Delusive

by Courtney Lane

  “Why don’t you want it any longer?” His voice changed. Unlike the Elias I usually faced, the one before me came across as fragile and vulnerable.

  I shook my head, my eyes darting to the ground. “The way you spoke to me—speak to me sometimes… The man you become at times scares the hell out of me.”

  “That particular scene with the stripper won’t happen again,” he assured me with sharp, pointed conviction. “She was a…friend of Jaco’s that I usually don’t allow to hang around the house. You won’t see me with her again. That’s a promise.”

  It was more than just the stripper, but the worrisome part was he stated it with the finality of someone who believed it was the only thing he’d done wrong. “You’re so careful with your words. I don’t know if I believe you won’t do anything to hurt me again. Because…you’re completely fucked up. You can’t help yourself.”

  His blazing stare searched my eyes in silence for many moments. Allowing me breathing room, he ran his hands up and through his hair messing it up in a perfect way. “I don’t know where this will lead, and it irritates me.” Sighing, his voice turned softer and gentler. “I want you to be with me. I’ve been very forgiving about the promises you broke to me and the disrespect. Patience flows both ways.”

  “The blame game? Really?”

  “If you can’t tell”—he pointed between him and me—“this is different for me. I’ve never really had anyone in my life like you. I don’t really have anyone else at all. The people I surround myself with aren’t real. The relationships I had were never real.”

  Feeling wretched, I hovered my hand over my aching heart. Having not the faintest clue of how he could evoke unfamiliar feelings inside of me with his eyes, his expression, and the tonality of his voice. He sounded broken. I remembered that sound. I was drawn to it, because it exemplified what I felt inside. “You still have your family.”

  “The word family is a misnomer to me.” He dropped his eyes to the ground. “That house was theirs. They abandoned me the moment I turned thirteen. But, really, I’m referring to their physical presence. If I think about what a parent should and shouldn’t be, I don’t think I ever knew. My uncle Silvio and his wife, Benedita, were the ones who took care of me when I was too young to take care of myself. But she nor he could stay for long. They weren’t citizens and…” He took an elongated breath, visibly collecting himself from plummeting off the edge and showing me the exact depth of his pain. He didn’t need to reveal it all, I could catch glimpses of a very dark and deep void.

  “Even though my parents left when I was a teenager, they abandoned me mentally from the moment I was born. At this point in my life, I’m lucky if I see them more than a few times a year. With anyone else it would make sense, but we live in the same state. If they bother, it’s usually due to an error made on my part.”

  “I’m sorry, Elias. I really am. In a perfect world, everyone would get good parents, but it never works out that way. I know that pretty well.” Fiddling with my hands, I kept my eyes focused down on my rain soaked shirt. “I can’t help but feel like this is your way of placing the blame. We’re adults now. We can’t—”

  “But we do, don’t we?” he questioned. “I didn’t tell you that because I needed your pity. It’s not about them. You’re right, I’m at an age where I can’t place the fault with them.” He shrugged it off like it didn’t mean anything, and despite the way he almost fooled me into thinking so, there was a small sliver of truth in his eyes. “I just want to explain why I am the way I am with you.”

  Grasping my hips, he pulled me closer and brushed his soft lips against my damp forehead. “I can’t explain the way you make me feel. It’s making me act out in ways I don’t understand. It’s making me need things I never did before. There is no one in my life who means much of anything to me but you.”

  “Need things like what?”

  “I need to hear how you feel about me.” Desperation was in his voice as he took my hand to his ribcage. “No more lies, Ley. I want to hear you say it and make it sound like the truth.”

  “I”—I swallowed hard, the words slipping from my tongue like razorblades—“care about you, Elias, I really do. A lot more than I wanted to and I…I’m worried about how strong the feelings I have for you are becoming.”

  He slipped against me with his head bowed. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual, minha amada.” Taking me into his arms, he kissed me.

