by Stuart Hopps
‘You seem to have friends everywhere,’ said Michael. ‘But how exactly are we going to get across the border?’
‘There is a transit system that operates on the Lakes: it goes back and forth on the Saint Lawrence Seaway between the States and Canada. We’ll catch a ferry from Lake Erie and end up in Toronto.’
‘Steve, that sounds like an excellent plan. But aren’t we still forgetting one thing? Our Federal Bureau of Investigation.’
‘No Michael, I’m not. That’s why we’ve got to get going right now. I better go and give those two a shout.’
And, just as he got up to fetch them, Clive made the most unbelievable entrance, which neither of the two Americans were ready for. Shirley’s printed cotton dress had the most dazzling effect and the Chanel headscarf, keeping a fringe in place, was the icing on the cake: the entire ensemble created a very convincing new female travelling companion, apart from a pair of plimsolls on Clive’s feet.
Michael was speechless but Steve was able to utter: ‘Words fail me. Clive … you look unbelievable!’
‘Well, why wouldn’t I?’ Clive giggled. ‘I’ve got the most amazing costume designer and make-up artist.’
‘I haven’t had time to fix his face properly, but I figured we could do that in the car.’
‘Shirley, you most certainly can. But we should set off right away.’ Steve explained that he thought they needed to use two cars to start with, just to check they were not being followed. ‘Michael, I’ll take the Brits and you should take a downtown direction. Let’s meet up at Columbus Cares in half an hour and we can change cars there. I can leave mine in our car park and no one will think there’s anything odd about that.’
‘Just one moment!’ commanded Shirley. ‘I was just telling Clive while we were upstairs, there’s one thing that troubles me, Steve. How do we know your car is safe? When did you last use it?’
‘To drive back home after Michael’s dinner party.’
‘But that was last night,’ observed Shirley. ‘And how do we know it hasn’t been tampered with while you were sleeping? And what’s more, don’t you all think it’s a little odd that there’s been no policemen crawling around your house, Steve?’
‘Or men in dark suits?’ added Clive.
‘Yes, Clive, I have to admit it is a bit strange that we’ve been left undisturbed.’
‘Exactly,’ continued Shirley. ‘I had to spend some time in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, back in the seventies. I was between jobs, and my Auntie Flo had got me a temporary job stagemanaging. Every time we set off from a gig, we used a mirror device to search below our vehicles in order to check that the IRA hadn’t placed explosives underneath them.’
‘You’re surely not suggesting that the FBI have booby-trapped Steve’s car?’ Michael asked.
‘Why the hell not? You know that they are perfectly capable of doing such a thing,’ responded Steve. ‘And that would eliminate all of us, except of course you, Michael.’
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE ESCAPE TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY
They left Steve’s house with great caution looking around for Allen and Edith as they stepped outside the front door. They could be lurking anywhere just waiting to shoot them all dead. Once they were satisfied that this was not the case, the boys made a quick getaway and went to the car whilst Shirley was placed on lookout duty on the front porch. It was her job to keep a watchful eye up and down the street and raise the alarm should either the police or men in dark suits suddenly appear. Michael took charge of unlocking the boot of his mother’’s vehicle, and was also on guard while Clive and Steve loaded up the luggage in Gloria’s roomy estate car. As navigator, Steve sat up in front and, having worked out their route, he kept a detailed map of Ohio State and the Great Lakes on his lap. Clive and Shirley shared the back seat but, as all four finally drove off, they were well aware that there was an all-pervading smell of apprehension throughout the car and it wasn’t till they were finally on their way and those all-too-familiar Columbus skyscrapers receded into the distance that the heavy silence was broken by Steve.
‘That’s right, Michael, just keep going north towards Delaware. Once we’ve reached the outskirts of Marion, I’ll take over the wheel.’
