by Thorn, Ava
“Hey, just because I don’t be with all that love conquerors all bullshit doesn’t mean I’m not attune with my feelings,” Hank tried to appear hurt by holding his heart he said. “Don’t ruin a good thing with Jasmine, she’s a good gal.”
“We’re all afraid that it won’t work or we can’t be with one person,” Hank continued.
Shane stopped listening to his cousin when he heard Jasmine’s melodic laughter coming from the down the street. He licked his lips as he watched her jogging as she managed to push the stroller.
“You got a fine gal,” Hank followed Shane gaze. “Appreciate what you have at home before it becomes what you had.”
***
Jasmine did a happy dance as she waltzed into Shane’s office. After a few weeks of putting in job applications, she finally had an interview for a teaching position in Dallas. Opening up the drawer, she pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down the directions and time of the interview, she was about to return the pen and closed the cabinet when something caught her eyes.
With shaky hands, she took the manila folder out the drawer. Running her fingers across the worn file with the name Sarah McBride written across the center and a red stamp that said confidential imprinted. Jasmine shook her head no and placed the file back in the cabinet and stood up.
There was something pulling her to read the contents in the folder. She hesitated for a moment before sitting back in the chair, opening the drawer and pulling out the file with many stains on it.
Jasmine finished reading the report on Sarah’s death. Dallas Police ruled her death a suicide. Sarah purposely veered off the road and plowed through the concrete barriers.
Running her fingers through her hair, Jasmine stood up quickly knocking the file to the floor sending papers flying everywhere. It felt like the walls were closing, rushing to place the paperwork into the file. Jasmine ran out the room and bump into something solid that send her crashing backward. She would have fallen to the floor if it weren't for the strong arms that held on to her.
“Where’s the fire darling?” Shane asked.
“I was just…” she stammered, and moved away from him.
“Just what?”
“Taking a phone call,” she said hesitantly. “I’m meeting Farrah for an early dinner and we’re going shopping at this baby boutique.”
“Are you alright?” Shane asked carefully, and Jasmine looked like she seen a ghost. “You don’t look well.”
Jasmine plastered on a fake smile and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m okay…I need to get Shay ready for our outing.” She stood up on her tippy toes and kissed Shane on the cheek before she disappeared down the hallway.
An hour later, Jasmine sat in front of Farrah at a small café. Her hands were still shaking from the information she found out today.
“Jasmine, what is wrong?” Farrah asked as she bit into her appetizer.
She looked down at the garden salad in front of her, her stomach growled but the hunger that Jasmine once had was ruin by the file she read before lunch. How could Shane keep such a big secret from her? “Nothing’s wrong.” She pushed around a cherry tomato with her fork.
Farrah lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It’s not like you not to eat.” She teased and reached across the table and touched Jasmine’s forehead like she was taking her temperature. “For weeks, you have been eating none stop.”
Jasmine ignored that comment and wiped her mouth with a napkin. Since Farrah arrived on McBride ranch the woman became a sister to her. “Did you know the last time I saw Sarah McBride was a few hours before she died in a car accident.”
“Hold that thought?” Farrah asked, as her phone started to ring.
“Okay,” Jasmine replied, picking a fussy Shay up from her stroller. She hummed a soft tune low enough for her daughter as she sat at the table, trying to banish Sarah from her thoughts. But it wasn’t easy for her to stop thinking about Sarah, Shane’s deceased wife. Sometimes in the dead of night when she was at her most vulnerable, she would dream of a woman who hated her.
Jasmine was too deep in her thoughts that she didn’t see a stranger sitting behind the table she sat at-glaring at her.
“Sir, may I take your order?” a hostess asked.
“I’ll just take a glass of water,” the man replied.
She stiffened instantly hearing the familiar voice that she tried to forget the night her car sustained a flat tire on the side of the road. Jasmine shook her head, and told herself that she was mistaken. She turned around slowly; she met a pair of familiar brown eyes.
