by Erin Hayes
Now that I've had fifteen years to think on it, our reasons for it feel silly. It wasn't as though we were star-crossed lovers.
Then again, I remember reading somewhere that Phillip was disowned by Queen Victoria for defying her. Maybe that would have come to fruition just as we had feared.
"I loved him," I say. "And I don't think I ever got over him."
Father nods and squeezes my hand one more time before he wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Is that why you ended your engagement with that senator?"
"Some of it," I say. I don't want to bring up Japan, because that's just a facet of my feelings. True, running into Ferdie had opened up my heart again, but I think there are other reasons as to why I ended things with James. "I don't think I loved James," I finally say. "We were right for each other in every way... except when it came to love."
The senator and the diplomat. It would have been a romance that you could have found in a romance novel. Instead, it wouldn't have worked. James and I would have drifted apart from each other and our lives would have been miserable, because we wouldn't have been able to divorce under the watchful eyes of the media. It would have been political suicide for him.
Instead, I'm trying to find my own path now.
It's both terrifying and liberating.
"You know," Father says, "your mother had been engaged to someone else before she met me."
I turn to him sharply. "She was?"
He nods. "You are looking at a homewrecker. She was a month or so out from the wedding when she met me."
"How did you two meet?"
He smiles. "The Peace Corps in Fiji. We spent two weeks together before she was to go back to Sweden to marry her fiancé, but she broke it off with him after she met me."
"Wow." I sit back. "I never knew."
Father chuckles. "Sometimes, you never know how life is supposed to go for you until you get a sign. For your mother, it was meeting me."
And me? Where is my sign?
"And that's how I know that you'll be just fine," Father says. He kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes to relish it. While we've always been close, Father's never been one for showing affection like this. I cherish the kiss to my forehead. "Because you have your mother in you, Alexandra."
"I wish she were still here," I say sniffling.
"If she were," Father says, "she'd be chiding me for not paying enough attention to know that you were dating a prince."
I laugh. "Well, you never asked."
"You were hiding it, though."
I shrug. "It was just a secret until now."
And even though I haven't said all of my feelings, I do feel lighter.
"Rather than be a diplomat," Father says, "you should have been a spy."
I can only laugh.
23
Ferdinand
“Mother has gone crazy.”
I look up from my novel as Phillip comes into my room. He shakes his head as he slams the door behind him, and he throws himself into the armchair in the sitting area next to my bed. I close the book, keeping my finger in between the pages to hold my place.
“Oh?” I ask sarcastically. Admittedly, I’m a little annoyed that he’s barged in like this. Phillip and Eric tend to treat me like their sounding board for everything. While I just want to sit here and read my book. “What is she doing now?”
“She thinks that Alexandra and I would be a good match.”
Time slows down for me as his words sink in. He’s talking about Lex. My Lex. There’s no way in hell I’m hearing this correctly. “A good...match?”
Phillip nods. “With her father getting the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother thinks it would be good for Dubreva’s image if the crown prince married William Daae’s daughter. For publicity.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Whoever heard of such a thing? Alexandra’s like a sister to us.”
She’s like a sister to him. To me, she’s become so much more than that. While I’ve stolen kisses from her and snuck her out to dates, I haven’t even thought about what others could possibly think about her future.
I haven’t even really had time to process my own feelings for her. Now I’m staring down the possibility that my aunt believes she’d be better suited for my cousin.
No.
I can’t allow that.
We’re in the twenty-first century, for fuck’s sake. There aren’t supposed to be any arranged marriages. Not what like Phillip is talking about.
“Besides,” Phillip adds, “we’re eighteen. We’re too young to talk about marriage and all that shit.”
I’m too stunned to answer.
He eyes me warily. “Are you okay?”
It takes every ounce of self-control that I have to simply nod. “Yes.”
He sits forward and rests with his elbows on his knees. “Look, I know you and Alexandra are close…”
Close? More than close. I’ve been trying to figure out what it is I’m feeling for her. After all, we’ve known each other since we were eight.
All that time, I’ve only had eyes for Lex. Going at her pace. Not pressuring her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Because she’s worth it.
She’s worth everything to me.
Fuck.
I try to keep my composure and nod. “She’s my best friend.”
Phillip gives me a grim smile. “Look, I’m not going to marry her. Mother can stamp her feet and do whatever she wants, but…” He chuckles, as if in shock. “I’m not going to do it. I can’t.”
I know that Phillip means well. But I also know that once Victoria sets her mind to something, she’ll do everything in her power to make it happen.
I don’t have the same faith that everything will be all right.
I set aside the book, forgetting that I wanted to keep my place. There are more important things on my mind now. “I just remembered,” I say slowly, trying to think of a way to get Phillip out of my room so I could go to Lex and ask her if it’s true without my cousin suspecting my feelings. So I glance at my watch. “I have to go do something.”
Phillip gives me an enigmatic smile, like he knows something, and I’m not sure if I really care if he does suspect something. “All right.”
I pretend like I’m not panicking and that I’m calm, cool, and collected, as I follow Phillip out of Hanover Palace. He takes his own Ferrari, while I take the Bentley. I let him go first and leave the driveway before I peel out and take a right, heading directly to the Daae residence.
