Wizards on a Rampage: A Tale of Two Realms (Mayr Stories Book 1)

by Lee Walsh

  “Welcome to the club, Wanda,” I said with a welcoming smile.

  “But I won't be left out of the stories IF we survive this, will I?” Wanda said.

  “No, Wanda,” replied Eric. “Us men will make sure that you are at least mentioned in the acknowledgements.”

  Wanda gave Eric a look which would have killed if looks were capable of such activities. During my time of knowing Wanda, I do believe that there would have only been Wanda remaining had that been the case.

  Our army was strong and we made our way back to the forest. Ark-Gaiu was exactly a one-week-walk away from Old Winston's cottage – we had a long journey ahead of us but at least Billy had his entertainment.

  +

  11

  TROUBLE'S A HEAD

  The mass, wizard and witch-led rebellion had started. The journey they were to embark on was one filled with trepidation and danger but they were willing to fight back the very idea that certain death awaited them.

  “Good, I like it,” said Percy nodding his head in approval. The group's leader was a devilish man with dark desires and deeds that were to be darker still.

  “You're doing it again,” said Percy.

  +

  OUR JOURNEY THROUGH Mayr to reach Ark-Gaiu started well. We camped around a fire on the first night and sang old folk songs – as one should when around a campfire on a quest, after calming Old Winston down from his fear of nocturnal beings; sorry, badgers. The campfire was that of Old Winston's old cottage – now razed-to-the-ground which was a night wasted and we had made no progress but we had a long journey ahead of us and needed as much rest as we could get beforehand.

  The gnomes and Billy were getting along fine and Billy actually brought a smile to the faces of the gnomes. I don't think these little men had smiled since their evolution into ceramic and now they were also as happy as Larry.

  The rest of us spoke of the human realm and all the splendour it held in its hands which the humans failed to notice and the constraints forced upon us by the powers in the realm of Mayr. Nobody had dared challenge the elves since The Great War but now it was in our destiny. It was too late to go home. People in Ecklewood were beginning to talk about a gang of wizards calling themselves 'The Wizards on a Rampage'. Our name was becoming quite famous at this point but the fame was infamy and, if caught, we'd most certainly be sentenced to live the lives of non-magical humans – even though we'd never killed any other magical being, but that Agatha Pietta would have done anything to get a pay rise.

  Trust is often overrated but each one of us had a reason to not trust the others so we decided on a pact. An ancient blood pact which hadn't been used for centuries. The four of us drew blood from each other's fingers and put into a goblet of the finest red wine. Toasting the spirits of ancient dwarves and wizards alike and agreeing to defend one another to the end. We were in this together and nobody had any objections.

  The gnomes didn't need to agree, partly because they couldn't speak but also because they trusted nobody other than themselves and Billy. Billy had promised to defend as he would defend himself.

  Our party picked up in the morning, put the fire out and set foot on our journey in no time. Taking in the fresh air Mayr mixed in with the smell of the cinders of ashes that were once Winston's shack. The journey was long and the scenery was nothing but rolling hills, a plethora of forests and weird and wonderful plants and flowers that most of us had never seen before.

  After many hours on foot, we sat to have something to eat.

  “What food you got?” Billy asked Brownbeard.

  “Food? Who needs food?” replied Brownbeard.

  “Have you got something to eat, Percy?” a hungry Billy asked.

  “Nope, Winston?” I answered.

  “I could do with some,” Winston replied rubbing his stomach.

  “Me too,” I said.

  “Me three,” affirmed Billy.

  “Can men not arrange anything correctly?” Wanda questioned. “We're on the quest of our lives and not a single one of you has brought food?”

  “Have you?” I asked Wanda.

  “Well, no,” she answered. “But I'm just a fair lady waiting to be rescued from her tower, contradicting men's opinions is thought of as overstepping the mark.”

  I would like to tell you I thought of a witty and smart remark to come back with but the truth is I couldn't. Never argue with a woman like Wanda.

