"So..." I pull out my chair and sit down as Harley bites into her apple. "This is way better than dog nuts, right?" I ask teasingly. Her eyes widen and she chokes back a laugh as a small piece of her apple flies from her mouth. I can't help but chuckle at the horror that crosses her face as she lifts her hand to her mouth.
"I can't believe I did that," she mumbles while giggling around the apple and through her hand. Her eyes shine with delight and a warm feeling settles in my chest.
"You can't believe you spit your apple at me?" I ask, amused. “Or that you told me you were going to eat dog nuts for lunch?"
"Both! And I didn't spit my apple at you," she says, throwing her napkin at my face. I catch it with a laugh. “And I wish I had actual buttons back, not these damn pictures of buttons." Lifting her hand, she inspects her fingers. "My fingers must be too fat because I think I'm hitting the letter ‘d’ and I really hit an ‘f.’"
"There's not an ounce of fat on your body, Harley." She smiles sweetly but doesn't respond and we both begin eating our lunch in comfortable silence.
I can't believe that I ever thought I could actually walk away from this...from her. I should have fought for Harley. The second she told me she loved me, I should have wrapped her in my arms and accepted what she was offering—her heart.
Instead, I threw it back in her face, making her feel like she did something wrong. The fact of the matter is that I was a scared little shit.
Five years ago, my life was on a different path. I had just decided to make a huge change and follow Brit halfway across the country. I’d already sent the letters and had my residency transferred, and we had already found a place to live. I was too scared to say, ‘I change my mind,’ too fearful of what would happen with my residency, too worried about what my parents would think, and too afraid to break Brit's heart. Therefore, I made a split-second decision that I have regretted for years. I would give anything—hell, I’d give everything—to be able to go back and do things over.
I've learned a lot over the past five years, the most important of which is that sometimes I have to put me first. I have to fight for what I want and, truth be told, five years ago I wanted Harley.
Her fingers lightly graze my knuckles, catching my attention, and my head snaps up to meet her curious face. "Penny for your thoughts?" she says quietly. Her eyes are wide like she's scared to actually hear my answer. I don't respond right away and she lowers her head to take a bite of her sandwich. I can feel the tension growing between us and I can't let that happen.
I slouch back in my seat and watch her, waiting for her to look at me again. She must notice that I'm staring at her because she lifts her head. I open my mouth to speak, but she beats me to the punch. "I missed you," she blurts and all of the tension instantly drains from my shoulders. Good Lord, I really needed to hear that.
I smile tenderly. Any other woman would have probably been horrified at blurting out such an honest statement, but not Harley. She stares at me openly, patiently waiting for me to reply. "I was thinking about how I would do things differently with you if I could rewind time," I say, itching to divulge so much more. I need her to know that I made the biggest mistake of my life and I have no intention of ever letting go of her again, but I know I need to do this slowly. I want to do this right.
Her eyes soften and appear wistful. Reaching out, she grips the top of my hand. "We have a lot to talk about. So much has happened since you left, and I really do want to tell you all about it—" Lowering her head, she takes a deep breath. When she looks at me again, her eyes are glistening with tears. "And I will, but not here. I also want to hear all about everything you've done and experienced, but right now...right now I just want this. I want to get reacquainted with the friend that I lost."
I don't miss the fact that she said ‘friend,’ which is understandable because that's what we are. That's all I’ve ever allowed us to be, but come hell or high water, that's going to change.
I scoot forward in my seat, not breaking eye contact. "Harley, I—"
My words are cut off when someone plops down in a chair next to me. Turning my head, I find Laura, one of the nurses in the ER. "Hey, Harley!" she says with a smile. "Dr. Grawe." She nods at me and then turns her gaze back to Harley. "Do you guys mind if I join you?"
Yes, we mind. Find another table.
"Sure," Harley says sweetly. "How are you? Busy day?"
"So-so," Laura shrugs. "How's Max doing?"
Who the fuck is Max? I watch Harley intently. Her face takes on a dreamy appearance and she tilts her head, giving Laura an easy smile. "He's great...really great. Thanks for asking."
