“You and I both know I’m not the one that poisoned you,” I say it measured because this isn’t the time to flip my lid on a ghost, of all people. “Did you know the deceased?”
Outside of the ghosts who haunt my mother’s B&B, most every other spook I run into has a specific mission to help me solve the case at hand. And the only reason they’re here to begin with is because they have a direct connection to the deceased. More to the point, the homicide victim in question once held a special affinity to the poltergeist.
“Dane Gannon.” Collette shivers when she says his name. “You could say I knew him.”
Carlotta nods to her. “You knew him in the carnal sense, didn’t you?”
A quick huff expels from me. “Who didn’t she know in the carnal sense?”
Collette straightens. “Lottie Lemon.”
“What?” I balk. “I investigated your case. I know all about your trysts down in the Jungle Room.” The Jungle Room is a sick little love den located underneath the Red Satin Gentlemen’s Club. It’s basically a club within a club. A coitally minded one at that. Although, I guess the gentlemen’s club isn’t too far off in that area either.
“It’s true.” Everett lifts a brow as he looks in her general direction. “Lemon brought your killer to justice.” He leans in. “You wouldn’t happen to know who killed Dane, would you?”
Collette snorts. “No, but I wish I was there to cheer them on. I may have been his most prized ex, but that man had it coming.”
“I’ll say.” I scoot in a notch. “I saw not one but three different people have an aggressive exchange with him during the awards ceremony.” I tell them everything I saw with Ridge Porter, his girlfriend, Jude Archibald, and the mysterious blonde woman who slapped him.
Everett takes a deep breath. “I’d better let Noah in on this.” He plants a kiss to my forehead. “Carlotta, please get Lottie to a seat and maybe find her a glass of water.”
“Ooh!” Carlotta claps her hands. “I almost forgot all about Lot Lot’s womb being filled to the baby brim.”
Everett takes off, and I swat Carlotta on the arm.
“I am not filled to the baby brim. How dare you start rumors.”
Collette Jenner gasps and a sprinkling of miniature stars sparkle around her hair. “Lottie, are you knocked up?”
Carlotta nods. “And she’s married to Essex.”
“Wow!” Collette floats up a few notches. “You’ve done the impossible. You’ve tamed the untamable. And now you’re having his baby? You really are living the dream.”
“Not so fast, soul sister.” Carlotta shakes her head, quick to refute the idea. “There’s another baby daddy in the running.”
Collette belts out a ghostly howl of approval, and just as I’m about to reprimand them both, I spot a familiar blonde trying to blend in the crowd as she moves to get a better look at the body. Her hair is the color of vanilla ice cream and she has on a light coat pulled up to her chin as if she were trying to go unnoticed. She steps forward and gawks at poor Dane and a slow smile creeps up her cheeks before she pivots and bolts for the exit.
“Oh no, you don’t.” I bolt right after her and my stomach sloshes in a vat of hot acid. I manage to grab ahold of the woman’s arm just as she’s about to sail out the exit, and a horrible moan works its way up my throat. I let go of her to clutch at my stomach.
“Hey?” She leans in. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” I force the words from my lips as a spasm of pain shoots across my abdomen. “It’s you,” I say, struggling to straighten. “You’re Sammy. I heard Dane say your name when he was asking for cobbler.”
She gasps as her fingers fly to her mouth. Her gaze dips down to where my arm is strapped across my belly.
“Don’t leave—” The words come out faint as I work hard to fight off the coming wave of nausea. “What happened to Dane?”
“Forget about Dane.” She helps me over to a bench nearby. “Hon, I think you need to get home. You don’t look so hot.” Her silver-blue eyes ride up and down my body. “In fact, if I were you, I’d go sit on the toilet. I bet it will all come out in the end and you’ll be right as rain.” She gives a little wink before shooting out the door like a bullet.
The toilet?
No thanks to this stomachache, both my reputation and my investigation are about to go down the toilet.
I force myself to stand and do my best to stagger back toward Carlotta.
