“Mrs Emery will be here in the morning,” Adrian said, “just after sunrise. I’m going to try to get a little shut-eye before then. It’s going to be a big day.”
“Don’t let the bed bugs crawl into your ears and lay eggs in your brain.” I could hardly move my mouth to form the words, my brain vomiting out sarcasm on auto-pilot while inside I screamed in protest. How had the shadow shapers known what Hades’ avatar was, when even Apollo didn’t? And how the hell had I managed to screw everything up this badly?
“I expect to sleep very well. I’ll dream of the victory to come.” He let himself out, closing the door quietly behind him.
I stared at it, sick with guilt. The key turned in the lock, and I dropped my head into my hands. In a few hours, the shadow shapers would have the powers of the Lord of the Underworld, and it was all thanks to me.
15
I sat there in a daze, trying to think past the pounding headache and the suffocating guilt. This was a new record, even for me, and I’d had some stuff-ups in my time. In trying to save Hades, I’d done the one thing guaranteed to kill him. My breath came in shallow, panting gasps, and I huddled into my drawn-up knees. His avatar. Cerberus was his goddamn avatar, and I’d brought him straight to the enemy. Practically bloody gift-wrapped. It was unbelievable.
Hades would die, and it was my fault as surely as if I’d wielded the knife myself. And Cerberus, too. I sank to the floor and reached out to the nearest dog. I loved the stupid, stick-carrying, slobbering furball.
I stroked his soft black fur. *Wake up, buddy. Please.* I pushed against that strange barrier, but it was as unyielding as ever. I could see his essence, right there in front of me, but I couldn’t quite reach it. *Please wake up. I’ll throw you all the sticks you want. Just come back to me. I need you.*
A tear dropped onto his broad back, soaking into the fur. I pushed harder against those mental barriers, until I could feel my face going red with the effort, and the pressure inside my head became unbearable, as if my brain was about to burst from my ears. None of my struggles made any difference. He was never going to wake up.
I laid my head on his side and sobbed.
A while later, Cerberus had a big damp patch on his back and I felt much better. I didn’t cry often, but when I did, it was like a cleansing for my soul. Sitting up, I scrubbed the last of the tears away. Maybe it was a good thing that I looked so broken. If they’d been watching that on their monitors, they’d never suspect I had any fight left in me.
Boy, would they be wrong. We were all still alive and, as long as that lasted, we had a chance. We had an ace up our sleeve with Syl perched on their roof, and I would fight until my last breath to save us all. I could still work with her from my cell and, if all else failed, we could throw ourselves on Apollo’s mercy. Perhaps he would find his courage if he realised the shadow shapers now had his uncle’s avatar.
So … I took a deep breath. The crying jag had done nothing for my headache, but I’d just have to push through. *Syl? You still there?*
*Yes,* she replied immediately. *What happened?*
I didn’t want to say it: it made it seem all too real. My mental voice quivered, but it had to be done. *There’s good news and bad news.*
*Are you okay? Did they hurt you?*
Another deep breath. *I’m fine. Let me start with the good news—I know where the key to the collars is. Our old friend Adrian has it in his shirt pocket. And he was going to bed—so all you have to do is find his bedroom and steal it when he’s asleep.*
We both knew that wouldn’t be as simple as I made it sound, but at least it was somewhere to start.
*What about the dog?*
For a moment, I thought she was talking about Cerberus, but then I realised she meant the fluffy white yap-yap, Snowy. Adrian had said they’d locked him away. A quick scan of the house confirmed this—I found him curled up on a pile of blankets, fast asleep. I prodded him to open his eyes enough to discover he was in a laundry, and the door was firmly closed. Good. It amused me to think that, in trying to stop me using their dog, they’d actually cleared the way for Syl. Snowy would never have let a cat’s entry to his domain go unnoticed.