Again, who the fuck is Max? And what's so great about him?
Harley looks up and when our eyes meet, she straightens her back. I watch her appearance go from laidback and happy to nervous and uncomfortable. Whoever Max is, she doesn't want to talk about him. Her eyes flit nervously between Laura and me. What's that about?
Laura swallows her food and wipes her mouth. "I need to come by and spend time with you guys. I haven't seen him in forever. I’ll bet he is even more handsome than the last time I saw him."
"Yup,” Harley replies tersely, as she reaches up and wraps a strand of hair around her finger. "He's handsome."
I can't believe I didn't consider this. Of course she's found someone else. Crap. She might even have kids. My eyes snap to her left hand. No ring. Maybe they're just dating. I can feel my happiness from earlier start to dissipate, and I have the sudden urge to get up and leave before I expose my disappointment. I did not prepare myself for this at all. Goddamn, I'm a stupid fucker.
My chair screeches as I move to stand and Harley quickly does the same, her face filled with worry and something else I can't quite explain. Fear...that's it, she looks kind of afraid. I don't know what she'd be scared about; I'm the one who walked away from her. I can't fault her for moving on with her life.
The weight of that thought slams into my chest and I grip my shirt tightly, trying to stay calm. I divert my eyes and begin picking up our trash and putting it on my tray. I need to get out of here. I need to finish my shift and hightail it home so I can process this. Not that anything has really changed. I still want to rebuild my friendship with Harley, but now I have to make my heart understand that it will never be anything more than friendship.
"Don't leave,” she says, her eyes pleading. Reaching out, she grabs the tray. "We still have..." She looks down at her watch and then back at me. "Twenty minutes."
Laura furrows her brow and glances between Harley and me. Then her face morphs into a look of understanding.
"I should go." Laura shoves the last bite of her lunch into her mouth and takes a drink of water. "I didn't mean to interrupt you guys."
"No. You didn't interrupt anything. Just two old friends having lunch. No big deal," I say awkwardly. "I've gotta get back anyway. Here, I'll take your trays." Reaching down, I grab Harley's tray and then Laura's. I can't help but notice the grin on Laura's face, which catches me slightly off-guard. What the fuck is she smiling about? Here I am, trying to keep my emotions in check and she's smiling.
"Thanks for lunch," I mumble, walking away without a second glance. I am a fucking dick. I couldn't even look at her when I walked away. I know she doesn't understand what my problem is, and I know that I'll have to explain it to her at some point, but right now I have to process this.
This is a really hard pill for me to swallow. I may have walked away from Harley five years ago, but I never really left her. My head and my heart have been with her since that horrible night. There hasn’t been a birthday, holiday, or hell, any day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about her and wondered what she’s doing.
When I came home, I really thought that Levi and Harley still had a thing. But after Levi telling me that wasn't the case, I allowed myself to wander into 'what if' territory. For the first time in five years, I felt my heart come alive at the prospect of making her mine. I was nothing short of excited
about the opportunity to reclaim the girl I fell in love with so many years ago.
What I hadn't anticipated was Max. I don't even know him and I already hate him. I hate him because he has what I want. I hope to God he knows what he's got in a woman like Harley and doesn't hurt her the way I did.
No wonder she kept friend-zoning me. Hell, that's probably what she was talking about when she said that there were things she needed to tell me.
Fuck.
Stepping into the lounge, I pull out my phone and dial Levi's number. He answers on the first ring.
"What's up, Ty?"
"You stupid fucker! You could've told me about Max,” I snap. The line goes silent. His lack of response is not what I anticipated.
"Levi?"
"Yeah, sorry. She told you about Max?" he asks inquisitively.
"No. But you should have the other night. Instead, I had to sit through a conversation between her and Laura about how handsome the bastard is."
"He's not a bastard!" Levi snaps. Whoa, what the fuck? I can hear him take a deep breath through the phone. "If I ever hear you talk about Max that way again, I swear to God that I will fucking strangle you." His voice is low and calm but lethal.