“Lottie!” a familiar voice trills my name, and soon not only is my mother upon me, but so are Noah’s mother, Suze, and Everett’s mother, Eliza. “Is it true, Lottie?” Mom rattles me by the shoulders with a look of unmitigated glee in her eyes. “Are you going to give me a grandchild soon? Oh, first with Evie, and now with Lainey about ready to have a baby, I’m going from zero to three, in a year’s time!”
Suze grunts my way and, honest to God, I can see bona fide steam coming from her ears. Noah’s mother has never been a fan of mine.
“It had better not belong to my son,” she gravels out the words like a threat, and coming from her, they’re just that.
Suze is tall, blonde, and built like a linebacker with short hair that swoops down low over one eye. She’s mean-spirted, always shoots from the hip, and has never so much as pretended to like me.
Eliza shares her son’s dark hair and demanding blue eyes. She’s a stunner no matter what age she is, and she carries herself like royalty.
“Oh, who the hell cares.” Eliza winks my way. “I’m sure my Essex will raise it as if it were his own whether or not it has Fox DNA. Congratulations, Lottie. Shall we hope for a boy this time?”
By this time, I’m assuming she’s talking about the fact Everett and I already have a girl. Speaking of which—
“Mom!” Evie runs over and pulls me into a strangling embrace. “Am I really going to be a big sister? Oh, please, let me name it. Please, please. I like Glock if it’s a boy and Gravity or Champagne if it’s a girl. But I could change my mind, so ask me again when the baby is here.”
“What?” I can’t seem to wrap my head around the madness taking place.
Everett’s sister comes up, huffing and puffing as if she were struggling to keep up with her exuberant niece. She, too, is a carbon copy of Everett but with a feminine appeal.
“Oh, Lottie,” Meghan coos. “I hope it’s twins. Or triplets. The Baxter family is known for both.”
Evie’s upper lip twitches at the thought. “I bet I had a twin and Cressi-duh traded it in for a Birkin bag.”
Sadly, knowing her bio mother, she might not be wrong.
“Look, ladies”—my stomach does a hard roll—“I’m not having a… Oh, oh no.” I push my way past them as my body temperature spikes, my stomach starts to sizzle, and the very real prospect of bringing up my dinner is upon me.
I quickly lose myself in the crowd, and as I’m about to make a run for the nearest restroom, I spot Kent Noble talking to Ridge Porter, the star of Unsolved Mysteries Tonight.
My feet move in that direction like a pair of trained circus poodles, and I force myself to take a deep breath to curb my nausea.
“Gentlemen?” I grimace at the two of them. “I’m so sorry about your friend.”
Kent Noble, the heavyset man with a stubble-riddled beard, nods my way.
“Thank you,” he says. “I’m sure whoever did this will be apprehended quickly.”
Ridge gives a furtive nod in agreement, looking pensive in the exact same way he does on his TV show.
“They most certainly will,” he agrees. “Every local authority available is under this roof. I don’t see how anyone could think they’d get away with this.”
Kent elbows his friend. “And if they do, Dane will wind up on your show.” He belts out a short-lived laugh, but neither Ridge nor I join in on the effort.
I get it, grief effects each person differently. Not to mention the fact this is all so new.
Ridge does a double take my way. “I heard Noah
is living in Honey Hollow. Is that true?”
“Yup. In fact, he lives right across the street from me. Noah and I were seeing one another at the time I was house hunting and it seemed like a great arrangement. But then, Everett moved in next door to me and things just escalated from there, and now I’m rumored to be having both of their babies. Have I mentioned that I tend to talk a mile a minute when I’m around a celebrity? And a handsome one to boot? Not that I’m interested. I mean, I’m interested in you and your show, just not in that way. I’m sort of—”
Ridge belts out a laugh. “Not to worry. I get it. It happens more often than not. Tell Noah I’d love to have dinner one night.”
“Oh, I will.”
He squints over at me. “And good luck with the baby.”
“Thank you,” I say as the two of them take off.
What am I saying?
I open my mouth in an effort to refute the idea and a horrible belching noise emits from me as if twelve different demons were trying to fight their way out. My stomach bubbles and boils, and suddenly it becomes clear as the noxious fumes I’m exuding I need to get to a toilet, and fast.
