Holiday Spice

by Samantha Chase

  If nothing else, Owen was the king of waiting you out until you were ready to talk.

  “Ben left,” she finally said when Owen sat down beside her.

  He nodded. “The girls mentioned that the two of you had fought earlier.”

  She nodded and explained it all to him. “I honestly didn’t think it was all such a big deal. I really didn’t. I mean, we’d talked about him wanting to turn over this new leaf, that he was going to stop hiding away and being such an introvert. So I don’t understand what changed!” she cried.

  For a long moment, Owen said nothing. Then he shifted so he could face her. “Life is very different for people like you,” he began.

  “People like me? What does that—”

  He held up a hand to silence her. “You’re comfortable in your own skin. You’re social and confident, and even though you have your own insecurities, you never let them show. And to the rest of us, you present yourself as someone who is fearless.”

  “But I’m not.”

  Owen went on as if she hadn’t said a word. “For people like Ben—who, by the way, I can totally relate to—social interactions are difficult. Bordering on painful. It’s one thing to want to change who we are, but it’s another to actually do it. When Ben said he wanted to change that part of himself, he didn’t mean overnight or all at once. Things like that take time.”

  And that’s when she realized what she’d done, what she’d asked of him.

  What she’d forced upon him.

  “I didn’t give him the time.”

  Owen shook his head. “No, you didn’t. When Brooke and I first met, she was far more social than I was. She had an ease and grace about her that I envied. My whole life, I wished I could be more like that, but she was the one who finally drew it out of me.”

  “That’s what I’m trying—”

  “Brooke was patient. She didn’t push.”

  Darcy sighed and flopped back on the couch to lie down. “You know we’re not patient people, Owen. Well, you are. But not the rest of us. It’s genetic or something.”

  “Studies have shown that—”

  “Not the time for statistics!” she interrupted. “That’s not helpful right now.”

  With a sigh of his own, he leaned back against the cushions. “It’s all I’ve got,” he said simply. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or say in this kind of situation.”

  “I know.” She flung her arm over her eyes and wished she could start the day over.

  “You can’t change who you are any more than Ben can change who he is. You are impulsive and excitable and passionate about the things you want and believe in. He’s a private and intellectual person who is passionate about the things he wants and believes in. You have to find the right balance, and it’s not something that just happens, Darcy. It takes work.” He paused. “Can I make an observation?”

  She lifted her arm and glared at him. “I thought that’s what you were already doing.”

  “Well, this one might make you mad.”

  Again, she just glared as she watched him swallow hard and move away from her a bit.

  “You have a tendency to not work.”

  Sitting straight up, she punched him in the arm. “I work! I have a job. I’ve always had a job.”

  “Ow!” Grabbing his arm, Owen got to his feet. “I wasn’t referring to a job,” he explained, and Darcy couldn’t help but notice the annoyance in his voice.

  Okay, that was new.

  “I’m talking about in every other aspect of your life. You don’t work, Darcy. You run away. You make a joke. You…you punch people in the arm!”

  “Okay, that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

  “And you throw out apologies without really feeling them.”

  She got to her feet. “Now wait a minute…”

  “I’m not scared of you!” he shouted even as he took a step back. “And that’s another thing you do. You intimidate to get your way. You do everything except actually work at making things right. You look for the easy way out, and if you are serious about Ben, if you’re in love with him and want to build a life with him, you’re going to have to work for it. Do you understand that?”

  Holy shit. Who was this man, and what happened to her mild-mannered scientist brother?

  Owen took a tentative step toward her. “I am so relieved that Brooke didn’t give up on me. She had every reason to. I was insecure and…and so comfortable in the safe life I had created for myself that I didn’t realize how miserable I was. And Ben, well, he lives alone, works alone, and he’s not close to his family. And that’s not a crime, Darcy. Not all families are like ours.”

  “I know. I was just so excited that he was here and everyone liked him that I thought—”

  “Brooke’s not close with her parents, and she lost her only brother, and they weren’t close growing up, either. It was hard for her to understand the dynamics of our family and feel comfortable with everyone. Don’t you remember the first time she came here?”

  Darcy chuckled. “Aidan and Hugh were jerks to her.”

  “Exactly. She flat-out told me she didn’t want to be around my family. Ever. It was devastating to me because, well, you guys are everything to me. How was I supposed to choose?”

  “And if you remember correctly, you chose her and left,” Darcy said and then gasped. “I…oh shit.”

  He nodded. “Granted, I didn’t stay away long, and everyone worked things out. I left because they were blatantly mean to Brooke. We all like Ben,” he went on. “He just needs a little more time to get comfortable.”

  “But what if he doesn’t? What if he never gets comfortable?”

  Owen studied her for a long moment. “Then he’s not the right man for you.”

  Well, damn. Those were not the words she wanted to hear.

  Tears started to well up in her eyes again as she slowly sat back down. Owen was instantly at her side, taking her hand in his.

