by Emma Nichols
I glared back at him. “Then I don’t want your contribution. We’ve done just fine without you so far.” My chin jutted out stubbornly.
“You’re working at a hotel in Reno.” He scanned the room with a look of disgust. “You could do so much more with your life if you’d let me help.”
With a frown, I murmured, “I’m doing fine. We’re fine.”
“How is any of this fine? Your life was so much better with me,” Tradd grumbled.
“Was it?” I challenged him to think. “Every couple of days we were in a different city. You refused to slow down. At the end, I was so worn down because of the pregnancy, I could barely function. And you never even noticed because everything was about you.”
“It could’ve been about you too. The thing is, I wasn’t just your boyfriend, I was your job. That’s why it was all about me. Then you ran off and quit on me, on us, without giving me a chance. Look at all I missed.” He waved the photo in the air before reluctantly setting it back on the desk.
“Did you really miss it though?” I sighed. “Would you have wanted this? Us? And a baby?”
Tradd shifted uncomfortably in his seat while he considered my question. “I don’t know. I’m not going to lie to you, Lauryn. I’ve never lied to you. You just…didn’t always like my answers.”
I pushed my chair back and stood up. “Exactly. And there was no negotiating, no compromising. Things were however you wanted them. I had to bend to your will, or walk away.” I reached for my purse and looped it over my shoulder. “That’s why I left.” I motioned for him to exit the office. “I told you. I have a sitter waiting. It was nice seeing you, Tradd.” I tried to forget I’d just let him screw me on my desk. This conversation was what I needed to ensure I stayed my course. Ripley was too important. I’d protect him with my life.
Reluctantly, Tradd stood. “Can we talk more tomorrow? Or…I could go home with you right now. I want to meet him.”
I stiffened. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want you to meet him and then just disappear from his life. I won’t do that to him.” I shooed him out the door and locked the office behind me. When I turned, Tradd hadn’t moved. I held out my hand to shake.
He laughed. “You’re kidding, right?” Then he shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Right. You can’t ever stay! I know you, Tradd. You’ll be gone in a day.” I shrugged and strode down the hall, determined to both reach my car and hold it together in front of him.
There were footsteps whispering on the commercial carpet behind me. “You completely shut me out. You changed your number. You deleted your social media. You dropped off the face of the Earth.”
I hit the door hard and burst out into the parking lot. His hand grabbed my bicep and I tried to tug away. Even though I blinked them back, the tears still leaked from my eyes.
“Baby,” he murmured as he moved to pull me into his arms. He always did hate to see me sad.
“Don’t,” I whispered hoarsely. “Don’t call me ‘baby.’ Don’t try to hold me. You have no idea how hard the last ten months of my life have been. I can’t let you undo all my efforts. Just go about your life. I’ll manage mine.” I pulled away from him and this time, he let me go. I don’t know if this made me feel better or worse. I’d loved him for so long. The last thing I needed was hope my life could be different, and we could be a family. In my heart, I knew better.
The heat coming off the asphalt was stifling. I inhaled deeply even though it burned my lungs. Then I spun on my heels and bolted for my car, unlocked it with the key fob, and dropped into the seat. I glanced at him while I pulled on my seatbelt and started the car. Tradd took a few tentative steps toward me.
“I’m not giving up on you, Lauryn.” His voice was muffled through the glass and over the sound of the engine as it roared to life. “I’ve finally found you. I’m not losing you again. Or our son.” He started toward me, his hand waving in the air and I realized he had picked up the birth certificate I’d forgotten to take back.
Somehow, this made me cry harder, but I refused to stop. I needed distance and space to think. So I sped toward the resort exit. Dusk was such a pretty time here. Tonight I barely noticed it. Instead, when I reached the road, I glanced to the left, then the right, and finally pulled out into the street. Headlights lit up the interior of my vehicle. I gasped and tried to correct my error. There was no getting out of the way in time. All I could do was brace for impact and pray the airbags worked. I heard the crunch of metal as the other vehicle T-boned mine. My head hit the window hard. I barely had time to acknowledge how much it hurt before everything went dark.