Damn, does everybody love Max? "Sorry," I respond flatly. Running my hand over my face, I lean down and rest my elbows on my knees, hanging my head in defeat. "I just...never mind. I gotta go."
"Wait!" Levi pleads. "You just what?"
"I didn't anticipate any competition. You could have warned me." Levi goes silent again, obviously mulling my words around in his head. He's probably wondering when I lost my balls and grew a fucking pussy.
"What exactly did Harley tell you about Max?" he asks cautiously.
I take a deep, cleansing breath. "Nothing,” I answer on an exhale. "Her friend, Laura, sat down and asked how he was, and then they started talking about how handsome he is and I bailed."
Levi's boisterous laugh rings through the phone. "This is fucking hilarious," he gasps. "I can't wait to tell Quinn." I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Hitting ‘end,’ I sever our conversation and lean back in my chair. A minute later my phone beeps.
Levi: Sorry dude. Wasn't trying to laugh at you. You need to talk to Harley about Max. I promise that when you meet him, you'll love him. Just talk to Harley.
Ha! I doubt that I'll ever love him—he has what I want. I'm not even going to respond to that.
I look up when the door opens and Avery walks in. I watch her move about the room for a few seconds, allowing myself to admire her. She's a little bit thinner than I prefer and I really don't want to be with another blonde, but she's incredibly smart and really sweet. Maybe I should give her a chance after all. And it’s a long shot, but maybe if I'm with someone else, I'll be able to forget about Harley.
"HEY, DAD!" I SAY, slightly out of breath. I hold up my finger, gesturing for Max to give me a second as I sit down in the grass. "What's up?"
"Hi, sweetheart," I hear my mom say. These two crack me up. They always get on the phone together so that they can each hear what's going on. "Your dad and I were wondering what you and Max have planned for this weekend."
I watch Max climb his rock wall, stand tall, and bring his hand above his eyes, peering out into the yard. "Ahoy, Matey!" he yells at no one in particular.
"Oh, is that Maxy?" my mom croons. "Tell him Nana says hi."
I roll my eyes. I hate when she calls him Maxy. It makes me think of maxi-pads, but I never say anything because...well, because my parents are incredible and they help me out so much. So I just keep my mouth shut.
"Max!" I yell across the yard. "Nana and Papa say hi!"
"Aye!" he growls. "I'm not Max. I'm Captain Hook and you took my treasure." He points at me accusingly and looking as if he expects me to produce the ‘stolen’ goods.
"Alright...whatever," I murmur, waving my hand dismissively at him.
"Mom, Max is playing but I'm sure he says hello." I smile as I watch him take on a bad guy in a pretend sword fight. Holy hell, I want some of that energy. "Anyway, I don't think that Max and I have any plans for this weekend. Why, what's up?" I ask, lying back to enjoy the evening breeze. The sun is setting and it's at the perfect angle to light up the clouds in deep purples and reds. This is by far the best time of the year.
"Well—"
“Well, what?” I ask.
"We—" Mom and Dad answer at the same time, causing me to chuckle.
"Okay, you tell her," my mom says.
"Honey, I got tickets to the Cards-Cubs series this weekend. There is a Saturday game at eleven in the morning and then a twelve o'clock game on Sunday."
"Oooh, that sounds like fun!" I answer excitedly. "We would love to go."
"That’s just it. We only have three tickets and I was hoping to bring Max," my Dad says hesitantly. "But I don't want to hurt your feelings. You know you'll always be my Missy Moo Cow, but Max is young and all of this is new to him and he has so much fun. He loves baseball."
Tears sting my eyes and I squeeze them shut, holding back the emotion that’s clawing its way up my throat at the mention of my childhood nickname. Apparently when I was a toddler, I thought that every animal said, ‘moo.’ I'm not sure how he got the name, but ever since then my dad has always called me Missy Moo Cow.
My dad hasn't called me Missy Moo Cow since the night of my attack.
"He loves everything, dad," I murmur, mostly to myself. "It's okay, you can take him."
"Sweetie," my mom croons. "We aren't trying to take him away from you. We know we had him last Saturday, but...well...we aren't getting any younger and Max is growing up so fast." She sniffs lightly into the phone and continues. "One of these days he won't want to do things like this with us."