I haven’t called Lex to see if she’s home. And if William is home, I don’t know what he’s going to think of me showing up here, unannounced. But I can’t rest until I know that Lex had no hand in this.
The servants seem shocked to find me here like this, but it may be because I seem like I have an urgent matter.
“Your Highness,” the butler says, bowing his head.
“Is Lex—Alexandra—home?” I ask, trying to peer around the butler.
“Yes, of course,” he says, stepping aside, perplexed.
I stride into the foyer, and before they could announce me or call Lex downstairs, I head up to the second story, to her room. The door is closed when I get to it, and as I turn the doorknob, it doesn’t even occur to me that she might not be in the room.
I just know that she is.
She’s lying on her bed and reading a book. Just like I had been when Phillip came in. She startles and rolls back on the bed, covering up her legs. Then it occurs to me that she’s wearing a singlet and a pair of panties—and nothing else. “Ferdie, what the hell are you doing here?” she manages.
I swallow, trying to calm the heat between my legs as I can’t get rid of the mental image of the swell of her tight butt and her toned legs.
Then my eyes meet hers.
This is Alexandra Daae. The same Lex I’ve always known.
“Tell me you won’t do it,” I find myself saying.
She frowns at me. “Won’t do what?” she asks slowly.
I rush up to her
and sit on the edge of her bed, taking her hands. Her eyes widen as I’m sure she’s surprised by my boldness. I don’t care. This may be my only shot at this. Before Aunt Victoria plans and promises for her to be someone else’s.
“Tell me you won’t marry Phillip.”
She pauses a moment before she bursts out laughing. “Marry Phillip? What on earth?”
So she hadn’t heard. Maybe I caught her before Victoria approached her and her father.
“Phillip came to my room,” I tell her, “and he told me that his mother is planning on you two becoming betrothed.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Why? I mean, I like Phillip as a friend, but…”
I drag a hand through my hair. “Because it’s all about politics, Lex. She thinks it will be good for Dubreva.”
Suddenly, she starts laughing, and I watch her incredulously. “Sorry.” She shakes her head, but she still smiles, like she can’t stop. “It’s such a funny thought. Being married to Phillip.”
That jealousy rears its head in my chest, and I clamp down on it as much as possible. “You can’t marry him.”
She laughs again. “Of course I can’t.”
And there it is. Relief. Sweet, blissful relief surfaces, and I feel almost silly for worrying. Of course Lex wouldn’t marry Phillip. Why would I be worried? Even though Phillip is the crown prince, even though he’d be the most famous out of all of us, even though any number of women would throw themselves at Phillip’s feet…
Of course Alexandra would be immune to that.
She’s my Lex.
No one else’s. Ever since that first day when I saw her, I knew that she was mine.
And with that one, possessive thought, I close the distance between us and press my lips to hers. I’ve caught her off guard, and she initially doesn’t kiss me back. I cup her cheeks and make that promise to her without words.
I don’t want to let her go.
Our lips part, and just for a moment, we share the same space, breathing each other in.
“Ferdie,” she whispers, and she is the only one who can call me that.
I press my forehead to hers and squeeze her hands. “You can’t marry Phillip.”
She hesitates for a moment before nodding. “I won’t.”
“I’m serious.” I grit my teeth at the very thought of her with Phillip. How could anyone ever consider her as someone’s other than mine? “I’m serious because you’re mine.”
Her eyes widen as she watches me. But she doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t deny me that.
“Please tell me you feel the same,” I whisper.
She looks at me, her mouth slightly parted. Finally, she rushes forward and kisses me again. I close my eyes and relish the feel of her lips against mine, the way she smells, the way she lets out a little moan against me.
"You've never had to worry about me, Ferdie," she whispers. "From that very first day I saw you—"
"You were mine," I finish for her. "I just know that, being the cousin of the crown prince, that anyone would overlook me."
She laughs softly, and very boldly, pushes me backward on the bed and straddles my lap. My heart pounds in my chest as I look up at her. I'm sure she can feel how aroused I am, because my cock is painfully pressed up between her legs.
We've kissed and made out before. But this is different, somehow. There's a heat in her eyes, an unspoken promise there. And I'm feeling protective of her.
Because she's mine.
Her gaze is hooded and her cheeks flush red. Her teeth worry her bottom lip.
"If you want me, Ferdie, I'm yours."
I prop myself up on my elbows to kiss her. She responds by cupping my cheeks.
"I do want you," I tell her. "You're the only thing I've ever wanted." I lie back and grasp her hips as I shift my pelvis, pressing my cock against that space between her legs. She gives a sharp hiss of breath, and I watch her grind against me. She swallows thickly. Nervously.
There is too much fabric between us. I've never had such a strong compulsion to be inside her as I do now.
"I've never done this before," she says, almost sheepishly. Like she's ashamed of her virginity.
Relief fills me. Because I've seen the way other boys look at her. To an extent, even Phillip has noticed her.
She's beautiful. Smart. And the most wonderful person I've ever met.
