by Elle Spencer
“I see. So, why did you give her that watch, then?”
“It was a consolation gift, I guess. Thanks for putting up with me for so long, sort of thing. I don’t know…it just felt like the right thing to do. How did you know?”
“Flowers, apologies, cats…it was awkward. We don’t really need to talk about it, do we?”
“No. We don’t. It was good seeing you again, Jordan. Don’t be a stranger.”
Everyone turned to the next page in the script and the assistant director said, “Selena walks away, and when she’s almost at the door, Jordan yells to her and catches up.”
“Selena! Since you don’t work for me anymore, maybe we could start over…do this the right way?” Quinn looked up again, but Lacey was still keeping her head down.
“Are you asking me out, Ms. Ellis?”
“Don’t make me say the actual words, Selena. You know I hate to beg.”
“Then we have Jordan walking away, and Selena says…”
“Thank you, Jordan…for finally figuring out why I quit. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Any changes?” the head writer asked, looking around the room. He didn’t get a reply, so he tossed his copy of the script on the table. “Excellent! We’re good to go.”
Lacey collected her things and stood up. Quinn did the same. She wanted to follow Lacey and get a final confirmation that she’d be at her house for dinner, but something stopped her. She stood there, at the table, waiting for everyone to clear the room. When they had all left, she grabbed onto the table with one hand as the realization gripped her again. There would be no second chances for her. Lacey was done. Quinn had seen it in her eyes during the table read – the emptiness. There was no love left for Quinn in them. It was over. God, it was really over.
“Quinn?”
Quinn stilled and then turned around.
“Are you coming?”
She nodded at Lacey. “Yeah.” She tried to suck up her emotions as she grabbed her purse and stuffed the script into it. She stilled again when she felt Lacey right behind her.
“They’re out there, Brax and Amy,” Lacey said, her voice low and close. Quinn felt goosebumps form on her neck. “I thought it would be best if we walked out together.”
“Of course.” So that’s the only reason Lacey had come back for her? It was okay. It would be okay, Quinn told herself. All was not lost. They’d still be working together for a while. When all was said and done, they’d still be friends.
They would, right?
She looked up and met Lacey’s gaze. She wanted to grab her around the waist and rest her head on Lacey’s chest while she begged for forgiveness. She wanted to convince Lacey that she wasn’t Dani – she was better than Dani, even though her actions said otherwise. But those eyes were still empty – still void of the love they once held.
Quinn followed Lacey out of the room. Amy spotted them and waved as she jogged over. “We missed you!” she said as she wrapped her arms around Lacey’s shoulders. She held on tight for a few seconds and then released her. “You look amazing. What’s different?”
“I didn’t look amazing before?” Lacey joked. “And I missed you too, Amy. You’re good for my ego.”
Amy narrowed her eyes as she stepped back. “You put little highlights in your hair. It’s gorgeous, the way they frame your face.”
Lacey shrugged. “Thought I’d try something new.”
“And those jeans…” Amy wagged her finger up and down Lacey’s body. “So sexy.”
“Okay, Amy.” Quinn gestured with her head toward Braxton.
Braxton grinned. “No, she’s right, sis. Your girlfriend is smokin’.”
Quinn wanted to take a step closer and wrap her arm around Lacey’s waist, claiming her. But, Amy knew the truth, even if Braxton didn’t. She felt embarrassed, putting on a show for them. And then, she felt an arm wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. “Just trying to keep up with my superstar girlfriend,” Lacey said with a smile. The smile was for Amy and Braxton. She didn’t look at Quinn. And then, she did. “See you later, babe?”
The “babe” nickname. Quinn knew it wasn’t real when she’d said it, and she knew it even more so when Lacey said it. But at least it was preceded by something good. “Yeah. See you tonight.” She leaned in for a kiss and Lacey gave her a cheek. It was better than nothing.
***
Amy poured a glass of wine and handed it to Quinn. “Take this to your girlfriend.” She motioned with her head toward the sliding glass door.
“She’s not my…”
“God, Quinn.” Amy pushed her toward the door. “She never will be unless you try.”
