“I could. It’ll mean doing some more digging, so I’ll need a computer and a good web connection.”
“I know just the place,” said Nikki. “Julia’s got everything you could want.”
“Who’s Julia?” The mention of a woman’s name seemed to perk Corgan up. He’d only been around coupled up shifters for what seemed like days now and was getting tired of watching smitten folks.
“She’s a good friend of mine, from our ‘stupid’ TV show.”
“Oh, the redhead,” said Corgan. He winced after the words had come out of his mouth, knowing what would come next.
“Ha! So you did watch it!” said Nikki.
“Of course I did. It was about shifters and I’m a shifter. So sue me. Anyhow, I remember Julia. She’s pretty cute.”
“She’s also very intelligent. I’ll hook you up. I don’t mean sexually,” said Nikki, sensing a pending love-fest. Julia was very fond of strapping young men; particularly of the shifting variety, and Corgan would be right up her alley.
“Okay, cool. We’ll get working. I’ll let you know when I’ve found all the information that I need. Maddox, you don’t mind sticking around for a few more days, do you?”
“Don’t mind at all,” said his brother, smiling. There was a peace in him, Kyla thought, that she hadn’t sensed before. Like a demon had almost been vanquished. She wondered if she’d see him in the next few days.
“I’ll take you two into town later,” Kyla said. “Maybe we can grab a drink at the pub.
That afternoon as Kyla drove the two men into Wolf Rock, Corgan said, “I’m excited about this Julia. Meeting her, I mean.”
“Are you now?” asked the wolf shifter.
“You know, to use the computer,” he insisted.
“Mmm hmm,” she said, laughing behind her eyes.
“We can drop him there and go for a pint,” said Maddox. “It’s been a while, I think, since either of us has been to the pub.”
“Not since we met,” said Kyla. “I could sure as hell use a drink.”
Last night Maddox was worried about their growing attachment and now he wanted to spend more time together. Confusion was setting into Kyla’s mind, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to be sensible and walk away. Not yet.
Julia opened the door when they arrived and smiled broadly at her guest.
“I’m Corgan,” he said, awkwardly shaking her hand.
“Well, aren’t you lovely,” she said as she showed him into her place.
“And this is Maddox,” Kyla said, introducing the larger man to the slender redhead.
“I’ve heard a thing or two about you both,” said Julia. “I do hope you stick around. This is a nice place to live.”
“You only moved here recently, right?” asked Maddox.
“Yeah, only since the show. I sort of fell in love with the place while we filmed and decided to come back after I left…and after I heard that there was a new alpha.”
“Well, I’m not sure that we’ll be sticking around. Corgan and I might need to take off. But I agree—it’s a nice place.” He looked at Kyla then, and for a moment she felt a warmth inside her that seemed to come directly from him. The mixed messages were killing her.
When they’d made certain that Corgan had everything he needed, Kyla and Maddox made their way to the Lion’s Head, which was refreshingly empty. With the new vigilance in the woods, the pack was largely occupied. The tourists hadn’t experienced any shifter sightings in days and it seemed that things had calmed down.
“Hey, Cam,” said Kyla as they entered.
“Hi, you two. Beer?”
“Yes, please.”
The bartender brought two pints to their table.
“It’s quiet here, huh?” said Maddox.
“Yeah, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean. I’m not complaining about money or anything, but it’s been strange. The tourists have disappeared but there’s a guy who’s been coming in every day.”
“Oh? Who is he?”
“Not sure. But he’s one of them outdoorsy types, always wearing khaki clothing and carrying packs. Really fit, like you’d expect a marine or other military type to be, I think. He’s certainly interested in you folks.”
Kyla felt suddenly nervous.
“What do you mean, interested?”
“Asking questions about the cabin, where you are, how many of you. That sort of thing. I haven’t told him anything, of course.”
“Good. Thanks.”
“But he may be gone by now. I haven’t seen him in the last day or two. God knows, it’s entirely possible that he’s a journalist or something. Probably wants to write an article.”
“Probably,” said Maddox, looking pensive.
When Cam had left, the large man took Kyla’s hand.
“I know you’re worried. But don’t be. I may not be Tristan’s biggest fan, but I sense that he knows how to look after his pack.”
“I just wish he’d let you two stick around the cabin. He’s a protector. He should understand that you are too.”
“Yeah, but he has to protect you first, and he’s right—getting distracted is bad. I should know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have nightmares, Kyla. About that day. I should have protected her, my sister. I should have seen the rancher coming. I should have put myself in the way of that dog, and I failed. I failed her and my entire family and it haunts me. The one thing I know is that if something happened to one of you, Tristan would blame himself. Maybe he shouldn’t. But he would.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself either, Maddox. You were only a kid.”
“I was old enough to know my duty.”
He was silent for a moment.
“Sometimes I think that if only she’d shifted into a squirrel and run up a tree, or something…she was so special. It seemed that her gift for shifting went to waste in the end.”
“This gift…does Corgan have it?”
“No. Definitely not.”
“You said you’ve tried...have you ever come close to changing into anything other than a bear?”