Now it's my turn to gulp back a nervous lump. ''I've never done this either."
She blinks in surprise and tilts her head. "You haven't?"
"No."
"But... " She sits back and the change in pressure on my hard cock causes me to bite back a groan. "But you're a prince. I thought—"
I shake my head.
"But the other boys at school..."
Perhaps. But for me, it's been different. I've had plenty of opportunities to sleep with women who want a shot at catching a prince. But they weren’t Lex.
"It's only ever been you, Lex," I tell her. "Only you. If you'll let us be each other’s firsts."
I'm a prince asking her for the keys to my heart. She's my queen. There's no one else above her.
If she'll let me.
She bites her lip, and that motion nearly drives me insane.
"Yes," she whispers breathlessly. "Yes."
I sit up and kiss her again. But this time, we don't stop at just this kiss.
Admittedly my hands are shaking as I unbutton my shirt. I thought there would be comfort in undressing myself first. Comfort and familiarity. But I fuck up, and Lex comes to my rescue, removing the rest of my shirt.
"Thank you," I say as I slip my arms out of the sleeves. Her eyes trail down the expanse of my chest, and I hope she's not disappointed in what she sees. I know I'm not the strongest, most muscular guy.
But she doesn't seem to mind. She pauses before peeling off her singlet, exposing her black bra and full, perky breasts. My breath catches in my throat. She frowns at me.
"Something wrong?"
"No." Nothing is wrong. Everything is more perfect than I could have ever dreamed it to be.
I lick my lips as I reach behind her and, after a moment of fumbling with the clasps, undo her bra. She helps me by fully removing it, exposing her bare skin. She averts her eyes, as if embarrassed.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her honestly just before I take her nipple in my mouth. The nub turns instantly hard as she takes a shuddering breath. I flick at it with my tongue and love the way she trembles against me.
I can see why other boys have been obsessed with breasts; Lex’s are perfect, and I gently massage her other one. She arches against me, throwing her head back, her blonde hair cascading down her bare shoulders.
“So beautiful,” I tell her, and I don’t just mean her body. It’s the look of peace that she has on her face at the moment. It’s the knowledge that she’s mine. That we belong to each other.
Then the words slip out that I don’t mean to let loose. Not yet.
“I love you.”
Shit. That was a premature proclamation if I’ve heard one. Here I am, afraid that I’ll come too quickly, and I’ve already done something else too quickly.
She looks down at me, her eyes quiet and blazing. “I love you, too,” she tells me softly.
My whole world tilts on another axis, because I don’t believe it, but here she is, returning the words that I’ve been holding close to me for years. I don’t deserve such a beautiful, precious moment.
And I kiss her again and pull her down on the bed next to me. With me on top of her, I slip a finger into the waist of her panties. I don’t take my eyes off her as she gives me a small smile.
“D—do you have…?” She fumbles over her words, although I can guess what she’s asking.
“A condom?” I shift to the side to get access to my wallet, and I take it out, and then remove the foil wrapper from it.
She gives me an incredulous look. “You carry one of those around?”
I shrug, even though my cheeks burn bright
red. How do I tell her that I’ve been carrying it for a year, in the hopes that we take our relationship to the next level? It sounds desperate, even to me. “It’s just in case…”
She places a hand on my cheek. “I’m joking, Ferdie.” She kisses me. “I’m glad you have one.”
A sharp laugh escapes me, and I take off my trousers and boxers in one go, my cock at attention, hard and ready.
Shit, I can’t believe we’re about to do this.
For a moment, my nerves overtake me, because she hasn’t seen me naked before. What if I do something wrong? What if she’s completely turned off by my naked body.
I hear her underwear and look over at her, and my breath catches.
She’s fully naked now, just like me. Seeing the curves of her body, the way the light highlights her skin and her breasts. My eyes go farther down her belly, then to where her legs make a V. I swallow thickly, and then meet her eyes. She looks both nervous and excited. She looks like she trusts me completely.
Suddenly, my nerves melt away. After all, this is the most natural thing for us to do.
And I know what I have to do. My hands don’t even shake as I tear open the condom wrapper, and I unfurl the rubber along my shaft. “Are you ready?”
Her eyes go to my cock, and she nods, as if to herself. “Okay,” she says. Then she meets my eyes. “Yes, I am.”
I return to my spot above her, holding myself up on my elbows as I look down at her. “I’ll go as slow as I can.”
She nods again. “I trust you.”
I position my cock at her entrance, and for a panicked moment, I wonder if I should have done more foreplay for her or waited or done any number of things. But if she’s one half as turned on as I am right now, I’m sure she’s more than ready.
And it’s with that thought that I start to push my way in. I meet more resistance than I expected, she closes her eyes and intakes a deep breath. Her nails dig into my shoulders.
“Are you okay?” I ask, alarmed.
With her eyes still closed, she nods. “Yes,” she pants. “Keep going.”
I do, going slowly, making sure that she expands around me. Sweat breaks out on my brow, because, fuck, it feels amazing. The only thing that keeps me from losing myself is that I know she’s feeling discomfort.