Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  It was that moment Faith resented Darren. He was not going to make staying away from him easy at all.

  ****

  “Okay, we have a huge day,” Simone gathered her employees in the conference room, “we have that trade show this weekend and we have a lot of potential clients. We need to be sharp but not overbearing; that’s for other planners and not us. We will hob-nob with the best and show that we are not just another event planning service, but we are the event planning service. Any questions?”

  “Nope, not at all, boss!” Pepper smiled. “I’m ready!”

  “Good, good to hear. All right, we’ll spend most of the day putting together the packets to hand out and we’ll head over to the convention center later to set up our booth. Meeting’s over. Get to work!” Simone instructed her employees.

  Pepper waited until it was just her and Simone in the conference room. She closed the door for privacy and approached Simone. “So how is everything between you and Mr. Man?”

  Simone wanted to say everything was wonderful and that they were as happy as they could be, but she knew that was a boldface lie. Each time she got closer to Eli she felt him pull back from her, as if he intentionally didn’t want to get serious with her. She tried to say it was because of Nathan and their newfound status as a couple; but Simone knew better. The real problem, the only problem in her mind, was Eli himself. It was a realization that Simone had a lot of trouble coming to terms with. “Everything is good.”

  “There was hesitation in your voice,” Pepper pulled out a chair and sat down. “You wanna share what’s really happening between you two?”

  “I’d rather not get into it,” Simone played it safe. She knew how Pepper really felt about her relationship and she didn’t want to give her friend any more reason to have a smirk on her face. “But everything is fine.”

  “If you say so,” Pepper conceded, “I was just wondering if things were okay because of the latest news in the industry.”

  “What news?”

  Pepper stood up. “Well, it seemed your would-be mother-in-law decided to go with our competition, Fête Accompli, for her nuptials, which from what I’ve heard is going to be around the million dollar range and a who’s who mix of celebrities, politicians, and other noteworthy people will be in attendance.”

  She what? Simone was silently furious. She didn’t know Nicola was getting married and had she known, she would’ve jumped at the chance to do her wedding. If anyone was going to do Nicola’s wedding, it should’ve been her and her team. What the hell did Fête Accompli know about doing a million-dollar wedding budget? Simone had done a ton of them and could do them backwards with her eyes closed.

  Nicola knew Simone had her own event planning service and she purposely skipped her in consideration. “Well, she’s allowed to choose whomever she wants to plan her wedding.”

  Pepper gave a slight shrug. “If you say so.” She then left the conference room.

  Simone quickly got on the phone with Eli. He had some serious explaining to do. “Damn it, pick up your phone, Eli!” She cursed at the phone. When his voicemail came on, she hung up. She decided to text him instead and made it very clear she was upset.

  She was being punished for his sins and it was affecting her business.

  ****

  “So tell me…” Eli sat down with a bride and her bridesmaids. “…how can I service you?”

  “Oh, I can tell you exactly how you can service me,” a bridesmaid snickered to her friends.

  Eli smiled and licked his lips. “What type of wedding are we talking here?”

  “I’m doing an old-Hollywood type. Lots of glitz and glamour,” the bride commented, “Like Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Jayne Mansfield-type of glamour.”

  “Got it,” Eli scribbled some notes, “so, you don’t want anything overbearing. Nice and clean with a bit of extravagance?”

  “Exactly!” The bride clamored. “Could you do that for me?”

  “Oh, definitely,” Eli quickly sketched a bouquet and centerpiece design. He tore the sheet from the notebook and handed it to Maria, who was standing nearby. “I can definitely hook you up with that.”

  “I bet you could,” another bridesmaid winked at him.

  The bride rolled her eyes. “You have to excuse my friends. They act like they haven’t seen a man before.”

  “No, I’ve seen plenty of men, just not anyone like him.” Another bridesmaid nodded to Eli. “I don’t see a ring on your finger…”

  “I’m taken,” Eli clarified. It was easier to explain to people he was still legally married, though he had a girlfriend.

  “She is very, very lucky.” The first bridesmaid commented. “I hope she realizes how much of a catch you are.”

  “I think she does,” Eli smiled. A soft buzz in his jeans indicating a text caught his attention. “Excuse me, ladies. I have to take this. I’ll be right back.” He got up and retrieved the phone from his pocket. He was a few feet away from the ladies when the glare of Simone’s text caught Eli off guard.

  Your bitch mother is trying to sabotage me!

  Eli re-read the text a few times to make sure he understood what his girlfriend wrote. It was pretty clear and straight to the point. A fire slowly began to build inside Eli. Even when Faith and Nicola had butted heads, Faith never called Nicola other than her name or referred to her as such.

  Red flashing lights. Loud, annoying sirens. Those were the things that were flashing in Eli’s head as he processed the text. He loved that Simone was no-holds barred. He loved her fiery temperament. But Eli could do without her disrespecting his mother, who hadn’t said a word good or bad about his new relationship. The sensible part of his brain—the only side with any type of reason—was telling him what his dick failed to do: stay away from Moni.

