by Paris Morgan
The poor woman doing the paperwork gave me an appraising look as she stepped back, taking in my combat boots, black jeans, and T-shirt for a rock band.
“Only when provoked.” I smiled sweetly, picking up my bag while pulling my suitcase behind me.
They hadn’t given me much warning before they showed up at my house and told me to pack. To be honest, the larger suitcase contained more weapons than it did actual clothing, but I was sure that the guys would bring me more stuff if I stayed longer.
I popped the card into the lock and pushed it open as it flashed green. The other two weren’t far behind, as we all crowded into the small room built to accommodate one person.
It was an elegant guest room, but lacked the options of a small fridge or seating area. It didn’t take long to establish that it was a room clear of listening devices and unwanted people.
“All right, guys. Thanks for the warm welcome, but I’ll take it from here.” I held the door open as they both chuckled.
“We’re not going anywhere.”
The door left my hand, slowly closing as my gun replaced it. I didn’t point it at either of them, but more in their general direction.
“I’ve played nice. I’ve done as Agent Watson suggested. I’m here, but I will not have both of you up my ass while I do it.” The determination in my voice surprised me.
Ryan shot a glance at Adam before getting up from his perch on the edge of the lone chair in the room.
“Fair enough.” He held up his hands in surrender. “We’ll see you at dinner.”
Only then did I let out the breath I’d been unconsciously holding and lowered the gun as the door clicked shut.
My brain finally caught up to my body, and I slid down the door until I hit the floor, bursting into heartbreaking sobs.
Everything had gotten under my skin much worse than I ever thought it could. I’d just threatened the two people who’d had my back time and time again.
It was a protective instinct, and if I didn’t take cover, I was going to be hurt a lot worse. They were right, I did need professional help. If I didn’t get it now, there would be no going back to the right side of the law. I was going to exact my own brand of justice, and while it would bring satisfaction, it would ruin the rest of my life.
The tears continued to fall as I clicked the safety on my gun before laying it on the floor in front of me.
I had to put one foot in front of the other to survive. I had to, there was no other way.
***
It was a good thing I’d had an hour to recover from my crying bout, because it took that long to calm down before washing my face. The sunglasses helped to hide any puffiness, but I needed to project a tough image, not one of a fragile female that needed someone to protect her.
A quick glance in the elevator door’s reflection, I decided I’d done the best I could for the moment. I was so focused on how I looked that I ran straight into the woman I’d seen earlier carrying an empty basket.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she cried, righting the basket before any of the flowers could fall out.
“No, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I apologized and squeezed around her.
“No worries. I’m Kara, by the way.” She stuck out a manicured hand to introduce herself.
“Hi, I’m Leslie Boxe.” Returning the gesture, I backed out into the hallway. “I’ve got an appointment with the counselor, but it was nice meeting you.”
“You too.” She beamed at me. “Just be honest with your answers. It saves time,” she advised as the doors of the elevator closed.
Not what I expected, but I had a lot more on my mind than normal as I turned down the back hallway to the private offices.
The counselor’s door had lots of little hearts and flower cut-outs taped everywhere.
A sneer flitted across my face as I muttered, “This is going to be worse than I thought.”
“Really? I would think you’d know the owner on the other side of the door wasn’t boring at least.” A man in a T-shirt and khakis stood next to me with the door open.
“Ah, I’m not sure how to answer that.” I had my glasses pushed up into my hair before I remembered my puffy eyes. Too late now. There was no way I could pull off lowering them again since I was indoors.
“Well, if you’re Leslie, then we’ll have plenty of time to discuss it. Sally had to deal with an emergency, and I’m here to take her place for the afternoon.” He smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Luigi, but most folks call me Lu.”
I rolled my eyes as I took his hand. “Of course you are. Is this going to cost me a nickel?”
“Nope, not even a dime.” Lu moved back, allowing me entry into the room.
“Great. Let’s get this over with.” I didn’t even try to hide my bad attitude. I didn’t feel like sharing my thoughts and feelings with a stranger. Honestly, being alone in my dark room really had a lot of merit.
“I see that you’re looking forward to our session.” He waited until I’d taken a seat before sitting opposite of me.
“It’s mandatory, and I’m here against many protests.” I slid my glasses back down since he had the blinds open, letting in loads of sunlight.
He took it all in stride and pulled his legs into the big round chair with him, like we were going to be best friends and get to know each other.
“Protests, huh? I didn’t see anyone in the hall with you.”
“No, you didn’t, because they at least trust me to get here on my own. They’ll check up on me, though.”
I couldn’t believe the things I was saying, and this guy was just acting like it was completely normal. I was a nice person and had manners, but I was all out of giving a crap at the moment.
“So, I know you don’t think you need to be here, but why do they think you should be here?”
Sarcasm laced my voice. “You should be a detective, because you’re powers of observation are really good.”
“Is that a pick-up line? I’d give you a seven for effort, but if you want to seal the deal, you’re going to have to try a little harder.”