Everett and Noah run up just as I’m plotting my way to the nearest commode.
“Bathroom.” It’s all I can manage to say as the two of them shuttle me to the ladies’ room like a chariot with wings.
Murder isn’t sitting well with me these days.
And neither is a bogus pregnancy.
It is bogus, right?
Chapter 4
Honey Hollow is moonless on this hot August night as Everett and Noah help me into my rental home. Evie and Carlotta bounce in right behind us and we’re greeted by two furry little sweethearts, Pancake and Waffles, a couple of Himalayan brothers that I’m lucky enough to call my own. They’re both creamy white with a rust-tipped tail and a smidge of color on their faces. Last month when my fellow transmundane friend, Bizzy Baker, was here, I was able to hear their thoughts as well. Bizzy isn’t supersensual like me; she’s telesensual, which means she has the ability to read minds.
I glance around the room as I get settled on the sofa. I don’t need to be a mind reader to know what everyone here is thinking.
“I’ve already texted Keelie,” I say. “She’s on her way with a pregnancy test so we can straighten this whole thing out.”
“Thank goodness.” Evie scoops up both Pancake and Waffles. “I can’t wait to take a picture of it and post it to all my social media sites. My friends are all going to think I’m knocked up.” She belts out a belly laugh.
“Absolutely not,” Everett booms before I can get the words out myself.
The truth is, my stomach is still on fire. Lord knows I put that toilet to the test back at the civic center. I had it coming out of me both ways. If I’m not knocked up, I’m full of a nasty virus, that’s for sure. And if that’s true, the joke will be on every person in this room once they’re rolling around in pain tomorrow morning, too.
“Evie, you should steer clear of me,” I say. “This might be a catching condition.”
Carlotta clucks her tongue. “Come on, Lot. You can do better than that. You don’t tell a teenager these days that they can catch the baby bug. Like she’s going to believe that. Everyone knows you can find yourself in the family way simply by drinking from the boy’s water fountain at school.” She winks over at Evie.
“Carlotta.” Everett’s voice hits its lower register and lets everyone in this room know he’s not happy with her attempting to unravel ten years of private school education in a single bound.
Evie rolls her eyes at her quirky grandmother. “Don’t worry, Mom. I know where babies come from. Conner and Kyle sat me down and gave me an in-depth dissertation on the subject, complete with flow charts and illustrations.”
“Evie!” I screech without meaning to.
Conner and Kyle are her two questionable boyfriends. I keep telling Everett she’s not serious with them, but it’s times like these that make me wonder.
“Kidding,” she says as a knock erupts at the door.
“It’s about time,” I say, getting up to answer the door, but Noah beats me to it.
“I’ll get it, Lot,” he says as he opens it up and in waddles my blonde bestie with that beach ball made of flesh prominently pointing straight ahead. She’s due in just a couple of weeks, and pregnancy has agreed with Keelie for the most part. And even though she doesn’t believe it when I tell her, she has never looked more beautiful. She’s donned a pale yellow dress and has a pair of flip-flops on as she makes her way over with a laugh caught in her throat. “There’s the little mama.”
“Oh, you.” I wave her off just as her new husband, Otis Bear Fisher, strides in after her.
Bear is a burly contractor with dirty blond hair and a devious gleam in his eyes. Bear was my high school boyfriend, who spent the duration of our relationship cheating on me with everything that moved. Oddly enough, that didn’t include Keelie. But Bear has since changed his philandering ways, and now he’s expecting a baby bear with my bestie. They just tied the knot in June.
Keelie whips out a pink box from her purse, and I quickly snag it from her and make a run for my bedroom.
“Not without me!” Keelie calls out.
No sooner do we hit the threshold than Carlotta calls out, “Who wants to take bets?”
I groan as Keelie follows me straight into the bathroom.
“I can’t believe this,” I hiss, tearing the plastic stick out of the box. “This is all Carlotta’s fault, you know,” I say before motioning for her to spin around and she’s quick to comply.
