took instant offense at his tone, thinking if she’d said that to Jeremy, he would have taken her arm and escorted her to a tent to lie down. They each had their own way of treating her, their own responses to her moods, and she’d found herself grateful for that at different times. Not now, however. Neil could show a little more consideration.
“Okay, I will. I don’t want a relationship with you, either. I tried to tell you. Now he’s hurt, and you–”
“Are what you really want, so stop playing games,” Neil interrupted. “I’m too tired for it.”
Sam’s head throbbed, reminding her of what she’d just gone through. The anger resurfaced, blasted out
“Only some of what I want,” Samantha sneered. “Jeremy’s the other half.”
Neil’s face reddened at the direct hit. He got set to fire back, but the unhappiness in her next words diffused his anger.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but if I can’t have it set up the way I want it, then serving the greater good will be enough.” Samantha found Jeremy’s shadow moving tiredly into a QZ camper. “I’ve had so much less that it won’t even faze me to be lonely.”
Neil studied her, resisting the urge to say she could have whatever she wanted, if she’d just let him lie down and hold her for a while. It felt like this run would never end.
“How do you want it, Sam?”
She sighed. “That’s not something a woman can explain.”
Neil was confused and tired of fighting. If she needed a confession of emotions, no problem. “Samantha, I love–”
“I know that,” Sam interrupted, pain pills now making it hard to think, to be patient. “So does everyone else.”
Neil gaped at her. “You know that I love you?”
“A lasting friendship is all that I can give in return.”
Neil watched her hand slide over her bruised mouth as if she was as tortured by the choice as he was, but determined to see it through. That was it, then. There would never be anyone else for him.
“If that’s the way you want it.”
“It’s the way it has to be,” Sam answered, absorbing his pain and her own to sob over later.
Neil picked up the kit he’d set by the tire and took it with him to the shower camper in the corner. He didn’t look back, determined to honor her wishes. He expected it to suck, but he would make sure that he never crossed the line again, and when he bled on the inside, he would be the only one who knew.
Neil stepped into the camper and saw Jeremy already in a stall. His XO looked utterly dejected.
Jeremy will know. He’ll bleed alongside me.
Neil being here, instead of with Samantha, was a surprise to Jeremy, but not the wounded expression that mirrored his own. “Friends, too, huh?”
“Yeah,” Neil grunted tiredly. “What’s with that shit?”
Jeremy shrugged, trying to shake off the feeling of drifting in an ocean without a boat. “Something in the female bloodline that they pass to each other, maybe. Rip a man’s guts open, and then want to hang out later like nothing happened. Gets them an award in the sisterhood or something.”
Neil found a small snicker and the required male-bonding response of, “Like when you get in a good shot, something you know they can’t deny, and they still manage to twist it so that you were wrong.”
“For even firing, usually.”
“Yep.” Neil agreed. He dropped his gear and got the water running.
After a minute, the steam began to relax weary muscles, and the light conversation they’d been having issues with for weeks, continued to fall.
“John will have us cleared quickly,” Jeremy commented, rinsing.
“Yeah.”
“Going up the hill to help dig when I’m out.”
“Same here.” Neil glanced over at his XO. “You still feel the need to kill me?”
Jeremy shook his head. “No. I was just thinking that she gave us our team back with this choice.”
It occurred to them both, then, why she’d really done it.
Neither of them spoke again after that.
9
“This is the way you want it?”
“Yes.” Samantha tried not to let Adrian discover what a lie that was. She couldn’t have what she wanted... could she?
Standing by her well-guarded tent, Adrian was picking up vibes that pleased and worried him. Her refusal of both males hadn’t only been for the good of Neil’s team. It was part of her own nature showing, and if her two men hadn’t recognized it, Adrian would eat his jacket. With her choice, she’d secured her own place among the Eagles.
Adrian didn’t stare at Sam’s injuries like those on duty around them were doing. John had assured him that their storm tracker would be fine. It was the teenager huddled in the next tent, who needed their care and concern.
“For the good of the many?” Adrian asked.
“Yes. I could never be happy with one of them if it hurt the dream,” Samantha confessed. “I believe in it too much for that.” And I want something else, she added silently, something that was forbidden in the
old world. How can I get it?
