Breck

by Brynn Hale

  But I’m so tired of feeling that way in my personal life.

  Breck’s older brother, Cole, and I bonded when we went to 4-H camp when he was ten years old and I was just under nine. He found me crying, homesickness taking all my enjoyment out of what should’ve been a getaway from what truly made me feel even worse. He told me that he’d be my friend forever…

  And he has.

  I slide to a stop on the front porch. The wooden Adirondack rocking chairs whip back and forth as gusts of wind bite the late evening air.

  “Breck, I think I should get going.”

  He turns on the stairs. With the difference between the levels, we’re almost exactly the same height.

  “Okay. Tilly, will you go to the Snow Ball with me?” he asks and my stomach drops.

  That stupid dance looms, but this isn’t how I expected the evening to end.

  I cross my arms as the wind catches the edges of my coat.

  “Are you cold?” he asks.

  “Little…”

  He reaches out and grabs the lapels of the coat, pulling me to him, using his body as a wind break. “There. Better?”

  “I really don’t know.” I lean forward, allowing my body to press into his. Even with his thick brown Carhartt jacket, I can feel how hard his chest is.

  “What don’t you know?”

  I swallow. “Lots of things. One, will Cole be okay with this? Two, do I want to put on a ridiculous dress, uncomfortable heels, and do my hair to go to that stupid dance? And lastly, I’m wondering if you’re looking for one night or all the nights, Breck?”

  He slips a warm hand behind my neck. “First, Cole will care if I hurt you and I promise, Tilly, I have absolutely no plans or intentions of doing that and I’m the one who will end up with the broken nose, if something happens. Second, you can wear whatever you want, sweetheart. You don’t want to wear a dress, then don’t. Wear pants. Wear a unicorn costume. Wear nothing at all. Wait, don’t do that. I don’t want any man seeing the beauty that I haven’t yet seen.”

  Beauty? My stomach rides a rollercoaster.

  His hand tugged on my neck and I balanced my forehead to his.

  He continues, “I’d still love to have you on my arm. And lastly, since this is the first night in a long time that I haven’t felt lonely. If you stayed from this night on, I’d be the happiest fucking man on the earth. Hell, they’d have to use a bomb to wipe the smile off of my face.”

  I suck in a stunned breath. “Breck…”

  He claims my lips and I brace against him.

  He’s patient and undemanding. Like he doesn’t want to scare me. But it’s too late.

  I’m petrified.

  BRECK

  She’s down the steps and tearing out of the driveway before I can realize what just happened. My brain stuck trying to figure out that kiss.

  It took her a moment, and she pressed her lips to mine harder. But she didn’t move. She was like a statue. My brain finally finds a gear.

  Virgin…

  I wonder if Cole knows and now, I wonder if he’ll actually be okay with this. He’s really protective of her. I’m not sure why, but he has some sort of brotherly vibe when it comes to her.

  I don’t always—or ever—consider my brother in my love life, not that there’s been a ton of love in my life. I’ve been concentrating on my music after college. My brothers and I are often hit on by the guests and for the next two days there is a group of three women that I’ll be staying far from. One of them seems to believe that this is a male-brothel. It’s not. Not once in the last seven years have I slept with one of the women who have stayed as a ranch guest. Yeah, don’t bestow sainthood just yet. I’ve had a couple of one-night stands when traveling for performances for my music, but that’s it. Oh, and I had one long-term girlfriend in high school who dumped me our second year of college. Long-distance, it just didn’t work, for her, but honestly, she wasn’t the one for me either and she was brave enough to do something about it. I respected that.

  And I was being honest with Tilly when I said I was lonely. I’d really enjoyed her presence. Our conversation was unpretentious and easy. I laughed. A lot. I forgot about my troubles and the real world for a couple hours.

  I thought about how much I loved how her cheeks brightened when I’d congratulate or tell her how impressed I was with her. She won an award! I had no idea. Granted it was for her plan to save the pocket gopher, which is my biggest enemy when it comes to the ranch’s garden, but still, a national award, nonetheless. She didn’t go to the ceremony because it was in Washington D.C. Pity, she should’ve gone and been celebrated. Everyone needs the recognition that why they do is making a difference and worth it. I almost never feel that way, she could have.

  I shake out of the fugue she has left me in and check on the heifer. If our calculations are right, she’ll be giving birth right on or day before or after Christmas. A Christmas calf is something we haven’t had for years and my paternal grandmother always told me that it was good luck for the upcoming year. We need all the luck we can get.

  Peacock Ridge ranch revenues are down from travelers. Everyone wants a bargain when it comes to travel and with the invention of home-to-home and short-term house rentals, we aren’t the draw we once were. Luke tries his best and his latest promotion for the fall with bonfires and fly fishing was a draw to make the end of the year look pretty good, we might break even for the year. We’d finished up with the last group right after Thanksgiving. But then we were dry. The current three women were the first in about three weeks.

  Too long.

  I considered getting a real job, but with my degree in music, specifically classical guitar, the options are pretty limited. Had I gotten a different degree, maybe a STEM one, something that would be a better provider for my family, maybe I could be adding to the family till.