  Eli quickly got on the phone with Simone, who picked up after a couple of rings. “Your little text? Not cool. Not funny.”

  “Your mother intentionally chose another wedding planner over me for her wedding!” Simone practically screamed in the phone. “How was I supposed to act?”

  “My mother can choose whomever she wants to plan her wedding. She was not obligated to choose you.” Eli declared. “And that little thing, calling her bitch? Not cool.”

  “Yeah, well, how come you didn’t tell me she was getting married?” Simone replied. “I could’ve sent her a gift or sent my congratulations!”

  If you think I’m going to let your little hussy girlfriend come anywhere near my wedding, boy, I surely didn’t raise you right, Eli vividly recalled his mother’s words. “I found out not too long ago. It must’ve slipped my mind.” He offered.

  “It must’ve slipped your mind, huh?” Simone rolled her eyes. Out of all of the excuses her boyfriend could’ve came up with to smooth things over, she was insulted that was the one he decided to roll with.

  “Moni, I really don’t have time to do this right now, so we’ll talk about this—” Eli was speaking into a dead tone. He looked back at his screen and saw it was blank. Simone had hung up on him. “Ay yi yi… women…” He let out a deep breath and counted to ten. Simone had his blood boiling and he was in full-on rage mode, but there was a time and place to deal with that later. He had a table full of potential clients that were more important than the temper tantrums of his girlfriend.

  Simone was surely working the last good nerve he had.

  Eighteen

  Faith sat patiently in Darren’s Mercedes SUV as he drove down the streets of Clinton Hill. Clinton Hill, a neighborhood of Brooklyn, was full of wealth with each turn. The streets were clean and Faith was pretty sure she didn’t see any cracks in the sidewalks. All of the homes seemed to be worth into the millions and there was an air of privilege that followed Faith and Darren. They stopped by a local café for lunch before resuming a tour of Brooklyn.

  He showed her different places and recommended almost every restaurant they passed by. He took her to a few hidden spots he visited to get away from it all—be
it paparazzi, fans, sometimes even life, just to clear his head. He talked about his family and how proud they were of him, and how his brother, a successful real estate agent, helped him find his current apartment.

  He’s too nice.

  If Eli was the bad boy, Darren was definitely the saint. He was Mr. Apple Pie on the Windowsill. He was Mr. Bring Him Home to the Parents and Brag about Him to Your Friends. He was Mr. All-American, Everyone Loves Darren.

  Except Faith. Faith knew for sure she didn’t love him.

  Sure, Darren had his bad boy side as well and Faith remembered all too well his exploits she’d heard of over the years. But he was a man-whore, typical of professional athletes and celebrities and she could excuse him for that. Once he found the right woman, he would put away such bad behavior.

  She made it clear that she couldn’t be his girlfriend and she couldn’t allow him to get mixed up in her situation since it wasn’t fair to him. It almost seemed, however, Darren was playing ignorant to her cause. After breakfast, they made love again, more passionately than before. The more she said no to him, the more he pursued her. The more he pursued her, the more she relented with open arms and legs.

  Reverse psychology.

  As Faith occasionally glared at the empty space on her ring finger, her thoughts went to Eli. She shouldn’t have cared about what he was doing as she was pretty damn positive she was the last thing on his mind. The holidays were coming up and Faith didn’t know what she was going to do. She hadn’t told her parents about their separation for fear of their reaction but she also knew she couldn’t just show up at Nicola’s home.

  Faith sighed. Her life was a drama-ridden Lifetime movie and she was in the starring role of pathetic wife, trying to figure out who she is. Eli made no promises to her for reconciliation or divorce, while Darren was playing his role as Mr. Patient. He was patient for now but he wouldn’t be much longer. Every man had his limits on what he would tolerate. Eventually, Darren would get tired of playing second-fiddle and would want to be leading man.

  What have I gotten myself into?

  “You know I’ve been talking about absolute nonsense for the past several minutes and not once did you try to interrupt me to tell me I’m an idiot,” Darren wiped his mouth with a napkin, “so that tells me either I’m the most boring guy you have ever gone out with, or your mind is completely somewhere else.”

  Faith blinked several times and looked up at Darren. His eyes reminded her of warm, blue water. He didn’t say it, but she knew he wanted forever with her. In normal circumstances, she would grant him his wish. The problem was Darren wanted a fantasy and completely forgot about the reality that existed. “I don’t want to waste your time, D.” Faith admitted.

  “You’re not wasting my time,” Darren smiled, “I’m having a great time with you.”

  “You know what I meant,” Faith reached over and grabbed his hand. The same hand that caressed every nook and inch of her body repeatedly the previous night and that morning. She had to squeeze her legs shut to keep from getting aroused at the café. “I can’t promise you something that you want. You deserve better. You don’t deserve me and this mess I’m in.”

  “You’re being awfully hard on yourself, Faye,” he rubbed her hand with a thumb, “and to be honest, you don’t know what I do or don’t deserve.”