3
Tradd
Lauryn was so upset. I hoped if I gave her a little space, she’d calm down. She shouldn’t be driving like this, her vision impaired by her tears. She should’ve stopped to talk with me. Really talk. Instead, she raced from the parking lot. I worried over her, committed to watching until her car became a fleck on the horizon. I held my breath as she pulled out into traffic, and watched as my worst fears were realized. I think I saw it before she did. I stuffed the envelope I’d been clinging to in my back pocket and ran toward the road. I was still some distance away when the crash happened. There were squealing brakes and the sickening crunch of metal hitting metal. The air was knocked from my lungs. I thought I’d be sick, but I just kept swallowing my fear as I rushed around the crash and straight to her car.
The driver’s side window was cracked and I realized it had to be from the impact with her head. My first instinct was to open the door, but I stopped and called 911 first. Though there were only two rings before someone answered, it felt like fifty.
“There’s been an accident. Right in front of Peppermill Resort.” My heart raced and I could barely catch my breath. “I don’t know the address. I’m not from here. I’m staying at the resort.”
“Okay, sir. So, you need police and ambulance. Is anyone hurt?” the male dispatcher asked calmly.
“One for sure. She’s unconscious.” I glanced at the other two vehicles directly involved in the accident. The one that hit her passenger’s side door was pretty banged up and holding his neck. He seemed dazed. The woman who had clipped the back left panel of Lauryn’s vehicle seemed to have similar injuries. Obviously, Lauryn had taken the brunt of it. “There are a couple of others who might need to be looked at.”
I carefully opened her door and squatted beside her. Lauryn was slumped toward me. “Her head is bleeding. There’s a huge knot forming where she hit the window.” I swallowed hard. “Lauryn, are you okay?” My voice cracked as I spoke.
“Is she breathing? Find a pulse for me,” the dispatcher directed.
“Okay.” My hand shook as I raised it to check for a pulse in her neck. “Yes. She has a pulse. Her breathing seems labored.” I wanted to touch her, to hold her. I wanted to yank her out of the car, but I knew better.
“Is the woman’s name Lauryn?” he asked.
“Yes. I know her. I love her.” I cleared my throat to hide my emotions. In the distance, I could hear sirens already. I blew out a breath.
“Don’t move her. You leave that to the EMTs. Got it?”
I nodded and swallowed hard. “I know. This is so hard.”
“I know it is. And I know you’re scared, but she’ll be all right,” he announced calmly.
“How do you know?” I was torn between wanting reassurance and wanting the truth.
“Tradd!” I heard DeSean shouting for me. I stood and weakly waved to him.
“I’m here for a wedding,” I mumbled. “I never thought I’d see her again. This is all my fault.”
“Were you in the accident?” The dispatcher sounded alarmed. “Sir?”
“No. Just her. She was running away from me. Again.” I groaned. I was saying this all wrong. I was going to come off as some crazy stalker.
The sirens were nearly on us now. Police had arrived and were managing the scene. Fla
res had been set up. A lane was cleared for the ambulances.
“We’re going to need you to step aside, sir,” an EMT with a backboard announced.
I nodded numbly. “They’re here.” Then I hung up without even thanking the man. Just what I needed. More guilt.
A police officer came over to me. “You witnessed the accident, sir?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Can you tell me what happened?” He frowned and I knew he was trying to place me as he started writing notes in his pad.
“Tradd. Tradd Becket.” I sighed. “Lauryn. That’s Lauryn. She was upset with me. She didn’t look well when she pulled out of the resort. This is all my fault.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“You can’t blame yourself, sir.” The officer tried to comfort me.
“Sure I can.” I shook my head sadly.
“She’s going to the hospital and they’ll take good care of her.” The officer glanced over my shoulder and I turned to see what had his attention.