  “All is not lost here, Darce. Don’t be in such a rush. Sometimes it’s okay to have time alone to get your head together and figure out what you want.”

  “And get a tattoo?” she teased, because it was either that or cry.

  He chuckled and tucked her in beside him, kissing her on the temple. “It certainly took my mind off how much I missed Brooke and how much I’d screwed up.”

  “Physical pain can do that for you.”

  He laughed again. “Such a brat. And for your information, Brooke thinks my tattoo is sexy.”

  “Ew, please. I do not want to think about you being sexy. Just no.”

  “Too bad. You know I only speak the truth,” he said with a grin. “So deal with it.”

  She swatted him away and then pulled him back for a hug. “Thanks, Owen. I needed that.”

  “So what are you going to do? Do you want to come back over to Aidan’s? We’re all talking about going out to dinner tonight.”

  “Dude, it’s only two in the afternoon.”

  “Closer to three, but we have to coordinate babysitters, because Dad and Martha have plans tonight.”

  “I’m going to head back to Dad’s, I think. First, I need to clean up around here, but after that, I’m going to take some time to think.” She paused. “Besides, Ben said he’d text when he landed and maybe…maybe by then, he’ll want to talk to me.”

  “Don’t push,” he reminded her.

  Nodding, she replied, “I won’t. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m really going to try.”

  “Good girl.” He stood and walked over to the kitchen table. “Brooke left her sunglasses here earlier, and she was afraid to come back over. That’s why I came.”

  “So you drew the short straw?”

  He laughed at the image. “Basically. But I’m glad I did.”

  “Me too.”

 
* * *

  It was good to be home.

  That was what Ben kept telling himself as he settled back in. He texted Darcy when he landed and told her he’d call her tomorrow. Right now, all he wanted was to grab something to drink and head down to his workshop and just create.

  The entire flight home, he had been picturing a design in his head—something for Anna’s bar—and he was anxious to see if he could create it. At the same time, he had come up with some ideas for Connor’s tree house.

  Damn Shaughnessys. Even when he was away from them, they wouldn’t leave him alone.

  A couple of snow flurries were blowing around as he made his way across the property. He made a mental note to catch a forecast so he’d know what kind of weather to expect this week. Not that it mattered—he had no plans other than to hole up and work.

  No distractions.

  Yeah, right.

  The truth was he had a feeling even if he didn’t bring a phone with him, he was going to be distracted by his own damn thoughts. Of Darcy. Of family. Of jobs.

  And what could have been his future.

  Stepping into the workshop, he felt all the tension start to leave his body. The smell of the wood and oils was like a balm for him. Slowly, he walked around and touched several surfaces as he made his way back to the room where he kept some of his choice pieces of wood. He knew exactly what he was looking for—a long length of mahogany that would be perfect for what he was thinking for the bar. On the plane, he had sketched out the design, and he had it in his pocket, but he didn’t need it. It was vividly playing in his mind.

  Taking the wood, he carefully maneuvered it and brought it out to the workbench. It took a few minutes to clean it off, and then he picked up the nearest straight chisel and mallet, turned on the radio, and started to work. With every piece of wood he chipped away, Ben felt a sense of excitement. Song after song played on the radio as a plain, rectangular piece of wood transformed into something ornate and beautiful. He felt as if he was uncovering some sort of hidden treasure, and with every layer he carved away, he was closer to finding it.

  God, how he loved the challenge!

  His back ached, his hands were shaking, and his stomach growled noisily. Taking a step back from the bench, Ben looked up at the clock and was certain he was hallucinating. Three a.m.? How had that happened? Carefully, he put the tools down. More than half the piece was well on its way to being what he wanted it to be. He yawned and stretched and felt a great sense of satisfaction.

  It was an incredible feeling. He couldn’t wait to show Darcy and…

  Shit.

  Scrubbing a hand over his weary face, he made his way back to the house. The plan was to make himself something to eat and grab a couple of hours of sleep. Midway through his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he could hardly keep his eyes open. Stumbling to the bedroom, he knew it was foolish to have stayed up so late, but he couldn’t regret it.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his phone on the dresser and saw someone had texted him. He didn’t doubt for one minute who it was, but he was too damn tired to respond.

  He’d do it later.

  Or at least that was his plan. When Ben woke up six hours later, he felt like hell. Six hours was about the norm for him, and yet he still felt like he could sleep for another ten. Unwilling to give in to that, he got up, showered, and made himself a real meal before heading out to the workshop.

  He was anxious to look at the piece and see if it really was as good as he thought or if his tired brain had been playing tricks on him. By the time he realized he didn’t have his phone with him, he was too engrossed in his work to stop.

  Around four in the afternoon, he went back up to the house. His need for something to eat had him unable to work any further. With a bowl of chili heating in the microwave, he went and got his phone.

  Four texts and three missed calls from Darcy, along with two missed calls from Henry.

  In the background, the microwave beeped, alerting him his meal was ready, but Ben called Darcy first.