  +

  “Let's split up and find some food,” Eric suggested after a few more hours of walking. “I think we can all agree that we are all hungry.”

  “I'm not,” replied Brownbeard with a smug grin on his face. As much as Dwarves were fond of food, very fond in fact, everyone knew that dwarves didn't need to eat. They were able to survive long periods, decades even without a single bite to eat. Some say it's because of their wanton need for battle. Battle was in their veins and pumped through them like any other food. Battle quenched their thirst and stemmed their hunger.

  “Agreed,” Winston said pointing to a large rock. “We'll meet back here in an hour.”

  “Billy, you better come with me,” I said. I didn't want to leave Billy to find some food on his own. Most of the plants and flowers in Mayr were toxic and one bite would surely kill anyone instantly. Billy was Billy and no doubt would have eaten one of those if left to his own devices.

  We all went our separate ways in the hope of finding something, anything.

  “What's going on, Percy?” asked Billy as the two of us rummaged through some thick plant life.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Well, I know this might sound stupid, but I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing out here. Can't we go home now?” he asked.

  “A quest,” I replied. “We're The Wizards on a Rampage and we're on a quest for a better life, Billy.”

  I could see the cogs working in Billy's brain as he pondered this and wondered how he ended up caught up in all this. I was beginning to wonder how the same had happened to me.

  After several minutes of little success, a scream came from another part of the forest and the birds flocked away from the scream. It was Wanda. Billy and I picked everything up and ran as fast as we could towards the nightmarish scream.

  We found Wanda and ran up to her to see what was wrong. She stood there with her hands over her mouth and with a very pale look, tears ran down her face. This woman had found something which most certainly wouldn't have tasted very nice. I clambered over some fallen tree logs to get closer to her and she pointed towards a bush. Big and bright and green. I look puzzled as to how a bush could have scared someone so intensely but Wanda diverted my attention to what was under the bush.

  I pulled back some branches to take a look. I fell back at the sight in shock. The head of Melody Rangalf, Wanda's sister, lay on the floor amongst the bushes. A head which had been decapitated cleanly and effortlessly.

  I stood up and stepped back, wrapping my arms around Wanda and turning her away from the ghastly sight. For all the trouble Melody had caused, her punishment was as severe as one could have ever imagined. Looking back at the severed head, I could see the fear in the frozen eyes. Whatever had caught up with Melody had most certainly put the fear of life into her.

  The others must have heard the scream and came rushing to us as I escorted Wanda away from the terrible scene. I could think of a million reasons as to why someone would have done this but Melody was a fighter when she was alive, she would not have gone down without a fight.

  +

  The Wizards on a Rampage were in solemn moods that evening. I comforted Wanda as best I could but her tears were streaming down her face for most of the day. By the evening, her tears had dried up but she had said nothing to anyone. She just sat staring into the campfire Eric had started. Nobody said anything to Wanda.

  Brownbeard offered the group a flower named Tillifelt. An edible flower that filled you up for a full day without fail. It had all the vitamins the body needed bu
t Wanda's body needed more than vitamins. She rejected the food despite my attempts at convincing her.

  “Give me the absinthe,” were Wanda's first words as the sun set on Mayr.

  “Are you sure that's a good idea?” Brownbeard asked.

  “Just give me the damn bottle,” Wanda commanded, striking fear into the eyes of Brownbeard for the first time.

  “I'm going to avenge my sister's death,” she said taking a drink of the absinthe quickly followed by another, and another, and another. Wanda could have most certainly drunk any one of us under the table.

  The rest of the night went by without a single word being said. We all knew what everyone else thought. No words were needed.