  It’s not like I don’t do anything around here. I oversee the bees, horses, and goats we have on the ranch. I plan and plant the two acres of garden used for the bed and breakfast’s commitment to farm-to-table meals, and I manage all of the staff. Four people—two part-time housekeeping, one full-time cook, and one part-time activities director. I’m always busy, but it’s not like I can see that my activities are actually producing money to use to keep the ranch going. Times are tough and I need to get even tougher.

  I walk back to the house and a pair of headlights flash over me as I open the door. I turn with hope that it’s Tilly returning, but it’s not.

  “Hey, you check on the heifer?” Cole asks meeting me at the porch.

  “Yeah, she’s resting. No signs of a calf.”

  “Ellie thinks it’s going to be a big calf, so we might have to pull it.”

  “Great.”

  That wasn’t something I loved to do. I’d helped birth a few of the foals and even the goats. Baby goats are the cutest damn thing ever and we have some pregnant right now for the spring. The guests go crazy for the little balls of energy and their antics. But there are concerns when it comes to having to assist mother nature and often not only the mother but the baby suffers.

  “Let’s just hope that it doesn’t come to that.” Cole opens the door.

  I follow him inside. I keep my voice low. The three guests were in the movie room earlier and I’m not looking for a run-in.

  “How’d it go with Ellie?” I ask him.

  “She’s scared.”

  “Are you?”

  Cole stops. “Scared? Nope. I know she’s the one. She showed me a recipe that mom gave her for chicken potpie. On the back it said ‘To the daughter I never had.’”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah, seeing Mom’s handwriting just about took me to my knees. It was like her voice was in my head telling me it was right. Ellie’s meant to be mine.”

  “Okay, bro, you don’t have to get all sappy.”

  I follow him into the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of milk and grabs the Oreos off the counter. It’s something we do almost every night.
Two Oreos. That’s all. But it’s our time.

  The front door opens, but there are no steps. Luke walks in carrying his boots.

  “Trying to avoid detection, bro?” Cole asks him.

  He nods and keeps his voice low. “Yeah, aren’t you?” Luke grabs a glass for his milk. “That guest who looks at a guy like he’s a piece of meat cornered me in the library earlier. She’s a wolf and I really felt like a lamb.”

  Cole laughs.

  “Shhhh. She’ll hear you!” Luke growls at him. “Don’t wake the devil, man.”

  “You’re kinda quiet tonight. What’s up?” Cole asks me.

  Luke grabs his two Oreos. “I’m going to bed. You guys going to the Snow Ball tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.” Cole offers after drinking down his milk.

  I nod without saying anything.

  “Okay. Guess I’ll go. Wasn’t planning on it, but I need to get back in the game.”

  “I think there’s a woman in room three who would like to play your game, Luke.” Cole offers with a chuckle.

  “Again, shhhh.” There’s true panic in his voice.

  Luke’s long-time girlfriend, like from high school until last year, ran off after he asked her to marry him. It was a dark time on the Peacock Ridge Ranch. Not our normal Christmas. He’s not ready to find someone and I know that one-night stands don’t fix things. If anything, they end up uncomfortable. Sure, they can feel good in some ways, but the result is almost always discomfort and emptiness. At least for me.

  “Cole, can I ask you something?” I finish my milk. Fresh milk from the Harvey’s dairy farm is one of my favorite things. I realize that this tradition of ours is actually our father’s. After our mother passed from complications diabetes, he started the gathering time for everyone to have a moment to talk and not about ranch issues, about life. Instead of her prize-winning cookies, he substituted Oreos. I started looking for her recipe box. I could give making her famous oatmeal butterscotch cookies a try.

  Bet Tilly would like them.

  “Sure. Hey, was that Tilly’s truck that I saw turning onto the highway when I was coming home?”

  “Yeah, she was here this evening.”

  He rinses out his glass and puts it into the dishwasher, doing the same with mine. “What’d she have to say?”

  “She wanted to talk about the coyotes.”

  “Of course. I heard that Nolan lost a first-year cow. Not that I really care.” He did care, but in a jacked-up way.

  Nolan Church was Cole’s most hated person. He’d stolen—well, not really—Cole’s wife. Now ex-wife. It was more that Cole and Shanna’s relationship was done, and Shanna moved on without telling Cole. I never really loved Shanna as a sister-in-law, but I endured her and supported my brother.

  “Yeah, that.” I find the recipe and pull it out. “Did you know that many coyotes mate for life? And that killing coyotes triggers a DNA response so that they have more pups, actually increasing the problem?”

  Cole chuckles. “Wow, she really got to you.” Cole grabs my shoulder. “You didn’t know who you were dealing with, bro. She’s subtle and as much as she’s sweet, she’s sneaky and above all, she’s brilliant when it comes to getting into a rancher’s head. Better luck next time.” He shakes my shoulder before walking away. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow and let her know that we’re not going to take actions, unless we have a loss. That’s always been our position and always will be.”