“When I was a kid, I did, actually. A couple of times. I managed to become an otter once, and once a cougar. My imagination seemed to run wild and my personality seemed to work with it, except I wasn’t as disciplined as she was. I was a happy kid until Chloe died. Happiness: I’m convinced that’s why she was so in control. She was all dreams and joy, and everything was an experience for her. I was more cynical, and got worse as I got older. I saw the bear form as the one way to guard against all evil. And it sort of stuck. But I’ve always wished I could find my way back.”
“Maybe you will one day.”
“Maybe. But you know how it is. When you first learn to shift, it’s not so much that you’re learning as the feeling that something’s taking over your body. You feel out of control, and you learn to control it rather than it being in charge of you. I feel like, if it’s still in me, I haven’t figured out how to manage it yet.”
“But your sister did.”
“She was amazing. Like a child prodigy. She knew straight away, and she used to run around in all sorts of shapes, which made for some great games. The best of it was that she could fly.”
“Wow. That would be incredible.”
“I think it was. And Cor and I weren’t even jealous. She was so good, such a sweetheart, that you couldn’t hold anything against her. She just enjoyed life.”
“Well, I’m glad for that, anyhow. I’m glad she was happy.”
Maddox sipped his beer.
“Me too.”
After they’d finished, Kyla reluctantly accompanied Maddox to a nearby motel where he checked in. Two rooms: one for him, one for Corgan. Normally, the she-wolf would have been delighted at the thought of a slightly seedy joint in which to have her way with Maddox, but she knew that she had to return to the cabin. More than that, she felt sad, as though part of her was slowly being torn away.
“A
re you coming in?” asked Maddox as he unlocked the door to his room, opening it then and allowing the stuffy motel air to come out.
“I can’t. I’ve got to get back and make sure everything is all right. Duty and all that.”
Maddox leaned against the doorframe and looked down at her. As Kyla’s eyes met his, she felt a stab of intense sorrow. Would she see him again?
His dimple appeared as his lip curled up, crooked as always. With his right hand he reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her to him. He kissed her then, his hands holding her face up to his as he leaned his massive form down.
Kyla felt herself falling, as though the kiss was causing her center of gravity to change and her feet were no longer stable under her. They’d kissed before, of course, but this time was different. Intense, passionate, and, if she didn’t know better, she’d have said full of love.
Perhaps Maddox also wondered if they’d ever see one another again.
When they pulled apart at last, he said, “I’ll be here for a few days at least, Kyla, so…”
“So…?”
“Come and see me if you want to.”
He put his hot arms around her and held her to him. She sensed that this might really be good-bye, though everything in her wanted to take him up on his offer.
“If you want to” didn’t seem like much of an invitation, though. He really needed to do better than that.
“Yes,” she thought, “I might need to come and see you. But maybe I should stay far away.”
“Be safe, my she-wolf,” Maddox said.
“I will. I’ll try, anyhow.”
She walked to the car, reluctant to turn and look though she felt his eyes on her back, watching over and protecting her.
Fourteen
Kyla drove back to the cabin. Tristan was sitting in the living room, alert and pensive, when she arrived.
“What’s up? Any news?” she asked.
“Nothing. Every patrol has come back saying the same thing: all’s quiet. No problems.”
“You look worried, though.”
“I am a little,” the alpha replied. “Something doesn’t feel right. But we’re doing what we can.”
“Do you need me to head out and have a look around?”
“It wouldn’t hurt, Kyla. Thanks. Be careful though.”
“I always am.”
She got undressed upstairs and shifted, catching a glimpse of her human form in the mirror just before it altered. It was impossible now not to think about Maddox kissing, licking, fingering this or that part of her. A glance at a hip reminded her of his large hand on her flesh; a nipple made her think of peanut butter.
Desire filled her as she became a wolf, and the animal in her simply felt it more acutely: hunger. Raw, simple. Hunger for a bear, of all things, to feel his heat, his breath on her.
Other senses were heightened as well, and Kyla was utterly aware of her duty now. She padded down the stairs and out the front door.
The day was warm and sunny, and the wolf inhaled the air, taking in the scents of autumn. It may have been her favourite season, though she told herself that every season was, depending on how she felt in the moment. The snow in the mountains was delicious. But the autumn with its crisp leaves and the promise of things to come; a death and a rebirth, was something beautiful. Right now, though, she felt a profound sense of loss.
Kyla paced through the woods, silent and wary. She longed to have a vision, to help the pack, but also to know if Maddox was to have a place in her life from here on out. Occasionally she found herself squeezing her blue eyes shut, attempting to see images, but all she saw were the ones she’d conjured; things she hoped would happen. Her man staying in Wolf Rock. The pack, safe and warm in the comfort of their homes. A quiet pub.
As the sun reflected in shades of pink and orange off the mountain peaks surrounding the area, Kyla decided to return to the cabin. There was no scent of human; nothing amiss. All was dully fine.
Tristan looked at her, his eyes inquiring, as she entered the living room. She simply shook her head and jogged up the stairs.
As she lay on her bed, naked and human, Kyla thought about Maddox. Should she go to him? Was it wise? There was a pain in her; the sort of sadness that comes when you realize that you’re growing to love a person and that he’s intending, in spite of feelings, to leave forever.