  “Hey, you,” she said breathlessly when she answered the phone. “Are you okay? I…I’ve been calling—”

  “I was down in the workshop and forgot my phone,” he said, quickly interrupting her. Doing his best to multitask, he went to the kitchen and grabbed the steaming bowl from the microwave and then added his toppings while they talked. “And then I got so involved in what I was doing that I lost track of time and…sorry.”

  He heard her soft sigh. “It’s okay. I thought…I was kind of afraid you were avoiding me.”

  “When I get in the zone on a project, I tend to lose track of time,” he said as he sat down. “I really am sorry.”

  They were silent, and Ben took a spoonful of the chili and almost cursed at how hot it was.

  “So what are you working on? I didn’t think you had any pieces scheduled until after the holidays.”

  Ben told her about his idea for Anna’s bar. “I’ll send you some pictures when I go back out there, but promise me you won’t show them to Anna yet. I’d rather she see it when it’s closer to completion.”

  “Ooh, she’s going to be so excited! I can’t wait to see it.”

  And he knew she was being sincere, not just saying it to make him feel good. Why? Because she understood him and his work, and that was a rare gift. Was he seriously going to let that slip through his fingers?

  “What about you? What are you doing today?” With the time difference, he knew her work day was over, and he sat back and ate his dinner while listening to Darcy talk about her day—working with Aidan and how much she was ready to be done with it.

  And as much as he hated to bring up the subject, he had to know. “How about the job search? Have you heard anything yet?”

  She was silent, and with Darcy, that was rarely a good sign. “I did.”

  “And?” he prompted.

  “I have an interview in Seattle next week,” she said quietly, which surprised Ben. He thought for sure she’d sound more excited about it. His heart sank.

  “That’s great, right?” he said cautiously.

  “Yes, of course. Of course it is. It’s in retail, but…but that’s okay for now.”

  And just like that, he knew. She was doing this for him, not because it was right for her.

  Suddenly, his appetite was gone. Pushing the bowl away, he got up and walked to the wall of windows and looked out at his property. This was his home, where he wanted to be. And as much as he loved the glimpse of the life he could have with Darcy, it wasn’t meant to be. They were too different. Too set to follow paths that were really never meant to meet.

  What kind of man would he be if he stopped her from following her dream? He couldn’t live with himself if he did that.

  He loved Darcy too much to ask that of her.

  “Look, Darcy, are you sure about this? Because you don’t sound that way.”

  “Ben,” she said, her voice going trembly, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and soothe her. “Yes, I want a job doing PR, but I want you more.”

  And with his heart in his throat, Ben did his best to block the image of her face from his mind.

  “Darcy, listen to me. Sure, it would be great in the beginning if you came to live with me and we could be together all the time. But how long would it take for you to realize that you were miserable and start blaming me? If anyone had tried to stop me from pursuing my dream, I would have resented it.”

  “I don’t understand. You said you wouldn’t come to New York if I worked there, and we—”

  “Darcy,” he interrupted softly, then paused to consider his words. “I’ve learned a lot over the last two months, and I can’t do this. My life is here and…and I don’t want to keep traveling, and I enjoy my privacy. All that time with your family? It was exhausting. It’s not something I can h
andle all the time. I’m sorry.”

  “Wait, you’re breaking up with me? Seriously?”

  “I barely tolerate my own brothers,” he went on and then silently vowed to call his brothers because, well, he wanted to rectify that. “We’re not close, and seeing them in New York was great, but that will tide me over for another six months or so.”

  “It shouldn’t be like that!” she argued. “You seemed to have so much fun when we were together, and they want to be closer with you, but you keep fighting them on it.”

  “I’m not fighting them, Darcy,” he said, trying to sound reasonable. “It’s just different for me. We saw each other, and it was fun. What’s wrong with that?”

  “But family is…family is everything! I’m not saying you have to be joined at the hip with your brothers, but you should be a part of each other’s lives. You should talk to them and share what’s going on with you and care about what’s going on with them. You’re not alone in your grief, Ben. You need to make peace with it, with losing your parents. If you would just open your eyes, you’d see—”

  “You’re a fine one to talk about that,” he snapped.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Tell me, have you made peace with your mom? Have you made peace with the fact that she’s not here or that you have all kinds of family issues because of her?”

  “I do not have—”

  “Yes, you do!” he cried out. “You’re still searching for some perfect family scenario, Darcy. You cling to your family like they’re the key to everything in your life, and at the same time, you blame them for all that’s wrong with it.”

  “That’s just normal stuff, Ben,” she said with exasperation. “We all have family issues to some degree. But you’re cutting off a part of your life because your parents aren’t here anymore.”

  “And I say you’re afraid to be away from your family because you have abandonment issues because of your mom.”

  “How dare you? I enjoy being with my family, and you would enjoy being with yours if—”

  He sighed with frustration. “I can’t be like you and your family. I don’t want to be.”

  “Then that’s your loss,” she said scornfully. “And it makes me sad. How could you not see that?”