  IN ELIAS’S BEDROOM, I stood at the edge of the bed, clinging to the bedpost. The wait for what I knew would happen was nerve-racking. With every sound the rustle of his clothing being removed made, I shut my eyes tighter. When he took my hands into his no longer bandaged hands, my trepidation manifested into a blockage, throbbing painfully inside of my throat. The duplicity of duty and desire screamed inside my head. One half of me wanted to say, “No, tonight can’t happen,” while the other half wanted to share a part of myself with him. It didn’t matter, I knew I’d never have the will to tell him no the second I looked into his eyes.

  Kissing my forehead, he pulled my damp shirt over my head. Moving rapidly, he removed my jeans and my sneakers. Lastly, my undergarments were slid off my body.

  Even though there was only a single lamp lighting the room, I felt like the illumination was too bright. I was never embarrassed by my body, but uncertainty took over my actions in ways I didn’t anticipate. I shielded myself from his view, crossing my arms in front my breasts, and draped my other arm down to allow my hand to cover my sex.

  He lifted my chin over his fingers. “Open your eyes and drop your hands. I want to see all of you.”

  My nerves crept through, making me tremble. Opening my eyes, I let my hands fall to my sides.

  Stepping backward, he looked over my body, taking in every curve, dip, and flaw with the slow, rapt drift of his eyes. “Get on the bed.”

  I turned my back to him and pulled the duvet cover down. Crawling on top of the bed, I situated myself in the center of the black high-thread-count sheets.

  He remained on the side of the bed, watching my every move. “Spread your legs for me.”

  As I stared at the curtains draped over the canopy, I slowly opened my legs, permitting him an unobstructed view.

  He exhaled sharply. “Do you know how many times I’ve closed my eyes and imagined you in this position, on my bed, waiting for me with your legs spread? It’s a sight more beautiful than I thought it would be.”

  I shut my eyes again, feeling only the pressure of his body on the bed. Skin to skin, his heat and mine pressed against each other, melding with one another. The softness of his lips tickled my neck. Tender kisses that alternated between a ticklish kiss and a bite made my skin prickle. His slightly rough yet smooth hands moved down my body to cup and massage my breasts.

  My tension wouldn’t release, forcing me into a stiffened state.

  As he moved down my body, stray, soft pieces of his hair grazed against my sternum. The heat of his mouth, skirting down my stomach, caused my legs to shiver in expectancy. His hands wrapped around my thighs, spreading me wider. His tongue and kisses met the crux of my thigh, slowly inching their way to a place that quivered with want.

  A cool breath blew against my slit, making me moan. I clutched the sheets unable to release myself from the unrelaxed state. Inundated with want and the inclination toward common sense, I couldn’t speak, much less do what my logic told me to. I heard the telltale noise of a condom wrapper, the snapping sound of the rubber being manipulated.

  His warm wet tongue lapped up my slit and I fell to pieces, shuddering with pure bliss. My muscles became taut, coercing my legs to close. He slowly urged them back open and slid his hands up the wet lips of my pussy, spreading me with his fingers. His tongue circled my nub, urging it to swell. The pressure of his tongue increased and his mouth surrounded the bundle of nerves, lightly sucking it while his tongue whirled around in circles.

  His fingers dipped into my opening as he kissed his way back up to my
face. “So wet,” he purred, kissing and sucking my ear. He pushed his upper half away from me, his fingers brushed down my eyelids. “Open your eyes, minha amada.” He raked his fingers down my cheek, erecting a tingle down the side of my face.

  I slowly opened my eyes to watch him as he watched me. "Put your arms around me and never let go."

  I reached up, resting my palms on the back of his neck. His lower half shifted, permitting his hardness to throb at my slit. He flexed and pushed forward, slowly urging his cock inside of me.

  The pinching pain made me rebuff and quietly cry out in discomfort.

  “Relax,” he cooed against my lips, gently kissing me. “I thought you weren’t a virgin.”

  “I’m not, you’re just…”

  “Bigger than you’re used to?” He beamed.

  “And it’s been a really long time,” I said quietly.

  I felt him try to push himself in again. I squinted as my eyes watered.