Jasmine breathing became slightly labored, as the man observed her and winked at her before picking up his glass of water and saluting as he took a drink. Placing Shay back in her stroller, Jasmine tossed a few bills on the table to cover their lunch. She quickly stood up and pushed the stroller to the entrance, as she moved past him she heard his deep sinister laughter that caused goose bumps all over her.
“Jasmine? What is wrong?” Farrah rushed toward her with a worried look on her face.
Standing on the sidewalk, Jasmine looked back into the restaurant to see the man openly staring at her. “Nothing.” She looked back at Farrah. “I’m…just feeling slightly under the weather.”
Farrah's eyes traveled to where Jasmine was looking. “Let’s go.”
They were safely secured in Farrah’s car. Every once in a while Jasmine would look back to see if someone was following them. She couldn’t wait until they were behind the secure gates of McBride ranch.
“What’s wrong, Jasmine?” Farrah asked, looking at her with worry expression on her face. “You haven’t eaten anything and you abruptly left in the middle of lunch.”
“I think someone is stalking me.”
Looking out the window, she tapped her foot repeatedly. Her hands had just stop shaking the moment she spat the words out, though that didn’t necessarily stop the sweat that forming on her. Jasmine knew she could confide in Farrah.
“What!?” Farrah’s eyes became huge like silver dollars, she looked back for a quick second and glanced back at the road before looking at Jasmine. “You’re joking,” Farrah said in a short breath. She grinned nervously. “It’s all a joke, right?”
Jasmine turned her shameful gaze away from her friend. “No…I wish I were joking,” she answered. Sinking further into the passenger seat.
Her heart returned back to its normal heart rate. The memory of the night she was stranded on the side of the road resurfaced in a flashback.
“Jasmine?” Farrah said, and Jasmine slowly rose her gaze to her. “Your father is a former detective, not to mention your brother and significant other is the freaking law.”
Jasmine sniffled. She hadn’t realized she had started to cry, that was very rare of her.
“I know,” she choked out. “It’s so crazy because I never did anything to anyone!” she said, her voice rising as a result of desperation. “Maybe it’s all a coincidence.”
“I’m sorry, Jasmine…” Farrah consoled sympathetically. “But if you don’t tell Shane, I will, this is some dangerous shit to be handling on your own.”
“I-I don’t know…I…there is already a lot of stuff I haven’t told him,” she admitted.
“Being stalked and nearly assaulted overrides everything.”
She sat there for a minute struggling with the idea of telling Farrah the secret that was kept her walking on egg shells with Shane. “Two years ago, I was in grocery store shopping when I ran into Sarah McBride. She was this delusional woman who thought I was trying to steal Shane from her,” Jasmine said, over the soft sound of the ticking of the turn signal and the R&B music playing over the stereo.
“Were you?” Farrah asked.
“No,” she sighed rubbing her temples. “I was young and smitten with this sexy cop who happened to be my brother’s best friend. He didn’t mind me being around because I was his best friend’s baby sister. Yes, I pined for him but I knew that he would always be out of
my grasp.”
“Good,” Farrah said as she steered the car onto the highway. “I guess that Sarah knew about this crush.”
“Yeah! They came to my going away party for college. Sarah pulled me to the side and told me that I was an evil bitch who was interfering in her marriage. She was drinking that night so I brushed off the argument.”
“But…”
“When I went to college I made sure not to communicate with Shane during that time. We would always give a gift. For Christmas, he purchased me this pink Coach Leather tote that was personalized with my initials. For his birthday I had a cup made that said the ‘Number 1# Cop,’—”
“What did you buy him for Christmas?”
“Do you know the reason why Shane became a Texas Ranger?” Jasmine played with the watch on her wrist. “He loved old western movie actors from John Wayne, Butch Cassidy, and Clint Eastwood. On days that he didn’t work or when he was sick he spent his time looking for those old western movies to watch. So I bid on these classical western movies.”