“She’s done. Can’t you see it? The way she looks at me…all dead-eyed?”
“It’s not dead, silly. It’s sad. She looks at you with sad eyes. Because she lost you too, ya know.”
They’d sat at opposite ends of the table during dinner. To everyone else, it probably looked like two heads of the household entertaining their guests appropriately, but Quinn knew better. Lacey had purposely chosen the seat furthest away from her. Every time their eyes met, Lacey would look away, finding a sudden interest in the painting on the wall or her own hands.
Quinn got through dinner pretending they’d had a big fight before their guests had arrived, but they’d work it out later, in bed. It was the only way she could sit there and not tear up the stairs to her bedroom in a fit of tears.
The pretending helped, but it also broke her heart, because how perfect would it be if it were true, that her wife might be a little bit miffed at her for inviting people over without any notice, but she was still her wife, and she’d still be there in the morning.
Quinn stepped outside, two glasses of wine in hand. She glanced back at Amy and got a finger pointed at Lacey. “Fine,” she whispered. Quinn watched as Amy folded her arms and smiled, looking all proud of herself. Damn assistant, assisting where she shouldn’t be.
She gulped down some wine from her glass and slowly made her way over to Lacey. “I thought you might like another glass, since you took a cab here tonight.” There was a slight breeze blowing through Lacey’s hair. She looked absolutely stunning standing there in the dimming light. She looked like summertime in her white linen pants, blue gauze blouse and flat sandals. Quinn’s mind immediately went back to Napa – Lacey trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Quinn loved her for real. God, how could she have let it all go so wrong? How could this gorgeous woman not still be hers?
Lacey took the glass and turned back toward the setting sun. “I forgot how much I loved this – watching the sunset.”
“I always knew where to find you at dusk.” Quinn stood next to Lacey, leaving a little bit of breathing room between them. “Thanks for showing up again. I can’t thank you enough for making me look like a decent person to my brother.”
Lacey took a sip of wine and cradled the glass on her folded arms. “He’s a nice kid, your brother.”
“Yeah, he is.” Quinn glanced over at Braxton who was sitting on a lounge chair, chatting with Amy’s husband. “He said if I hadn’t gotten in touch with them, he would’ve sought me out when he moved to L.A.”
“And your father? How did that go?”
“Eh,” Quinn said with a shrug. “It went okay. It wasn’t easy, seeing him again.”
“I’m proud of you.” Lacey turned around, facing the house. “This place was a mausoleum when I moved in, and now you’re having cast parties…dinner parties…”
“You heard about the cast party?” Quinn shook her head as she giggled. “God, this place was a mess. Blood on the patio, food everywhere…”
Lacey raised an eyebrow. “Blood?”
“J.J.’s eight-year-old slugged Laura’s ten-year-old right on the nose. Got his little ass grounded for most of the time you were gone. It was ugly for a while, but we all pushed through it and came out the other side better people. Mostly me – I’m a better person now,” Quinn quipped. “That corn cob that�
�s been stuck up my ass is a little looser now.”
Lacey giggled. “Good to know.”
“Vera cleaned up the blood, but not before I put crime scene tape around it.” Quinn glanced at Lacey. Yeah, she was surprised to hear Vera’s name. It made Quinn smile. “We’re tight now, me and Vera. She made the salsa that everyone devoured tonight.”
Lacey took another sip of wine while she eyed Quinn, appearing to give her the once over to see if she could be trusted.
“So, how about you, Lace? How did it go in New York, with your dad’s apartment?”
“It seems we both took each other’s advice.”
“You’re keeping the apartment.” It wasn’t a question. More of a statement of satisfaction that Lacey had taken Quinn’s advice to heart.
“I am. For now, at least. I’m selling my place as soon as the renters’ lease is up. It’s even smaller than my dad’s, so I won’t really miss it.”
“So, you’re really moving out here?” Quinn asked, hopefully.
“My job is here. And my agent is getting movie scripts for me now…so one way or another, I hope to keep working in L.A.” Lacey turned back around toward the ocean. “Then I won’t have to give up this,” she said, lifting her glass to the sunset.