  "Share your pain with me.” Grasping my hands, he placed both of them on his broad back. He rolled his hips, pushing hard against me again.

  My nails dug into his flesh, intending to break his skin. He sucked his teeth and continued to grin, appearing pleased with the pain I caused him.

  Kissing me to distract me from the discomfort, he continued to thrust into me.

  The burning pinch made sure my eyes continued to expel moisture at such an unfettered rate; the tears streamed down my cheeks. I was sure I drew blood with the way my nails dug into his back. He barely flinched. The harder I sank my nails into his flesh, the more pleasured his expression became.

  My head thumped with a headache of contradicting emotions. I felt like I was being physically and mentally torn apart from the inside out.

  Pulling my hands from around him, he placed them above my head and pushed his hips forward. Squeezing my hands, he kissed my tear streamed cheeks. “Look at me.” When I did, he kissed me again and laid his body weight completely on top of me as he withdrew the fullness and gently gave it back to me. The pain wasn’t as bad as the entry, but it pinched and felt awkward.

  Wrapping his hands around my hips, he rolled, switching our positions to place me on top while he was still inside me. Grasping my hips, he directed my movement, ensuring I continued to rock up and down. I followed his direction and undulated my pelvis. He groaned and shut his eyes tightly underneath me. I pressed my palms against the muscles in his chest and rocked as fast and deep as my body would let me without bringing on the excruciating pain again.

  My legs began to feel fatigued, causing me to slow down. Forcing me upward, he slid me fully back on the bed with his body on top of me. His cock throbbed against my stomach and the reservoir of the condom became filled with white liquid.

  Taking a few labored breaths, his eyes remained closed, or rather, locked on something between us. When he reached down and touched my sore canal, I winced and recoiled. He drew his fingers up, drawing my attention to the blood coating the pads of his fingers. Visibly perplexed, he studied me.

  “I’m not a virgin,” I reiterated.

  “So you’ve said.” He continued to search my eyes, his bewilderment increasing. “This isn’t my first time taking someone’s virginity. I know what to expect and you were very much the model for one.”

  “I’m not lying,” I stated quickly, my voice hoarse.

  “If you were, I’d be…confused. But I would never find anything wrong with it.”

  “I’m not,” I asserted, feeling a little on edge.

  “All right,” he said, holding to an almost dead even calm. “Don’t move.” He kissed my forehead and lifted off the bed. The back of his nude body was all I could see—and appreciate—before it and he disappeared into the adjoining bathroom.

  Keeping my arms above my stomach, I slowly closed my legs. The rush of water filling the bath reverberated through the air.

  Minutes later, he came back to the bed. Slipping his hands underneath my body, he scooped me up in his arms. He carried me into the bathroom and set me down in the bath, carefully. I winced at the burn but eventually settled into the warm, welcoming water. He stepped into the bathtub with me and sat on the opposite side.

  The intense scrutiny he shot in my direction was too much to handle. I sank down in the water, resting my head on the back of the tub and stared at the ceiling.

  It might’ve been the comforting sound of the water dripping, but I hadn’t realized I fell asleep until Elias took me out of the presently cold water. After wrapping me in a towel and drying me off, he carried me back to bed.

  The way he continued to regard me, I began to wonder if I had done something wrong. I propped up on my elbows to watch him as he stood at the foot of the bed. Beads of water made the definition in his body more prevalent. As our gazes locked, he inched forward, crawling onto the bed with my body underneath him.

  “I'm not done with you yet,” he stated with a wink. “I’m going to take care of you.” He spread my thighs wide and dove into my sex, mouth first. Teasing me with his tongue, he lapped at my sore opening. My head fell back on the bed as his tongue lashed at my clit repeatedly. I grabbed a handful of the sheets, steadying myself for the ride he set me on. A fire ripped through me, ensuring self-containment was an impossibility. I was less than quiet when his mouth did things to my pussy that made me feel like I floated on a wave of pure ecstasy.