“That’s a very personal gift.” Farrah mused as she continued drive down the stretch of highway.
“It wasn’t like everyone didn’t know he liked old western movies.”
“Jazzy, you knew the man wanted to be a Texas Ranger after he spent his childhood watching old western movies.” Farrah glanced over at her. “I bet he cherished those gifts you gave him.”
Jasmine furrowed her eyebrows at the words. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, his wife didn’t even purchase him a gift that sentimental.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes and let out a nervous laughter at Farrah’s words. “Well, after Christmas Sarah became this person I didn’t recognize. She picked fights with me. Called me late at night; telling me to stay away from Shane. Sarah and her sister, Savannah, drove three hours to Houston to accost me about my relationship with Shane. Needlessly to say, Sarah came to my college for a knockdown, drag outfight.”
“No, she didn’t,” Farrah gasped. “It makes sense now.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes. “Please enlighten me.”
“Well let’s see, there is this young pretty female giving my husband gifts and she had that dreamy look in her eyes when she looked at him…you’ll be surprised how a wife would look at another woman who is paying attention to their husband especially when there is a problem in their marriage,” Farrah said.
A shudder went down Jasmine’s spine. Were Shane and Sarah having problems? Is that why Sarah was so quick to argue with her. Did Sarah commit suicide because of her?
“Two years ago I saw Sarah before she died. She started spewing all this false information about me. Screaming how I was having sex with her husband. I tried to calm Sarah down but nothing I would say was working. Sandra lied to Sarah and told her that Shane and I were having an affair.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Farrah shouted.
“Yep, the next morning I woke up to being told that Sarah was in a car accident.” A single tear slid down her face. “When Sarah left the store, she was a mess, I should have gone with her…I should have talked to her, pleaded for her to believe me.”
“And do what? Get yourself killed.” Farrah sighed and shook her head. “You haven’t told Shane. You’re going to regret it if someone else besides you tells Shane about the night you had with Sarah.”
Jasmine nodded her head in agreement. It was easier said than done, she thought. She would regret it if someone told Shane before her, she knew that people had the ability to twist the truth. Shane wasn’t just her lover, father of her child but he was also her friend, no matter how difficult things were between them, Shane always was upfront and honest with her. He trusted her. She sighed. Sometimes she felt she didn’t deserve Shane.
“He is going to hate me,” she said.
“Shane is an upstanding guy, just have faith and tell him the truth,” Farrah said as she made the last turn onto McBride ranch.
Jasmine nodded her head in agreement. She knew it was time to tell Shane the truth, even if it would cause more damage in their already fragile relationship.
***
Later that night, Jasmine tossed and turned. When sleep finally came she bolted up from her bed, skin damp with sweat and panting from the nightmare she’d awoken from.
Jumping out her room, she ran to the crib to check on Shay, who was sleeping peacefully, she stood there for a minute watching her little tummy rise up and down. Picking up the baby monitor, she strolled down the hallway to Shane’s bedroom, slowly opening the door she peeked inside the room. For the life in her, she couldn’t think of the last time she had a bad dream. Jasmine wanted so desperately for Shane to hold her, to calm the nerves down. Tiptoeing into the room, she sat on the bed.
“What are you doing?” Shane asked in a voice filled with sleep.
“I…” She looked into his soft green eyes and immediately she was lost for words. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.
Shane sat up and scooted down on the bed until he was sitting next to her. “What’s wrong?”
“You’ve been honest with me, since day one and I owe you it to you to be honest.” Jasmine sat up and scooted down on the bed until she was sitting next to him.
“What’s wrong?” Shane reached out and touched her arm, which was comforting. “Are you okay? Why are you sweaty? Sweetheart, talk to me.”
“Night terror,” she replied, squeezing his hand. “Tonight I relived a nightmare. Something that happened years ago. No matter how I try to forget I cannot forget the past and the words that were said.”