“I don’t know, Lottie. I blame my mother for a lot of things, but the baby in my belly isn’t one of them.”
“Very funny,” I say, getting down to urinary business.
“So who do you think the daddy is? I mean, it could be either of them, right?”
“I suppose. But I’ve got news for you,” I say, putting myself back together. “It’s neither of them. This is nothing but a Carlotta-inspired false alarm.”
“I heard you puked.”
“What?” I squawk as she turns around and I hand her the stick. “News travels fast. Did you also hear I felt better after sitting on the toilet for a good twenty minutes?”
“Who wouldn’t?” She waves the stick around like a wand before bending over to pick up her purse.
“How are you feeling?” I ask as she turns back my way. Her face is piqued from the simple act of rearranging her purse.
“I feel great. In fact, I got your invite for Noah’s party down at the lake and you can bet both Bear and I will be there.”
“Oh good. I’m so glad to hear it. It’ll be a lot of fun.”
I didn’t send out formal invites for Noah’s birthday party—more like a group text to everyone I know. Even though Noah and I aren’t dating the way we used to doesn’t mean I’m against throwing him a party every now and again.
Keelie glances down at the stick in her hand and makes a face at it.
“All right,” she says with marked disappointment. “You got your results. Let’s get out there and put this baby to rest once and for all.”
“Hear, hear.” I follow Keelie back to the living room, where Noah and Everett rise quickly to their feet as they head this way.
Everett wraps an arm around me. “Well, Lemon? What is it?”
Noah steps in close. “Are we about to have a baby?” His chest bows in and out with his heavy breathing.
“Well?” Carlotta hops over as do Evie and Bear.
“Don’t keep us in suspense.” Evie tries to swipe the test from Keelie, but my bestie raises it high out of reach.
“Keelie.” I nudge her and she holds out the stick.
A silent pause takes place before the room explodes with cheers.
“Wow,” I muse. “I guess I’m not the only one thrilled about the truth.”
Noah picks me up and spins me before planting a kiss right over my lips.
“Hey,” Everett barks, carefully plucking me out of his old stepbrother’s arms. “Hands off my wife.”
Everett’s lips curve with devilish delight. “My wife and my child.” He pulls me in, and I freeze solid in his arms.
“Are you talking about Evie?” I ask, momentarily confused.
Bear and Keelie exchange high-fives before heading my way.
Bear pats Everett on the back. “Congratulations, Judge Baxter.” He looks to Noah. “You too, Detective Fox. I guess I’m the only man in the room in the clear.”
Carlotta chuckles. “You’ve got yours, buddy.” She motions to Keelie.
“Yup.” Keelie gives a wink my way. “And speaking of which, I’m beat.” She makes a waddling run for the door. “See you all later. Let me know if you want the name of my doctor, Lottie.”
“What in the world?” I take the stick from Noah, who seems to be studying it intently, and drop it cold once I see the plus sign with the word pregnant right on top of it. “Keelie Nell Turner!”
“It’s Fisher! I got hitched, remember?” she calls out as she does her best to speed through the door.
I zip on after her and land in the cool night breeze as we stand on the porch.
“What have you done?” I hiss at this imposter who has taken over my best friend’s body. “You switched my test with one of your positive sticks, didn’t you? That’s why it looked as if you were about to pass out while you were fiddling with your purse.”
Bear barks out a laugh as he closes the door behind me.
“Come on, Lot.” He holds his own burgeoning belly. “You gotta admit, it’s funny.”
“It’s not funny,” I meant for it to come out like a roar, but instead, my stomach does another roll and the words come out with a whimper instead.
Keelie waves as Bear helps her down the stairs. “Don’t worry, Lot. Just enjoy the ride. Those two men are going to cater to you hand and foot. I bet they won’t even let you open the bakery all by yourself in the morning.”
“Right,” I huff at the idea before heading back inside where I’m greeted by both Noah and Everett as they land me on the sofa, prop my feet up, and land a cool glass of water in my hands.
Peach Cobbler Confessions Page 3