*Out of the picture. They’ve got him locked up in the laundry.*
*Okay, what’s the bad news?*
I sighed. *It’s pretty bad. Turns out that Cerberus is Hades’ avatar, so they’ve got Mrs Emery arriving at sunrise, all ready for the sacrifice.*
*Shit. That is bad. We’re really in trouble.*
*But they don’t know we have Syl, the Secret Weapon, up our sleeves. Are you still on the roof?*
*Yep. I’m not budging until everyone’s gone back to sleep.*
*Good. Stay there and I’ll see if I can find out which room is Adrian’s.*
I let my awareness spread out through the house, in search of anything I could use. The pickings were pretty slim. The shadow shapers had done a good job of clearing their house of animal life. I found a mosquito on the ceiling of one of the bedrooms, and a moth clinging to the glass doors that opened onto the terrace, attracted by the lights outside.
Things were pretty crook when I was reduced to using mosquitoes, but the insect was actually in a bedroom already, so it was the logical place to start. I nudged the moth further into the house. It would take the little creature a while to make it up to the bedroom level.
I sent the mosquito whining across the room, but it soon became clear there was only a woman in the bed. The door to the room was closed, but I managed to force the insect through the gap between the door and the carpeted floor. Together, we buzzed along the hallway to the next room, keeping down low, hugging the floor. We slipped inside and found two people in the bed. Not sleeping. In fact, very much awake, and rather preoccupied with what was going on under the sheets. The mosquito hovered closer, dancing above their heads.
The man looked up and, before the mosquito or I could react, shot out a big hand. Everything went dark and I was flung abruptly out of the mosquito’s head. Probably because it didn’t exist anymore.
So much for guys being completely focused on sex.
Back in my cell, the cold of the concrete floor had seeped through my jeans and chilled my butt. I got up and lay down on the bed. Might as well be comfortable while I worked. I closed my eyes and went hunting for the moth.
*Lexi?* Lucas’s mental voice stopped me, hesitant and worried-sounding.
*I’m here. Did you talk to Hades?*
*Yes.*
*And? What did he say?*
*You should have seen his face when I told him about Cerberus. He went so white I thought he was going to faint. He said if the shadow shapers find out what Cerberus really is, he’s dead. And then he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?*
*Yeah, I do. Cerberus is his avatar.*
*Shit.*
*Shit is right. But it gets worse—the shadow shapers know it, too.*
Lucas swore a blue streak, much more creatively than I would have expected. I’d have to add some of those expressions to my own vocabulary if we made it out of here.
*I know, it’s bad. Hades is going to kill me, if the shadow shapers don’t. But tell him we’re working on something. Syl’s going to try to get the key to the collar back. If we can just get that damned thing unlocked, our troubles are over. It’ll be hello Lord of the Underworld and goodbye shadow shapers.*
*But how can Syl do that?* he asked, his voice laced with worry. *If she can even get it, how’s she going to get past the guard down here? He’ll kill her.*
I was glad that he was worried for her, but I wished he hadn’t brought that up. I was trying hard not to think beyond Step 1, because the rest of the plan was pretty scary. Syl had a predator’s natural stealth, and I was reasonably confident she’d be able to nab the key without being caught, but what then? Even if she streaked past the guard and shoved the key under the door of Hades’ cell, there’d be a long moment where it was just Syl and a guard w
ith a gun alone in the corridor. She’d be defenceless. It made my heart beat faster just thinking about it.
*It’s a chance,* I said. Maybe the guard wouldn’t notice a little black cat sneaking past his door. *The only one we’ve got. Tell Hades, so he’s prepared. I’ll let you know when she’s got the key.*
While he spoke to Hades again, I checked on my troops. Syl was still on the roof, and my moth had got distracted in a stairwell, fluttering aimlessly around in the void. Gently, I pushed it back onto course for the upper floor. We had just made it into a long hallway with doors opening off either side when Lucas returned.
