by Nina Monroe
“What kind of woman do I want to be?” Tamzin murmured to herself as she watched Kendall shut her eyes and Tamzin touched the bloodied blade that now rested close to her. She had asked Will the same question before he left and his words rung out in her mind. They wanted to be remembered and feared. “I want to be a mother and a Queen,” she said as she gripped the handle of the blade in her fist. Will’s words came back to her, use your instincts. The room behind the wall, the one to let everyone know that Thurston was invaded; the final thing Will had shown her before he left.
With a final squeeze and a lurch forward, Tamzin raised her arm up and stabbed Duke through his hip, plunging through his bone and cartilage. She swore he would never walk normally again, no matter how little time he had left. With her stab, there was a rush sound of the unsheathing of swords and the cries of the people. Before Tamzin could begin to struggle to her feet, she felt a hand grab her by her arm and yank her to her feet. Tamzin turned to see Lord Henry Covington hoist her to stand up before he nearly threw her through the door.
There are few moments where humans can defy what they believe they are capable of. Tamzin was never an athletic girl, but she ran faster than the fastest man in the world, as her arms cradled her belly. She mentally scolded herself as she left the dagger in Duke’s hip as she tore through the castle and up one of the many staircases to her and Will’s chambers.
Tamzin prayed to every entity she could think of that the dagger Will gave her before he left was still beneath her pillow in her chambers, despite her knowledge that Lucy and Duke had taken up residence in her marriage bed. As she finally ran up the final staircase, Tamzin nearly burst through the door to her and Will’s chambers and found the wall doorway ajar. Without a second thought, Tamzin ran through and nearly climbed up the stairs, as she was so out of breath. Her baby was angry with her, furiously kicking and jumbling about.
Her chambers were as disgusting as she imagined with wine stains everywhere; her bed was messy and unkempt and the smell of sex filled the air. She was disgusted to find that Lucy was still as insatiable as ever, despite the systematic murder of children and the other townspeople. The room was barely lit, but the furniture hadn’t moved as she moved to the mantle and pushed the wall open.
It was exactly the same, completely undisturbed as Tamzin stepped forward to look up towards the sky. The night sky was black and she could see no stars, but the moon was bright enough to illuminate the black smoke that would escape up the shaft way. The fireplace was ablaze and she had no other choice; Tamzin walked out of the side room and quickly placed her hand in the fireplace. She pulled out a large long, still on fire, before she threw it into the pit.
The room filled with black smoke as she stepped out and pulled the wall close. As she took another step back, she ran into a hard and unforgiving figure behind her. Tamzin didn’t turn around, as a hand wrapped around her hair and forced her to the floor, her head smacking against the bed.
Tamzin looked up at the broad figure of Junior Johansson. His eyes were filled with anger and contempt as Tamzin immediately forced her body closer to the bed and her arm immediately covered her belly.
“Everyone will know now,” Tamzin said softly, her entire body aching from running and her head hurt from Duke slapping her. “If you take another step closer, I will kill you.”
“I’ve heard mothers make the same threat before I drive a sword through them. You are not any different,” Junior said as he picked her up by the hair and tossed Tamzin on the bed. Her shift immediately rode up and she felt his hands on the inside of her thighs and near her small clothes. Tamzin sat up and kicked as hard as she could against his chest. Junior barely shifted from her hit and in turn, Tamzin felt like she had broken her foot. The pain shot through her veins and rose up her calf and into her knee, then thigh.
Blindly, she reached under the pillow, where the sharp dagger that rested underneath her fingertips immediately pricked her finger. Was this fate?
Junior tore off her small clothes and his rough hand touched her belly when he turned his head and exposed his neck. Junior leaned in, his teeth gleamed, when Tamzin drove the dagger into his neck so hard that the pointy end could be seen on the other side.
She screamed as he spat blood in her face and all over her chemise; his hand became light against her stomach. She pulled out the blade and stabbed him again through his head, where she felt the resistance of his skull. His movements stopped immediately, as Tamzin watched the life leave his eyes. Junior’s iron grip was still around her waist as he slid from the bed and hit the ground with a thud.
She couldn’t move as her own exhausted body slipped from the bed and her back hit the floor painfully. The dagger slid from her fingers as she stared up at the ceiling, which was illuminated from fireplace. Tamzin lulled her head to the side to look at her hand, which had gripped the fiery log. There was no burn on her hand, despite the fact that she felt the heat of it when she gripped the piece of wood. It was too much for her to focus on.
Tamzin felt her eyes close as she touched her belly again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
She saw eyes the color of ice and a gentle smile that was framed by full lips and a full beard. She was home again.
Tamzin didn’t know how long she had been lying on the floor, but she felt someone slowly tug Junior’s cold arms from around her legs. Tiredly, she opened her eyes to see Lucy there, almost tenderly pulling her shift down over her legs. Tamzin watched her silently as she weighed her options on what she would do next. As she observed, Tamzin was reminded of how lovely Lucy was. She had hated this girl for what she had done, but Lucy had been through so much in her short life. Those experiences had shaped Lucy into what she was now, and she was still changing.