“If he doesn’t care, it’s stupid of me to torture myself by getting more attached,” she thought, though her body told her to take advantage of every second with him.
She closed her eyes.
Now images came, and not the ones that usually resided within her. Flashes again, out of control and fast.
A man, walking into the bar: the one they’d seen the first day she’d met Maddox. The one wearing khaki camouflage and carrying a pack.
She saw Maddox, only he looked different. Something about him wasn’t right, but she didn’t know quite what it was; the thoughts and pictures flew by too quickly.
Then there was the cabin. She was seeing it from someone else’s vantage point, through crosshairs, as if she were aiming a rifle.
Finally, she saw herself, lying wounded on the ground.
She shot up, breathing heavily.
No, this wasn’t going to happen. There was no indication that someone else was in the area. And there were others out patrolling. They were safe. She was safe in her room, sheltered.
More than anything she wanted to see Maddox. But more than ever, she knew she had to stay. She thought about calling the motel and telling him that she wanted to come to him; not to think she was indifferent. But again, it all smacked of a relationship, and Kyla wasn’t sure that was what they had. They had fucked, yes. They had been intimate, loving even. But he wasn’t her boyfriend, her mate, her partner. He was simply a man whom she found endlessly interesting and attractive.
And she had no idea what she was to him.
***
The following morning, Kyla set out to patrol. In wolf form she began to find herself focused, in control. Thoughts of Maddox changed and converted themselves into an alertness that set in when her senses were heightened, and it was perhaps the added incentive of banishing him from her mind that allowed her to feel herself becoming more aware than usual of her surroundings.
Her normal path was to hike in a straight line out from the cabin, then walk in a vast circle around the area, moving in closer each time she reached the twelve o’clock point, so that she felt she’d covered the entire region.
The day was beautiful and she enjoyed the feel of the gentle breeze ruffling her light fur slightly, her nose picking up the scents of the season. Birds chirped overhead, unafraid of the large wolf in their midst. While deer and other earthbound creatures fled from the wolves, the birds knew that they had nothing to fear, and she enjoyed their occasional company.
Kyla looked for signs of life, of anything out of the ordinary. She came across the place where Dascha had found Peterson, but there were no new indications that a human had been in the area, and for that she was relieved. The calm forced her, however, to keep her mind on the task at hand and off of the man who seemed so close by and yet so far away, in that motel in Wolf Rock. Or perhaps he was out having breakfast.
Perhaps some woman was looking at him even now, sizing him up, admiring him. But no. It wasn’t jealousy that occupied Kyla’s mind; it was a fear that she would never see him again, never feel this way about anyone else.
In her was also a fear, she knew, of telling him of her feelings. Somehow, it seemed like he should say it first; he should say, “I’m growing to love you.” Or at least to like her, to be torn; to want to stay by her side. But she worried that if she made that move herself, it would seem too much like begging him to stay. And that was a pressure she couldn’t bear; the idea of asking him to leave his home and family for her. It would mean that she was responsible for making him happy, and she couldn’t guarantee his happiness. She could make him feel good, yes. She
could make him feel loved, appreciated. But he needed to want to stay for himself.
When dusk came, Kyla headed back to report to Tristan. She changed into human form and threw on some jeans and a t-shirt.
“Anything?” he asked when she entered the living room.
“Nothing. Absolutely zero. I’m starting to wonder if the bad guys have realized it’s not a great idea to mess with us.”
“Well, ironically, the truth is that it’s not a good idea to mess with bears; it’s Corgan who’s done most of the damage control. Our hands are relatively clean for now, if you don’t count your tackling Hicks. But I do hope your theory is right.”
“Me too.” Kyla didn’t want to tell her alpha of her sketchy, unclear visions. She wasn’t sure they mattered much.
Tristan left her sitting alone, pondering the situation. She felt that she should stay at the cabin, just in case something happened. And it would keep her from the temptation of contacting Maddox at the motel.
“You’re deep in thought.”
Nikki had entered the room from behind Kyla, who jumped slightly, amazed at the other woman’s stealth.
“You’re getting good at moving around quietly,” said Kyla.
“I’m learning to prowl. I didn’t mean to scare you though.”
“It’s okay. You’re right; I was deep in thought and anyone could have startled me. Not a good state to be in. I should be more alert.”
Nikki sat down on the couch and looked at her friend.
“Is everything okay? Where’s Maddox?”
“I left him at the motel. Everything’s okay. It’s best that we stay away from each other.”
“Does he say that, or do you?”
“Does it matter?”
“I think it does. Look, Tristan and I tried to stay apart. We really did. But we were always thinking of one another and it was impossible. It would have made us both miserable to be torn apart forever.”
“But you both knew it. You knew how much he wanted you.”
“Think about it, Kyla. Don’t you think Maddox wants you as much?”
“Maddox is an enigma, to put it mildly. A bear who’s hard to read. One minute he’s worshipping at my altar, the next he’s aloof. I don’t know what to make of him.”
Bearing Up In Wolf Rock (A BBW Bear Shifter Romance) (Wolf Rock Shifters) Page 11