*I hope I don’t have to do that again for a while.*
*What?*
*Turn human.* His mental voice sounded strained. *Something doesn’t feel right.*
An image of how I’d last seen him, hunched over and bleeding, immediately sprang to mind. *Are you still healing?*
*No, it’s not that. Physically, I’m fine. My human shape just feels … wrong, somehow. Like it belongs to someone else. I don’t know, I’m not explaining it properly. Forget it. Probably just stress.*
I sighed and rubbed my aching head. No, it probably had something to do with harbouring a piece of a hellhound’s soul. It would most likely cling to the canine form, which was the only one it knew, and resist taking human shape. *I think we’re all feeling pretty stressed right now.* Particularly me. Should I tell him what I’d done to him? But I didn’t want to scare him, and there was nothing I could do about it right now. *What did Hades say?*
*You’re not going to believe this. I wouldn’t believe it myself, except he doesn’t look like the kind of guy to muck around in a situation like this.* He paused, as if groping for the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. I got the distinct impression he didn’t want to tell me whatever was coming next. *He said to tell you who you really are.*
The bottom dropped out of my stomach and landed somewhere on the floor underneath the bed. *What the hell does that mean?*
Whatever it was, I had a bad feeling that I wasn’t going to like it. I hadn’t forgotten that fleeting look of guilt on Hades’ face that time I’d been telling him and Jake about the weird situation in Newport, where nothing in my home town matched my memories of it. I’d thought, then, that he knew more than he was telling, but I hadn’t had a chance since to weasel it out of him.
*He said you’re not who you think you are. That your whole past is fake, just … just false memories he implanted.* He blurted it all out in a rush, as if that was the only way to get through it.
*He did what? That’s bullshit.* Suddenly I was angry, more furious even than I’d been with the shadow shapers. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. What the hell? I hadn’t even met Hades before I came to Berkley’s Bay. Why would he do a thing like that? It didn’t make any sense. *That’s bullshit,* I said again, my rage boiling down the mental connection towards Lucas.
*Lexi, I’m sorry. I’m just telling you what he said.*
What possible reason could he have for implanting false memories in my head? And what had he done with the real ones? Had he done this with my consent? Not bloody likely! But how could I prove anything? My memories were all fucking gone.
Rage blazed through me, hotter than the fires of the Phlegethon. This was madness. I could never trust him again. How could I believe anything he said to me? What was the point of replacing someone’s memories? How did changing Lexi Jardine’s past make a difference?
Unless …
Unless I wasn’t actually Lexi Jardine. I sat up on the bed, eyes wide open and staring. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might hammer its way out of my chest, and cold sweat broke out all over my body. I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to hold in the scream that was threatening to burst free.
*He needed to protect your true identity.*
I drew a shaky breath. I wished I was in that room with him, so I could see Hades’ treacherous face, to determine for myself what was truth and what was lies. And so I could beat the crap out of the lying bastard. But this was not poor Lucas’s fault. I drew a shuddering breath, trying to slow my racing heart. Getting a grip on myself—whoever I was.
*So who am I supposed to be, then?* I held my breath, waiting for his reply.
He didn’t keep me waiting long. *You’re Artemis, goddess of the hunt. And he made you human so you could hunt shadow shapers without being captured like the other gods.*
16
*Lexi? Are you still there?*
Abruptly, I severed my mental connection to Lucas. I couldn’t think with his words echoing in my head. Artemis, goddess of the hunt. No way. No bloody way. I almost burst out laughing. Me, a goddess?
She was goddess of the moon, too. I stood and paced to the door. I had to move. The sun god was her brother. Zeus’s balls. Apollo was my brother. Now I really did laugh, banging my head against the door.
Ouch. Not a good idea when my head was already pounding. I bent over, head hanging, leaning my forearms against the door, taking deep breaths. Easy, now. Getting hysterical wasn’t going to help. But how could this be possible? My mother, my friends—all those people I remembered—they were just a figment of Hades’ imagination? No way. No way.
What kind of nightmare had my life become? I turned, and slid down the door to the floor, resting there with my back against the hard wood. My eyes were open, but I no longer saw the bare cell. So many thoughts were clamouring for attention, so many emotions fighting within me: confusion, disbelief, horror.
But most of all, betrayal.
How could Hades have done this to me? My whole past, gone. My life, some kind of ridiculous divine joke. I was Lexi, the Girl Who Didn’t Exist. I rested my aching forehead on my drawn-up knees, hugging them to my chest. For the moment, nothing else mattered but the storm raging inside me. I’d thought he was my friend and, all the while, he’d been using me. Deceiving me.