After an hour’s fast driving, they began to approach the outskirts of the town of Worthington, Ohio, where they branched off and took a side road to Delaware. As they drove along, Michael pointed out that, by going cross-country, he hoped that it would make it difficult for them to be trailed. Then he added: ‘Unless of course a hidden tracking device has been attached to Mom’s car.’
Michael’s remark once again fuelled Clive’s suspicions about him, but Clive decided to change the subject and drew everyone’s attention to the local architecture.
They headed on until they passed a signpost showing that Marion was not far away, and then Steve changed places with Michael. Although the light was beginning to fade, as they approached the street where Steve’s friend Ron lived, they could see that the dwellings were by no means modest in size. They finally turned into a driveway and parked, and Steve quickly got out of the car and opened up the house while Shirley and Michael went back to the end of the drive and kept a lookout for dark limousines. Steve waved them back, they each retrieved their overnight bag out of the car, and eventually made their way to bed. Before finally going to their rooms, Steve apologised for reminding them that they would be making a very early start and told them that he wanted to be on the road by six-thirty the next morning. He added that he knew a place where they could stop off for breakfast, at a junction just before they headed towards Toledo.
The following morning, his well-disciplined guests were all punctual and ready and waiting downstairs as requested. Steve locked up the house and as they set off, he explained they were first making for Fostoria before heading towards Toledo on Lake Erie, where they would take a ferry to Port Stanley, which lies on the Canadian side of the lake.
‘Well, we both know Port Stanley, don’t we, Clive?’ grinned Shirley. ‘But that’s the one in the Falkland Islands, off Argentina.’
‘Yes, Shirley, thanks for the geography lesson. Only joking, darling.’
‘And Clive, darling, just because you’re in drag, you don’t have to get all bitchy.’
‘No, Shirley, you’re quite right.’ And in an attempt to alleviate the growing tension they were all now feeling, Clive continued. ‘I just love the fact that there are always so many English place names in the United States, and they do make us feel at home, don’t they, Shirl?’
‘I’m glad about that,’ responded Michael. ‘And look at you! You do still look amazing, by the way.’
‘Don’t say that, Michael. I might get too attached to crossdressing all the time.’
‘What are you two Brits like?’ burst out Steve. ‘You should both know that Michael and I are sure gonna miss having you two theatricals around. You’ve certainly livened things up for us over here, I can tell you. I just wished it hadn’t all ended up like this and you could have stayed on for a bit longer.’
‘And I’m sure I speak for Shirley when I say that we’ll miss you both. But I know you understand that we do now have to leave the States and get back to London. Apart from the dangerous situation I’ve thrown us all into over here, I desperately need to get this stuff analysed as soon as possible. I also have to admit we’ve been neglecting Spoke Associates somewhat of late, and we do have a pile of work to catch up on. Don’t we, Shirl?’
“It has certainly been grand getting to know you Columbus boys,’ said Shirley, ‘but we really do have to get back home. I really want you both to know that your support and trust means a very great deal to us, doesn’t it Clive?’
‘It most certainly does,’ agreed Clive.
‘Michael, don’t miss the turn-off to Fostoria,’ Steve interrupted.
‘Thanks – but I can see it coming up.’
The car swerved off to the right at the next junction, still heading
north, and a further silence descended. They all knew that they were still in danger but there was no option except to sit back, watch the countryside dash past and succumb to the long journey ahead of them, hoping against hope that they weren’t being followed. After a while, it was Clive who, trying not to sound too pessimistic, got everyone’s attention again.
‘And if we ever get out of this in one piece, Shirley, remember that the boys have promised to visit us in England once this is all over.’
‘Of course we’re gonna get out of this OK,’ Steve firmly stated. ‘And, by the way, we really are planning on coming to stay with you, aren’t we, Michael?’
‘We sure are. Just checking, but do I take the next turn off to Upper Sandusky?’
‘Well-remembered,’ the navigator replied.
‘What a curious name. Is it American-Indian?’ Shirley asked.