  “Why are you doing this?” She finally asked him. “I don’t understand why you are willingly pursuing me, knowing I’m not available.”

  “You’re not?” His eyes questioned her gaze. He briefly glanced over her neck, an erogenous spot he discovered the night before. Her collarbone was a second one. Both areas on Faith’s body led to a pair of the most beautiful breasts he had ever seen in his life and his cock twitched in hunger for her again. Darren met Faith’s eyes again and smiled at her. “Because several times you have proven to me that you were very available.”

  Faith glanced away to hide her smile. She couldn’t lie—Darren and his cock made her forget about Eli—albeit temporarily—throughout the night and the morning. “I’m not available in the traditional sense.”

  “That’s a situation between you and your…” Darren leaned forward. “…ex-husband.” He emphasized the last word.

  Faith was in a losing battle. She had to give Darren credit, though. He knew what he was doing by challenging her ‘let’s be friends’ spiel. If she wanted to truly just be friends with him, she wouldn’t have traveled to Brooklyn. She would’ve kept their relationship platonic and friendly. And she most definitely would not have slept with him.

  She cleared her throat and took a sip of water. “You are going to regret getting yourself involved.”

  “Let me be the judge of that.”

  Nineteen

  Eli thought he would never be able to escape Madre’s. Customer after customer filed into the shop, straight from the event-planning convention. They had a booth at the convention but Eli always sent his best employees to handle it, while he stayed behind and did the designs and planned upcoming events. He had intended to go to the convention this year but skipped out on it due to his schedule.

  And running into Simone.

  The fights between them had increased in both frequency and intensity, with Simone growing increasingly impatient with Eli. She made it clear what she wanted—the whole nine yards—wedding, kids, home, and forever. He was ambiguous on when that would happen, giving her a canned ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ or the all-time favorite, ‘I don’t want to get you involved’ standard.

  Eli really didn’t know what he wanted and he was pretty sure about that. He couldn’t reveal that to Simone, who would’ve had a meltdown. It was bad enough he revealed that information to Faith, who gave him a look as if he completely lost all sense. Maybe that was true. He certainly felt like he’d lost his mind when Simone walked back into his life.

  Not that it was entirely her fault. She had tried to break off communication with him several times, only for Eli to pursue her with a fevering passion. The forbidden fruit. Breaking the rules. It was what got his blood pumping. It was what made him leap out of bed in the morning. It was what crumbled his marriage.

  Eli took a sip of his cognac and puffed on his cigar. A slow smile appeared on his face. He had to smile at his stupidity. It only made sense.

  He gave up everything for Simone just to receive nothing in return. He chased new pussy when he had everything he needed at home. His head was pounding from the constant and consistent bad decisions he had made over the past year.

  “I never thought I would see you in here,” a man sat beside Eli.

  Eli slightly shook his head and turned to the man next to him. “Good Evening, Pop.”

  “You look distressed, boy,” Giorgio D’Amato addressed his son, “wanna tell me what’s going on?”

  “I doubt you would help,” Eli took another sip of his drink, “I really doubt you would help.”

  Giorgio held his hands up in defense and motioned to the bartender for a drink. Eli had located his father several years ago and the pair kept a distant relationship with each other on the condition Giorgio didn’t try to ask for money or any other services from Eli. He also had to leave Nicola and his other sons alone, since they were still very angry with him. “I’ll have what he’s having. Thank you.” A small silence passed between the men before Giorgio spoke again. “Faith?”

  “I tried my whole life not to be like you and I ended up being just like you.” The fact burned a hole in Eli’s heart. “They say the grass is greener but no one ever tells how fucking expensive that water bill is. I can never go back.”

  “Do you want to go back?” Giorgio thanked the bartender for the drink.

  Eli stared out into a blank space. “I don’t know if I can.”

  “That’s not what I asked,” Giorgio pressed, “do you want to go back?”

  Eli remembered when he saw how active Nathan was on the playing field, running around with the other kids. He felt awful that he only saw it from
a distance. “More than anything.”

  Giorgio took a sip of his drink and let the cool amber liquid ease down his throat, warming up his chest. He lit a cigarette and puffed on it a couple of times before he spoke again. “Let me tell you a story, boy. It’s about a man, just like you. He had a wife and a family. He had a good job and did a lot for the community. But he was bored. It felt like he went to work to escape his home life. There were many kids and they seemed to come out of nowhere every year. The wife was always knocked up. Then one day he met a beautiful woman, a just gorgeous girl at his job. They hit off immediately.

  “Whenever they could, they fucked everywhere. In the car during lunch. In the stockroom on breaks. Behind the building after-hours. The new girl gave the man everything he thought he wanted—life, passion, excitement, fulfillment. She said he could have more only on the condition he left his wife and kids, so he did. Left one day and never came back. He didn’t check on the kids because the wife comes from a big family and they can handle it; he didn’t need to be there.