  Wanda and I remained awake as the others got their heads down for the night. Taking turns drinking the absinthe before the bottle was empty. She told me of the stories of her and her sister's youth together and of how close they'd become lately until the problems with John Pietta. Those problems could be overlooked though, she was still her sister. Wanda fell asleep in my arms that night with her head on my lap as I stroked her hair behind her ears. She repeated how she was going to avenge her sister's death in the most brutal way. She didn't know who had done it but she didn't care. She was going to avenge it somehow and the person who'd done it was going to meet a woman scorned with a crazed look in her eyes.

  +

  As the sun rose, shining its glorious light on Mayr at exactly five o'clock in the morning, our group woke up with sore heads from the absinthe. Billy's bloodshot and drained eyes looked as though he wished it was he had that had been removed.

  “I wish it was my head on the ground,” he stupidly said out loud.

  Thankfully, Wanda didn't hear him but if she had done, he'd have been killed in an instant. Wanda looked like a woman whose fury and anger bubbled to a point of eruption. Mostly from the absinthe but possibly also regarding the previous day's find.

  “Right, let's do this,” said Wanda in her most affirmative voice.

  “Do what?” Eric asked.

  “Give my sister a burial,” Wanda replied.

  “No need,” said Winston. “I can do better than that.”

  Winston pulled out another bottle. A smaller one than the others but he looked happy that he still had it. The bottle was no bigger than a test tube but he promised this particular potion would make things better again – at least temporarily.

  He handed the bottle to Wanda., “take this.”

  “What is it?” Wanda asked, holding the bottle up to peer inside.

  “This, my dear, is a bottle of the finest elixir. Not only will it prolong life but it is also capable of restoring life for a brief period.”

  “Restoring life? Into a head?” Eric asked.

  “Absolutely,” replied Winston. “There might be no body but the brain is still there and we can find out who did it to your sister, Wanda.”

  Wanda stared into the bottle blankly not knowing if Winston was as crazy as he first appeared or was indeed a mad scientist who happened to be a genius.

  “It will only work for a few days,” affirmed Winston. “But it will work.”

  “A few days is more than I had before,” answered a saddened Wanda.

  Brownbeard had picked the head up the day before with the intention of burying it. He pulled the head out of the bag and placed it on a rock as the rest of us stood and watched as Wanda approached the head with the bottle in her hand.

  “Just pour it over, my dear,” Winston instructed. “Just a few drops... just a few drops... just a....”

  Wanda poured the entire bottle over the dead head before backing off from the smoke and glitter that filled the air.

  “Has it worked?” asked Billy.

  The head began to cough.

  “I guess that gives you the answer,” said Eric, looking on in sheer amazement.

  Wanda approached the head of her sister with caution, not knowing what magical force was in play here. Winston stood and watched with a smile on his face. His eyes didn't match the smile, you could see regret in those. All it would have taken was a few drops but Wanda hadn't listened.

  “Melody,” said Wanda tearfully. “What happened to you?”

  After a few more minutes of coughing, “hey sis,” the head said. “What do you mean what happened to me? I'm fine.”

  “Give her a couple of minutes,” Winston whispered to Wanda. “She'll soon realise.”

  “What are you all looking at?” asked Melody in a confused voice.

  The rest of us couldn't help but gawp at the sight of a talking head just sitting – can you say sitting? – there on a rock in the middle of the forest. This was some kind of unknown magic we'd never seen before. Winston was still happily smiling to himself.

  “Well, if you're not going to speak,” said Melody. “I'm out of here.”

  “Mel,” said Wanda. “You're a head.”

  “Ahead of whom?” Melody asked.

  “No, a-head,” Wanda replied. “You're just a head, someone cut your head off.”

  Melody chuckled nervously, “you're such a silly sist... oh...”

  “Yep,” said Winston. “Someone cut your head off, one of my potions brought you back to life and we'd like to know who did this to you.”

  Melody attempted to look down at her non-existent body and her head rolled forward a touch. That was the moment Melody realised she was a no-body. Her first reaction was to scream and panic, her second reaction was to cry. As she attempted to look down at her non-existent body, her head began to roll down the face of the rock a little more and reached the edge. Wanda managed to catch the head before it fell to the ground.