"It's really okay, Mom. I understand. It's not a big deal. So what's the plan? What time do you want to pick him up on Saturday and Sunday?" I ask, sitting up so I can keep a better eye on my little pirate.
"Well...” my mom drags out. Oh Lord, this should be good. "The games aren't in St. Louis. They're in Chicago."
I jump up, brushing the grass off my butt. "What? No. Sorry, I'm not ready for that." What the hell? I've never been away from Max for longer than a night. There's no way in hell I could go a whole weekend.
"See, I told you, Marie," my dad chastises.
"Oh, sweetie. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. We aren't going to let anything happen to Max. We're going to have so much fun! We'll go to the games, and I want to take him to Navy Pier and let him ride that big Ferris wheel," Mom says hopefully.
I grip my phone tighter in my left hand and throw my right hand in the air. "It's not about that, Mom!" I snarl. "You know that I trust you guys more than anyone else. Keeping him for one night is okay when you're just down the road, but keeping him for two nights when you're five hours away doesn't sit well with me. What if something happens?" I ask in disbelief.
"Its okay, honey," Dad says, followed by whispered words that I can't quite make out. Am I being irrational? "Your mom and I will go by ourselves; it's not a big deal."
Turning toward the swing set, I watch Max play. He stands about ten feet from his swing and runs at it with full speed. His little arms are pumping furiously and his legs are moving in rapid succession. Reaching his arms out, he leaps onto the swing on his belly and pretends he is flying. I hate missing out on this stuff. I don't want to miss out on anything.
It's not that I don't want Max to go; I just wish I could go with him. Maybe I want to be there when he rides that big Ferris wheel. Did they ever think of that? Ugh! As much as I want to be there for everything, I understand that it's not possible. There are moments in his life that I will inevitably miss, and right now I should just be grateful that I have two wonderful parents who love my son as much as I do. Scrubbing my hand over my face, I growl. "Fine,” I concede. "He can go."
"Alright!" my Dad cheers. "Thank you so much, sweetie."
"You're welcome," I reply flatly.
"We love you, darling. Give Max kisses from us, and tell him we’re going to come get him Friday afternoon," Mom chirps into the phone. Damn them. They knew I would give in.
"Love you too. Night." Ending the call, I toss my phone to the ground and take off running for Max. He catches sight of me out of the corner of his eye and squeals loudly as he takes off in the opposite direction. Halfway around the house, he turns and starts chasing me. We run around for several minutes before I let him tackle me to the ground. His laughter fills the air and joy fills my heart.
"I love you, Captain Hook." I nuzzle my nose into his neck and he laughs at the contact, scrunching up his shoulders.
We finally make our way inside after the sun goes down. I give Max a bath and let him watch a show before tucking him into bed for the night. Now is when I get busy. Call me crazy, but I don't like to do housework when I'm home with Max. I'd rather spend the time with him—everything else can just wait. The drawback is that it leaves me with laundry, dishes, and any other housework to do after he goes to bed, which makes for a long night and an even more exhausting morning.
Flipping on the TV, I start folding a load of laundry. My mind quickly turns to my lunch with Tyson today. When he first texted me, I was terrified. But then I remembered my conversation with Levi and the fact that he and Quinn both thought Tyson was interested in more than friendship. Ultimately, that's what I was thinking about when I walked down to the ER to meet him for lunch.
Initially, I thought they had been right. I noticed him watching me on several different occasions and he even went out of his way to brush up against me, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Tyson is ruggedly handsome with his light brown hair, square jaw, and round, chocolate eyes. His gaze alone makes me feel vulnerable and sexy in a way I've never felt, and I found myself wanting more.
When Laura sat down, everything changed. She started talking about Max and that alarmed me. I don't want Tyson to learn about Max from someone else. I want him to learn about Max from me, and today I realized just how easy it would be for someone to inadvertently spill the beans. I could tell Tyson's demeanor shifted instantaneously and when he walked away hastily without a glance in my direction, my heart dropped.
Where We Belong Page 9