  “Oh God!” I melded with the bed, allowing the electric pulse to work me over. My body trembled uncontrollably while he sucked on my clit. “Elias… Oh…” My toes curled and my body went rigid again. It rifled through me so hard my legs trembled and my body tensed up. I felt like I was going to burst. He abruptly shot up and permitted his lips to caress mine with an ardent hunger. Multitasking as he kissed me, he opened another package and slipped on a condom. He brought me down to the edge of the bed, allowing his erection to tease my opening.

  He entered me, easing inside me with less difficulty than before. His pace was skull-tingling steady and slow. The tension and soreness was eased by the comforting bath, and his leisurely, teasing strokes ensured the discomfort remained at bay. Our eyes locked and our hands clasped together fully, connecting us at a level beyond the physical exterior.

  He kept up his slow sway, provoking shocking waves of pleasure to pervade my senses. My legs trembled as they surrounded his body. My eyes rolled up as the friction between us became wetter and wetter. I moaned, watching his defined torso flex while he pumped in and out of me. He kept up his gentle thrusts until I relaxed fully against the mattress.

  The extreme rush emanating from my core to my spine sent shivers to the back of my skull. As I grabbed the sheets, my body went rigid with painful and violent convulsions. Through half-closed eyes, I watched him as he licked his thumb and strummed my clit.

  “Does it feel good, minha querida?”

  I nodded, easily taking his harder thrusts. Repositioning my legs, he pushed them toward my body and forced them to separate in the air. He stroked inside me deeper, manipulating an eternal spot inside me that made my body soar with a cooling fire. “Yes, Elias!” I cried out.

  He pulled me up with his hands cupping the back of my head; his methodical pace created a friction that made me feel a frisson of sensual gratification. I wrapped my legs around his body, crossing them behind him, keeping his motions deep and steady.

  I trembled hard, screeching his name as the sensation consumed me.

  Watching me with a dimpled smile, he thrust inside me relentlessly, fucking me harder until the bed began to rock. My legs became weakened with the convulsions and fell to either side of his body. He picked them up and pushed my knees to my chest. His groin slapped against my slit, manipulating my sensitive nub with his motions.

  I held onto the sheets, throwing my head to the side, biting the pillow as another rush filled my body, creating gooseflesh on every patch of my skin and making my eyes water. I became rigid and weak, unable to move as euphoria took over. A fuzzy white mess flooded
my vision and my mind.

  He slowed down, teasing me with his complete withdrawal and plunging fully inside me until the feeling subsided. He dropped my legs and slipped on top me, kissing me. Our tongues intermingled in an erotic dance until we both needed to catch our breaths.

  “You didn’t come that time,” I said, breaking the silence exchanged between us.

  “It was about you.” He stroked my thighs, still trembling over what he’d done to me.

  “Are you ready to go again?”

  He laughed. “My plan was to fuck you all night and ensure your pleasure superseded mine. Any objections?”

  THIRTEEN

  THE HEAT OF THE morning sun on my face convinced me to finally get out of bed. I squinted, taking in the view of the room, finding myself alone in the Elias’s enormous bed. Glancing at the time, I noticed I had two and a half hours before I needed to start my day at work. I’d spent my only weekend off either fucking or eating, and I couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend two days.

  Upon standing, I grimaced at the pain emerging from my core. Remembering what occurred the other night, into the early morning, the day, the night, and the next entire day, my regrets were washed away. Sharing a part of me I was reluctant to give him was worth it. He made me feel things over the last two days I didn’t think were possible to feel with anyone.

  AFTER SHOWERING AND going through the motions of getting ready for the day, I returned to the bed. I replaced the clothes I hadn’t been in since Friday, sans panties and styled my hair. I picked up my phone from the night table and unplugged it from the charger. My notification menu contained dozens of missed calls from my father. On further discovery, I found out why I missed all of his calls. My phone was placed on silent mode; something I didn’t recall doing at any point during the weekend.

  While keeping my eye on the hallway, I returned my father’s call.

  “Hanley, I was worried sick about you,” he answered, sounding frazzled.