Steve told Shirley that he thought it was Polish in origin and explained that there were many Europeans who had settled in this part of the States.
‘So many who came to this Land of the Free. Well, I suppose it hasn’t been such a liberating experience for us this time, has it, Shirl?’, Clive admitted.
Shirley steered the conversation in a more positive direction. ‘And to get back to your visit, guys, you know there’s lots of theatre in London that I can arrange tickets for.’
‘And then there’s the little cottage I rent by the sea in Kent: it’s even cosy in the winter. St Margaret’s Bay isn’t in quite the same league as Provincetown, if you know what I mean, but it’s a charming little seaside resort on the south coast of England and I feel sure you’ll love it there as much as we do. There are lots of like-minded people for you to meet in this delightful Kentish hamlet, if you get my drift?’
Shirley confirmed that there certainly were, and described the great social life they led down there because they had made so many very good friends in St Margaret’s. Although she also made it clear that although she had no intention of contradicting her boss, she felt she had to inform them that Clive was being terribly modest about what he had referred to as a ‘little cottage’. She went on to assure them that it was actually more like a mansion, with five bedrooms, an enormous garden and stunning sea views. On a clear day it was possible to see France and that they could easily pop over to Calais for lunch.
‘London’s only a hop away,’ she said. ‘All you have to do is to let me know when you plan to arrive, and I’ll go ahead and book your flights.’
‘You’re both welcome to stay as long as you like’, added Clive. ‘Just call the office.’
‘Clive, I’m sure I speak for Michael when I say that’s most kind and very generous of you. But at the moment,’ Steve continued, ‘I just want to get us all onto Canadian soil and to Toronto airport in particular. I think we’ll have to put all thoughts about London on a back burner just for the time being.’
‘Speaking of which,’ Shirley remarked. ‘Did you see the signpost we just passed. It said London.’
‘Well spotted! But that’s London, Ontario,’ announced the navigator. ‘And that’s in the opposite direction. We now need to head for Genoa and then ultimately arrive in Toledo.’
‘You know, Steve,’ Clive remarked, ‘I still just can’t get over all these other European place names too, from Italy and Spain, as well as the UK.’
And so the small talk went on, hiding their pent-up anxiety, until they eventually reached the last stop on that day’s journey, and they pulled into the driveway of a Holiday Inn quite near to where the ferries left from the dockside in Toledo. Steve made straight for the lobby, while Michael parked the car and the Brits got the overnight bags out of the boot. Steve booked a room for him and Michael and asked the hotel desk clerk where they could purchase their ferry tickets for the following morning, and the young man kindly offered to assist him.
It was clear that they had all started to unwind and were obviously feeling a lot safer now that they had left Columbus far behind them. However Clive, realising that they were not completely out of the woods, went back to the car park and also double-checked that there were no ominous black saloons parked along the driveway up to their hotel. Shirley followed him outside, commented on the fact that their pursuers could easily be tailing them in a very nondescript jalopy for all they knew, and then smartly escorted Clive into the ladies’ room where she stood guard while he changed back into his male attire so that they could book their rooms and have their passports inspected.
All four of our intrepid travellers having now safely checked in, went to their separate rooms, which were conveniently adjacent, and tried to settle in after the trials of the previous explosive day. They decided to meet up in the hotel lounge after an hour and treat themselves to a nightcap before finally turning in. It was apparent that they desperately needed to get some shut-eye in anticipation of what they knew was going to be another equally stressful day.
Once they had reunited, back down in the hotel lobby, a rather more subdued mood had set in and, making their way to the bar, they all admitted that they were most thankful that so far there had been no sign of Allen, or that nurse of his.
Although not as glamorous as at the Sheraton several evenings ago, Shirley still cut a striking figure and the dark glasses she sported added a certain je ne sais quoi to her appearance. She now wore a pair of jeans, a blue blouse and navy cardigan, and had decided to let her hair down. As for Clive, much to his own relief, he was back in mufti and also wearing jeans. After the waiter had taken their orders, and disappeared to fetch their drinks, it was Michael who broke into conversation.