  “Look, sis,” said Wanda. “We've had our differences in the years but you didn't deserve this. You might have betrayed me for John Pietta but you're still my sister.”

  “I didn't mean to, I swear,” claimed Melody.

  “It doesn't matter now. Who did this to you?” asked Wanda.

  “John,” replied Melody. “I couldn't face the others knowing what I'd done and left them in the hot air balloon from Hanging Gardens. I went back to the human realm for some solitude but when I got there, I found the fairy who helped us and John going at it like rabbits. I lost my temper and jumped back through the hole with the hope of managing it through before the hole closed. Unfortunately, my body didn't make it because John grabbed my feet.”

  “How exactly does a wiz...” I stopped myself.

  “You'd better not ask,” Melody replied. “It's not a pretty sight. He'll not mess with me again though.” she declared.

  I looked at Wanda, she looked back and nodded. “For sure,” I replied. “He'll definitely not mess with you again.”

  Melody updated us all on the situation and Wanda insisted she forgave her sister for everything and understood why her sister had done the things she had.

  We all sat there eating Tillifelt before setting off in the direction of Ark-Gaiu once again, this time with a head being carried by its owner's sister.

  +

  12

  A BIZARRE EVENT

  The criminal-turned-adventurer set off to the ancient city of Ark-Gaiu with fellow adventurers. Each adventurer had their own reasons to be a part of this gathering. Everyone knew their task.

  A most dangerous and deadly mission awaited them. Destiny had placed into the hands of these great warriors a mighty quest which would surely end in nothing other than death. Some would perish, others would succeed; all would be remembered.

  “Much better,” Percy smiled.

  +

  WE WERE MAKING good progress on our journey through the forests of Mayr towards the elven city of Ark-Gaiu when my mobile phone rang. The number showed up as The Bank of Wizardry.

  “Great,” I said. “This is all I need right now.”

  “Who is it?” asked Wanda.

  “Englebert, my boss,” I said.

  “Answer it then,” Eric said. “That ringtone is terrible.”

  The rington
e I had was a theme tune from a television show popular in the human realm from the 1980s. I liked the tune, it was catchy, everyone else grumbled whenever they heard it.

  “Yes, boss,” I answered putting the phone to my ear and then carefully removing the phone from my ear to a safe distance. Everyone could hear what he was saying and I didn't want to become deaf from the shouting.

  “I suppose you're away with your rampaging friends again?” he said in the angriest high-pitched voice you ever heard.

  “I'm getting quite sick of this, Sunsword,” he continued. “I know what you and your friends are doing and I'm going to get into a lot of trouble because I know about it all. Everyone knows about it...”

  I didn't know much about what he said. I simply placed the phone in the pocket on the inside of my robe and left it on so he could continue ranting away until he either fainted through a lack of oxygen or put the phone down himself. I didn't care too much.

  Our party had many reasons to be on the quest and Englebert was the least of my worries at that present time.

  Wanda Rangalf; a witch who wanted revenge on John Pietta and to avenge the death-not-death of her sister whose head she carried.

  Eric Grindstone; an anarchist wizard with many stories to tell who had been campaigning without success to bring the elven empire down once and for all.

  Old Winston; a rebel alchemist who'd tried and failed to take down the elves and was sentenced to work for them to make their elixir of life who had nowhere else to go.

  Brownbeard; a dwarf who wanted to free his home town of Raggar from the elves and a good fight was a nice bonus.

  Fifteen gnomes with a lifetime spent in ceramic form wanting their kingdom back.

  Me; a wizard who thought the price of beer in Ecklewood was simply too high and someone had to babysit Billy who was there for the ride.

  +

  We walked through the forest and ate nothing but Tillifelt. We'd made steady progress through Mayr and were close to the quarter-point on our journey to Ark-Gaiu when we came across something that nobody had seen for hundreds of years - woodfolk.