They were both quiet for a moment as they sipped their wine and enjoyed the view. “I should get the rest of my things.” Lacey said, breaking the silence.
“They’re in the guesthouse, right where you left them. And the Range Rover is yours, Lace. Please take it.”
“Brax isn’t staying in the guesthouse?”
“That’s your space,” Quinn said, perplexed by the question. “He’s staying in the house with me.” She took a breath and the words almost spilled out of her mouth. I love you, don’t you know that? “It’s just like you left it. I mean, I slept in your bed a few times…” More than a few. Quinn felt Lacey’s eyes on her. She couldn’t meet her gaze. Not with guests here to witness a total breakdown.
“Quinn…”
The tone in Lacey’s voice was one of annoyance. She obviously didn’t want to have this conversation in front of guests anymore than Quinn did. Or probably at all. She was done. Why couldn’t Quinn get that through her head? “It’s okay. I know it’s over.” Quinn covered her mouth with her hand to keep her lip from quivering. “Thank you for coming tonight.” She ran into the house, leaving Lacey standing there.
***
Lacey helped Amy clean up the kitchen. Surprisingly, Amy didn’t ask why Quinn had gone to her room and not come back out. She’d just quietly helped and then hugged Lacey goodbye when she left with her husband.
During dinner, Lacey had noticed that Amy and Quinn seemed closer now. They’d caught her up on the latest storylines happening on Light of Day, almost as if they’d watched the soap together. And Amy knew exactly where everything was in the kitchen, which wasn’t how it used to be. She’d hardly spent any time in Quinn’s house before Lacey had arrived.
Things were different, and that was a good thing, Lacey supposed.
She got a bottle of water out of the fridge and leaned against the counter. Needing to hydrate so she wouldn’t have a headache in the morning with all the wine she’d consumed before, during and after dinner, she took a long swallow.
Braxton was still outside on a lounge chair with earbuds in his ears, jamming away to his music. Lacey set the half empty bottle on the counter and went back out there. He quickly pulled the earbuds out. “Do you need help with anything?”
“No,” Lacey said. “I just need to get a few things out of the guesthouse.”
“Sure…um…do you think it would be okay if I had another beer? I only had one at dinner.”
Lacey thought it was sweet he would even ask, so she gave him a nod, even though it wasn’t really her decision. “Just one more.” She turned and stared at the guesthouse, wondering why her feet had stopped working. She should go out there and collect her things. This new version of Quinn would most likely invite more guests to stay with her. And very soon, the charade would be over, which meant Margaret would probably show up to comfort her daughter after her break-up, whether Quinn liked it or not. Lacey liked Margaret. Yeah, she could be a little pushy, but her heart was in the right place, and there was no question she loved Quinn very much.
Lacey should go get her things. She should definitely not go back into the main house. And yet, she turned and went inside. She stood at the bottom of the stairs knowing what she should do. It did not include staring at the stairs, wondering how many times she’d climbed them to get to Quinn. To take care of her. Love her, even when she wasn’t supposed to. Sneak little peeks at her gorgeous body. Lust after her, if truth be told.
Stop, Lacey. Stop while you still can. You’ve been so strong. Just go back to that hotel room and drink away the pain.
Two steps.
Braxton is here. What if you say the wrong thing and Quinn yells at you? What will that poor kid think? He won’t think anything. He’s drinking a beer and listening to music.
Two more steps.
God, Lacey. How many times are you going to give yourself to someone who throws you to the curb whenever the mood strikes them? HOW MANY TIMES?
Good, you’ve stopped halfway. Now, turn around and collect your things and leave. Just leave. You’ll see her tomorrow at work. You’ll make more small talk. Everything will be fine. Better than fine. You have a good job. You’ll find a nice place to live. And as soon as Quinn gets the fucking balls to officially break up with her fake girlfriend, you can start dating. There are a ton of beautiful women in this town. Go and date them!
Well, if you can’t go down the stairs, at least sit down. Good. Take a breath. Breathe, Lace. In and out. Now, go back downstairs….