‘I did tell my folks I was going to Florida, by the way.’
‘And let’s hope no body knows we’re staying the night here. Just outside Upper Sandusky, did you say it was?’
‘That was a few miles back’, Michael replied. ‘I think we’re nearer to Toledo. Am I right, Steve?’
‘Yes, Michael, I would say so,’ Steve quietly responded.
At this point their drinks arrived to quench their anxiety, and Clive decided to propose a toast to Dennis, which, although he hadn’t meant to, cast a further shadow over the proceedings.
Steve broke the mood of introspection with some more practical information relating to their itinerary and told them that their travel arrangements were all taken care of. He’d purchased the ferry tickets, and announced that they had to get to the dockside by nine-thirty, a good half hour before embarkation. He went on to suggest that they all had an early breakfast, and to be on the safe side, they needed to leave the hotel shortly after eight o’clock at the latest, since he wasn’t entirely sure where their ferry left from.
‘That’s fine with us, isn’t it, Shirl?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Have you ever gone to Toronto this way before?’ Clive asked Steve.
‘No Clive, to be perfectly honest I haven’t. It’s all quite an adventure and the sooner we cross over into Canada, the better I’m sure we’ll all feel.’
‘I couldn’t agree more’, Michael added.
Although their late-night drinks somewhat helped ease the obvious tension they were all feeling, it was quite apparent that a terrible malaise had set in. Indeed, Shirley’s sleeping pills were going to come in very handy, providing there was a loud morning alarm call, which she had been sure to request for both herself and her boss.
Nevertheless, she decided it was time to break up the party and so she rose and excused herself in her usual politest of ways: ‘Listen, boys, I don’t wish to appear rude, but this drink is not going down too well and I really feel I have to turn in, so I do hope you’ll all excuse me.’
As her three escorts stood up, Clive was quick to respond. ‘Shirley, I think that’s a very shrewd move on your part, and I feel we should all follow your wise example.’
And with that, our four weary travellers downed their drinks, bade farewell to each other most fondly, and went to their rooms to try to get a good night’s sleep.
Breakfast was a hasty affair and they were soon on their way to catch the ferry, with Steve at the wheel this time, in order to give Michael a break from all the driving he’d done. Once they pulled up at the dockside, and in order to lessen the tension they were all feeling, Shirley remarked that she thought that their ship resembled one of those Scottish MacBrayne steamers she had once taken when she sailed to the Outer Hebrides from Oban, to visit the Isle of Lewis.
All four of them showed a good deal of apprehension as they approached the US official at the quayside. But to their total astonishment they managed to clear customs with not a hint of difficulty which, naturally enough, had been the one thing they were all really dreading. The ease of the procedure began to concern Clive as they drove up the ferry ramp and down into the ship’s hold, since he acknowledged that leaving the United States had been relatively effortless, but he had to admit to himself that it left him feeling more suspicious than ever. He just couldn’t understand why he and Shirley had not been apprehended, nor could he help but think that they were being tailed after all, and were probably under surveillance and consequently still in a good deal of danger: but he decided not to share such thoughts with the others.
Once on board, and with their car carefully stowed away on the bottom deck, they heard the engines of their vessel spring into action, which was a huge relief for our four uneasy travellers. This encouraged them to go up on deck, joining many of the other passengers and watch their ship finally cast off and see it slowly drift away from the shores of the United States of America, leaving them all feeling most relieved.
After a while, it was Shirley who said that she’d kill for a cup of coffee and Steve felt the same way. Clive, who only smoked Sobranies when under stress, announced that he really needed a ‘fag’ now that he had begun to relax a little, which caused some amusement amongst his American buddies. Michael, though not a confirmed smoker, said he’d love to try one and so he remained on deck with Clive while the other two went below and looked for the cafeteria.