“You don’t have to—” Shane started to say.
“No,” she interrupted. “I can’t continue to allow myself to love you without you knowing each and every flaw. I was told the other day that love is always the explanation, it’s the eraser that wipes the slate clean. I want you to think about that when I tell you what happened.”
“Come with me,” Shane said standing up, taking her by the hand and leading her to the kitchen. Sitting her down at the breakfast nook, he made himself busy by brewing coffee.
“Do you need any help?” she asked from her seat at the table.
“Nope, I’m going to make my famous coffee with a little something extra.” He looked back and smiled at her before going to the liquor cabinet. “Ha! Found the Kentucky bourbon whiskey.
He was finally happy and the news she was about to tell him was going to negate that. When the coffee was done, she watched as he poured bourbon and honey liqueur into a coffee mug, adding coffee and topping it off with whipped cream.
“Bottoms up,” he said, pushing the steamy mug toward Jasmine.
Pushing the steamy mug toward Jasmine he waited for her to take a sip.
“Mmm,” Jasmine moaned as she sipped her coffee. “This is perfect.”
Shane nodded his head in agreement with her. “Daddy taught me how to make it and one day when my son is the legal age limit I will pass down the recipe to him.”
Jasmine savored the unique flavor of the liqueur; it had the right touches that added a unique spiciness with a rich taste of honey. “I…talked to Sarah before she died.”
The glass mug was an inch away from Shane’s mouth, as he openly stared at her. “Can you repeat that?”
She spent the next ten minutes telling him about Sarah and how her attitude changed on the day she graduated from high school. She mentioned to him about the time Sarah and Savannah came to Texas Southern. Lastly, she came to Sarah’s final days on this earth.
As her story continued to unfold, his eyes became more and more narrow and by the time she finished he looked angry. “She died thinking that I had an affair with you!” he bellowed.
“It…”
“I don’t want to hear your stupid excuses!” He began to pace the kitchen.
“Look, you can hate me or even add it to the long list of things you hate about me.” Jasmine voice cracked as she stood up and walked out the kitchen but not before Shane gr
abbed her arm. “I’m telling you because I can’t stand to live in this house under false pretenses.”
“Love is an eraser, right?” he asked.
“We need a huge eraser to get over the fact that I caused Sarah’s death.” Shane looked at her with a shocked expression on his face. “I saw the accident file in the drawer,” she continued. “I needed pen and paper to write down the address for my interview.”
Shane cradled her face in his hands. “Sarah was sick. Don’t ever think you were the reason she killed herself. She suffered from bipolar disease and depression.”
As the tears streamed down her face, Shane was there to brush them away. In the back of her head, Jasmine thought about how selfish Sarah could be to end her life. As she listened to Shane talk about how every day was a battle for Sarah as she suffered from mental illness, she realized they were here left trying to make sense of the decision she made.
“I asked her for a divorce the day she killed herself….this is the first time I’ve said it aloud that Sarah killed herself.” He took a deep breath and backed up from her.
Silence greeted them, until Shay started to cry. Without another word to him, she walked back to her bedroom. She sat in bed breastfeeding in the dark, when she caught him standing in the doorway looking at her.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
“That love is one of those things that find you when you least expect it,” she replied.
“Every day I fall in love with you,” he said, coming into the room. Shane crawled into bed next to her. “I’m thinking how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe it’s all part of the plan.”
“What plan?” she asked softly.
“Resuscitating each other.” He paused and turned the light on by the nightstand. “We found a place to let our hearts collide.”
“Love hurts and it gets hard sometimes…but I know that it is the only thing that makes us stay alive.”
“It can heal.” He took her hand and brought it to his mouth. “I swear it will get easier.”
“Settle down with me,” his voice was like a whisper, as his eyes stared into her. “This is a feeling I don’t want forget…this is what it means to be in love with someone.”