A laugh bubbled out, and I could feel a smile on my lips. “All right, I’ll cooperate because you’re good. I’ll have to try that out on the guys and see what they think.”
He just waited patiently for me to continue.
“I’ve lost a few close friends, and have been going through some serious crap at work. I’m used to dealing with death, but someone is trying to kill those who are important to me, and my friends are ‘worried’ for my mental health.”
“Ah, that would be difficult. If your friends are concerned about you and your job, then I can see why it would be hard for you to let anyone else get close enough to help you.” Lu wrapped his arms around his legs. His multi-colored socks were distracting.
“Agreed. And if I talk about it, then that makes it all real.” I gazed out the window, hoping he would ask the questions, and I wouldn’t have to think about what to tell him.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
There wasn’t really a response to that, was there? You didn’t thank someone for noticing that you’re hurting, right?
“You don’t want to talk about it, but is there anything you do want to talk about instead?”
Oh, he was good, this counselor. If he couldn’t get me to talk, then he could pick my brain and eventually get me to spill what I was thinking.
“Do you believe in psychics? Like, telepathy or visions? Talking to ghosts?” If he didn’t, then nothing I said to him in the next hour was going to mean anything.
“It’s not really a question of if I believe in having gifts, but more about how you feel about those gifts.”
“You think I have gifts?” An eyebrow lifted as I realized he hadn’t dismissed what I was implying.
“Yes, and you’re unsure of what to do with them. How do you reconcile using visions and listening to ghosts when you’re supposed to have solid evidence?”
�
��Adam spoke to you, didn’t he?”
“Nope. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Adam. I’m also a sensitive. It helps with counseling to be able to sense what my patients are feeling and dealing with.”
“How on earth does the majority of the population not know about all this, but it’s supposedly everywhere?”
He smiled. “People see what they want to see. You’ve dealt with the supernatural before, but you dismissed what didn’t fit into your brain’s picture of normal.”
“I’ve gone my whole life, and now suddenly in the past six months, psychic people are everywhere,” I scoffed, not really needing an answer.
“That’s because, just like nature, it’s there, you just weren’t aware of it. The sun rises every day, but most of the time we don’t think about it. Now that you’re more knowledgeable, it isn’t going to go back into obscurity. Plus, your senses are heightened, and you’re drawn to people with the same gifts.”
“What you’re saying makes sense, but it doesn’t work out in the real world.”
“Are you scared of your gifts and what you might be capable of?”
I considered his question, and noticed Ryan outside in the distance. The guys would be checking out the grounds and scoping out all the exits for escape routes and bad guys.
“When I’ve used them, good things have happened. That doesn’t mean I like them or that I want to use them. I haven’t seen a downside to my ‘gifts’ so far, but it could change. I’ve felt a desire to turn to the dark side the past few days. That scares me because it’s a slippery slope, and once you start down that path, there’s no way to work back to the top.”
“Do you think that you’re considering those thoughts due to the death of your loved one?” Lu asked the question so casually.
“He wasn’t my loved one. Yet. We’d only been dating a month, six weeks at most. We liked each other, and we certainly meshed, but I wouldn’t use the word ‘love.’” I took a deep breath and focused on a bird that was hovering in the tree outside.
“We might have gotten to that point, but someone decided to take his life.” I sniffed, trying to hold back the tears. “I want revenge. Justice would be nice as well, but I want the person responsible to suffer.”
“Those are legitimate feelings, and most people contemplate the death of the person that took their loved one away.” He rearranged himself to a more comfortable position. “I know he wasn’t your loved one, but he had that potential. You had gotten close enough that you were at least friends, and so it hit close to home, no matter what your exact feelings for him were.” He studied me closely. “He’s not the first one who’s gotten close and then left you behind, is he?”
While I’d never been a crier before, tears fell down my cheeks, but I ignored them.
“Yes,” I whispered. “He, the first one, was perfect. Great sex. Fun to be around.”
“’I’m sensing a ‘but’ here.”
“But, he was jealous and clingy. He couldn’t deal with the fact that I work with guys and travel, meaning overnight stays and close working quarters. I already have a serial killer that’s stalking our team. I didn’t need a boyfriend doing the same.”
“You were expecting him to accept your word that nothing was happening on these trips because that’s part of what you consider a normal relationship. His expectations were obviously different. Did you try to work through it?”
“I did. We talked, and had what I thought were good conversations about boundaries, and then he shows up at my next crime scene. He wanted me to drop everything and do stuff with him. I’m a cop for crying out loud, working murder cases. I can’t just not work, and my cases are time sensitive.”
“Which he knew about from the beginning, correct?”
“Yep. One of the first things I told him. Chris was a different story because we were in the same type of work. He didn’t have tons of time, but wanted someone around for a date or free weekend. I’m all over the place, but it was nice to have someone who wanted to know how your day went.”
“You liked both of them, right?”