Adrian studied her, watching the mental smoke roll. What was she planning? Her entire demeanor had just gone still and wary–a sign of female chaos yet-to-come.
“Samantha?”
She ducked into her tent without responding.
Adrian let her go, a bit stunned by her courage as the answer occurred to him. He hadn’t considered that these post-war women would want to change the double standard on physical relief, and Adrian began to smile. Once the camp got over it, they would start to return the other freedoms that females had been denied because of their gender. After that, the quiet, steady women who were even now generously seeing to the comfort of his returning army, would join it.
Adrian’s pleasure sent peace and light over his camp in thick waves. Despite the wounds they’d suffered, the future had never looked better.
Kenn appeared at his side. “Kyle just checked in. Said he won’t make it back until evening.”
Catching the uneasy tone, Adrian waved a hand. “What is it?”
Kenn filled him in on the Jennifer situation, ending with the last thing Kyle had transmitted. “He said to tell you to tally his account. That mean anything?”
“It’s a warning.” Adrian sighed in resignation. “He’s giving me time to prepare.”
Giving you time to save him, Kenn thought. His own foray into banishment hadn’t been that long ago, and Kenn found he held sympathy for the mobster.
“Tell him it’s been a long run, and I want him home,” Adrian stated. “We’ll handle all that shit when it happens.”
“The other slaves are saying she’s only fourteen,” Kenn added.
Adrian thought of the way Seth had defended Becky’s honor, of how he was still on duty here.
“Then she’ll need a friend like Kyle. They all will.”
Kenn frowned, not understanding, and Adrian didn’t try to explain. With the threat of the slavers gone, more things would change for Safe Haven. The future depended on it. Adrian had expected Neil to break this particular barrier for the camp, but Rick had changed the roles. Now Seth and Kyle might have those parts in rebuilding their world.
“Kyle needs to be an Eagle. It’s who he is now,” Adrian stated. Aware of Kenn lingering, he headed toward the warehouse again. They both wanted a subtle check to be sure Angela was okay. “He’ll walk the lines carefully, like we all do.”
10
“Did you help her?”
Charlie stepped out of the shadows to Adrian’s right, followed by Cynthia, who hung back to give them privacy. Kenn immediately went in a different direction.
Charlie had just been in to see his mom, and he was surprised by how much better she seemed. It didn’t match what he’d been expecting after looking through Eagle minds for the details.
“Did you?”
Adrian flashed to holding Angela close, sharing his strength. “Yes, as much as was allowed.”
“But it won’t last long.”
“No. She’ll use it up quickly.”
“Would you have been able to bring her back, like she did for my dad?” Charlie’s tone wasn’t accusing, but it was hard.
“No.”
The teenager stared, working it through, dealing with his emotions.
Adrian wondered if the boy’s parents knew how restless he was becoming, how apt to swing.
“The Eagles would have killed you.”
Again, Adrian told the truth, saying, “Only if they beat me to it.”
“And you put her in that situation!”
“It’s where she belongs. I can prove that.”
“How?”
Hopeful, but nowhere near the subservient minion he’d been before, Adrian observed. Good.
“If she resigns, I was wrong to put her there. And everyone will understand that, not just my army.”
The teenager grunted in recognition of what Adrian had risked, was still risking. It hadn’t been just the lives of his men, but also the very leadership that had brought them all together.
“She won’t. You knew that or you wouldn’t have set it up,” Charlie guessed.
“Partially,” Adrian admitted. “I watched to be sure, but there was a moment when your mom and I first met that told me where she belonged. With you, it was in that dusty office of Sage Lanes.”
“When I came to you about the new arrivals.”
“Yes. You were serving the greater good, with no idea of what my army was even about yet. I’ve always known you would have a place.”
“They’ll think I’m too young–want to hold me back.”
Adrian shrugged, finally reaching the warehouse door. “Age doesn’t make a man or a woman–awareness of the situation does. They know that.”
Adrian stepped inside, but looked back with a hard stare. “Be reasonable and take their instruction. Everyone needs guidance, but especially those like us. Without self-control, the gifts we have are dangerous. Never forget that.”
Before Adrian could get inside, Neil joined him, and Adrian moved back to the sidewalk. He didn’t think he’d been this tired since right after the war.
“Camp’s up and running.”