Lucy looked up to see Tamzin watching her as she finally moved Junior’s body away from Tamzin. There was a brief flash of guilt across Lucy’s face before her blue eyes flooded with tears.
“Tamzin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think this would happen. I don’t know how I thought it would happen, but I didn’t want Kendall to get hurt or the townspeople…I’m not a bad person,” Lucy wiped her tears away before she gently brought Tamzin’s body closer to hers. “I’m going to help you escape.”
“Why should I believe you?” Tamzin asked weakly as she felt Lucy help her sit up. “For all I know, you could have a knife behind you,” Tamzin continued as she felt the ache in her back intensify. She winced lightly, sucking in air through her clenched teeth. “You sealed your fate a long time ago.”
“But at least I know I will die better than them, better than him,” Lucy looked at her brother’s dead body. “My father threw me out in the streets after he allowed men to rape me. You were my best friend, the closest to a sister I will ever have, and I betrayed you. I wanted to show my family what they missed and I hurt my real family instead,” Lucy said bitterly and angrily before she helped Tamzin to her feet. She stared down at Tamzin’s pregnant belly, when the fresh round of tears began again.
“Stop!” Tamzin whispered furiously. “We are not weak. We have to do this, Lucy. You’re the confident one and you’re the smart one. This all happened because of you and now you can undue it, at least some of it,” Tamzin shook her shoulders lightly. “What has happened to Kendall and my men?” Tamzin asked as she grabbed a random pair of boots and a cloak that wasn’t hers. She felt the tiredness sink over her again but she needed to stay awake.
“Kendall, she’s dead,” Lucy frowned as she wrapped an arm around Tamzin’s shoulders and had her rest her weight against her. “After you escaped and killed Junior, Duke went crazy. Everyone is in the dungeons now and Duke told everyone to let you die up here,” Lucy continued as the girls walked out of the chambers together. “Will’s aunt, her soldiers have been seen in the area. You were able to light the fire?”
“Yes,” Tamzin replied as her eyes lulled shut before she forced them open again. Her vision was blurry and she felt like she hadn’t slept in days. Despite
this, Tamzin kept her feet steady as they stumbled down the stairs. “Why am I so lightheaded?”
“You haven’t eaten. You’re steady enough to ride a horse. Will shouldn’t be far off now, but he still must be far enough away that he can’t see the black smoke properly,” Lucy whispered as they came across the empty hallway. “Nearly all the soldiers have fled, at least those who aren’t locked up. Duke and Rainer are in the War Room. They’re planning a two man assault,” Lucy chuckled as she and Tamzin came into the corridor fully. “This is where I must leave you.”
“Come with me, Lucy. I won’t let Will put you to death. I swear it,” Tamzin said as she brought her hands to Lucy’s face. “I will tell him that you helped me…”
“After I stood by and watched you be beaten and touched and everything else. I just wanted you to know that I’m not like this. I’m not like how people say I am and this is how I want you to remember me,” Lucy said as she hugged Tamzin closer to her. “You need to move quickly. I have no idea if Duke will stay in the War Room for much longer. Stay safe,” Lucy said as she began to push Tamzin towards the back stairwell, towards the stables.
“Please,” Tamzin whimpered as she gripped Lucy’s arms tightly in her hands.
“I’m going to die anyways. I would rather die knowing I did something right than die a coward like them,” Lucy smirked. “I’m a woman. There’s nothing cowardly about that.” Lucy smiled as she lightly pushed Tamzin again. With a final frown, Tamzin swept her cloak around her shoulders and ran down the stairs, her body being taken over by adrenaline.
With a hand on the wall to steady herself, Tamzin came to the bottom of the stairs and the stables. How she longed to see Angus at the very end, knowing that beast would obey her. She had only ridden a horse a few times, and only with Will keeping control of the reins. He made it seem so easy, but Will had ridden horses his whole life. He had trained Angus himself. In so many ways, Tamzin was not well versed to the world and her few kills were pure luck. But Tamzin had something men could not understand, a certain kind of courage.
Will fought for his honor and for his name to be remembered. Lucy wanted a crown, but changed when she saw the cost, and Kendall, sweet Kendall, was the bravest of them all. Kendall knew she was facing death but she didn’t cower like the Johansson soldiers did, like the men did. As Tamzin opened up a stall and grabbed the first horse she saw, she swore Kendall would be remembered with a hero’s honor. With a great struggle, Tamzin pulled herself on top of the tall horse. It was uncomfortable to sit with both legs spread as her belly rested on the leather saddle. She was out of breath, with a sheen of sweat across her brow when she kicked the horse’s side, something she had seen Will do a hundred times.
It was a bad idea.
Tamzin was sure she saw some uneasiness in the horse as she mounted it, and the horse’s nervousness became obvious when they took off. Tamzin’s jerky movements made her thighs ache as she tried to steady her belly with one hand and keep her free hand on the reins. As she steered her horse towards the woods, she saw the grass was covered by fresh snow and the cold air whipped her face. She felt her lips and cheeks become hotter as her teeth chattered together violently. It didn’t matter that she had a cloak on; the fabric was too thin and her shift was even thinner. If she had been frightened that a random soldier that hadn’t been imprisoned would find her, Tamzin now worried more about freezing to death before she reached Will’s camp.