DeSean was making his way toward me.
“My bodyguard,” I mumbled. “And friend.”
“Okay, I think I have everything I need.” The officer nodded and stepped away.
I stared sadly at the EMTs working on Lauryn. She was still unconscious. They had a neck brace on her and had strapped her to a back board. When I heard the helicopter above, I knew it was coming to take her to the hospital. “This is serious,” I murmured.
DeSean clapped my shoulder. “We’ll get through this, buddy. Lauryn is strong. She’s feisty. She’s gonna pull through.” Then he tugged on my arm. “Let’s go get my rental car. We can ride to the hospital.”
I nodded, then froze. “Our son. He’s with a sitter.”
His eyes widened, but to DeSean’s credit, he quickly recovered. “So we need to go get him, right?”
“I don’t know what to do.” I raked my hands down my face. “I shouldn’t have pushed her. I shouldn’t have upset her. I should’ve just left her alone.”
“You can’t beat yourself up over things you can’t change, Tradd. Stop it. Now we gonna focus on what we can do.” He sighed. “We gotta get your son from the sitter. You have an address?”
I shook my head at first, then stopped. “Wait.” I pulled the envelope out of my back pocket. Sure enough, there was an address on the front. “This? Maybe she lives here?” I gripped the birth certificate even more tightly. “Let’s go. Then straight to the hospital.”
A grim look on his face, DeSean muttered, “Let’s go.”
We rushed back to the hotel so he could let Tegyn know what was going on. She carried Zara out to the hall to speak with us. “I don’t want to wreck the reception. If anyone asks, I’ll put them off as long as possible.” She looked at me and laid a hand on my arm. “DeSean told me how much you loved this woman. Go be there for her if you want her back.”
I considered her words. “What if I’m not sure we should be together? Look at what I’ve done to her. A baby. A car accident….”
Tegyn glanced at DeSean. He shook his head. She met my gaze once more. “Fine. Then keep it casual. The way you handle this will set the tone for your future.” She tilted her head as she studied my face. “What are you more afraid of…losing her or being with her?”
Sucking in a deep breath, I stared at the envelope in my hands and shook my head. “I’m about fifty-fifty right now.”
“No you ain’t. When did you take up lying?” DeSean scowled at me. “You been a damn shadow of yourself since she left. You been a wreck worrying over her. Wanting her. Missing her. Now you trying to tell me you fine either way? Fuck that shit. Get in the car. I can’t even talk to you right now.” He pointed down the hall and I started to trudge away as he instructed.
Behind me, I could hear him talking to his wife and daughter. “I see Keyon’s out on the dance floor.” He chuckled. “Baby, I love you. I’ll be back soon. Night, sweet Zara. Daddy loves you.”
He was so different with his family. I didn’t know if I had that in me anymore, a soft side, a desire to be different. Maybe I was too set in my ways.
A moment later I heard hard footsteps behind me. Then the muttering started. “Doesn’t know if he wants the woman he spent ten months mourning. I could kick his ass from here to kingdom come, I’m so pissed.”
I paused and whipped around. “Do it. I deserve it.”
DeSean shook his head. “I ain’t letting you off that easy, Tradd. You been a star too long. You got your way far too much. Well, I’m a real friend. I ain’t afraid of being fired. I’ll still be in your face and in your life whether you pay me or not. Shoot, whether you like it or not, too.” He huffed. “You need people like me, just like you need Lauryn.” He jerked his thumb to the nearest exit. “This one. Car’s out there.”
We walked in silence. I didn’t know what to say. And I could feel DeSean seething. Not a lot of people had the nerve to get mad at me. He was right. I’d had my way for a long time. Lauryn had been my one true thing. She fought me as much as she could to do the right thing, make the best choices. She was my compass, my magnetic north. She had my heart and without a doubt, changed my life forever.
We hopped in the car. DeSean started it and glared over at me for a moment. “Let me see that envelope. I need to put the address in my GPS.”