“Lace?”
Too late. Lacey squeezed her eyes shut. Shit, she should’ve gotten out of there while she had the chance. “Yes, Quinn?”
“Where’s Brax?”
Lacey glanced over at Quinn as she sat down next to her. She looked like hell, with her mascara stained eyes and messy hair. “He’s outside. I hope it’s okay, he asked if he could have another beer and I said yes.”
Quinn shrugged.
“Have you seen Ginny Strong?” Lacey cringed inside, her jealousy of that woman, rearing its ugly head and barreling out of her mouth at exactly the wrong time.
“You were right about her,” Quinn said, dejectedly. “She’s dating someone half her age and twice as tall. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.” She scrubbed her face with her hands. “Thanks for warning me about her. I didn’t want to believe it at the time, but I’m glad I didn’t go there.” She got up and started down the stairs. “I need a drink. Want one?”
“No. I’m good.” Lacey stayed where she was, sitting on the step.
“Suit yourself.” Quinn got to the bottom of the stairs and turned back around. “Did you need something?”
“No,” Lacey said, her eyes meeting Quinn’s. God, she looked broken. Did I do that to her? No. She did that to you, remember?
“Okay. It just looked like maybe you were headed upstairs.”
Lacey shook her head. “No.” A damn lie. And not even a good one.
Quinn nodded and went into the kitchen. Lacey listened as Quinn took a glass out of the cupboard and poured herself what Lacey assumed was a glass of whiskey – because she heard the ice cubes hit the glass – two of them. Quinn rarely drank anything hard, but when she did, it was Jack poured over two ice cubes. Lacey laughed the first time she’d seen it. “It’s like drinking in college,” she’d said. She never could figure out how Quinn could have such expensive taste in wine and still buy cheap liquor.
Get up. Get your stuff and get the hell out of here. She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. This isn’t your home. Never was.
“But it feels like home.” Lacey mouthed the words. The huge lump in her throat was preventing her voice from working. “Quinn?” She whispered the name, testing it out. Sh
e licked her dry lips, swallowed hard, and tried again. “Quinn?”
Quinn appeared at the bottom of the steps, looking every bit the hot mess with streaked makeup and a tumbler of whiskey held loosely in her right hand. “Yeah?” She replied with so little feeling in her voice Lacey was sure she’d completely given up hope. There was no joy in her “yeah.” No dream of a future. She almost seemed bothered that Lacey had even said her name. She stood there, looking up the stairs at Lacey, waiting for something to come out of her mouth. When it didn’t, Quinn’s gaze dropped to the floor.
“I was just thinking…” Lacey covered her mouth with her hands. Was she really going to do this? She waited for Quinn to lift her gaze again. “I was just thinking that since I don’t work for you anymore…” a ray of hope flashed across Quinn’s face. The tumbler hit against her thigh, causing the ice to hit the side of the glass, filling the silence. “…maybe we could start over,” Lacey whispered, barely able to get the words out. “Do this right,” she said, a little louder.
Quinn set the glass down on the first step and put one foot on that same step. She grabbed hold of the bannister, looking determined to climb, but staying where she was. “Are you asking me on a date, Ms. Matthews?” she asked, repeating the line from the script.
“Don’t make me say words,” Lacey said through her tears. She couldn’t hold them back, now. She wiped them away, but they just kept falling. “God, I’m so scared.”
“Lace.” Quinn climbed a few steps and knelt down in front of Lacey, taking hold of her shaking hands.
“I can’t make myself leave. Why can’t I leave?” Lacey’s chest was heaving as she gasped for air.
Quinn sat next to Lacey and pulled her into her arms. “Because you belong here, honey.” She kissed Lacey’s head and whispered, “You belong here with me. We’ll figure it out. We’ll work it out. Just stay, Lace. Just stay.”
Lacey cried in Quinn’s arms on that step. Then, she cried some more in Quinn’s bed, the pain finally coming out in a way Lacey hadn’t let it before. She’d needed Quinn there, to take it from her and fill the void with something else – her love.