Lu knew just the questions to ask to make me want to keep talking. It was working, because instead of tears, I was getting more upset at the circumstances.
Ryan’s face flitted through my brain, but I dismissed it because he’d been outside.
“I did. With Jerome, I didn’t know or think that I had to wear armor around my heart while dating. With Chris, it was more casual. We’d both been hurt before, and our expectations weren’t as high.”
“It sounds like you have most of it worked out in your head, but where do you see the problems that are causing your tears? And the concern of your coworkers?”
“This is where Jerome really didn’t get it, that my coworkers are more than just people I work with. I have to trust them with my life. Split second decisions that could get us or someone else killed are just part of what we deal with.” I shifted uncomfortably as Ryan’s face came to mind again. “I almost died, but Ryan, my partner, used his instincts to save me. That goes deeper than an intimate relationship with a boyfriend.”
“Do you have a crush on Ryan?”
“When we met, I did. He’s a good looking guy, but he’s engaged. They’re expecting a baby now, so that’s not something I explored. He’s off-limits.”
“Can you see why Jerome might have felt jealous about your partner? Even if you cut out those feelings, he may have sensed an underlying tension that you both might not have been aware of.”
“I can see that, but they call them a work spouses for a reason. I mean, we have a relationship that’s somewhat like a marriage, but without the fun benefits.”
Lu smiled encouragingly.
“Ryan’s kind of grumpy until you get some coffee in him. You have to deal with the mood swings and normal guy behavior that a wife would have to. While they have your back, they don’t love you, not like that anyway.”
“Sounds like that could be hard to handle, and unless someone was used to this kind of thing, it might seem like you were emotionally cheating on them. That’s one of the reasons there’s a higher divorce rate among cops and their spouses.”
“You can’t blame divorce on the partnerships, because not all partners are a girl/guy pair. There are lots of guy/guy partners, and I know they don’t think of it as an emotional relationship,” I protested.
“What you’ve described is not just something between girls and guys, it can be a bromance even. It’s really the deep connection you form in difficult situations that excludes the spouse, causing them to feel left out.”
“Why couldn’t he take what I said and trust me? We weren’t in a deep relationship at the time, and were still getting to know each other. He hadn’t given me a chance, or us a chance, to make things work,” I complained.
“Some people just aren’t ready for that kind of relationship. There are certain instances where people aren’t comfortable with themselves enough to let the one they love free. If they were left with that type of situation, they wouldn’t be as strong, and thus they put their fears onto you, assuming you would do the same.”
“That’s not fair. I know, life’s not fair. Geeze, why can’t I get a break?”
“Oh, Detective, I think that’s because you haven’t found someone yet that will let you make you want to overcome those issues…or make them overcome them either for that matter. I get that Chris might have been that one, but for whatever reason, the universe took away that option.” He frowned. “Not what we might have wanted for you right now, considering that you need someone to be there for you. The universe always gives back. Maybe not how we think it should, but in time we look back and see a new solution to a problem. We were too close to it to be aware of what was right around the corner.”
“I don’t have time to wait. Someone is killing people I love, or at least like, or are being threatened. They’re on his list, and I can’t endanger new possible FWBS because they’ll die.”
Lu mad
e a noise and I looked at his face.
“Yes?”
“What are FWBS?”
“Oh, friends with benefits.”
He blushed. “Got it. I should have known that.”
“Hey, the meanings and words for things change on a regular basis.” I made a point of looking at my watch. “Well, it’s been an hour, so I guess our session is over.”
“Completely up to you. Do you want to come back tomorrow?” Lu shrugged, indicating it wasn’t a big deal either way.
“Sure, since you’ve probably got a few more pick-up lines that I haven’t heard yet.” I stood and made my way to the door. “You’re not close to my problems, so I’m going to keep talking to you and see things through your eyes. Maybe I’ll think of something from the questions you’re asking. It’s worth a try.”
Lu smiled at me. “Same time tomorrow if you’d like. I’ll be here.”
“Great.” I closed the door behind me as I went outside to do what I should have been concerned with in the first place: the security arrangements of the facility and what my partners had discovered.
Even though I’d been against this whole idea, it might be just the thing to be around people who weren’t used to thinking like a murderer all the time. Maybe it was time to use a different perspective and come at this rested. The angry cloud was still there, but it wasn’t as dark as it had been.
Chapter 2
Leslie
The session might have helped, but walking outside, I couldn’t ignore the gorgeous scenery. They had certainly outdone themselves on making it an atmosphere where you would want to stay and relax.
Adam and Ryan were just out the back doors, checking over the security when I joined them.
“How was your intake session?” Ryan asked.
“Good. I mean, for being forced to attend, that is.” I glanced around at the women milling about, intermingled with a few men here and there.
“That’s wonderful.” Adam grinned, handing me a piece of paper.
“What’s this?”
“Your schedule. You have meditation in about twenty minutes, so you might want to go change into something not quite as dark and foreboding so you don’t scare the other attendees.”