All the doubts I’d felt in Newport came roaring back. If my memories were all false, who was I? What kind of person was I? How much of my life was true, and how much a lie? Were all my memories before I’d come to Berkley’s Bay now suspect? Maybe none of it was true—maybe my life had begun when I’d woken up in this cell, and everything that I thought had happened before was just a fake memory.
No, that couldn’t be right. I had Syl to back me up. We’d been together in Crosston before we’d fled in fear of Anders—surely those memories were real? Unless Hades had screwed with her mind, too … I just didn’t know what to believe anymore. Or who to trust. Was Apollo in on this charade, too? Was Jake?
An involuntary moan broke from my lips, and I clutched at my head. I would go mad if I didn’t stop thinking about it, but how could I think of anything else? I stretched out a leg and touched Cerberus with my foot, just to convince myself I was really awake. His warm solidity confirmed that this wasn’t some sick nightmare. If only he were himself. I really needed a hug. Even one of his big, slurpy licks would have helped.
Of course, if he were awake and whole, none of us would be here. Nothing could stand against the hellhound. Why hadn’t I ever wondered how it was that I could control such a creature? Stupid. Stupid. Shouldn’t I have been more suspicious of my strange power over animals? The world had plenty of people with power over the elements, but I was the only one who could control animals—apart from a few shadow shapers who’d stolen that power from the dead goddess Cybele. And I knew I wasn’t a shadow shaper. It struck me as odd, now, that I hadn’t been more curious. Not until Apollo’s ring had started whispering to me had I even started to wonder what my power really was.
I laughed, a sharp, bitter sound. Apollo’s ring. Of course I would feel some pull towards its magic if I was his goddamn sister. I felt like such an idiot.
*I’m in,* Syl said, and her voice in my mind was so unexpected I jumped. It took longer than it should have to drag my head back into the here and now. I put my hands flat on the cold concrete on either side of me. This
was real. This was happening. This rough, hard floor beneath my hands, these sterile white walls, were my prison. Whatever had happened in the past, whoever I really was, none of that changed the fact that I was here, in this cell, and my friends were trapped here, too. Though I wasn’t so sure anymore that Hades was a friend.
I stared around the small, bare room. Whatever Hades had done, Cerberus was still my friend. He looked softer, smaller somehow, his indomitable spirit hidden now his glowing eyes were closed. These two still forms stretched out on the floor tugged at my heart with guilt. The shadow shapers didn’t know or care about my personal crisis. They were still going to sacrifice this big guy in the morning so they could steal his master’s powers. I couldn’t afford to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Syl was still working, trying to save us all. I had to help her.
*Lexi? You there?* Her voice was tinged with panic at my lack of reply. Poor Syl. She wasn’t made for this kind of thing, but she was doing it anyway. Hot tears pricked at my eyes. At least I still had her. She was the one piece of my past that Hades couldn’t take away from me.
*Yeah, I’m here. Sorry,* I said. *You’re in? That’s great. Where are you?*
*In some woman’s bedroom. Once I got onto her balcony, I turned human long enough to open the door, and now I’m hiding under her bed. Not that I think she would notice unless there was an earthquake. She’s snoring louder than a jet engine.*
*Probably drank too much red wine at dinner.* The tight knots of stress loosened a touch as I spoke to my friend. Bantering back and forth across our link like this had the comfort of an old routine, though usually it was me sneaking into danger, not her. She would be the one offering a withering commentary on my sanity.
*I can hear someone talking in the next room. I’m going to wait here until it’s quiet.*
I checked my mental map of the upper floor. Judging from where Syl’s life spark glowed above me, she was probably in the first room I’d checked via mosquito-cam earlier. Which meant that the room next door had the amorous couple. I already knew that wasn’t Adrian’s room. *Good plan. I’ll try and find out which one is Adrian’s room. Hang tight there.*
Hidden Goddess (Shadows of the Immortals Book 4) Page 14