Tamzin used the stirrups to stand in the saddle and it helped so her belly didn’t bounce so much. She arched her back forward to stabilize herself further as she felt the tears slide down her face. Her legs already ached and she felt the strain of her muscles, particularly in her calves but she couldn’t stop. As she turned around, Tamzin bit her lip hard as she watched the walls and castle of Thurston Territory. She knew that this was the last time she would see these walls and that left a pain sharper in her heart than any physical pain she felt.
With a continued rigid back, Tamzin cradled her belly and felt the familiar movements of her babe. Her horse continued straight into the woods where she saw the extent of the cold; frozen tree branches and heavier snow snowfall was evident on the strained branches and icy ground. Her horse seemed to struggle with the new terrain but the beast pressed forward, though he slid a bit on the ice. Tamzin pulled on the reins to slow the horse down to a trot, which seemed to calm the animal.
After what felt like hours, Tamzin pulled the reins again to stop the horse as she slowly dismounted. As her feet touched the icy ground, she felt herself become unsteady before she slipped and her bottom hit the cold and hard ground. With a thud, Tamzin laid down on the ground as she watched her horse take off, frightened by the sound of her slipping. The snow beneath her melted from her body heat but the water seeped into her cloak and shift. It turned her skin into ice as her teeth began to chatter more.
A lone tear slid out of the corner of her eye as she felt her baby kick her harshly. She had to get up, had to move forward, and never look back. Tamzin rolled slowly to her side as she tried to stand. Her boots did little to stabilize her, but with the help of the tree next to her, Tamzin stood. The bark felt rough on her skin as she felt it scrape her hand. She couldn’t feel sorry for herself right now.
The forest was dark but she listened to the snow and branches crunch beneath her boots. With her hands out, Tamzin felt around for trees to keep her steady as her body continued to shiver violently. Her skin felt numb but freezing at the same time. She was certain anything above the freezing temperature would burn her skin.
As the sky began to lighten, though the sun hadn’t risen yet, Tamzin was able to see clearer. Her cloak hadn’t begun to dry and the wet fabric kept touching her bare skin, leaving it frozen all over again. Angrily, Tamzin whipped the cloak off her shoulders and crumpled it in her hands. The wind had died down a bit as she kept the cloak in front of her to cover her modesty. Tamzin continued to walk forward, almost in a trance, before she turned back around.
Behind her was nothing but the dense forest. She couldn’t see the entrance anymore and as she looked up into the sky, she couldn’t see the black smoke from her chambers. Tamzin was unsure how long she had been walking but the sky became brighter and brighter as she walked forward. Her feet were freezing in her boots, though she was happy that she still had total feeling in them. At least she knew she wouldn’t be losing a toe or two by the time she made it to Will’s camp.
The inside of her thighs rubbed together and she was becoming too sore to continue on. She had deliberated on stopping to rest, but if she did, she would freeze. It was too cold to take deep breaths and her tiredness already made her lightheaded, which was why she was sure the voices she heard were only in her head.
“It’s too goddamn cold,” a male’s voice said before he swung his axe at a few down trees. They were cutting wood for the fires to keep the men warm. “If that Prince wasn’t awake and training, I might complain more.”
“We’re only here because the horses don’t fare well on the ice,” the second man said as he stacked the cut wood into the sleigh type contraption. “Never thought I’d see that man anxious to get home.”
“His pretty wife has been keeping his bed warm. Thank God the battles went the way they were supposed to. Never seen men run like they did in the last battle when they saw him,” the first man laughed before he tossed his axe into the sleigh. “We can come back later, when it’s warmer.”
“Stop! Wait!” Tamzin called out weakly as she clutched her cloak feebly. She nearly wept when she saw the familiar ‘T’ on the men’s chests and felt the weakness beginning to overcome her. “Please help me,” Tamzin cried again before the second man noticed her.
“Oy!” He called out to his friend. “Milady, are you alright?” He asked as he placed a hand on Tamzin’s shoulder. “Oh lord, it’s the Princess! Your Grace, we’re over half a day’s walk from home!”
“They attacked, the Johansson’s. They attacked over two moons ago. They�
��ve killed so many people,” Tamzin blabbered as she collapsed in the man’s arms. “Please, I’m so cold and hungry. My baby…”
“Your baby?” the first man asked as he wrapped his warm cloak around Tamzin’s shoulders before he noticed her swollen belly. “Come on, Princess. We aren’t far from the camp. You’re safe now.” The man continued before he swept Tamzin up in his arms. He held her gently and tried to keep his hands from touching her naked skin. She shivered and buried her face in his warm tunic, and for a brief moment, she felt safe. Before she closed her eyes, Tamzin watched as the man brought her towards the biggest camp she had ever seen. It looked like tents went miles long and wide, amongst the trees and in the center was a large fire pit, which was low on wood. She was only yards away from the camp.