Good.” Adrian was currently functioning on a total of fifteen hours sleep in five days. His previous whining came to mind, and the leader grimaced. Not anymore. Every four hours of rest I get after this will be valued.
Neil’s bloodshot eyes went to the hilltop, where a few of the men were getting things set up for the funeral, now that the digging was finished. It was the first one that Safe Haven would attend as a camp. For the Eagles, it was closure for this run. The men were gathering in the training tent for workouts, and he was headed there next.
Kenn moved around the corner and inside the warehouse without looking at either of them, a number of guards following the Marine. Kenn’s mistakes hadn’t been forgotten.
“Should I head that off or let it roll?” Neil asked.
Adrian considered, reading the faces of the men openly trailing Kenn. “If they choose to handle it now, let it roll. He’s still paying.”
Adrian moved closer, though, in case he was needed.
“Adrian.”
The blond turned back, catching the tone. He braced for a blow, and Neil delivered two.
“Use the team as you see fit, but Jeremy and I need a break. And I’m no longer your third. I don’t deserve it anymore. Give it to Marc. I’m done.”
Chapter Five
May 17th
1
Kenn stopped at the open door to Angela’s room, ignoring the disapproving looks from her guards.
“You’ll live. That’s good,” Kenn stated, scanning her wounds.
The comment drew a surprised stare from Angela. She could feel how much he meant it. “Yeah. Thanks.”
Kenn was unable to take his gaze off the ‘breathing’ wound. It was by far uglier than anything he’d ever done to her.
“That doesn’t absolve you!” she retorted sharply.
Kenn didn’t answer. He hadn’t come to fight.
Angela watched him, while he watched her. They’d been through a lot together, years of hell, but the war had ended it. They were free now.
“I’m telling the camp about Charlie’s parentage.”
Kenn stiffened, but said, “Most of them suspect. They think you had an affair.”
He took the next step toward peace with the past. “I’m sorry for saying it.”
Silence reigned in the small room at his admission.
Kenn leaned against the doorframe and stared at her with an unreadable blue gaze.
Angela lifted her chin and carefully stood up.
“Ugh.” The thick twinge when she straightened ripped a groan from her lips against her will. She didn’t look at Kenn, hating it that he was seeing her weak.
“You’re on light duty in a week?” he asked.
“Providing John clears it.” Angela slowly took her first steps while the overprotective hens were out of the room. It had been fi
ve days since her boots had even touched the ground. It felt good to be standing, to be alive.
Angela carefully inched toward the window. The room they had her in was an office, now cleared of everything except the stiff couch, two chairs, and the desk where photos of a smiling family still sat. The room had one door and one window. An escape route, she thought gratefully, flashing to the country club. Fire was still her biggest fear, one she wasn’t positive she even wanted to try to tame.
Sunlight, bright and rare, beamed in as she peered through the yellowed blinds. Safe Haven appeared, hundreds of happy survivors, and the weight in Angela’s heart eased a bit. She was home.
Angela watched Marc take the dog leashes from Charlie, freeing the boy to come in again. He was so good, so pure.
Being with his father might have given Charlie that type of personality too, Angela thought. Hopefully, there was still time for some of it to rub off.
Behind her, the room was filling with tension, and she realized Kenn wanted something. “What is it?”
Kenn winced. He’d assumed there wouldn’t be magic with her so weak.
“Do you think… Is there some way…” Kenn clenched his hands, forcing himself. “Can you forgive?”
Angela turned, gaping. That was something she had never thought to hear from him.
It was something Kenn had never thought he would say and actually mean. Hoping for her to die on the trip to Safe Haven had been easy. When it was a real possibility, the truth had come like a shovel to the knuckles. He had wanted her for the power, but thought he’d remained immune to her charms. Then the war came, and he had even thought to leave his obsession behind, but she’d made it here. And then earned a place at Adrian’s side! It was the Angela he had first glimpsed working in the kids’ unit at the hospital, settling into her new career. She’d been vibrant, a glowing beacon of hope for his dark soul. He loved her.
Angela was picking up his thoughts clearly now. The ugly darkness she was used to was gone, replaced by the heavy chains of guilt. Her nearly dying had sent him soul-searching and she wouldn’t destroy that progress.
“Yes. In time, I think,” she lied.
Kenn opened his mouth, grateful.