I passed it to him and waited impatiently to for him to return the envelope to me.
After he did, he started driving. We had to take an alternative route to the house because of the accident. After we’d been driving for several minutes, he asked me a question. “So what happened? I saw you two go off.”
“She didn’t want to talk to me. I made her.” I sighed and stared out the window. “And then the minute we were alone again, it was like no time had passed. I was still as attracted to her as ever. Maybe more because I’d missed her for so long. I couldn’t control myself, but she couldn’t either. And that’s what made it so…amazing.”
“You…and Lauryn…” DeSean shook his head.
“How could she get pregnant and not tell me?” I groaned.
“Did you use protection a few minutes ago?” he asked angrily.
“No,” I pouted.
“Then I think we know how the pregnant happened.” He slammed a hand into the dash. “As for not telling you, well, I think we know the answer to that too.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Don’t you go glaring at me.” His brow shot up angrily. “Your career is first. Lauryn fit because she was your publicist. Now, what if she had other responsibilities, like being a mom? Do you think you’d have had time for her then? You so driven you can’t see it. The whole world revolves around you. With kids, it’s not like that. She had to choose, and your baby won. Lucky for you.”
“How is that lucky for me?” I threw my hands in the air.
DeSean turned into a housing development. Small, neat houses dotted the quiet street. Finally, he checked his GPS against the house numbers and pulled up to the curb beside a small pale yellow stucco design. I stared at it a moment, then looked at him for a signal we were done talking. When he opened his mouth, I knew we weren’t.
“I’ll tell you how. She made a choice. She stood up to you. And now you get to decide if you gonna man up or you gonna pussy out.” He pursed his lips and studied me a moment. “I saw Lauryn. We’re gonna pick up your son. We gonna go to the hospital. You gonna hear that she’ll be in there a while. She has a head injury, Tradd.” DeSean shook his head. “And you need to decide if you step in and care for your son while she can’t, or if you push him off and throw money at this problem while you get back to your busy little rock star thang.”
I averted my eyes. The way he talked about it made me hate my life and maybe myself. I stared at the windows to Lauryn’s house. The curtains were drawn. The lights shone through. My baby was in there somewhere. I had a son. I’d missed so much of his life already. I’d never gotten to enjoy Lauryn pregnant. N
ever had a chance to spoil her or pick names or even help her through labor. Now, I had an intense schedule. This was the last leg of the tour. I had a concert in Vegas in three days, then two in California over the next week. After that, I was supposed to take a short breather before I was back in the studio recording the next album. Where did Lauryn and Ripley fit in? Could they? I shook my head. DeSean was right. Throwing around some money would make my life a lot simpler.
4
Tradd
DeSean opened his door. “Let’s go. There’s no time to be wasted right now. We gotta get to that hospital.”
I nodded numbly as I slowly pushed open the car door and forced myself out onto the curb. “I shouldn’t be here. I should’ve left her alone. I should’ve….”
“Shut the fuck up before I pop you. You really pissing me off now. Go knock on that door, Tradd, before I lose my shit on you.” DeSean had walked around the car and positioned himself behind me. He gave me a shove in the middle of my back. I wanted to object, but I deserved it. I deserved to be popped. I deserved even more than that. I didn’t want to consider what would happen if Lauryn didn’t make it.
I froze halfway up the sidewalk to the door and whipped around frantically. “I’ll offer her extra to stay with the baby. We’ll…go to the hospital. Then….”
His finger was in my face, millimeters from my nose. “Did I not tell you to shut the fuck up?”
I started to open my mouth, but he silenced me with a glare.
“Not one damn word, boy. Not one.” He reached out and smoothed the shirt on my shoulders then grabbed my collar in both hands. “You’re going to knock on that door,” he muttered threateningly. “You’re going to explain the situation. Then you can stand there looking stupid while we pack up your son. And I don’t want to hear one complaint, one whimper, one regret the whole time.” He released my collar and stared me in the eyes. “You know why?”