  Had I been played? No. I knew what I felt, and I could tell she wanted that kiss, she placed her forehead to mine, after all. She stayed connected. Hell, I wanted that kiss, too. I wanted that kiss and so much more.

  “I kissed her,” I blurt out as Cole walks from the kitchen.

  He turns to face me slowly. “What?”

  I run a hand through my hair. “We had a good evening together. We drank a cocktail and one thing led to another.”

  His jaw tightens. “No.”

  “No? What’s no about that? We’re adults.” I feel myself getting worked up and I’m not sure why.

  “She’s off limits.”

  My head rears back. “Off limits? She’s not a backroad during spring flooding, bro. She’s a woman. A beautiful, brilliant, and available—”

  “No, she’s not. I’ll give you that Tilly’s beautiful, but to start I’d like to point out the crap you gave me for being interested in Ellie.”

  I grimace. Yes, I did point out that the voluptuous and spunky Ellie wasn’t his normal go-to woman. But I’m different than Cole.

  Cole was the high school everything popular- homecoming king, prom king, most likely to succeed. He dated women everyone said would become models and most guys thought were definitely out of the league, and when he put a ring on one, that marriage lasted a few years.

  Ellie wasn’t his typical woman, but maybe that was the thing. We’d both done the dating, and some one-night stand bullshit, and sometimes chosen questionably, now was the time for no questions. It was time to be sure. To be confident in our choice. And to above all, choose someone who would make us truly happy.

  “What’s your point, Cole?” I start to get the feeling that it’s me who isn’t good enough or maybe enough for her.

  “She’s brilliant and I’m glad you’re seeing that. But she’s also special and different. I can’t tell you exactly why because I told her I’d never reveal her secrets, but Breck, I wouldn’t do this if I thought there was any chance that you two could be together. She’s off-limits.” He turned and didn’t look back.

  I don’t understand his edict. Secrets? What could make her so unattainable and unavailable to me?

  I have a choice to make.

  Follow my brother’s order.

  Or follow my heart.

  I’ve rolled around in bed for long enough. What did he mean that she’s special? And different? Every woman is special in their own way. Every person is different, that’s what makes us special. What could make Tilly so special that she wouldn’t be right for me?

  I walk to the office and plop into my chair. Our father set up the main ranch house with guests on one side and us on the other. Mom was the one who started the bed and breakfast and then Dad built cabins around the property to add to the number of possible guests, her natural ability to take care of people helped our family get through some really rough years in the 80s. We’d faced the abyss and came back stronger. But the times had changed again, and we needed something to pull people in. Something different. Something that moved with the times.

  What is it that people want to do?

  They want experiences, not things.

  We’d started hayrack rides in the fall. Sleigh rides in the winter. Fly fishing tours. Expeditions into the mountains for sightseeing. Trips into Denver for shopping. Local artisans coming out for craft, handmade items, and art shows, where we showcased our variety of goat milk soaps, lotions, and body treatments that were made on site.

  I pull out the binder with all the monotony of data that Luke put together and information I let go in one ear and out the other. Demographics assembled and survey’s answered by guests. Details about their stays and what they enjoyed and what they didn’t.

  More outdoor activities.

  Less outdoor activities.

  More food experiences.

  Less food stuff.

  More trips.

  Less trips, more staying in.

  It is a dichotomy of answers. They vary but not enough to truly get some insight. I examine age, gender, income stats. Something stands out. In the last three years we haven’t had a single family come stay? How is that possible? It was all singles or couples without kids. I can hear my mother’s voice: Teach the next generation to ranch, garden, and to treat the land and creatures with respect and they’ll continue what we’ve started. She spoke to Cole, and now she’s speaking to me.

  But how to bring families and kids here? How to get them to understand what we need to do in the future to keep our world a productive and pleasant
place? A place where all creatures can thrive and live in harmony.

  I chuckle. Wow. Tilly has gotten into my head. Or maybe the thoughts were always there and she inspired me to come back to who I really am. Just waiting for someone special to bring them forward.

  Maybe it was time I took notice and stopped being a follower and just going along with what my brothers said and started being a leader to make this place what it once was again. A place for all, young and old, singles to families, less fortunate to people who have more, weak and strong. Our narrow focus had limited us and created a place that seemed out of reach for some people. It’s pulled us in a hundred different directions.

  I pull out the plot of our property. There’s an area on the east side where…

  That would be perfect.

  Turns out my heart has a lot more to say than my brother does.

  TILLY

  The next morning, I wake feeling like I did something stupid. But I’m not sure exactly what was more ill-advised. Not kissing Breck like I really wanted to or running from him after barely kissing him. They both seem pretty high up on the list.

  I roll over in bed and Bella harrumphs at me, stretching along my side. This is why I can’t have a man. One wouldn’t fit one in my bed.

  Bella is an AKC golden retriever, but she was the runt of the litter. You wouldn’t know it now. She’s full-sized and gorgeous. The breeder asked me to not get her fixed for two years in case they wanted options on breeding and puppies. I was close to just taking her to Roberts Animal Clinic and having her fixed.